What should we do to an overly jealous partner

Philippines
August 6, 2007 10:40am CST
What do you think is the best way to deal with overly jealous partners? They would usually check on our cell phones, wallets, demand for passwords, demand that they should bring them along with us when we have to go somewhere, etc. If your partner is like this, what would you do?
11 people like this
32 responses
@sunshinecup (7882)
6 Aug 07
Dump them and move on. I had one once that was like that, not at the start mind you but months later when he got comfortable. It didn't last long, once I seen he wasn't going to change and I couldn't do nothing for him but give in which was somthing I couldn't live with, I just broke it off and moved on.
4 people like this
• China
6 Aug 07
You are right! Congratulations!
1 person likes this
@matte5 (1913)
• Sweden
6 Aug 07
Hello. I hawe lived with a partener who was like that and after one year I hawe to brake up it will not go well living with someone who is jealous, you can do nothing and you dont hawe a life and it will kill you as a person. Hawe a nice day.
• China
6 Aug 07
Wish you have a nice tomorrow! Just so !
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (91221)
• Marion, Kansas
6 Aug 07
Run like crazy, far far away. That is not a healthy relationship, and it could get to be an unsafe relationship as well. I am my own person, and I deserve my own freedom. I would not stay in that situation for a minute. Love is not fearful and demanding.
• Philippines
7 Aug 07
That was a very fine comment. Thanks.
1 person likes this
• Portugal
2 Sep 07
yeah... and that kind of people never change
@andrejuly84 (1047)
• Romania
6 Aug 07
my partner is something like this and still don't know what to do to calm him down and don't know if he would ever change and renounce to his ill jealousy.he's getting me nuts.oh,i just can't resist with this.if i ask him to don't be so jealous he says: "and what do you want me to do"to shut up and let you f*** with others?" how to explain him that i don't need to do this and if i would want to do it i could do it without he would find even if he wants to control everything i do
3 Sep 07
me too.. i have a boyfriend now who is really jealous. i dont know what to do.. yes its good to be jealous to our partner but in a nice way and not too much. we have our own lives. Trust is an essential thing in a relationship. Jealousy is a destroyer. It also connects to being insecure. I don't know maybe he's just afraid of his own ghost. Sometimes, I want to quit the relationship. But I love him, but his jealousy or being overprotected pisses me off. It seems like, I cant breathe anymore. He's always checking on my site. It seems like I'm a criminal. I'm not ever treated this before with my past relationships. But now, I am into this relationship which really I cant bear anymore. Oh I dont know what to do. What I've been to with my life. But after those doubts he will tell me, on the next day ---- sorry for being stupid. But I'ts always like that. How long will I understand him and how long can I have patience with his silliness or misconceptions about me? I want to be me, I want to be free but having a supportive and trusted partner. Oh I wish he will change for the betterment of the relationship. I wish and pray for that...
• Philippines
10 Sep 07
A jealous partner even if how jealous he/she is is not entitled to envade your right as a person and your privacy as well. If I may share this with you.... I shout at my husband whenver he will check on my cellphone messages.... If I gave him my permission that is another thing but doing it without me knowing will cause us arguments....In a relationship there should always trust... and I value that trust.... Even a felt something wrong going on I never envade my husband's privacy... because I trust and respect him.... just a piece of advise to anybody who reads this... "a partner that believes in you is the one that is meant for you." have a nice day
1 person likes this
• Saudi Arabia
7 Aug 07
Hi friend, I've suffered from an overly jealous partner for two and a half years.. He didn't allow me to talk to anyone, including my colleagues at work and my best males friends, he sometimes didn't allow me to talk to my female friends -didn't know really why-.. I kept my mouth shut and followed his order... I finally opened my eyes and knew the reason: he was the biggest cheater EVER. He tried to cheat on me with my best friends yes friends with S... They all ignored him and non of them told me about it until I started finding out myself... It was really shocking for me but then I realized that whenever someone overreacts about something BE SURE HE IS DOING IT.... Thanks a lot for the interesting topic :)
1 person likes this
@Odlanor (141)
• Philippines
7 Aug 07
There are two reasons why someone will be too jealous. 1. maybe your partner has seen you too doing something to be jealous. 2. Maybe he had a past hurting experience or he don't have confidence in himself. I you would take a look the number 1 deals with you and the number 2 deals with him. You know best your situation so you could answer best what seems to be the problem. But in case your partner is really overly jealous; I also have 2 suggestions 1. confront him. Ask why he's doing it. What did he see in you that keeps him reacting like that? Does his trust in you already gone? 2. Always praise him, utter good words, and try to reverse the situation, be the one to act overly jealous. I hope it helps you.
1 person likes this
@lingli_78 (12852)
• Australia
7 Aug 07
the best way for me is to talk to him/her directly and express our concern... honesty is the best policy... there must be a reason why he/she is behaving like that... so we have to get to the root of the problem before it gets worst...
1 person likes this
@derek_a (10903)
7 Aug 07
If this sort of behaviour is persistent from our partner then life can become a misery. If it's not to continue counselling is needed for both partners together, with a counsellor there to arbitrate. As a therapist I have seen many couples with these problems and they rarely clear up on their own. Something needs to be done to make life more bearable. If I had a jealous partner, she would either have to seek help (and I would go with her to understand her better - or she could go on her own). If she refused to do either, then I'm afraid I would have to consider terminating the relationship for the sake of my own sanity But because I am a therapist and I've got to understand the "mechanics" of jealousy and insecurity, it would never come to that :-)
1 person likes this
@stella1989 (2277)
• India
7 Aug 07
Firstly I get irritaed very easily by thease kind of acts from my partner..! Because it very much clear that he don't love because he can't trust me..! In love the first thing that comes is trust and if HE can't TRUST me then he don't love me..! I'd staright away tell him that he don't love me and he have to change. Because I really can't stand these thing in my partner..!
@Dolcerina (3380)
• Hungary
7 Aug 07
Sometimes I feel, he is, but all I do is that I express my love more intensively. Anyway I know that I show often my jealousy too. I get angry when his past comes to my mind, his old girlfriends, relationships.... brrrrrr..... I have no cause to be jealous. But when a woman begin to be thinking.... Yes, I behave very very ugly. Opposite of the fact that I know that he loves me very much, and I am very important for him. Men ususally say, that women should not be thinking, because then they begin to combine- and that is very true about me.
1 person likes this
@rexiemay (402)
• Philippines
7 Aug 07
i already experienced this scenario. i just hate it. what i did is that i pissed him off and let him see those things whuch i created to cause trouble. his suspicious mind added to the trouble but eventually he found out that it was nothing. he got his own medicine and right now, i hope, he has stopped being over jealous and irrational.
1 person likes this
@anonymili (3140)
7 Aug 07
My ex husband was like that and although some people thought it was "sweet" because he seemed to love me so much, I found it suffocating and even though he was the jealous one and I never was, he was the one who ended up cheating on me. I used to try and ignore his jealousy as I did nothing to warrant it. I don't believe in cheating - if I feel the need to be with someone else I would not do it behind someone's back, I would break it off with the person first rather than cheat on them. Now with my husband, he is not the jealous type and neither am I so infidelity will never be an issue (not for me anyway). If I caught my husband prying in my phone or purse, he would get a sharp rap over his knuckles with a hammer LOL! But seriously the only time my husband goes in my bag is (or should I say was) to empty it out of receipts and things and after he got a good telling off from me he hasn't done it again - his problem is not jealousy but obsessive tidiness and he thinks he's doing me a favour by emptying my bag of tissues and/or receipts - receipts which I keep because they need to be claimed back from work or reconciled with my credit card statement usually! :)
1 person likes this
@williamjisir (22909)
• China
7 Aug 07
I would just let her check it and tell her what she wants to know in order not to let her suspicious about me. Of course, you should be have nothing guilty to do this before you let her know all about this. Otherwise it is better not to let her know. lol
1 person likes this
@wisedragon (2331)
• Philippines
7 Aug 07
Wow, and I thought I was jealous! But then after reading your post, I don't do any of those things, so I guess my jealousy is reasonable. Now what if I had a partner like that. You know what, it's funny but sometimes I wish I did have someone like that. Anyway she wouldn't find anything on my cellphone or wallet or email, so I don't mind at all if she wants to check them. I want us to spend lots of time with each other, so if she demands that I take here wherever I go, that would be great. I would feel that she really wants me and that she doesn't want to lose me. I don't want a partner who doesn't care.
1 person likes this
@tuffy999 (794)
• Philippines
7 Aug 07
if ever my partner becomes one like that i'll pack my bags and go. i'll not allow myself to be treated as such.
1 person likes this
@jennybianca (12918)
• Australia
7 Aug 07
I would be gentle at first, explaining that there is no way I would do any cheating. My husband was a little like this at first. As his first wife cheated on him, & I guess he was worried about me. I had to convince him that there is no way I would look at another man. Now there is no problem, as hubby has built up his confidence. I think if a partner was as jealous as the example you gave, & couldn't ocvercome it, I think it would be time to reasses the relationship.
• United States
6 Aug 07
i would leave because if you dont have trust then you dont realy have anything worth working on!
• China
6 Aug 07
Sometimes say 'no' to them! It is essencial and can protect you!
@lecanis (16739)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
6 Aug 07
I would definitely leave a partner like that. I would say "If you can't trust me, then obviously we shouldn't be together." I really can't stand jealousy, to be honest. It's one of the biggest destroyers of relationships. I would even say it destroys more relationships than cheating does, because many people who cheat only do it after repeatedly being unjustly accused by their partners. If I were ever with a jealous partner, I would tell them they had a very short time to stop that behavior, and if it didn't stop, I would leave them.
1 person likes this