I almost lowered myself
By soccermom
@soccermom (3198)
United States
August 16, 2007 10:48am CST
My 11 yaer old daughter was friends with this girl. the girls parents are getting a divorce and now the mom is trying to raise her on her own, and there isn't much supervision anymore. I tried to empathize because I've been there. But I had enough!! This girl is a total brat, said some really nasty vulgar things to my daughter and my daughter made the decision to cut this friendship off. Let's call this other girl "K".
So ""K has been up to alot of trouble lately. Stealing from the neighbor kids, egging houses, vulgar language on the internet, the other night she IM'd my daughter using the "f" word at her and then I found out from my 16 year old cousin that this girl has been sending him text messages with suggestive ideas and suggestive pictures through the internet. Keep in mind she is 11.
So I had enough and called this girls mom. If I were a single parent having a hard time I would want to know what my kid is up to. I called and told her I wasn't trying to start problems, but I thought she should know what "K" is up to. She asked me how I knew all this and I told her I saw it with my own eyes. She asked me where we keep our computer, and I told her the living room, so I can moitor my daughter activities, as well as my cousins because he is here alot. She told me she keeps her computer int he bedroom, but still knows what "K" is up to and doesn't believe her daughter is behaving this way. She got pretty obnoxious with me, and I almost told her what I thought of her parenting skills, but I didn't. I just hng up. I have come to find out I am not the only parent who has contacted her and tried to tell her what is going on. She just doesn't believe her kid is behaving this way and it is frustrating to me that she is so blind. I have told my daughter to delete this girl from her buddy list, she is not welcome at our home and to stay away from her. Did I handle this correctly? And is it too far fetched to encourage the other parents to call the police when she is vandalizing and stealing their property? I can't help but think if maybe "K" has a run in with the law maybe some eyes will be opened and the mother will pay more attention before this gilr gets into some major trouble a couple years down the road.
4 people like this
13 responses
@YoungInLove (1254)
• Canada
16 Aug 07
I think shes in denial obviously. She lost her husband and now shes losing control of her child, its alot of stuff on her plate at the momemnt. I think that deep down inside she appreciate the fact that you were concerned, but is also offended that everyone keeps calling her and telling her stuff about her kid, as if shes not a good parent at all, when really shes trying to do her best but is going through a rough time.
3 people like this
@soccermom (3198)
• United States
16 Aug 07
I thought about it this way too. And I think she needs some help. I had one of the neighbor moms contact me becasue "K" was outside trying to light a grill with lighter fluid and a burning piece of paper. This mom went over to the house and "K"'s mom was in bed sleeping. It was 5:30 at night! I'm seeing some signs of depressin here, but you can't help those that don't want to be helped.
2 people like this
@pamcake (276)
• United States
16 Aug 07
I think you handled it correctly. Some parents don't want to believe what their kids are doing, or just don't want to face it. I think you handled it right with your daughter as well. That is letting her know that the behavior of her ex friend is not acceptable.
The girl should get into some trouble before she gets way out of hand. If the mother has to deal with it legally, she may then step up and try to deal with it rather than ignore it. Good luck!
3 people like this
@awonderfullife (2893)
• United States
16 Aug 07
Most parents get defensive when another parent calls them, but I definitely think you did the right thing. When this girl ends up with no friends, maybe her mom will wake up. It's sad. In the meantime, your job is to protect you daughter and it sounds like you're doing a great job. 11 years old is still very young and these kids grow up way too fast!
3 people like this
@soccermom (3198)
• United States
16 Aug 07
Thank you for telling me I did thhe right thing, my hubby says I get overinvolved. I really tried not to put this mom on the defensive, and I have had phone calls about my kid before, although my daughter has not done anything to this extent. I never once blatantly defended my kid until I knew the facts. I know it is human nature to protect our own, but I don't understand how she can turn a blind eye to some of these issues. I even put a copy of the pictures and message she sent to my cousin in her door, and she still doesn't get it!!
2 people like this
@sherriet (50)
• United States
16 Aug 07
You did the right thing. Her mother now knows what's going on and the ball is in her court. Like another poster said, the loss of her husband might have something to do with K's running wild.
If she breaks the law, then the police need to be called. Maybe the system will scare her and her mother into doing the right thing.
Be well.
Sherrie
3 people like this
@ranitam22 (1146)
• United States
16 Aug 07
I think you did a wonderful thing, and more people need to stand up and tell people when their child is doing wrong. I know when i was growing up, if you did something in front of somebody's house, they yelled at you and then told your parents and you got in trouble from them too. That's the old saying "it takes a village to raise a child" I think we have gotten too far from that and it's a big problem. Parents can't be on their child 24/7 so any other eyes are always helpful. I know sometimes a parent is also so wrapped up in the notion that their child can do no wrong, that they began to brush off the bad things their child does or just don't want to see.
I would keep encouraging you to tell other parents to call the police because if she doesn't want to be a parent to "K" like she should be, and she didn't listen to your warning and nip it in the bud, you have to keep escalating it, before "K" ends up hurting herself or somebody else. Cudos to you for being a good parent, continue to monitor your child, you are doing right!!!! Keep up the good work!!!
3 people like this
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
17 Aug 07
this girl need to be taught a lesson and so does the mom . Some mom just cant beleive their kids would act this way but kids act out. No tell the ones that are getting stole from and egged to call the cops . If mom wont open eyes if she has to pay a fine or the girl has to clean up the egg mess she might then open her eyes and glad your dauhter decided to not be friens and more dont want her in trouble ya have a good kid there.
and for the cousin I hope he turns a blind eye to this girl she is asking for real big trouble oh my I hope something can help her
1 person likes this
@KrisNY (7590)
• United States
20 Aug 07
I think it’s ok to tell your daughter that she cannot play with her anymore- Its too bad that the mom won’t listen- Maybe she just can’t deal with it- emotionally or have the time- I don’t think its wrong what you are doing- I hope that someone steps up and helps this girl before it’s too late!
@jchampany (1130)
• United States
16 Aug 07
You are totally in line. Remeber the good old days when the "community" actually raised the children. I think if more parents helped out other parents there would be less mischeivious kids out there today.
I also think that you should definitely encourage the other parents to call the police and file complaints when the girl is vandalizing and stealing. This seems to me the only thing that might open the mothers eyes to her daughters behavior. If you live in a community where there is a homeowners association, you can make a complaint about her to them also. They will contact the mother and possibly fine her if there is anymore vandalism.
2 people like this
@soccermom (3198)
• United States
17 Aug 07
The mother has taken the position of "your word against hers" as far as her child goes. Even after she saw the messages and pictures in black and white she said her kid didn't so that. Heck, if this were my child she'd be going through my version of boot camp.
Ahhh, the good old days. When I was growing up I couldn't do anything without getting caught by one of the neighbors, and punishment was always swift.
1 person likes this
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
16 Aug 07
Its possible.
I've seen it before moms who want to make up for a divorce and they go overboard on being too easy. Kids need boundaries - it actually makes most feel more secure. I'm wondering how she became sexualized so early. She likely has no supervision on the computer and tv but there could be more to it then that.
2 people like this
@Far525 (37)
• China
17 Aug 07
What you did is totally right.It is your right.I have sympathy for K and her mother.K is still a little child.She is not able to tell the good and evil.The motivation of her behavior is to cause others' attention.She need the correct guidance from parents and other people.As a mother, you are right to protect your children from bad friends and crimes.As a member of the society, we have the responsibility to help K out the "problem".As far as I see, K's behavior is the reason of her parents' divorce and lack of correct guidance.If teachers, the members of the society and her parents pay more attention on her, she will become a good girl.At the same time, her mother also need help and understanding from the society and people.She has to bear a lot of pressure from the job, family and the society to raise her child on her own.Every mother wants to own a pretty and smart child.But, her behavior is a little bit of overfired.
@Malyck (3425)
• Australia
17 Aug 07
It definitely sounds like this girl needs some help, and probably wants it too, but feels very alone.
Around the same age, my parents divorced and I just wanted to lash out at everybody, and had no respect for anyone, especially not my parents or myself.
I think that you should contact the authorities, or get together with some of the other concerned parents and form some sort of mediation.
You have to stop her destructive beahviour and make sure she receives help before she gets stuck in that scene.
You've done the right thing, well done.
Malyck.
2 people like this
@jlenti (10)
• United States
17 Aug 07
Children are precious, they're our world in 40 years. We need to do anything/everything we can to protect and promote a healthy living and growing environment for kids. I'm only 20 years old and I've seen more than enough of my friends ruin their lives.
1 person likes this
