Why?

@callarse1 (4793)
United States
August 5, 2007 9:28pm CST
So I was in the library today and I was browsing the CDs, videos, and DVDs. These parents had two kids about one and half or two years old. I wanted to say something to them, or do something to their children, but for some reason I didn't. So this situation went like this:One of the kids kept throwing the CDs on the ground, and the mom kept hitting the kid on the hands & put the CDs back on the shelves. It got pretty annoying after awhile because the kid was screaming many times. What I was thinking about doing is having the kid put the CDs back herself on the shelves. They were low enough to be put back on the shelves. I am not sure, perhaps my idea was wrong. 1) So, what about your children? Do you expect the best behavior? If they don't behave do you just leave the place? 2) Do you make your children clean up their messes that they make in a public place? 3) Should parents with very loud children be asked to leave the library? I was just curious. Thank you for your replies. Pablo
4 people like this
11 responses
@raychill (6530)
• United States
6 Aug 07
1 and 2 I don't have kids. 3/ I work for the public library system in my area. Our libraries have a childrens area that is in a different area than the regular items that are not for children. this is to reduce the sounds that kids make. It's great to take your children to the library at a young age. Our library also has many programs for children of all ages. Sometimes it's story times and sometimes it's actual programs. One of our most popular recently is totsercize. Which is excercise for toddlers. They love magic shows and puppet shows and music programs which get put on too. These shows are usually also done in a different area of the library as well so that the kids can have fun. It's easier to get a young child to read and develop the habit young than trying to get an older child to read. The myth that one should be quiet in the library is also that of ...a myth! Libraries are not quiet these days and as a matter of fact more often than not Teenagers are the ones who are asked to leave. not people wih young children who are loud. lastly...our libraries also have quiet areas that are designated for people who wish that the library myth to be quiet were true. Children usually do not go in there. So my answer to number 3 is No. As the library system that I work for currently has 17 branches and is in the top 20 library systems in the country we do everything we can to keep children occupied and to keep the people who want quiet happy and do not ask loud children to leave.
2 people like this
@callarse1 (4793)
• United States
18 Aug 07
You description is very wonderful, in fact I do realize that the library is a place to not be "quiet". I was basically pointing out that our library does have a children section so why were the parents with her when she was screaming? I don't mean fun screaing either, it's the loud screaming that you know you are in trouble. It is annoying as you know. At our libraries they have many things such as what you were saying for the young children story time, puppet shows, and for older kids they have video game contests. It is very fun and I wasn't saying that it has to be all quite, but sometimes we go to the library to think and not to hear screaming ;). Pablo
@raychill (6530)
• United States
18 Aug 07
It's true. But I still think that it was the parents place to quiet the child and not the library's place. There are actually some people who treat the library like a daycare center and it is not that either (yes, they drop their child off .. then leave!) it's ridiculous really. When that happens the librarians don't take care of the child, they find out where to get ahold of the parent and make them come back! So...even in the situation of just a screaming child, the parent should definitely tell their kid to shutup (i don't mean literally tell them that) or leave themselves. some parents just don't care.
1 person likes this
@callarse1 (4793)
• United States
19 Aug 07
Yea, I guess it depends on the parent-child relationship and how much the parent cares, some parents are stressed and don't seem to care if they cry and scream. ;). Pablo
@wiccania (3360)
• United States
6 Aug 07
Last week I was at Walmart when my son decided to behave similarly. He threw things out of the cart, pulled things off the shelves and threw them on the floor and screamed a lot. I did the best I could to put everythign back where it went and calm him down. I wasn't entirely successful. It was extremely stressful for me. My son is Autistic and non-verbal, so he doesn't really understand yet what makes "acceptable" public behavior. I try to get him to clean up after himself and sometimes it works. Most times it doesn't. It really all depends on the whole picture. If someone asked me to leave because of my son's behavior, no doubt they would have felt like an @ss when I explained that my son is not simply misbehaving. It's possible that the kid that you witnessed didn't understand that her behavior is "unacceptable."
2 people like this
@callarse1 (4793)
• United States
6 Aug 07
Yes, that is true as well, a child with autism can be hard to handle. I don't think her child was with autism because she was yelling and hitting her child. If I remember correctly children with autism get scared and are hyper-sensitive to loud noises. Pablo
1 person likes this
@wiccania (3360)
• United States
6 Aug 07
Not all Autistic children have problems with things like that. There are many different degrees of Autism. Some Autistic individuals have problems with things that others don't.
2 people like this
@miamilady (4924)
• United States
6 Aug 07
I've had to leave stores once or twice when my children were misbehaving. I don't think I ever had a major problem with them at a library. Some children are more difficult to keep under control than others. It isn't always about bad parenting. Having the child put the CD's back herself is a great idea. IF you can get her to do it. It sounds like at that moment the child was beyond cooperation. It is very difficult sometimes to make a child behave in public. When my children were younger, I would find myself second guessing my reaction to their behavior because I was too concerned about what the people around me were thinking. You will always have people thinking you are either reacting to harshly or you are being too permissive. The fact is, no matter how you parent, you will always run into critics about what you choose to do. Now, when I come across a parent in a difficult situation with their children, I feel sympathetic toward them and usually I just thank God, it's not me. Kids do grow up, and generally they gain more self controll as they get older. Parenting does matter, but a childs nature is also a factor in how they behave. There is only so much you can do to affect how a child behaves. Discipline is important, but you can't cross the line to abuse.
2 people like this
@callarse1 (4793)
• United States
6 Aug 07
Yes, I do feel being sympathetic. However, I was only thinking about intervening because the child was screaming loudly. I am not being a critic, just that basically the library is supposed to be a "quiet" place, and if your children are acting up then maybe you shouldn't be there. At least that what's my grandparents always say---if you are going to some place to have fun with the children and they are acting up then leave due to their behavior. However, I do understand that it was a young kid, and not an older kid. Thanks for your comments because now I am thinking much more.
1 person likes this
@miamilady (4924)
• United States
6 Aug 07
You're right. There are certain places where noisy children should be taken outside. Libraries and movies for example.
2 people like this
• Philippines
6 Aug 07
my daughter is 21 months old, one thing i observed about her is, when i am doing my groceries, she will also take something from the shelves and show it to me, but when i say no, we will not buy that she will return it properly.. i remember one time, we were in a music store, i was buying her nursery rhymes, she will also pick some cd's and show it to me, and again, when i say return it she will do so... i have never have problem with my kid even when we went to a bookstore.... i dont know.... but if ever she throw a fit or misbehave in a suppose to be quiet place, we'll leave...
2 people like this
@callarse1 (4793)
• United States
18 Aug 07
That's good that you are very firm with your daughter. I guess it depends on the child, parent and situation.
• Singapore
6 Aug 07
Hello Pablo, Children are children, are children. We were all young once and we would quite likely have been like these children at least occasionally. :P 1) So, what about your children? Do you expect the best behavior? If they don't behave do you just leave the place? I don't have any kids yet but I would want them to be well-behaved. There are times for playing and there are times for playing. 2) Do you make your children clean up their messes that they make in a public place? I think this would help them to be responsible and independent. 3) Should parents with very loud children be asked to leave the library? They should be asked to keep their children behaved.
@callarse1 (4793)
• United States
18 Aug 07
Lordwarwizard, thanks for your answers, very informative, in fact I think you summarized good things with your future children :) Pablo
@tater03 (1765)
• United States
6 Aug 07
I would have made my sons pick up the CD's and told them if they did it one more time that we would leave. If they did it again I would take them by the hand and leave the library. I have done this in restarants before. A couple of times of seeing that you really will leave then they seem to get the message. As to the last question, yes if you have been told to be quiet that you are in library and they continue to not listen and be loud then they should be asked to leave.
2 people like this
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
6 Aug 07
yes, I would have made my child pick up the cds herself. If she was having a particularly bad day, I would have left the library before being told to do so. After all, If she is acting up and I am constantly needing to reprimand her then I would not be able to browse and pick out books myself. Librarys are supposed to be quiet and peaceful...a place where one can relax, study, read and above all...concentrate! I am very surprised that the librarian did not say anything to this woman.
2 people like this
• China
6 Aug 07
I don't think the mother should hit the child in the library. A good parent is supposed to lead the chid into the right way rather than push him/her into the right way. A child is a child after all. He/she doesn't have much common sense and is always naughty. Of course, parents have the responsibility to be children's guidances teaching them what is right and what is wrong as well as make up the fault for children's wrongdoing.
2 people like this
@cynddvs (2950)
• United States
6 Aug 07
I for one would never take my almost 2 year old to the library unless it were in the children's section. The library is supposed to be a quiet place were people can read and do research in peace. They close the children's section of the library off from the other part of the library for a reason. While some toddlers may be perfect angels out in public others can be rather loud. That comes with the age. My daughter does not misbehave very often but she can get rather loud and excited at times. It's not that she's throwing a fit or being bad. She may just get excited about something she sees and get rather vocal about it. It's hard to make a 2 year old understand that they need to use their "inside voices". For this reason alone I won't take my daughter to any section of the library besides the children's part. And if I did the moment she started getting loud I would leave right away.
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
6 Aug 07
I would have told the kids to put the Cds back on the shelf, and if they did not,slap them on the hand. If they persisted, they would be out of the library, and would tell them, "we were planning to go out for ice cream (or something the kids would have loved) but because you misbehaved, we're going home and there will be no Tv. You go straight to your room."
@callarse1 (4793)
• United States
6 Aug 07
That's what I was thinking, suspensful, I guess I am a little strict for some people. Pablo
1 person likes this
@crazynurse (7489)
• United States
6 Aug 07
Sounds like you were visiting the library in my town! The parents in this town are notorious for not teaching their children any manners or discipline. The child should have been made to put the CDs back and then one of the parents should have taken the child out of the library so as to not disturb others! Honestly, what did they expect out children that young? I'm sure the children were bored to tears and attempting to entertain themselves.
1 person likes this
@callarse1 (4793)
• United States
6 Aug 07
Oh, I see. Yes, you are right, parents shouldn't expect their children to be angels because they are so little, so I agree with you. Pablo
1 person likes this