frienship and marriage

Philippines
August 26, 2007 3:09am CST
i have lots of friends before I get married. i communicate with them always through phones, emails..and we always make it a point to see each other. but when i get married,little by little I realize that I am loosing my friends.i don't know how it happened, maybe because of my priorities and family. when my friends and i met, it just seems awkward now, we do not have exciting topics to talk about not like before where we seems to just talk about anything and laugh at it. don't you think that old friends should remain in our life despite being married? What can you suggest about maintaining old friendship?
3 people like this
10 responses
@dpk262006 (53690)
• Delhi, India
26 Aug 07
A person said - I did not know the meaning of happiness, untill I got married. My dear, things get to change after marriage, one starts a new life and his partner expect that he should pay full attention towards her, his spouse do not want that he should indulge in other things, like contacting friends and relatives. It requires sometimes to settle down the dust, you need to convince your partner that friends are essential in life and without them, life would become dull and boring. You and your partner, both should remain in touch with your old friends to share your joys and sorrows.
@cutepenguin (6458)
• Canada
26 Aug 07
This is happening a bit to us. We spend a lot of time together, and it's hard to arrange things to do with our friends. I think it's important to maintain friendships, so I'm trying to keep in contact with my friends and encourage my husband to do the same.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
26 Aug 07
yes indeed! i believe that friends are for keeps.But when getting married it's really unavoidable that the time bonding with our friends will be lessen because of our priorities. When your married your priority will be ur family and it's needs. So most of the time it hinders us from doing what we usually does when we're still single like going out, bonding with friends, parties etc.Our time outside will be limited and it is the reason why we're breakin a bond of fiendship. What did i do to somehow retrieve and saved this friendship with them? Well i just find time for them and for our bonding. I see to it that i txted them of i haved replied their texts,& emails messages.And i always find time going out with them. Good thing that i have a supportive and understanding husband!
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Aug 07
All my life I've noticed that friends come and go. Life changes and so does our time for our friends. Eventually it fades out. Then I'd make a new set of friends. Eventually I had to move or whatever and there would go my friends. You don't have to lose friendship over marriage, but it's hard work to keep things the same. Now that I'm older and have realized this pattern, I try to always be there for my friends. My partner understands how important my friends are to me, as he is my best friend. I can't say my friends do the same for me all the time, but I'm not like them I guess. Eventually they'll probably slip away too. I don't know how to make a friendship last a life time as I haven't lived out my life yet. All I know is to be the best friend you can possibly be. Your family will always come 1st though.
• Malaysia
26 Aug 07
i guess with being married and all your responsibilities increase and you have to spend more time with your family. but that should stop you from keeping in touch with your friends :) ..try going out with them, go shopping, catch a movie, bake together and stuff like that, to rekindle the friendship.
• India
26 Aug 07
hi you are right. whta happened with you is the most pronounced thngs which you can see happening with everyone. But i feel this should not be so. friends are made for lifetime and they should be in your life always. there are ways to maintain the relationship. like taking more care of your friend and be with them in even small problems since after marriage your and their responsibility increases. share the responsibilities and your happiness. things will come around the corner.
@yogeshdhusa (2212)
• India
26 Aug 07
yes, i also agree with the same, so to keep your old friend - you have to understand if your partner also feel the same that even he/she miss her/his friends. So ask your partner to arrange a gettogether atleast every month, Then you all will feel close and can share your feeling. Live and enjoy Your Life
@Ravenladyj (22992)
• United States
26 Aug 07
I definately think friendships should stay in tact after one gets married..I know that I would NEVER give up my friends (which includes some of my ex's)just because I'm married..How do I keep the friendshps goin? I realize that my friends and my husband are two seperate entities..I dont try to mesh the two..Yes I expect both (friends and my husband) to be civil and friendly to each otehr but I dont expect them to hang out together with me etc...I also dont NOT talk about things from my past/reminice with my friends about "certain" old times/good times just because I'm married now....I had a blast back in the day and I dont regret any of it nor do my friends so I'm not goin to candycoat things, hide things, pretend things didnt happen just because I'm a "Mrs" now...thats silly IMO... I've been married for 5 yrs now (almost) and with my hubby for going on 10 yrs and how I work the two has worked for me to this point...but that doesnt mean it'll work for eveyrone.... I would suggest you figure out WHY you and your friends are drifting apart really....Is it possible that since you are now married, when you are with your friends you talk about different things with them rather than the things you did...are your friends married as well?? (big factor IMO)...do you think you maybe act differently around your friends now?
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Aug 07
I think this happens in every marraige. It does depend on your priorities in your new life as a married adult. But, I also think that sometimes we don't try hard enough to maintain those friendships. I know that I was bad about this when I first got married. Especially if those friends were still single. It seems that you just don't fit in the same circle, or something. I really don't have any suggestions, but I wish you luck!
• United States
26 Aug 07
I understand what you are saying..It seems I lost touch with all my friends after I got married also..I don't know whay this happens.Now I'm making new friends I hope we don't lose touch..