i'm so frustrated

Canada
July 31, 2007 8:34pm CST
as some of you know i've decided to go back to college. it states in my court papers that my ex has to pay half of child care. my daughter is starting school so i've been telling my ex that when she starts school i have to get off welfare and get a job so he knew child care was comming up. today i called him and told him i was going back to college and that i looked into daycare and how much it was. there is still a month until school starts and he says i didn't give him enough warning and that i didn't ask him first if it was ok so he's not paying half of daycare. appearently i had to ask him if it's ok that i go to school. he's not even paying child support on a regular basis. i've been telling him since christmas that she'd need day care when she starts school, so he's making up excuses not to pay saying i didn't give him notice. i'm so frustrated. i can't afford it all on my own
4 people like this
11 responses
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
1 Aug 07
That is awful. My daughters dad does pay me every month now but he is supposed to help with insurance and he doesn't. He never helped me pay for daycare either. My daughter is 15 and he never sees her, calls her, writes her or ever acknowledges her. Some parents are just plain deadbeats. I have found a good free site to earn from every month now though and it does help me to earn $60.00 to $100.00 or more a month. I have to make up for his sorry rearend because I cannot ask him for anything for our daughter because he just don't care. Mylot earnings sure have went to the dogs. I hope you get everything worked out. Good luck to you and your child.
• Canada
1 Aug 07
thanks, i don't think doing online work will do good now. i won't have time, between school and traveling an hour and a half to and from school and taking care of my daughter and homework, i'm definately not going to have time for a part time job or working online. but good news is that my parents have agreed to help out a little.
1 person likes this
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
1 Aug 07
Your welcome. I can sure understand that. It is awful we have to trun to our family members for help because some deadbeats won't step up to the plate and do what they should do without being made or told to do it.
1 person likes this
• Canada
1 Aug 07
i figured out my monthly budget and not including food for the month and and personal items like shampoo etc and clothes for when my daughter grows out of hers i'm going to have 65$ left over for that stuff. i can't count on his child support comming in every month cuase he barely ever pays that. but then he considers himself a good father cause he takes her every second weekend. it just really upsets me how he still gets to take her and do all the fun stuff but then not contribute to actually raising her and keeping her fed. i don't know what he expects me to do. i'm doing everything i can to raise her and she needs daycare, she's 4 she can't come home to an empty house but appearently that would be ok to him cause he won't help out.
1 person likes this
@Feona1962 (7527)
• United States
1 Aug 07
You shouldn't have to have his permission to go to school..If the courts say he has to pay then he has to pay..He is not your boss and you can go to college if you want..It was already decided that he will be paying half of the daycare, so I don't understand why he is making this hard on you..I would go back to the courts and tell them what is going on...That is all I can suggest right now..He is trying to get out of it..When the courts state something in writing then it has to be followed..Do not let him get away with this.. good luck..
• Canada
1 Aug 07
ok but the problem is this. the courts say he has to pay half of day care but what if he just doesn't pay. they can't take that directly from his pay cheque, can they? right now it also says he has to pay child support but he is still getting away with not paying and nothing seems to get done. i even go through a third party government thing for that. i'm definately calling a lawyer tomorrow to see if and how they could force him to pay
2 people like this
@Feona1962 (7527)
• United States
1 Aug 07
I don't know how they work it where you are but here they can do that...Do call your lawyer because this just isn't right..I don't know why people have to go through this. There is no way he should be able to get away with this..I am sorry I am not more help...I feel for you...
1 person likes this
@beckish (614)
• United States
1 Aug 07
First you should check and see if the day care requirement applies to school, or just work. If school is included, have the day care bill him for his half. You might also check and see if low income day care assistance is available where you live. Good luck to you; being a single mother is no fun.
1 person likes this
• Canada
1 Aug 07
i allready called about low income or subsidized daycare and i can't get it while on osap. (student loan). which i think is rediculous. i'm obviously on a low income. anyway even if he gets billed by the daycare and the daycare doesn't get the money from him and then decide to stop watching my daughter where am i then. and yes it applies to me going to school too. he has to pay half of any extraordinary expenses. sports, school trips, daycare, medical and so on. he's refused all in the past except he actually payed half of her glasses but then he took my receipt and claimed it at work and kept all the money and didn't give me my half back
@Debs_place (10525)
• United States
1 Aug 07
Take your hubby to court. See if you can get the government to pay the child support to you and then they get it from him (I assume Canada has similar methods to the US in this area), your husband knew about this child, therefore he does not need warning, come on... the court ordered it. Take the deadbeat to court. Off to another point, you may find that your college has an inexpensive childcare program for students, so give the school a call and see if they can help you on that. If they have a teaching area, they maybe have an onsite school where your daughter can get an awesome education. Make sure you applied for financial aid and see if maybe you can pick up a workstudy program to supplement your income. Good Luck!
1 person likes this
• Canada
1 Aug 07
thanks for the advice. i'll be travelling an hour and a half each way to school. my daughter will be staying in our town to go to a french school where she is in a special program for mostly english speaking kids going to a pure french school every day and i can't get that near my college or the daycare in my college won't do me any good either. i've asked about subsidized daycare and i'm not able to get that either. i have applied for osap which is a student loan. they give me 1300 for a dependent child so that won't pay for daycare for the year, not even close. i've spoken to my mother about what is going on. she will help out as much as she can but she also lives out of town and works a full time job but maybe once a week she will babysit so that will save me a little bit. i have a different attitude than him, whatever i have to do i will do it for my daughter. if it means going to school all day, 3 hours of travelling, hours of homework and taking care of her and getting a part time job for weekends then i will do it. i'm not even going to count on him cause i'll just keep getting dissapointed. but i will still try to call the lawyer to see if it can be inforced for him to actually pay the daycare. not sure though, how that would go but it is allready stated that he has to pay.
1 Aug 07
Why does he feel he still has control over you even though you are seperated. This isn't about him, its about his daughter and you making a better life for yourself and her. I hope you get this settled in court and they make him pay half. Why are people so mean. I bet it would break your daughters heart if she knew he was arguing over her best interests. I wish you luck.
1 person likes this
• Canada
1 Aug 07
he's only saying that as an excuse not to pay. he has no other reason so appearently cause i didn't tell him sooner that i was thinking of going to school that he thinks that could be used as an excuse not to pay. even though i only decided this a few days ago myself that i was going to return. appearently i should of thought of it sooner and told him before i started getting things ready to return.
@sjohnson628 (3197)
• United States
1 Aug 07
-I would take him to court. It his responsibility to pay it or he will simply go to jail. Good luck!
1 person likes this
@cher913 (25890)
• Canada
1 Aug 07
well it just seems like he is making exuses...do you have any legal recourse against him? can you get your lawyer to talk to his lawyer?
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
1 Aug 07
It sounds as if he isn't looking at what is best for his daughter but is looking to stall making the payments that are due you. I went thru this with my ex who was ordered to pay half of dental costs not covered by insurance which was everything...we had no dental coverage. I always ended up paying out of pocket and waiting forever for him to make it up to me. It is frustrating. Is there a way you can take him to court and have this amt. figured into his childsupport and then they can take it from his pay. I did do this when my oldest daughter was in pre-school and it helped tremendously. I could not cover his half of that amt. oh...you gave him much more than a months notice...and a month is plenty enough.
@sksingh (1412)
• Germany
1 Aug 07
that is a great idea. you must do ┬┤that
1 person likes this
@maddysmommy (16235)
• United States
1 Aug 07
Aww that just plain sucks. You have court papers that say that he has to pay at least half of child care and giving him a months notice is HEAPS of time. He is just giving you the run around and doesn't want to be bothered by it. I would take it back to the courts or to your lawyer. I know you don't have much time but I am not sure what else you can do. Soooooo sorry to hear that popp!
@kayrod2 (1304)
• Australia
1 Aug 07
You here of this sort of thing all the time. The other parent doesnt seem to want to do what they have to. Well, if he doesnt and since its in the court papers, you might have to threaten him with going back to court. He should have to be the one to pay for the courts as well, cause he isnt doing what he is meant to. Best wishes to you, and hope it getys sorted out