how long should the grieving process be when a loved one passes?

@ranitam22 (1147)
United States
August 18, 2007 8:35pm CST
how long should you grieve over a loved one that has passed before it gets to the point of being unhealthy? or does it ever get to that point? My grandmother passed 7 years ago and it is still almost not a day that goes by that I don't think about her and miss her. I would say that when it first happened I went through a bad grieving process for at least 6 months. I just wasn't myself, didn't care about things, and it was very difficult to focus. But now it doesn't control my life. I guess maybe that's the difference between normal grieving and unhealthy grieving. I'm sure the person that passed would want you to keep them in your heart forever but they wouldn't want it to ruin your live and leave you lifeless here on earth. What are your thoughts about this topic.
5 people like this
6 responses
• Canada
19 Aug 07
I don't know whether animals count in the greiving process. I only know that I had to put down my best friend three months ago. I still think about him (Billie) and I miss him terribly. He was a great dog and very very smart. The vet came to my house to do it, otherwise I don't know if I could have gotten through it. I am very very sorry about the loss of your grandmother. I am not trying to minimalize your pain by talking about my loss of a dog. So my dear friend please accept my apologies if I offended you in any way. I have also lost people in my life that were dear to me. I lost my precious nana when I was thirty-three years old, I am now fifty-seven years old. So, it was a long time ago. My nana loved me unconditionally from the time I was born. She was a Christian and brought up her children worshipping Jesus. My father was one of her five children. I wish I had my grandmother to talk to , but the pain has lessened over the years. They say time heals all wounds and it does. You will always love your grandmother my dear but she is in heaven now and one day you will see her again. Anyway my dear just be the kind of person your grandmotherwould be proud of . Fod bless
@ranitam22 (1147)
• United States
19 Aug 07
I think animals do count because I know many people who consider their pets family and you didn't offend me at all. It is no boundary to what you can love and how deeply you can have love for something. Thank you for your comment.
• Canada
19 Aug 07
I don't think the pain of grief ever really is forgotten because you never forget those peaple we love, but take comfort knowing that we will not always be crying. as for what others think I try not to live by their standerds but take it one day at a time. from some who will never forget her baby saforon.
@wisconsin26 (3859)
• United States
19 Aug 07
Great Topic... I don't know the answer but it's been 13 years sense my grandmother passed away.. Not to mention my favorite one.. YES I think about her all the time.. The tears though turned into smiles.. I think it's ok to grieve as long as you not crying all the time even after so many years...A year and 3 months ago I lost my dad. I was very close to him and miss him dearly.. Every day I think about it... Even though it's been a year I still do cry when i think about him.. I think it's normal to do so.. Being it wasn't really that long ago.. I do smile alot too though and think that he's in a better place... After seeing him in pain for so many years from injury from when he was in the war... though my dad was a strong man... The day god took him from me was a day I knew I'd never forget.. He will always be with me no matter what and no one will ever take his spot no matter what anyone says.. But Ranitam it's ok to grieve when need too, but not every single day i mean crying when that happens i would say seek some help.. I have thought about doing that myself cause days are still hard for me... Best wishes to you!
• United States
19 Aug 07
I like your comment and agree with you. It is important to grieve - but we need to continue forward and create our futures. The knowledge we gained from the individuals we have lost we can give to our children and share with our friends. Only their bodies are gone; their spirits live forever. Sunny Waters
@ranitam22 (1147)
• United States
19 Aug 07
i think grieving also puts things in perspective. It makes you realize even more how precious life is and you have to live it to the fullest because you are not promised to live forever.
@mkcallejo (318)
• Philippines
19 Aug 07
I think that it cannot be quantified. It depends upon how fast a person can move one and accept the major change in his/her life.
@ranitam22 (1147)
• United States
19 Aug 07
that is so true, it does have a lot to deal with how people react to things and how people deal with issues and accept them. good response, thank you.
• United States
19 Aug 07
It is an individual thing. One's persons loss is unique and the time it takes to heal and grieve vary. I lost my mother 6 years ago - it took me 5 years to grieve. A friend suggested that I thank my mom and be grateful to her for the experience of having her as my mother. This worked very, very well for me. I hope it will help aid you. It is being thankful for them being in your life that is important. Now, I was able to let go and continue with my own life. Sunny Waters
@ranitam22 (1147)
• United States
19 Aug 07
it is good to be able to be thankful to have the amount of time you did have with that person to truly know what a great individual they were.
@lilaclady (28240)
• Australia
19 Aug 07
I think you are right, I think that when you love some-one the pain of them no longer being there never goes away, you have lost a part of you so you will always feel this loss, that is not unhealthy it just proves you are a caring person and that you loved them deeply.