Do you ever feel like you are your mother's parent?

@pamcake (276)
United States
August 16, 2007 9:10pm CST
Not to complain about my mom...I tell her all of these things to her face, but I feel like I am the mother at times! It seems like she's always doing something silly and not in her best interest. Her most recent thing is gambling...she is seriously addicted to it. She comes by my house to borrow money "for gas" and then later the same day lets it slip out that it was actually for lottery tickets. I kind of figured that was what it was for but she promised it wasn't. I don't mind loaning her money even though I know it ewill be months before I get it back. She has a good paying job....until she quit last week. She has been employed at the same place for over 15 years. Over the last year she has brought up changing her employment often. I always tell her she should if she isn't happy with what she is doing but I didn't mean just quit her job without having a backup plan. She hadn't even looked into another job! Tonight she calls me and wants me to look up the winning raffle numbers for the hoosier lottery...she really thought she was going to be a big winner. She was very dissappointed to learn her number wasn't on there and she then informs me that she cleaned out her bank account, bought lottery tickets, and got $150.00 back. I just don't know what to say to her...she is out of control! I feel like I'm the parent and I don't know what to do. If there is anyone with a similar situation to mine, or just anyone with some input or advice I would love it if you shared!
1 person likes this
5 responses
• United States
17 Aug 07
I am sorry that this is happening with your mom. My mother has been into lottery now for a couple of years and she is in financial stress over the lottery money she spends. We have to keep tabs on her spending and take money out of her SSI to pay her bills or she keeps letting them mount up. It is a role reversal now, she is in her second childhood and now her children are her caretakers. We make food for her, provide clothing and housing for her. It is an awful burden, but she is the one who raised us, so now it is our turn to do the same for her. I hope things get better with your mother. I would also have to say to not just give her cash or a check, take care of whatever she needs money for yourself, otherwise you are enabling her to spend money on lottery. We found this out the hard way with our mother! Good luck!
@pamcake (276)
• United States
18 Aug 07
I will probably have to take over my mother's finances. This really shocks me though...she has always been a hard worker...she always paid her bills on time. This has just consumed her, and it happened very quickly. I will take your advice and not give rher cash or check anymore...I will give rher the things she needs instead. Thank You:)
@faith210 (11233)
• Philippines
17 Aug 07
Hi pamcake! i understand how you feel. No matter how much we love them sometimes it is quite irritating that all of a sudden these people who were so responsible before became somehow irresponsible. I hope this is just a phase your mom is going through and you're right in telling it to her. I hope she will realized sooner because sometimes we could only handle as much. That is what has been happening between my grandfather and my father. It is a little sad when they always shout at each other but at the end of the day, they do talk things out. And what my father told me is like this, I let him gamble because he is very old and that is what makes him happy but I do put a little bit some control on his finances so that he wouldn't gamble everything away. I do hope you will soon resolve your mom's situation andhope she would realize that she has to put some control over her gambling. Take care and good luck. God bless!
@pamcake (276)
• United States
18 Aug 07
I really hope she takes control of it too. It seems like she is rebelling or something! My grandfather gambles too and even he told her she needed to slow down with it! Before this is over I will probably have to put a hand in with her finances...which I don't mind, but she probably won't like it! This really concerns me because I still have two sibling living at home and it's not like they can go out and get a job. I hope she wakes up soon. Thank you for your kind words:)
@Malyck (3430)
• Australia
17 Aug 07
Unfortunately I feel like I'm mothering my own mother all the time, even as a teenager! My mother's an intelligent woman, whom I love very much, but some times it's like she has no common sense or something, doing silly things, as though she has early onset Alzheimer's or somesuch! As strange and awkward as the role-reversal can be, I think that it is important that we do the best to help out and look after our loved ones, even if traditionally they should be doing it. The only advice I can really give you is to perhaps get some sort of mediation for her if she has such a serious gambling/budget/money problem, so that she can receive help from professionals, and you don't have to take all of the burden yourself. Congratulations on your honourable effort thus far! Malyck
@theprogamer (10543)
• United States
17 Aug 07
I'm sort of seeing this in my own life with both of my parents, not just my mom. My case might be a bit different though due to their being/becoming elderly. One is enjoying retirement, via the bottle and another is suffering from work stress and bouts of forgetfulness. I'll keep watching over them whenever I can and I would recommend you do the same for your mother pamcake. The last thing you need in a situation like this is for it to continue or to degenerate into worse childlike behavior/habits.
@ladybug565 (2217)
• United States
17 Aug 07
I live to far away from my mother but you sound alot like my sister. lol. my mom is always making bad choices, probably where I get it from. my sister has done alot for our mother and she has been very disgusted with her at times because she has a gambling problem. the last time my sister told her she could not stay with her she ended up staying with her friend. I think it was good that my sister finally took a stand and made her actually think about the things she does.