Siblings who dont care

My mam - My mother on mothers day
@matte5 (1913)
Sweden
August 13, 2007 3:25pm CST
Last night my mother cald me and told me that she was not feling well and wounder if I can come and stay with here this night. She is 78 years old and hawe been ill fore some years but she can still live alone at home so when she ask me this I kinowe that she was ill. And today I hawe been the whole day with here in the hospital and they keep here there, I hawe one brother and he is never caling to mam and he has not visit her for ower thre years and I will not speak to him as he has treated me bad in all years. So I wounder how i will do to get him to knowe that our mam is sik. can I just send him a e-mail? What wold you hawe done?
8 people like this
23 responses
@Norstar (695)
• India
13 Aug 07
It may be good to send an e-mail to him giving him some details. But, please do not write other things in that. Let it be exclusively an e-mail to inform him about mother and her illness and how she would love to see her children and near and dear ones. Let it have no ill feelings or the past topics. I am sure your brother would feel obliged to come and see mother. It may be a good idea to send the e-mail and then call him on phone and inform him about the e-mail that contains the details. this would save time and make sure that he sees the e-mail in time.
@matte5 (1913)
• Sweden
13 Aug 07
Thanks for the adwise. I knowe that he will see the mail but when my father past away and I told him that ouer father just hawe day to live he reply with I can come in 2 weeks so I hawe the feling that he will and are not intrested in howe ouer mother are.
1 person likes this
@TerryZ (22083)
• United States
13 Aug 07
HI matte5 if I were you I would definetly call my sister or brother if I were in your shoes. I think an email is just not personal enough. And when you call someone on the phone you can tell them of urgency of the call. Its very important to let your family know when some is at that age and feeling sick. Let me know how you make out with this.
13 Aug 07
hi matte5 i have been in your shoes, you need to see your family in person to,let them know what is happening if this is possibly, but also you need to take into account your mothers feelings on this does she want them to know
1 person likes this
• Canada
14 Aug 07
lol
@matte5 (1913)
• Sweden
14 Aug 07
Hello terry. I will contact him with a mail I think thats easyer then He can contact me if he is intrested to knowe howe its about mom.
@melody08 (36)
• Philippines
14 Aug 07
i guess you have to go to his place and tell him personally that your mother want all of you to be with her in her remaining days and she want to spend some time with her children. That maybe being there for your mom will make her feel better. That being with her is a way of expressing that you still love her and that he should be with her. that being there is way of repaying her kindness,love and caring that all of those years that she took good care of her children. That she's not alone. and she will not think bad that because she's old and sick no one will be there to take care of her.
2 people like this
@matte5 (1913)
• Sweden
14 Aug 07
He lives to far away so I cant do that I will send a mail.
• Philippines
15 Aug 07
but he doesn't really care after you emailed him. them let him be. At least he know what's your moms condition is. He may not show sympathy and care but he's conscience will be bugging him. If he doesn't really care it's up to you to take care and look after your mom. I will know that she will appreciate the efforts you make just to be with her.
1 person likes this
@CaitBaby (447)
• United States
14 Aug 07
I think you should send him an email because he does need to know that your mother is sick. Whether or not he does anything is up to him but at least you tried.
@matte5 (1913)
• Sweden
14 Aug 07
Thanks I hawe done that so i can fel fre nowe.
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
14 Aug 07
I hope your mother is OK, and yes by all means get in touch with your brother and tell him his mother is not doing so well and a visit from him would be appreciated. You can send him a letter or email if you have his address. I know it is hard to put your personal feelings aside but she is your mother and he needs to know, if he does nothing you will know for the next time, and not bother with him.
@matte5 (1913)
• Sweden
14 Aug 07
I will send him a e-mail if he whant he can contact me.
@Flight84 (3050)
• United States
14 Aug 07
My grandma is going through the same thing. She has 7 other brothers and sisters and she has only 1 sister and sometimes another sister that comes to help take care of their mother. My grandma is a strong woman and I admire her completley for her strength and compassion. She has health problems of her own and she still finds it in her to get up everyday and take care of her own mother when no one else will. I don't understand why a phone call is so difficult, just to let someone know you care. Matte, sometimes it hard to deal with family like that. My sister and I are having a very difficult time with our own father right now. I would suggest trying the email or maybe even a regular letter. Even if he doesn't respond, at least you know in your heart that you reached out to him, despite your differences, and gave it your best shot. He obviously has a wonderful brother and it's his loss. You shouldn't have to go throguh it alone though. Best of luck to you!:)
@matte5 (1913)
• Sweden
14 Aug 07
Hello flight. I will send a e-mail If he want to knowe more he can contact me, It is the best thing to do I think.
• China
14 Aug 07
Hello matte5!I'm sorry to hear that and I hope she would recover as soon as possible.If I were you,I would definitely call your brother and tell him your mother's situation no matter what his reaction is.I can imagine how your mother feel when she is ill.So at least have a try,what do you think?Have a good day!
2 people like this
@matte5 (1913)
• Sweden
14 Aug 07
Hello monica. I will send him a mail beacuse I can only reach him at his cellphone and I dont like to call to that and mom think a mail is enugh to conact him with.
@BlueAngelRS (2900)
• Canada
14 Aug 07
Hi matte5 I'm sorry to hear about your mother taking ill and I pray and hope she will be okay and I pray that you will make it through this time as well..I know about sibling problems my sister and I do not always see eye to eye..I see her on occasion when she comes to visit my dad and I let her be a part of my wedding to stop all family fights..I lost my third child here a few months ago I was almost 8 months pregnant and I phoned my sister and my mom and they were here in less then 4 days to be here for me..My sister and I are so much closer now..I would email him if that is easier for you..Or call him..Don't get into other discussions about over the years but maybe if telling him that your mom is ill maybe it will be away for him to come down and make peace with you and your mom good luck hugzzzz
1 person likes this
@matte5 (1913)
• Sweden
14 Aug 07
Thanks I can hope he will do that.
• Canada
14 Aug 07
If he doesn't hun then at least you can be at peace that you told him and that he knows..I do hope that it will work out for the positive and maybe it will but maybe it won't but if you tell him what is going on at least you can put your mind at ease for letting him know...
1 person likes this
@matte5 (1913)
• Sweden
14 Aug 07
Yes I hawe send him a e-mail so hawe to waite and see and my mom is filing a little bit better.
@Feona1962 (7527)
• United States
14 Aug 07
Hi Matte, I am sorry to hear your mom is ill. I would contact your brother and tell him, and he will have to decide whether to come or not. It is too bad that you are not speaking to him, but I understand because I have a sister like that. All you can do is tell him and hope that he will come. I will be praying for your mom, and I will pray for you and your brother too!
1 person likes this
@matte5 (1913)
• Sweden
14 Aug 07
Hello feona. I will send him a mail and then its up to him If he want to contact me or not. Thanks for your pray for us.
1 person likes this
@Feona1962 (7527)
• United States
15 Aug 07
You are very welcome and I hope everything works out for you, your brother, and especially your mom. You all are still in my prayers.
1 person likes this
@matte5 (1913)
• Sweden
15 Aug 07
Thank you and my mom is better will visit her tomorow
• Philippines
14 Aug 07
I think you are alone with this problem. I've 3 brothers and 4 sisters but only 3 of us are taking care of our mother who is 78 years old. Others do not visit or say "hello" to mother despite of all the informations we told them about the ailment of my dear mother. There are lots of people like that who don't care with their parents. I don't know how will they fell if said things will happen to them too. Just always remember this quote, "Do not do unto others, what you do not want others do unto you". Good luck and take care of your mother with all the best that you can do for her. GOD will do the rest. God bless you and your family!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
14 Aug 07
Please let me correct the first sentence in my comment. " I think you are not alone with this problem". Thanks.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
14 Aug 07
Please let me correct the first sentence in my comment. This is what i mean, " I think you are not alone with this problem ". Thanks
1 person likes this
@matte5 (1913)
• Sweden
14 Aug 07
I will send a e-mail then its up to him to dicede wat to do.
@Geminigirl (1909)
• United States
26 Aug 07
I guess I would call him and tell him about your mom. That is so bad about your brother. I can totally relate, I have a situation that is very similar to yours, and I find it it to be very frustrating. I wish you the best of luck, it is not an easy situation.
1 person likes this
@matte5 (1913)
• Sweden
26 Aug 07
I send a mail it was the easy way to do.
@pamcake (276)
• United States
16 Aug 07
I am so sorry you and your mother have to go through this. My mom is going through something similar. She moved in right next door to my grandparents to be able to take care of them full time. SHe also has a full time job. She doesn't get any help from any of her four siblings, and to put the icing on the cake...my grandmother puts my mom down all the time. She has no respect for her, and puts my aunt on a pedastool even though she could be dying and they don't come over unless she's handing them a credit card. Sorry to ramble on! AAbout your brother..I think sending an e-mail would be a good idea. I would keep it to the point, just letting him know that she is sick and where he can visit if he'd like so there's no confusion later if eh tries to say you kept him in the dark. Maybe he will try to make things right before it's too late...that could just be me being optimistic?
1 person likes this
@matte5 (1913)
• Sweden
16 Aug 07
It so sad when siblings act like this we only live ones so I think we must take care of each outher.
1 person likes this
@cher913 (25890)
• Canada
14 Aug 07
well i dont have that luxury as i am an only child, but i would have called him and told him to get his butt over to the hospital!
1 person likes this
@matte5 (1913)
• Sweden
14 Aug 07
Then you never will hawe this problem LOL
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Aug 07
I am sorry that your brother is this way, my own brother is the same way and it is tough to deal with. He refuses to help with our mother at all, she has been having to live with one of us due to some health problems and my sister and I take most of the time, and one of my cousins will take her into her home, but not my brother and his wife. I would send your brother an email and tell him that your mom is not feeling well and she is in the hospital and give him the number to call her or to go see her. He has to be the one to make the choice to stand up and bring himself to see your mother. He may choose not to, but you know that you are there for your mom and you are taking care of her. Don't let it bring you down if you do what you can and he does not do anything. Good luck! I hope your mom is ok, and will be back to normal again soon!
1 person likes this
@matte5 (1913)
• Sweden
14 Aug 07
Thank you so mutch. I hawe just sent him a e-mail so I hawe to wait to se if he will contact me or the hospital but I dont think so. I dont let this bring me down I hawe lived in this situation for some years now. Hawe a nice day.
• Malaysia
14 Aug 07
First and foremost, this is about your mommy whom also their mommy. I know you are in doleful and at the same time you try to react something which is going to exacerbate the worse situation. Make your mommy happy by telling them about your mommy that need their noble attention. OK let us put the things this way, and I'm sorry to say this following words, let say or 'if and only if' your mommy die, you are the first person that will be blame and for me SHOULD BE BLAME, because you don't tell them the current critical condition and situation. This is parent matter, whacks out all of your bad feelings to your siblings and don't be selfish on this matter as your are the one whom closed to your mommy. Never bother about their attendance.
1 person likes this
@matte5 (1913)
• Sweden
14 Aug 07
I will send him a e-mail and see if he contact me but I knowe that he knowes about mom.
• Philippines
17 Aug 07
There really are some people like that. Maybe you just send him an email, a telegram, a fax message, phone call or whatever is best which you could be sure that would reach him. It was really sad that some children only remember their parents during important occasion and do not do that regularly just let them know they care and to know how they are doing.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Aug 07
It's a tough call. Sure you can send him an email, but I would think the phone would be better in a situation like this. He may have treated you badly, but you don't want to stoop to his level as you are better than that. I really wish the best for your family.
@ashisyed (40)
• Pakistan
14 Aug 07
i think that instead of emailing him, just give him a call, and then tell him about your mothers condition, ask a bit about his health and thats it. because, what if due to some reason he is unable to check email on time? and i really hope that your mother gets well soon..
1 person likes this
@kiwikidz (753)
• New Zealand
18 Aug 07
Sorry to hear your mum is sick, I hope she is recovering now. I think that you should ring your brother as you don't want him to have anything to be mad at your about. Your parent is sick and that is all you should say to him and leave it up to him to come and see her or whatever, put the ball in his court and he then is responsible to choose what to do. I had a similar situation happen with a friend whos mother had a stroke, her two sons were not speaking at the time, he passed the message on to his brother and he only once has ever gone to see his mother and that has been 5years now, but after being told about his mum he made the decision from there on and that is perfectly fine with my friend as he told his brother his mum was not well. All the best and hope for a good outcome for your family.
@ladyluna (7004)
• United States
17 Aug 07
Hello Matte, I'm so sorry to hear than your Mother is not well. I will certainly keep your family in my thoughts and prayers. As for how to notify your brother, I truly believe that taking the high road in a situation like this, is best for one's own conscience. You needn't call him, and act like prior transgressions never took place. However, if you call him, and apprise him of your Mother's condition, and he responds as with your father, then that will be on his conscience -- not yours. I would ask myself "What would my Mother wish me to do?". My guess is that she would want you to call him rather than send an e-mail, which you cannot guarantee will be received, or read. We cannot force another, even if it is a sibbling, to care or act in a way we would approve of. What we can do is present them with relevant information, and let them determine their own course of action. By doing so, your conscience will be clear when you lay your head upon your pillow each night. If he shows the same lack of concern as he did regarding your Father, and it causes your Mother distress, then it will be because of your brother's actions only. I hope your Mom's zest returns quickly, that she may experience a full recovery. Good Luck Matte!