Sibling Rivalry

United States
August 19, 2007 8:31am CST
My son is about to turn 3. I am now pregnant with another one. My son is SO excited about being a big brother and had a long running monologue about everything he wanted to share with the baby. He was even disappointed that he wasn't going to be sharing his bed with the baby. Then there came the discussion about sharing Daddy with the baby and that was enough to bring wailing "NOOOOOO"s. Recommendations on how to discuss this better?
1 person likes this
3 responses
@vinzen (1001)
• India
20 Aug 07
Hi, congrats firstly for the new addition to your family, and its natural for kids to behave the way your little one is doing. I guess we all have gone through this, we i mean those who have 1-2 kids already. What i can suggest is that hes small as yet and gradually preparing him is a better idea, and maybe you are doing that only. But make it real gradual. At first you can talk about the baby coming in , and what will happen and how it will be like, also introduce on another day, how you would have to go and get the baby for a few days. How during that time hes to set up the room and be with dad and look after things at home, prepare things for the baby et, that will get him real eager, and excited too. Yes, at first they are all excited wanting to share things, but i guess thats at the start only, they want to , but arent able to, maybe theere are a few exceptions, as little bit of jealousy with the little one getting all the attention will set in into your boy too. Thats what you have to take special care of. And regarding sharing parents come in, i dont think you need to mention that to him, as it maybe making him more insecure, that maybe dad and mom will be divided between the baby and me etc. That as a tis the kids notice and dont like ,when either parents hold the baby for too long, i talk of kids your sons age. Better would be that either of you hold the baby, and hold your son along side too, so that he feels hes a part of the baby and dad or mom too, whatever you do for the baby, make sure your sons a part of it too, so it doesnt make him feel lost out. Once you hold your son close and let him know and make him feel that hes responsible for the baby, and dad and mom are kind of helpers of his, things turn out much easier, at least i did that with my kids and faced no problems and the elder one took to her sister veray naturally and used to do so many of her things for me, and i made sure that the elder one was always beside me and on my lap, alongside the younger one, so that she does not loose her importance. :)
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Aug 07
Good ideas all. I think I shoudl go a little slower with the introducing topics about the baby. I DO want him to be prepared. He's really got a good handle on a lot of it already though.
@vinzen (1001)
• India
20 Aug 07
Thanks for the reply, and am glad that you found my reply of some help to you, and am sure that your boy will be good and will be well prepared too, take care, and wish you all the best for your new guest:)
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Aug 07
I think rivalry will either happen or it won't. I thought having 15 years between my boys would make a difference, but they still argue. They're jealous of each other. When it comes down to it though, you can tell that they truly love each other. I think it's hard to discuss sharing with a 3 year old. I would just take it as it comes. One day at a time is all we can handle.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Aug 07
Some times one day at a time is more than we can handle LOL Seriously though, when he understands things, he deals with it much better. We are going to attempt the discussion again in a little while but I want a few options on a better tact to take. Apparently including Daddy in the "share" stuff didn't work.
@sksingh (1413)
• Germany
19 Aug 07
i can get what point you want to discuss
• United States
19 Aug 07
The fact that while there will be another baby, it doesn't take away from his relationship with each of his parents.