Heart to Heart.

United States
August 4, 2007 6:52pm CST
This is a wierd situation. When I was younger 3-8yrs I was molested by two of my brothers. They threatened to kill me if I ever told. My parents split up when I turned 8 and went to stay with my father. I never seen my brothers again. As I got older I started to develop some problems. Well, I finally ended up telling my mom. Ofcourse she didn't beleive me. So she lives with her son one of the ones who molested me. I don't want to have a relationship with her, but she is trying to be in my life. I don't know what to do.
3 responses
• Canada
5 Aug 07
Hi, I work with issues like yours. In order to help better, can you tell me how old you are now? Is living with your dad working for you? Do you feel safe where you are? Now, what your brothers did was wrong, and by no means your fault. Your mother is most likely acting out of fear to face the truth. I can see your desire to separate from her and your brothers. How is she "trying to be in your life"? How do you think you can avoid her? I would like to help you, so if you feel more comfortable talking in private, you can reach me at kconsult@yahoo.com Stay safe and let me know how you're doing.
• United States
5 Aug 07
Well, I am an adult now. I have kids of my own and she wants to be there for them as well as me. But she lives with her son. I haven't spoken to him ever since I 8yrs and left with my dad. My dad is deceased now. I did get to tell him but it was a little bit too late. So, I thought about changing my number and just losing all contact with her. My did tell me that she did ask my brother but he never confirmed what he did but he never did deny it either. So, i just want to close that chapter of my life by closing her out. That would be the last connection I have to that memory.
• Canada
5 Aug 07
Hi again, ah, knowing a little more details about your situation helps. It sounds like you have been trying to process the memories. Have you been working with someone? It is important to process these things, not just shut them out. I can certainly understand your wish to close your connection to your mom. How is she with you and your children? Have you talked to her fequently, and what do you talk about? Does her presence make you feel bad and uncomfortable? What is the main reason you don't want to be in touch with her? Has she hurt you in the past, other than not believing you? Did she leave you when you were little? I am just asking in order to try and help process the thoughts that trigger the negative emotions. Only when you are at peace with everything can you let it all go.
• United States
5 Aug 07
Thank you. She was never there for me growing up. I talk to her now about once every four months. Like she will call me acting like she cares how I am really doing but she is really calling to ask me for money. Like she won't call me on my birthday but she will call to ask for money. She has never seen her grandkids no pictures or anything and I think I plan on keeping it that way. I have to other brothers that stay with her also. They are younger than me. I talk to them about twice a month. They were living with my dad too, then they wanted to go stay with my mom. It's like she did give birth to me but she was never really a mother. So that's why I think I should just cut her off.
@wiccania (3362)
• United States
5 Aug 07
If she's willing to dismiss what you told her so easily, then maybe she simply doesn't deserve to be a part of your life.
• United States
5 Aug 07
Well I think she is wrong for not believing you. I think that you should try to keep in touch with her, but if she doesn't believe you then that puts a big damper on your relationship. I think that you should tell her that if she won't believe you then you can't be as close to her as you would like and that would be upsetting for you. I am sorry your brothers did this to you. I hope that things between you and your mom get better!