"You Can't Love Another Until You Love Yourself"

@Malyck (3428)
Australia
August 20, 2007 6:21am CST
True or False? I think it's spot on; people who are unhappy or insecure within themselves will not be able to give their whole to a relationship or another. it's unhealthy to only be happy for or because of another, and not from inside yourself, which is why so many people (in my opinion) stay with people who are less than they deserve. unless you respect and love yourself, how could you ever feel that towards another?
6 people like this
21 responses
@Galena (9123)
21 Aug 07
false. I have horrible low self esteem. I've never even been able to like myself, let alone love myself. My partner, I love with all my heart. he is a wonderful, kind, loving person, and he's there for me no matter what. I have no idea what he sees in me, but he keeps me going. it may not be your idea of a healthy way of life, but I don't think I'd still be here without him. I love him so much that I want to be there for him, even if not for myself.
1 person likes this
@Malyck (3428)
• Australia
21 Aug 07
I think that's a fair enough statement, it's nice that someone's finally disagreed, actually =] Question: do you have respect for yourself or certain traits, if not love? I think it's wonderful that you have someone so good in your life =]
1 person likes this
@Galena (9123)
21 Aug 07
love is probably my redeeming feature. I love completely, and I am very very loyal. to my family, my friends, my partner. anything I can do for them I will do. I am dependable. I am unflinchingly loyal. I am a person of far more flaws than I like to aknowledge, but this is the only characteristic of mine that I would admire in others.
1 person likes this
@Malyck (3428)
• Australia
21 Aug 07
Well it's great that you can see the good in you as well, and this is certainly a big plus in your personality and character. =D Thanks so much for responding to the discussion, Galena
1 person likes this
@ayseteyze (214)
• Turkey
21 Aug 07
i think you CAN love another even if you don't love yourself. but you CAN'T be happy for a long time. because after a while, you will be suspicious about his/her love to you, you will think that "how can he/she love me, i'm not worth it". even if you don't say it to yourself, you will feel this way in your subconscious. and things will become to fall apart. someday you will notice that you loved so many, you've been loved by so many, but you've lost them all.. i want to give a quote from Ayn Rand, "to say 'i love you', one must first be able to say 'I'. ".
@Malyck (3428)
• Australia
21 Aug 07
That quote certainly rings true, thanks for posting =D
1 person likes this
• Philippines
20 Aug 07
yes exactly my friend.It is true! How can you love others when u dont know how love yourself.It is just a give and take relationship.If u live in insecurities you'll share insecurities but if u live in happiness you'll share happiness too. It's just like as to loving yourself first that you can give love to others.you have to conquer ur fears and learn to accept ur failures, that way you will learn to love the negative in you and make it your best assets.
@Malyck (3428)
• Australia
20 Aug 07
I couldn't agree more! Not only will it be better for a potential relationship, but accepting and embracing your own faults and problems will definitely make you a better person. Thanks so much for your response!
@evanpoe (122)
• United States
21 Aug 07
There is much truth to this statement and it's a truth I'm only recently fully realizing. I spent a lot of time just "settling" for anyone that fell in my lap and now I know more of who I am, what I like, and what I don't like in people and it makes things much more clear.
1 person likes this
@arkaf61 (10882)
• Canada
21 Aug 07
It sure helps. Being insecure interferes with our ability to interact with others in a healthy way and people sometimes tend to "null" themselves in order to please others. When we love ourselves, we're confident and positive so we are able to care about others while still being ourselves. We can have balance and harmony in a relationship with feeling or acting inferior.
@Malyck (3428)
• Australia
21 Aug 07
Thanks for your response - it's so true, and I'm so pleased to know that there's so many people with a healthy self-love and attitude =D
1 person likes this
@arkaf61 (10882)
• Canada
21 Aug 07
I find it is very important. Sure even understanding this sometimes I am kind of low in my self esteem department LOL but everyone has highs and lows right?:)
@Malyck (3428)
• Australia
21 Aug 07
Of course! Different things happen that make us feel unhappy, or we can just feel self-conscious on a bad day, the important thing is that we know we are worthy of another's and our own love and respect.
1 person likes this
@tute_cute (318)
• Indonesia
21 Aug 07
very very true and i agree with that statement.....in fact, people can't love another till they love theirself.....coz everyone study from their experiences....they can love another coz they love theirself...............and i think i will do mybest to love myself more than i think..............i hope....
@Malyck (3428)
• Australia
21 Aug 07
It's great that you want to work towards being more at one with yourself. I wish you all the best =]
• Indonesia
21 Aug 07
yeah....you must give me support to love myself more.............i'd love to have some friends that give support to me............thankz friend
@Malyck (3428)
• Australia
21 Aug 07
=] My pleasure.
@jcj_111776 (3220)
• Philippines
21 Aug 07
So true...We are able to love others because we can give a part of ourselves to them. Knowing that we can make others happy and somehow have the ability and chance to change lives for the better. But then it's also said to keep a part of ourselves to us. Because if we give everything, then there is nothing left inside of us that will make us keep on going.
@Malyck (3428)
• Australia
21 Aug 07
I agree, we have to make sure to keep our own identity and not sacrifice ourselves to the other person entirely.
@pyewacket (44036)
• United States
21 Aug 07
Great discussion here! This is so true. Not only does one need to respect and love oneself, but one has to appreciate their own company...how can one enjoy being with your company and with you if you're uncomfortable with your own company? An awful lot does have to do with attitude too...like attracts like...If a person has a low opinion of themself, low self-esteem, then they wonder why they attract people that are just as negative as they are..And they never break from that "mold" of negativity.
@Malyck (3428)
• Australia
21 Aug 07
EXACTLY! hoorah for you knowing this! if only more people did... This is definitely how I live my life, giving off the energy and vibe that I wish to receive. It definitely works =]
@ranitam22 (1147)
• United States
21 Aug 07
I agree with you. If you don't love yourself you cannot fully love someone else the way they deserve to be loved. I know people like that and you see the results, lots of failed relationships and depression not knowing what is wrong and not trying to find out. Some people don't know how to begin to love themselves because they don't totally know what it is that is making not love themselves. It is a long process for some, but when you truly do love yourself, you will have true happiness whether you are by yourself or with someone.
@Malyck (3428)
• Australia
21 Aug 07
Spot on - it can be a long, arduous and often tough journey, but to love yourself and respect yourself is so amazing, and the world and other people can offer you so much more, as you can to them. =D
• United States
20 Aug 07
I always thought that if you love yourself fully , you won't need anyone else.So why would you love anyone else. Self-respect is needed though. And I think it is a lack of self respect that keeps people in bad relationships. But if you don't need the other person for something, why would you even look for a partner? If you are whole, then the other person will be extra or even leftovers, a second thought in your life.
@Malyck (3428)
• Australia
21 Aug 07
This is a great point too, Sarah, I suppose that it just depends on if 'loving yourself' also equates to putting yourself first. I know that with myself, I appreciate, respect and love myself but would rather put others first. It means, for me, that I can be happy alone, and also able to find a partner and fall in love - either through looking or just through the course of life. Self-respect is the essential though, you're right. Thanks for your input! =D
@Nardz13 (5059)
• New Zealand
20 Aug 07
Hi. I totally agree with this statement, "you cant love another until you love yourself" so true... How can one love someone else when one has no love for himself...
@Malyck (3428)
• Australia
20 Aug 07
Thanks for contributing, Nardz! It's great to know that so many people agree =D
@yanstill (1491)
• China
20 Aug 07
i think what you said is sort of reasonable,but i am not sure if it is true or false. different people have different experiences,so,maybe it is true for some people,or maybe not. i have another question,how can you know you love yourself?it is strange that one dont know this,is there a way ?
@Malyck (3428)
• Australia
20 Aug 07
It's certainly not strange to be unsure of whether you have love for yourself or not. I think that if you generally have high self-confidence and self-esteem and are generally positive when you think about yourself, then there's a good chance that you love and respect yourself. I think you're right, though, for some people it's true and for some it's not - the truth is different for everyone, as we are all different. Great answer, Yanstill.
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
20 Aug 07
I think its very true too.....I think a person who DOESNT love themselves can FAKE loving another (without even realizing it though) but no I dont think one can truly love another if they dont love themselves....
@Malyck (3428)
• Australia
20 Aug 07
*agrees whole heartedly* thanks for contributing RavenLadyJ! =D
• Canada
12 Nov 07
I totally agree. No one can make us whole but ourselves...and those who feel incomplete must learn to fill themselves up and heal the empty, shattered spaces within. No one can do that for us...we have to develop any ability to re-program negative or unloving behaviors from others and accept as Ralph Waldo Emerson said.."No one can bring you peace but yourself." The same goes for love..I believe that life is a journey that involves the ability to love ourselves first and then developing an ability to extend that love to everyone we meet...at every encounter. So my viewpoint is akin to yours and your closing comment says it all. Nice discussion... Raia
@xinben (20)
• China
21 Aug 07
yes,i think it is ture . if you don't know how to love yourself,then you will not love another very well.
@michecu (637)
• Philippines
21 Aug 07
I agree with this... how can you express love if you do not love yourself? nobody is capable of giving true love unless he knew for himself what love is. And the only way for anyone to know the real meaning of love is for one to learn to love himself. If you love yourself, you will know what's best for you and with that you will be able to give your best to someone. Love is a very broad thing but if you are able to care for someone as much as you care for yourself, that's where love blossoms.
• India
21 Aug 07
!00 % true..no controvorsies
@pendragon (3352)
• United States
21 Aug 07
I think there's a certain amount of truth in that, I know people with no self love and they can't even fathom that other people exist, say nothing about enjoying or loving them.
• Philippines
21 Aug 07
you really can't be happy if u dnt learn 2 love ur self 1st b4 u love somebody else
@IcyCucky (361)
• United States
20 Aug 07
I have to say true to this statement. Personally, an ex had told me to find a man to feel complete, and happy. But I always replied to him that "If I can't complete myself, then no one can." And I really believe in what my I said. I found that I am much happier being by myself, than be with people who depend on another peson to validate their own being.