Everything is relative...

By Leca
@lecanis (16664)
Murfreesboro, Tennessee
August 16, 2007 10:01am CST
Just a few days ago my husband and I were talking about members of my family, and I was remembering my grandmother on my mother's side fondly. She died when I was 10 or 11 years old, but when I was really young I remember staying with her sometimes. She was a horrible caretaker, someone who should never have been left in charge of a child. She partied, constantly had unsavory type people around, wore too much makeup, too tight jeans, etc. She drank and smoked perpetually. I remember her giving me cigarettes, and letting me drink out of her beer. On the other hand, she NEVER hit me, she NEVER allowed any of her friends to cause me any harm, she ALWAYS made sure I had enough to eat, and she never just forgot I was there. That makes her better than either of my parents, my other grandmother, or most of the people who were ever supposed to take care of me. So I remember her fondly, as someone who was kind to me... even though my husband says the more he hears about her the less he has respect for her. So my thought for the day is... everything is relative, even relatives.
7 people like this
11 responses
16 Aug 07
well,you make me remember my granddad, my friend. when i was a young, my family was poor and my parents had to work everyday so that they really didnt have time to take care of me. my grandma was that knid of person who were snobbish and only respect for money. but my father didnt have much money at that time, so she prefered to take care of my cousin instead of me because she could get more money from my cousin's father. only my grandad didnt care about the money. he took the responsible to take care me. i remember every morning, he would come to pick me up from my parents and took me to park, play with me and make sure i have enough to eat. i would appreciate what he did for me forever. grandad, you are a great man. i love you forever.
2 people like this
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
17 Aug 07
Thanks for sharing the story about your granddad, coolandbold! Such beautiful memories. =)
@SpitFire179 (2536)
• Canada
16 Aug 07
I wish i had someone like her in my life compared to my parents as well, My father was abusive in every way possible and my mother just sat by and watched it go on, or slept all day and night long. i didn't really have anywhere to go but the thing about my childhood from yours that differs is the fact that i was never thrown out, i was left outside in the rain time and again to supposedly rid me of my fear of thunder and lightening, but never thrown out. but we can all find something, or someone we were thankful for in our past, and you've found yours, your drinking, smoking, partying grandmother, who though wasn't the best rolemodel, she protected you and made sure no harm came to you, and me, i have to say it was the fact that i knew one day i would get out, and the kids, they kept me sane. and now, my husband, as if he wouldn't have saved me from the life i was living, i wouldn't be living it anymore. you've become a wonderful woman, don't ever forget that, and that's thanks to all those people in your life, weather you want to say so or not. things are good, with a few exceptions of your health, which is also thanks to those people, so live on, and be greatful as i know you already are.
2 people like this
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
17 Aug 07
Exactly! We can all find something to be thankful for! I think perhaps I should present it to my husband in that way, and he'll understand. Thank you. =) It sounds like you have something wonderful in your life right now as well, and I'm glad. =)
@EvanHunter (4028)
• United States
17 Aug 07
Very nice to see you could put a positive spin on your experience with your grandma despite all her short commings. Parents arent perfect I know that from my childhood and I am sure my kids will probably say the same thing about me one day...lol. Whats that one saying "childhood is something you spend the rest of your life getting over".
1 person likes this
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
17 Aug 07
*giggles* I like that saying! It definitely applies in my case. Now if I could only find something positive out of all the rest of my relatives I'd be doing fine. =p
• United States
18 Aug 07
Hey dont forget to approve me as your friend on that other site, would say the name but not sure if I would get in trouble for it.
1 person likes this
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
18 Aug 07
Oh, I did approve you there today! =)
@laridbz (1287)
• China
20 Aug 07
You always create some very good discussions, Lecanis. I don't say it to everyone, I promise. I've heard about your problems with your family before. I think you posted what happened to you on one of my discussions once. Honestly I think that if your grandmother was good for you, your husband shouldn't blame her for anything, and yes, he should respect her. Even if she was not the most common grandma type (like mine are), she left you with good thoughts about her, and look at the great woman you are now! I don't know much about your family, of course, but I believe that part of the good person you are nowadays came from her. Well, it's just a thought. :)
1 person likes this
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
20 Aug 07
Thanks, Laridbz! And I'll choose to believe you that you don't say it to everyone! =) Among my family, I can think of three people that were very kind to me: my maternal grandmother whom this discussion is about, and my great-grandmother and great-grandfather on my father's side. I would like to think that part of the reason I didn't turn out to be a complete jerk like most of the rest of my family is because those people were kind to me. No one is perfect, but I guess in my book kindness counts for more than anything. Especially when I was young, any kindness I could get was something I treasured more than anything. It's funny because I'm very much unlike my Grandma Shirley most of the time, but once in a while I can see her in myself, usually when I'm just letting go and having fun, even when there is sadness in my life. =)
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (35526)
• United States
19 Aug 07
So True here. Everything is Relative is a fact. We will all have Good memories and Bad memories from when we were growing up. The main issue is now that we are grown, what will we do with them, and will we continue in those same paths if they were Bad, or will we make a difference? All we can do is remember the Good times, try to forget and forgive the Bad, and move on. Life is what we make it.
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
19 Aug 07
*nods* I've had to work really hard to make my own path as an adult, and make it different from the path I started on in childhood. As for that forgiving thing... there are some things I believe to be unforgiveable, but I can understand that some people don't think of it in that way.
@yanjiaren (9050)
18 Aug 07
I think it is lovely to remember relatives and friends..wellsometimes husbands or wives get jealous if the attention is taken from them isn't it lol? I do agree with you, everything is relative and even this bit of writing I am typing now will fall into an insignificant pile of backlog ..even so I am still writing it.
• United States
18 Aug 07
As children we love people when the treat us well, or better than we are use to even if they are not the most repsonsible of people. Your Grandmother is not someone you would leave your son with, but she was your love. You keep her love with you even as an adult you realize she was not the most reaponsible person. When growing up I grew up in a abusive home, I would seek out people who would show me kindness, no matter how irrisible they where. I still feel love for some of them.
1 person likes this
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
18 Aug 07
*nods* Yep, any small amount of kindness can make a difference in the life of someone who is used to seeing none.
@sigma77 (5385)
• United States
18 Aug 07
That is interesting. It shows that we really cannot judge a person so much by outside appearances and habits. She must of had some shread of compassion and caring if she treated you well. She may not of had much respect for herself, but maybe in her upbringing she was lacking in adult supervision. She sounds like she was on a different path and perhaps with some changes she could have lived a healthier life. It is a shame that those who were supposed to care for you didn't take that responsibility seriously. Never mind, I bet your husband would agree with me that you turned out to be a great person after all the mistreatment. Sometimes backgrounds have little to do with how a person eventually turns out. Somewhere you must have made some right choices and courageous decisions.
1 person likes this
@andrejuly84 (1047)
• Romania
17 Aug 07
yeah,you're right.everything is relative,i get on this conclusion long time ago analysing life and everything's in it.
1 person likes this
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
17 Aug 07
Thanks for sharing.
@navtech (1776)
• India
22 Aug 07
Dear lecanis, I always remember my mother who was one of the gem of women. We all brothers and sisters love our parents. They are wonderful people. There were always there to help us whenever need arises. I have lot of pleasnt memories of my mother. When we brothers meet together we waste lot of time about talking about our father and mother. All my brothers and sisters are living in difference cities. Once in a year for an occasion we all meet together. You do not believe, we spent more than 4 hours talking about our father and mothers that is way we remember tham.
@LadyDulce (830)
• United States
22 Aug 07
I totally agree. Regardless of what she actually did (you seem fine), her motives were in the right place, unlike everyone else's. I have one grandma like that, the one who would protect me from everyone and everything, parents or strangers. And she's not even my own flesh and blood! Actually I think she loves my sister and me more than our blood grandma ever could. And she's the one I'll always adore, no matter what anyone else thinks of her. Blessed Be
1 person likes this