My daughter's friend ask could he take her to the movies.

@disvachic (10125)
United States
August 26, 2007 9:08am CST
This boy is 13 and my daughter is 12 but will be 13 october 24th.I dont care my daughter is to young to be dating right now.Call me old fashion but um i think thats a bit to young.I asked did his mom let him take girls out he said yea.I know its 2007 but still.....
12 people like this
44 responses
26 Aug 07
I understand you're concerned, and your daughter will always be your little baby, but I don't see that there's any harm in letting her go to the movies with this boy. They're around the same age, you know who he is - and it's not necesarily a 'date' at their age, is it? I think it's good that you can talk to your daughter about things like this - as teenagers these days tend to live in a lot of secrecy. If she's being upfront with you about it, she's likely to not be hiding anything from you, and the chances are that this will be an innocent, hand-holding, popcorn-sharing kind of evening. If you allow your daughter this kind of freedom, then you can build a good trusting relationship between you, and she will respect you for respecting her as she's maturing. Many teenage girls decide to find love online these days, and we hear horrible stories in the news of where this ends up - so if your daughter wants to go to the movies with a 'boy-next-door' kind of guy, it seems pretty harmless. It's another good thing that you have spoken to the boy, too. If he had anything to hide then he would not be willing for you to see him, I should think, and your daughter would also not be willing for you to meet him. If you blatantly refuse then this could cause problems in the future - when she gets a bit older, maybe she will still be afraid you'll say no, and she may go behind your back. It's best for your relationship if you trust her judgement, but if you really are adament that she's too young, you could suggest he came round and they watch a movie in your front room, while you're in the next room and able to keep an eye on things. Or you could suggest that they go with a group of friends to the movies. Hope some of this helps :o)
3 people like this
@disvachic (10125)
• United States
26 Aug 07
I do know him.They attend the same school and have been friends since pre-k.I want my kids to keep an open relationship with me and I dont want her to hide anything.I never thought about some of the ideas you have mentioned.Thank you for your advice it is well appreciated.
3 people like this
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
27 Aug 07
I really don't think that it is a good idea to allow them to go to the movies alone even tho you may know and trust this boy. I know from much experience that these little attractions are very short lived. If you allow it this time, then what about next time (which will be soon) when you don't know the boy so well? It is best to set clear rules and guidelines. Twelve is just too young to be allowed to be alone on a date. When my daughter refers to her "boyfriend" , he is a boy that calls her on the phone and he may come over to the house when I am home and they chat on'line. They tell their friends that they are a couple but it is all short lived. I say ...just go along with it but absolutely do not allow them to be alone. I also make a point of knowing the boys parents to make sure we are on the same page.
1 person likes this
@maddysmommy (16243)
• United States
26 Aug 07
Call me old fashioned too because I would not allow that also. If we were going as a family or group and he wanted to come then sure, but not on his own with my daughter (if i had one!).
3 people like this
@disvachic (10125)
• United States
27 Aug 07
For sure!!
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
26 Aug 07
Lol Sweetie and I thought I used to be over protective but I do agree with you as it is not safe anymore at all even Boys at that age are not safe anymore so I have to admit I agree with you If there was a group of Friends going that would be different but not just the 2
3 people like this
@disvachic (10125)
• United States
26 Aug 07
I know kids are so grown thease days.
2 people like this
• United States
26 Aug 07
no i agree with you. kids are growing up way too fast these days. my niece just turned 13 this summer, and she is all about boys and makeup and her b**bies, and all that. she's even using proactive, which she has no blemishes, and that's fine, it's mild i don't think it'll hurt her, but my goodness. she got mad, i mean MAD, one time cuz we sprayed her with the hose and "oh my HAIR, i JUST straightened it"...what if boys see me like this she says. WHAT BOYS? you're at a family picnic for goodness sakes, in your own backyard!! ugh. and she got a cold sore and went up to my mother-in-law (her grandma) and asked if she got it cuz she kissed this new boy. my MIL rolled her eyes and walked away, she was mad...she's just too young to be like that, (in my eyes). you should see her myspace page...ridiculous...and she's dumb cuz her dad (my bro-in-law) and me and my hubby are all on her friend's list, does she think we don't see when she's cussing and talking about s*x and stuff? but it's her parents...they chose to be friends of the kids, not parents. they have drinking parties for the older one, he just graduated HS...so there in lies THAT problem...my goodness.
@disvachic (10125)
• United States
26 Aug 07
yes she is to young and grown for all that.I hope she doesnt end up pregnant.My daughter is worried about pimples but not because of boys.She try not to drink sodas and greasy foods.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Aug 07
it's good she's trying to take care of her face. that's a great habit to get into! but yes how scary going out with boys ALONE even right now. a lot of kids are having s*x now at 10 and 11, maybe earlier. i don't think i even knew much about that at that age, let alone thought of doing the act, my goodness...makes no sense. you're a good mom, keep it up!! it's hard to raise kids right now in my opinion.
2 people like this
@disvachic (10125)
• United States
26 Aug 07
Thank you so very much!
1 person likes this
@anon12 (31)
• United States
26 Aug 07
WHAT??? does anyone read the newspaper? in the newspaper it says: 12 yr old girl was dating this boy..WTF???? 12 and dating???? he was 13 so a few days later the girl tells her mom the boy and 3 of hes friends raped her...wow thats a surprise..she was dating and asking for it....
2 people like this
@disvachic (10125)
• United States
26 Aug 07
thats horrible but i dont think she was asking to be raped.
1 person likes this
• Australia
27 Aug 07
NO-ONE ever ASKS to be raped! If she asks, it's not rape... Not to mention dating one person does not give permission for others to touch you!
@raychill (6571)
• United States
26 Aug 07
Are you looking for advice? Input? or just making a generalized statement that you want to see what other people have to say? My first date was at 15. But I don't think 13 is too young at all to be dating. I think children are a lot smarter and brighter and know more about the world than anyone ever gives them credit for. Whether you're 13 or 5 or 19... I don't think anyone ever gives young people the credit they deserve because they definitely know a lot more about the world than anyone thinks. I don't think it necessarily has to do with the year or the day and age. I also believe that you have to let your kid grow up and do things and it's just a movie. If he was a 17 year old wanting to take your 12 year old out I could see how it might be a problem. But they're both the same age... and it's just a movie.
2 people like this
@disvachic (10125)
• United States
26 Aug 07
Hey raychill.I was just seeing what others have to say.Oh kids thease days are smart and i give my daughter credit but i was thinking 15 maybe is an okay age to date.
1 person likes this
@raychill (6571)
• United States
26 Aug 07
Well that's good. Does your daughter know that? That she'll be allowed to date at 15? Cause you never want her to do something behind your back because you won't allow her to do it. And I think if she at least knows that you will let her...that would stop her from pushing the issue as much.
1 person likes this
@razcal2267 (15577)
• United States
26 Aug 07
You might want to call him old fashioned also then because I cannot think of any males that actually call to ask if they can take someone out. I am not a mother but I agree with you that 12 going on 13 is a bit young. Kids are growing up way too fast and doing things way too early. Do you think that there is some way that you could come to some sort of compromise with your daughter about the issue? I remember my mother would either chaperon (yuck) or we had to have group dates because we would get into less trouble that way.
2 people like this
@disvachic (10125)
• United States
26 Aug 07
lOL yep he sure did ask me.I was shocked.He even told my son that he thinks my daughter is FINE.lol
2 people like this
@razcal2267 (15577)
• United States
26 Aug 07
Woo Hoo go you... You have a FINE daughter LOL
2 people like this
• United States
26 Aug 07
Hey there. I agree with you, 13 is too young. Plus kids nowaday are starting to do a lot of thinking they are "grown" lately. I can't believe the stuff I have heard kids around that same age talking about. I mean stuff that hadn't even crossed my mind at twelve! You'll do good to try to keep your daughter away from that for now. I would let my daughter hang out in groups that include boys once she's about sixteen or so, but no being alone or out late. Honestly I was taught that dating should be with the intention to find a marriage mate, not recreation. I've thought this to be good to live by. So I'll try to instill that in my daughter as well. Hopefully she'll focus on her responsibilities in life until she is mentally ready to have a serious relationship. Rather than getting involved with guys for fun, dating with a view toward marriage and finding guys that share this view helps to avoid the games and excessive emotional pain that can come from dating casually. There will always be some heartache, but a non casual look at it, helps to keep focused and morals in position. You're smart, just because its 2007 doesn't mean you have to change YOUR rules in YOUR home or go along with what others allow.
2 people like this
@disvachic (10125)
• United States
27 Aug 07
THank you girl!
@barehugs (8992)
• Canada
26 Aug 07
Sure let her go! You know the boy and they are old friends since kindergarten. Your daughter will appreciate a mom who is understanding. What harm can possibly come of it? Is he going to rape her in the movie? I raised 4 boys and never had to post bail for any of them!
@disvachic (10125)
• United States
26 Aug 07
Im not posting bail on my daughter and dont plan on in the near future.Seems like you're trying to get smart but no i dont think that its in his mind to rape her.My discussion isnt asking anybody what should i do?I made a statement that my daughter is to young.
1 person likes this
@cderrs (69)
26 Aug 07
Calm down in my opinion. :/ I know you're a mother and want to protect your child, but your daughter may just ressent you if you don't let her do this. She may find that she doesn't like the boy, but if she does... it's your job as her mother to check him out. To check that you like him too. You have to give him a chance, because your daughter will thank you for it.
2 people like this
@disvachic (10125)
• United States
27 Aug 07
I am calm.Im not asking.I know that I'm not letting her.She is just to young.She is not old enough to be dating.
@34momma (13918)
• United States
26 Aug 07
girl please, i m with you. that is way to young for her to be going to the movies. i would not let my child boy and girl go on a "date" at 12. that is way to young for me.
@disvachic (10125)
• United States
26 Aug 07
I know thats right!! you get my message??
1 person likes this
@cyntrow (8527)
• United States
26 Aug 07
I would let them go. Drop them off at the theater and pick them up when the film is over. It's really not a real date until they are completely alone for a long period of time in my opinion. Of course, my daughter is 13 now. I might think differently when a boy asks her to go to the movies. LOL
2 people like this
@disvachic (10125)
• United States
26 Aug 07
I think 15 is a good age.
1 person likes this
• India
26 Aug 07
just take a ticket for a seat behind theirs, and if you notice something funny just say "hello". lol. love, apple.
2 people like this
@disvachic (10125)
• United States
27 Aug 07
dont think so.
@Michele21 (3095)
• United States
26 Aug 07
I think 13 is too young too!! My daughter is only 6 but I don't think I will let her go to the movies with a boy at 12 or 13. Maybe if I went with them =) I would let them hang out at your house together, but not unsupervised.
@disvachic (10125)
• United States
26 Aug 07
So you feel the same way:)
1 person likes this
@Perry2007 (2229)
• Philippines
13 Oct 07
they are too young indeed. they should not be left alone yet. Perhaps you can say yes provided you go with them. lol...
1 person likes this
@disvachic (10125)
• United States
4 Dec 07
yea i know...
@bowtieguy (5931)
• United States
27 Aug 07
I agree that she is too young, I started letting my sons date once they turned 13 and became teenagers. I know that it is usualy diffrent for boys dating then it is for girls so if I had a girl then I might wait till she was 14 maybe.
1 person likes this
@disvachic (10125)
• United States
27 Aug 07
yea i was thinking 15 and thats if she wants to then.She never asked me anything about it.
@ivyzhan (33)
• China
27 Aug 07
I think they are too young!!
1 person likes this
@disvachic (10125)
• United States
15 Sep 07
i know exactly!!
@faith210 (11233)
• Philippines
27 Aug 07
Hi dischavic! I, too wouldn't be letting my daughter to go out on a date at that age, she will have her time but not just yet. I guess, I am conservative too. I guess, it is different if yours is the girl because you get more protective when it comes with daughters and you will be reacting differently if it is your son. Well, just a thought. Take care and have a nice day!
1 person likes this
@disvachic (10125)
• United States
27 Aug 07
Hi.I think if it was my son i will be the same way.
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
26 Aug 07
I agree with you. Thirteen is still too young for her to be going out on dates with boys. Neither one of them is mature enough to handle that kind of thing correctly. Maybe at 15 or sixteen, you could revisit the subject
1 person likes this
@disvachic (10125)
• United States
27 Aug 07
Exactly.Thnks ROzie
@paidreader (5152)
• United States
26 Aug 07
I think you're being very wise, not necessarily old fashioned. The world has changed alot since I was your daughter's age and it hasn't all been for the better. I think you should stand firm about not letting your daughter "date" until she is at least 15. When I was your daughters age, a boy I knew from our neighborhood asked my stepmother if he could take me out to a movie we both wanted to see. My stepmother, like you, thought I was still too young. When I explained that it was the movie I really wanted to see, not necessarily the boy, she decided to let me go to the movie, but not with the boy who asked me. I must say I thought she was a little weird when she bribed the next door neighbor to take me instead. I say weird since he was at least 16. Come to find out, she went to the movie too and was several rows back. I'll admit I was embarrassed when I spotted her as we left, but it was kind of nice too, knowing she hadn't sent me off with a complete stranger. Not that I would have admitted it to her at the time, lol, it's just that I can relate now that my daughter is grown and we went thru the same kind of things when she was your daughter's age. :)
@disvachic (10125)
• United States
26 Aug 07
LOL thats life for ya!!
1 person likes this