Why are sisters not always good ones?

@toe_ster (771)
United States
August 6, 2007 1:47pm CST
I have 4 sisters and can honestly say I am not close to a single one. I got along better and closer with friends than I ever did with any of them. Why is that? I am now 25 and live in a different state than the rest of my family excluding one sister. She lives here too. It is hard sometimes not being around the rest of my family and I would think, that being the only ones up here I can turn to her for help. But no. My sister is meaner than ever. She always asks for things but never gives back in return. I babysit for her all the time, but she turns me down when I ask. We have always done it for free. Now she wants to try and charge for it. There is more but it is not worht getting into. What is your relationship like with your sister? Am I the only one who doesn't understand sisters?
10 people like this
17 responses
@rusty2rusty (6766)
• Defiance, Ohio
6 Aug 07
I have a couple of sisters I get along with and others I don't. What you need to realize is just because you are sisters..It doesn't mean you will always get along, be best friends or even bond together. Sisters have different attitudes, beliefs, up bringing and so much more. Many times you have to treat family like friends. If you won't let your friends walk all over you..why are you letting you sister do it? Put a stop to it. Tell her no...Plain and simple..If she can't help you out like you do for her..stop doing it for her. Other wise she will just be using you. Don't let her borrow things when you know she won't give them back. Unless it is something you don't care if you get back..You can start getting control in this relationship with yoursister if you be more assertive. Like if she asks for money and never repays of say thank you...Than it is time to say you are broke because you just paid some bills. That you have to wait to pay day for money for yourself to spend. If she starts charging for babysitting..than start charging her to watch her kids..if she doesn't pay..refuse to watch them anymore. I have had to do this to two sisters of mine. It hurt to do it. But I had no choice. As I was tired of being walked all over. But they soon learned they can come to me. But I will not be used , lied to or stolen from. If they do any of those three things..Than I stop doing anything for them. Except listen to their whinning.
4 people like this
@toe_ster (771)
• United States
7 Aug 07
This is really good advice. Thank you. I really should practice being more assertive. I am the youngest of five girls. So I guess it is easy for her to treat me this way. I think she still sees me as an irresponsible kid even though I am now and adult mother of three. Thank you for the advice. I needed to hear it.
2 people like this
@lpetges (3036)
• United States
7 Aug 07
i agree that sisters don't have to be sisters. i have one sister and wish so badly that we were even a little bit close. we are so different and live in different cities, and have nothing to do with eachother. its sad, but just because she is my sister doesnt mean i have to get along with her.. she lives near my parents and i hear about her all the time, so its not as if i dont know what shes doing or how she is,, i just really dont care anymore.
1 person likes this
7 Aug 07
the birth of a female is different and from child hood they were treated in a different manner. In a family consisting of more than two out of which one female child, there will be no major difference but in case of families having more than four or five children out of which more than three are females, the rearingup of them is definitely different, and there by the superiority and inferiority complexes prevail from the childhood itself. selfishness, ego, and intolerance are the symptoms that prevail in them, and in later stage after their marriage they feel guity if anyone of other sisters are much better in life and sound financially. they even though rich will envy on others and hence the relationshipis weakened amongst them. though they born to the same parents, their thinking is differentand non coordinated in many issues. even any one of them being sound fnancially and another in need, the former may not help the later. In many families, it is observed that the female children try to accrue some thing from their parents even though they are financially sound. Knowing fully well that the parents are unable to meet their demands, the daughters used to harass the parents for some thing or other.The family relationships and understandings, love, effection etc are away after they were married .their outlook is limited to their own family and its welfare. there is a proverb"what do you bring when you come to my house and what do you give when I come to your house" ( ity means in any way they shall be benefitted by us ) This is female mentality in general except a few cases
4 people like this
• United States
7 Aug 07
I am so glad that I do not have sisters. I have three brothers. My two older brothers do not know me because we were separated, but my younger brother and I grew up together and he was alive for 20 years. People seem to always leave me.
4 people like this
@lyndee22 (1211)
• Philippines
7 Aug 07
I have 3 sisters and we're close to each other. We grew up in the same house and lived there for so many years. I just got separated with them when I marry. We argue sometimes but that thing is not a hindrance of our close relationship. We help each other, we ask favors from one another. Material things is not a big thing to us. One maybe well off but we share what we have and we never ask anything in return. There is a special bonding on us.
@raychill (6530)
• United States
6 Aug 07
Well I AM a sister. I don't have a sister. But I can tell you that brothers are no better. I think, in general, I've always been a pretty decent sister to my brother. Whenever he's needed me...I've been there. I would see things I knew he'd like and buy them. I did everything for him. My brother has hardly ever been there for me and is Never there for me anymore. He's married to an evil evil girl whom I don't get along with and she's more important to him than I am. I understand they're married, but I've been his sister for 25 years (i'm 25 also) and they've been together for 4 or 5 or something. I don't even know. Conclusion: sometimes you can be a great sister and get nothing from your sibling be it sister or brother.
4 people like this
@34momma (13895)
• United States
7 Aug 07
i am so sorry to hear that. I have a younger sister who is 25 and a older brother. we are all so very close. i don't know what it would be not to be close to the both of them. they just mean everything to me. my sister is just the sweetest, coolest girl that i know. she has just a great heart and a wonderful spirit. again, i am sorry that you and your sisters don't get along
@toe_ster (771)
• United States
7 Aug 07
Thanks. You are lucky. I am still naive enough to think our relationship is a work in progress. There may be hope yet.
3 people like this
@34momma (13895)
• United States
7 Aug 07
any relationship worth having is worth working on. just know that you don't have to like your sister to love your sister. you don't have to be the best of friends but you do have to respect each other. i wish you all the best my friend
@cefaz_21 (2597)
• Philippines
7 Aug 07
I'm sorry to hear about your realationship with your sisters. FAmily is a blessing, It's one blessing that we should always be grateful for.And I am so thankful that our parents although not blessed financially were able to brought us siblings closer together, we loved each other and we will surely fight for each other. I am the youngest and I have always felt the unconditional love of my 2 older sisters and my only brother. I just hope you can still make up and build a good relationship with your siblings. It's never too late.
@34momma (13895)
• United States
7 Aug 07
i am so sorry to hear that. I have a younger sister who is 25 and a older brother. we are all so very close. i don't know what it would be not to be close to the both of them. they just mean everything to me. my sister is just the sweetest, coolest girl that i know. she has just a great heart and a wonderful spirit. again, i am sorry that you and your sisters don't get along
3 people like this
@CaitBaby (447)
• United States
6 Aug 07
I have to say I am very close with my sister. We don't live together, so maybe that's why because we're not around each other all the time to drive each other insane. We used to fight when we were younger. She is eight years older than me but now that I'm older it has really helped us get along better. She is very much like me and understands me better than anyone else. She's my best friend. Maybe it's just a coincidence that she's my sister.
• Philippines
8 Aug 07
I think what your feeling right now is just normal especially when you're still young. But now, at 25, and still having problems with your sister is still ok. I think you should learn how to understand your sister. Though I don't have a kid yet, we all know and it's pretty obvious how hard it is becoming a mother. She may not appreciate nor recognize all your favors for her right now but I tell you, there will come a time that she'll thank you for all the kindness that you showed her. She needs a lot of understanding. Maybe she's still preoccupied with things. If you can be good relating with other people then why can't you be with you very own sister right? And you're taking care of her kid which happens to be your nephew/niece. Isn't that fun? What I mean here is that, they're your relatives. In times of trouble, they'll be the ones who will always be there for you. This may seem to be a cliche but you know it really happens and it's true. And let me just share this guiding principle of mine. Kill them with your kindness. Be kind even others are not..even others cannot and even others will not. Just enjoy their company. And you'll soon realize that family is the most important thing we have here on Earth. And also, confrontation with your still will be of great help. I really do appreciate that you find ways on how can you be close with your sister which only shows your love for her).Godbless!
@gapeach65 (805)
• United States
7 Aug 07
I have two sisters, one older and one younger, we have never really gotten along, although over the years we have tried. We have our moments when we get along then something happens and it all falls apart. I have had similar experences as you, of me helping my sisters and them not returning the favor or acting like what I did was no big deal. Like you, there's so much more...Although when our mom was sick in the hospital her last couple of months, we pulled together and were there for mom and each other. There were even a few times my older sister threw some punches, I took most of them square on the jaw and it really hurt to deal with it, but act like nothing happened in front of mom. When my mom passed away (which was recently, in Feb 07) I wrote my sister a letter, so that I could say what needed to be said and I wouldn't chicken out. I told her that I was asking for forgiveness and offering forgiveness for anything that has been said or done in the past, I told her that I think that's the way mom would have wanted it. I felt a wave of relief, and felt as though mom was smiling down proudly on me for doing this. It was strange, she acknowledged getting it and basically said ok (like she didn't have any part of what happened, and told me that I shouldn't have acted the way I did, never saying that she was sorry for her part). Things haven't been easy for us and my sisters and I still aren't close, but every once in a while, I get or make a phone call or email to or from one of them just to make sure we keep in touch, but I don't think we'll ever be close. I hope over the years we'll stay in touch, my mom wasn't close to her family growing up and I don't want to not know my sisters. So, obviously I don't understand sisters either.
@shambuca (2560)
• United States
7 Aug 07
Wow thats harsh-- my sister i s14 years older then me-- it took many years for us to see eye to eye (we had some big fights where we didn't speak to each other for years)- but for the past 12-15 years or so she and I have been the very best of friends. Sometimes it just takes time for the relationship to change. I wish you luck with trying to change your relationship- maybe you should just ask her why she is acting this way?????
• Romania
7 Aug 07
I also have a sister, a twin actually and I understand very well the difficult situations you are putt through. personally i,ve experienced myself surprising moments when from sisters we've became rivals. It's normal nowadays! I honestly believe this ,because in our modern society ,everyone even our close relatievs, look only for their wellfaire,their benefits. That's why paying a relative for their work became a normal matter. Relatives are also humans and need money just like everyone else! I hope you'll be helped by my simple answer,and you'll be more wiser in dealing with these unbelievable situations!
@hotmale (810)
• Pakistan
7 Aug 07
well, u r lucky to have so many sisters, i dont have a single one! i have brothers and i am not close to any one of them and i really wanted a sister, its the will of God
@Vixx06 (162)
7 Aug 07
I never had a sister just one brother who I am very close to. I do however have 3 daughters. They are all very close despite a large age gap. If one of them is not home the other two miss her. It is sad that you dont get on with your sisters. I cant imagine not seeing my brother every week. I know my girls will always be close as well.
• Malaysia
7 Aug 07
I am like you too. I am never close to my only sister. I am very much closer with my friend than with her. Since we were small, I have sensed as if my parents differentiate us in the way we look. My sister looks different from me, and obviously she is better looking than me. My mother often compares both of us and say I am not suitable wearing certain colors but my sister can wear anything she want. Maybe because of the discrimination, we were not close to each other. Until now, when we meet we only talk about the surface of things. We never discuss anything deeper that that. I am never comfortable sharing my secrets with my sister. Now you know you are not alone, because I am also like you too. Anyway, I wish you the best of luck and have a nice day.
@jazgottt (1181)
• Poland
7 Aug 07
I have only 1 sister (and 1 brother too:) and we have wonderful relationship, she is my best friend and knows more than other people about me. She is 6 years younger, I'm 25 now. When we were children, I used to not like her, but things were changing slowely from year to year.