Enough is Enough!

@irishmist (3820)
United States
July 29, 2007 8:21pm CST
My daughter is like a boom-A- rang. She always keeps coming back home with her 3 kids. Problem after problem, and she moves back home. Even in my own home she expected me to clean up after her family. Oh she is so tired from work. Heck she is a lot younger than me. I had a job as well, actually 2 jobs. So last year we decide to get a place together, and I would help with the bills. Well that was a mistake. Things are not going as we agreed to. She takes advantage of me all the time. I have to clean the house all the time. If I try to let it go, and complain to her, she get's an attitude. Humm she said tonite she is not a child, and she will live her life as she pleases. Half the time she is to busy trying to find a boyfriend. She finds many reasons to stick me with the kids, even when she is home I have to deal with them. I get no time to myself. She holes up in her room, and ignores them, and if they bang on her door. She screams " MOM" Help! So I told her tonite I had enough, and she said well get out. I said when I'm ready. When I find a place. She said leave now. I said I don't have to because my name is on the lease, and you don't have next months rent. She just switched jobs after 5 years. I also told her she can find another sitter for her kids. Also when I do move out, most of the furniture is mine. I don't feel there is any talking to her. We have been through this before. I relize I have made a big mistake trying to help her by moving in, and being there for my grankids. Any thoughts on this? Has anyone had problems like this? I bend over backwards for this girl.
7 responses
• United States
30 Jul 07
okay. this sounds SO much like my own mother. i'm only 17 so can't do much about it yet but at least my grandmother has moved 300 miles away to get away from it. i did my best to watch my brother and pull the strain off of my grandmother while we were living with her but it still wasn't right. we have moved every year in march since i was little and a lot of times it was back to my grandmothers but like my mom had a time-clock, she would find a new man in about a years time and we would move in with them. for 7 out of 13 years we lived with my grandparents and my mom would even have the nerve to have her new boyfriends/husbands move in as well. now, i'm turning 18 in 5 months and can get away from it. my suggestion...you pay for most of it don't you? make her move out. kick her out on her tush and cut the safety net. unless of course you care too much, perfectly understandable...just don't go back to being the safety net, make her live on her own. she has three kids, she should be able to handle it.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Jul 07
oh yeah, one more thing...if you care about your grandkids, keep on eye on things even though you're out. nobody wants the kids to suffer the consequences of a mother's bad actions. it's the worse.
1 person likes this
@irishmist (3820)
• United States
31 Jul 07
Well she has had her share of bad relationships. That is why we chose to get a place toghter. If you read my respones to the posts above you will understand a little better. But we have come to an agreement. I will be moving out. Not far, just across the yard.
• Philippines
30 Jul 07
I think you have done enough for her. Being her mother and all. I have to deal with my mother too but I still respect her and that this is her house. Me together with my boyfriend lives in my mothers house. So does my sister together with her family. Me and my boyfriend shares with the groceries. And my sisters family pays there own bills. I respect my mother cause this is her house even if she gets mad at me at times I dont want to burden her further. I think what you are doing is right. Give her the growth she needs and I think she will be able to adjust...
1 person likes this
@irishmist (3820)
• United States
31 Jul 07
We got this apartment together because she came out of an abusive relationship. I helped her. I knew it wouldn't be easy. Things were looking up. We had a few set backs regarding a few issues, nothing with us, but things that we had to deal with together. We worked thu it, but it was still stressful, and we handled our stress in different ways. A lot has went down in almost a year, but now I think the worst is over, and it's time for me to move on. I will still be here for her, but I need to have my own place again. I need to get back to my own time and routines.
• Atlantic City, New Jersey
30 Jul 07
First off let me say how sorry I am that you have to go through something like this with your own daughter. I am apalled by the disrespect, I being a daughter myself, not a mother yet, could never see myself telling my mother to "get out now" or anything of that nature. Yes we argue over disagreements sometimes- but never nothing as serious as your situation. Personally I remember when I was a kid- my mother was old school, with that being said- I would have to slap your daughter into reality. Now I am not saying abuse her- but she seems to need to be reminded of where she came from. Leave, you'll be happier and better off if you find yourself a place and just move on. She won't grow up until you mean business. Stand strong and show her what it means to deal with life & kids ALONE. Believe me it won't be long before she is apologizing and realizing her mistakes.
@irishmist (3820)
• United States
31 Jul 07
Well yes today some kids do get mouthy with their parents. We did talk today. I got my point across and so did she. I have chosen to move out. I will still be there for her, but just not as much, and I will have my own space back, and still be there for my grandkids. She is a good person, and works very hard, but sometimes she forgets I'm not ( Alice)( The Brady Bunch Show). When I have my own place I won't feel like a live in maid, cook and babysitter. I will still babysit so she can go to work. I have my work as well. But I won't be around the kids 24/7. We knew when we moved in together it would not always be smooth sailing. But a lot goes unsaid on my part, and I know its wrong. I like to keep the peace and tell her things nicely when I can. We both do things diffrently. We do get along most of the time really good, but there are just things that get under my skin. Somehow we agreed to work this out, for all involved.
@dreamy1 (3815)
• United States
30 Jul 07
Sometimes you have to use tough love. Just say no. She will continue to take advantage of you if you let her. She needs to find her own place and take care of her own kids. It's ok to help her out but not at your expense. If she gets mad she gets mad. Maybe she thinks she can't make it on her own but she can. But as long as she knows you will be there to bail her out she will never learn.
1 person likes this
@irishmist (3820)
• United States
31 Jul 07
She can make it on her own for the most part. It will be tight tho with 3 kids. She has a good paying job, but also has a car payment. She is also worried because she left an abusive relationship, and he for the most part got off scott free. He got probation, and a work program. She also has an order of protection against him.
• United States
30 Jul 07
Sounds like she is having a problem growing up. SHe says she is an adult and can do as she pleases...so tell her to start ACTING like one. As far as the house goes, maybe SHE should be the one to leave. Afterall, she is the one who doesn't have next month's rent... i know you are probably letting her take over the house becuase you don't want your grandchildren being husteld around and that is commendable of you. However, she needs a harsh dose of reality. You really need to instill some tough love here.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Jul 07
I'm sorry to hear your going through this. Maybe it is time for tough love. Unfortunately there are children involved and they are the ones that will get hurt the most. I feel if your daughter is to learn any responsibility you can't keep picking her up when she falls. It will be hard but when people are put in a position where they have to fend for themselves they will find a way. Stay strong and be there for her but try to stop helping so much. She's just taking advantage of your kind heart. Good Luck to you all and God Bless.
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
30 Jul 07
In all honesty I think you should either kick her out OR due to the fact that she has kids...MOVE OUT, get a nice little place of your own, take your furniture with you and make her finally (hopefully) grow the hell up and start taking responisibility for her nonsense.....You can only do so much as a mum AND a grandma and its sad and wont be easy by any means but you cant keep sacrificing yourself for her when she isnt goin to do anything to learn her lessons and grow the hell up!!...If you have concern about the kids you can either take them with you OR you can keep a close eye on her and them and should there come a time when you feel they arent being raised safely, properly or healthy then you step in and call DSS.....BUT whether you move out or she does DO NOT...NOT NOT NOT....help her finacially in any way shape or form...she obviously EXPECTS YOU TO which is enabling her childish behaviour....so you'll have to get real tough and stand your ground which wont be easy but IMO it's necessary at this point.... I wish you all the best...this must be just driving you nuts ya know...