If your spouse said something mean to you, would you get your feelings hurt?

United States
August 22, 2007 4:46pm CST
If your spouse said something mean to you, would you get your feelings hurt? Would you sulk or cry and feel bad for yourself? Or, would you get mad and retaliate with mean words? When I was a little kid, I would cry everytime my mom got mad at me or started yelling. And, it just made me feel like I was going on an emotional roller coaster daily. So, I learned quickly to stop the tears and start getting mad. And, that put an end to her yelling. Funny how little things like a parent having a bad day (or bad year in her case) can teach a kid all the wrong things, like how to react the wrong way to anger. For years, I was what you would call a very meek person and didn't defend myself from verbal attack. I'd slink off to bed and cry myself to sleep, wondering why anyone would be so mean to someone so meaningless. But, after meeting people that would literally drive over you with their car if you let them, I had to toughen up. Now if someone does something mean or says something mean, I'm more likely to get my feelings hurt and then raise my voice. So, I guess you would say, that if my spouse said something mean to me, I would get my feelings hurt first and then get mad. So, I'm both ways. When your spouse says something mean or inconsiderate, do you feel bad or get mad? Why do you think you are that way?
1 person likes this
8 responses
• Philippines
22 Aug 07
people say mean things when they are upset. they don't really "mean" what they say and usually end up regretting. i usually cry myself to sleep too when im hurt. but now i have learned to fight back sarcastically. i don't yell or shout coz it just heats up the moment. but sometimes, no matter how i try not to raise my voice, it just happens. specially when im tired from work. my hubby and i don't really fight alot though. it is but normal to feel bad when your partner says mean things while having an argument. words can really drive people crazy.
• United States
23 Aug 07
Usually, he's a real sweetheart, but I guess all guys have bad days sometimes. Thanks for your insight.
@SViswan (12096)
• India
23 Sep 07
I can totally understand what you are saying. My mom would yell and say mean stuff too when she was angry and that would really get me mad.I wouldn't care if it was someone else...but the person who is supposed to take care of you and protect you is too much for me to handle. When my husband says something mean to me...I feel hurt AND mad. After having told him that this is how my mother's words affect me (something I haven't told anyone else)...he should be the last person on earth doing the same thing to me (if he loves me). So, I actually feel even more mad at him than I would at my mother. I feel he is taking advantage of my having opened up to him.
@KrisNY (7609)
• United States
22 Sep 07
Depends on my mood and how hormonal I am- I might say something mean back- but then regret it- 2 wrongs do not make a Right! And I don’t want to teach my daughter that it is ok to be mean- I have taught her the kill them with kindness- and treat others the way you want to be treated. Even after I say something hurtful back- I still feel bad—sad--- and might even cry a bit.
@youless (65907)
• Guangzhou, China
28 Aug 07
Be sure I will feel very hurtful when he says something mean to me. As I care about him. He is not anybody else. To others' mean words, that's fine. However, I will feel so upset when he says it to me. I am not strong any more and I hate my tears keep dropping. I am trying to be much more considerate. But anybody considers for me?
@maddysmommy (16243)
• United States
24 Aug 07
Depending on what he says I have felt upset and hurt from what he has said as well as retaliated with angry words. He does know what hurts me and what makes me angry and tries not to do it. It's when he says it out of spite is what gets me angry!
@twoey68 (13663)
• United States
24 Aug 07
Oh definately!! I am known for having little glass feelings and getting them hurt all the time. I guess I'm just a big baby. :) AT PEACE WITHIN
@carlaabt (3511)
• United States
23 Aug 07
I usually don't say anything right away when my husband says something mean. I don't want to say something mean and hurtful. Sometimes I can't help it, but I really try to be a little more tactful. Luckily, my husband very rarely says anything mean to me. He never gets mad and says mean things that he doesn't really mean. While I was pregnant, there were several times that I thought he was saying mean things, but he never meant them as mean. I just wasn't used to his way of saying things (we got pregnant within a week of getting married).
• Philippines
23 Aug 07
I think its natural that a person would get hurt when mean words are spoken to them by a spouse or other people. For my wife I used to retaliate quickly, but now I ten d to think things thru before I say something that I would regret later on. If mean words came from other people I usually raise my voice but do not used cuss words or foul language. I choose my words carefully but just in a higher volume. The only time I keep quiet if I deserve the verbal abuse. Meaning I did a terrible mistake and remorseful of what I have done.