Why is it so hard?

United States
August 26, 2007 12:23pm CST
My daughter left for college 2 weeks ago. She is a Freshman so it was a very emotional time for each of us. She came home for the weekend this weekend and just left going back to school. Why was today just as hard? I will see her in two weeks (she is in the marching band and we are going down to the college for the first home game) but yet, I cried as though I was never going to see her again! Why is it like this? Help!!!
6 people like this
20 responses
@wrdsofwisdm (1070)
• United States
26 Aug 07
I would say it hurts because it is a form of separation. She is no longer there on a regular basis so you miss her. You most likely worry more too because she is away on her own and it is harder to protect her from afar. However, I hope it helps you to know in your heart that you taught her well and gave her the wisdom to handle just about anything that comes her way.
3 people like this
• United States
26 Aug 07
Oh you are so right about the difficulty of protecting her from afar. I so worry that something will happen to her. As for teaching her well and giving her wisdom, Lord knows we have tried. She is a smart, good girl. I can only pray now that noone takes advatage of her. She can be far too trusting at times.
• United States
27 Aug 07
I was gullible too when I was her age...but tough and just from you telling me that you are a hot tempered red headed Irish lass, I know she has to have it in her too. ; )
@jillhill (37383)
• United States
26 Aug 07
Is she your baby? It's hard to let go. Hard to watch them away a different direction then what they have been doing all their lives. It will get better and be prepared for her to stop coming home often too. When my youngest daughter left for college..well I felt the same. She came home every weekend she could then suddenly coming home was more of a treat for me then her....she had met her first husband and the visits home became less and less.....trust me...it will get better!
3 people like this
• United States
26 Aug 07
No, I have a son who is one year younger than her and two older sons. I went through my oldest going to college ..that was about 8 years ago. It was hard then, but not this hard. I wonder if it is because she is my only girl? My other three are boys.
@jillhill (37383)
• United States
27 Aug 07
yup that's it! I have one son and two daughters...He is also the baby and probably everyone of us girls in our family spoiled him and still coddle him..and he is too old for that! LOL
@Grandmaof2 (7603)
• Canada
26 Aug 07
It's simple math. You were a good parent, payed off she's a good kid and sometimes when 1 plus 1 makes two it pulls at your heart strings. This is the way it should be. It would be H. E. double hockey sticks if you were glad to see her go and never happy to see her return. Yeah yeah I know I'm no help and coming from a Mom who cried like a two year old when my daughter had her first day of school, I rest my case.hehehe. I hope your girl does well and sometimes crazynurse we need to just put on our big girl panties and suck it up. Hopefully she will do as well as you've done. You've answered enough of my posts to know you're a good hard working girl and I trust your daughter will do well. I do think that watching our kids grow up is sometimes very rough for us Moms. Take Care
3 people like this
• United States
26 Aug 07
Hi Grandma!! ROFLMAO, "put on our big girl panties..." That is hilarious! Yeah, I have cried like a baby today just like I did a few weeks back when I drove away leaving her looking so small and innocent in front of that large dorm. She is a good kid with a head on her shoulders. I just worry about crazy things like the fact that she is so trusting and often a bit gullible! She is a straight A, honor student who works like a dog at anything she does. But I still worry! Boy giving theem the 'wings' part isn't as fun as 'giving them the roots' part!
• United States
26 Aug 07
I believe it is something called "LOVE" and there is no cure. The symtoms just keep reappearing time after time.
3 people like this
• United States
26 Aug 07
I think you are probably right. I love her so much it hurts!
@sunshinecup (7881)
26 Aug 07
Ok you wanna hear something worse? While every year I volunteer at my children's school and we are going on year 6 of this, the first day of school when I drop them off and come home, I cry my eyes out. Now that is bad. For me it's turning my kids loose to the wolves. That is the best way I can put it into words. Yes I have faith in them and that their choices will be good because I have worked so hard in making them wise. However what about those things that happen out of their control? So I worry and I am afraid. I also think it's normal and there is nothing wrong with us. As long as we do not hold our children back, but continue to motivate them to be independent adults, we are doing what's right, it just hurts is all.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Aug 07
You mentioned the EXACT thing that seems to be eating at me the most....the things that are beyond her control. I know that she will make wise choices. I worry about things like someone accosting her on campus, someone hiding in the community shower...crazy things! I worry about her not eating well and forgetting her sunscreen. Jeeze, I am so darned worrisome! On the other hand, I am excited to see her take steps towards her dreams and I see that she is very excited about the band and classes. I know that it is a great thing for her to be there..but dangit, I worry and I miss her!! Ha!
27 Aug 07
but dangit, I worry and I miss her!! Ha! Girl I know, trust me with each step my girls take, my heart bursts with pride but yet at the same time, it's breaking. We as Mommas have to have the strength and wisdom of knowing no matter how scared we are for them, we have to let them go and take pride in them in doing so. But know one said we have to like it. :oD
@JoyfulOne (6242)
• United States
26 Aug 07
Boy, can I ever relate to that as I went through it myself when my oldest left for college. It's a bittersweet moment in time. On one hand, we are rejoicing that they are making a positive move towards their future, and on the other hand we miss our daily interaction with them. It's hard watching them go and knowing that for the most part they are truly 'on their own.' It is a time when we have to realize that they are growing up and away. The phrase that helped me most was 'we give our children a nest and roots, and the wings to let them learn to fly on their own' (or something to that tune.) All we are left with is the knowledge that we did our best, and hope & pray they've learned all the necessary tools to move forward in a positive manner! My daughter was at college for almost 11 years becoming a Dr, it was hard to watch her go, but I was proud that she was finally realizing her dreams. It's ok for us to feel a mixed bag of emotions as we watch them walk from home to lands unknown!
1 person likes this
@webeishere (36353)
• United States
26 Aug 07
mY DAUGHTER IS 29 AND THERE ARE DAYS i STILL CRY AS SHE DOESN'T LIVE HERE. bUT i SEE HER EVERY OTHER WEEKEND AT LEAST AND YET IT STILL HURTS WHEN SHE LEAVES.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Aug 07
Yeah, I have been trying to remind myself that I have given her the roots, and now it is time for her to spread her wings. It is just so frightning thinking of all the 'what ifs'...but I am so proud of her and I know she will do well.
@cderrs (69)
26 Aug 07
For this type of thing, i feel sorry for my mother. My sister lived with us for fifteen years... without a father. She'd never spoken to him. Then she randomly moved to canada with him, half way across the world. My mother sees her three times a year. :/ Ive lost contact with her.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Aug 07
When my daughter would come home from college for a brief visit I was delighted to have her home. I weeped when she left. After a few trips home and her bringing bags of dirty laundry with her, staying out late and waking me up when she got in, not cleaning up after herself, etc, I found that I didn't cry so much when she left for school. After she left home and moved 3 hours to the north of us, I missed her even more. Tears flow throughout our lives when it comes to our children. Big huggers to you.
• United States
26 Aug 07
thank you elusive. I have decided that it is probably the first of many, many tears! I am trying to hold tight to my knowledge that she is a smart young woman with a good head on her shoulders. It doesn't mean I don't miss her though!
@Lydia1901 (16354)
• United States
28 Mar 08
Crazynurse, I know how you feel to let go of your children. I guess it is because you love her so much that it is hard to let her go even though she will always be home for the holidays or the weekend. Sometimes, it is okay to let go of our children because they are not leaving us for life, they will always come back home when we least expected it. So, hang in there, girl. It will be alright!!!
• United States
3 Sep 07
I have felt like that and yes it hurts and with time it won't hurt so much. It is so new to you that is why it still hurts. When my daughter first left home I felt like my heart would be riped out of my chest. ON her wedding day I got this feeling of doom or dread that I was loosing her and would never see her again. I hugged her and started crying her and could not let her go for a few minutes. SHe only lives an hour a way. LOL Go see your daughter and love every minute with her for she will soon have a life of her own. She will always love you and need you but she will be very busy and not have time for your. Just remember she will always love you.
27 Aug 07
I also felt the same when my brother left home for college. He also visits home in weekends. But when he starts to leave again after two days i feel very sad. In my case i am sad thinking about the hardships he has to undergo there without my help.
@vanities (11387)
• Davao, Philippines
27 Aug 07
well maybe youre just so emotional and it is a natural thing since its the first time perhaps that your daughter was separated from you .. i have also that kind of feeling when my daughter left for manila to work..that was after she graduated from coll. and have passed the licensure exam..i felt a hole in my heart...and shes apart from us..its i think 2 years now...but i guess its how it works..when children grows up they have to do what they think is right for their career...as parents i guess is for us to pray for good health always and safety wherever our children are...
• India
27 Aug 07
Yes i know that it is very hard for a father to stay away from his child even for a single day.But as a student i think that it is good that ur daughter is staying alone{means staying away from her family} bcoz it will make self independent. she will get 2 know many new things and she will also be able to create the capacity 2 face many problems by her own which is very important.its hard to be seperated but always think that this seperation will help her become self independent.So best of luck for ur daughter.
@Razzles (391)
• United States
27 Aug 07
It is very difficult. My daughter is away at college too, and it is just 2 1/2 hours away, but I still cry when she leaves. We do talk on the phone several times a day, which helps. I have another daughter at home who is in her last year of high school, and I think it will be worse when she leaves, because then it will be just me and my husband and the pets. I know they have to leave the nest sometime, but it isn't an easy process to let go.
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
27 Aug 07
Oh dear. Crazynurse you really love your daughter very much. Its unavoidable as a parent. And what you are feeling is common, especially if you are that close to your child. One thing you can do is at least immerse yourself in the memories of your child if you ever feel homesick for her. It won't be a cure all but it may help you out. Also, make sure to make the time you have with her matter. Eventually, she'll grow up even further and you're gonna have to accept that. Its a tough one (I'm still talking to one of my cousins who gave her daughter away at the alter, and they gave her away 5 years ago ;p). It's gotten better for them though and hopefully it'll get better for you. Keep pictures and keepsakes of her around so there is at least a physical splinter of her around and always keep her in your thoughts. If you need anything else, do not be afraid to ask. Everyone here is your friend and we'll support you when you need it.
@GardenGerty (101839)
• United States
27 Aug 07
I had a hard time, and my daughter went to school less than a block from here. I think it was because I knew she really did not need me anymore, at least not in that sense. She still needs me, and we are great friends, but those college years were like losing her, over and over, in the end, though, I found a new friend, as she quit being my child, and became a woman in her own right. I do not know if my philosophizing helps at all, it is strange that I am now putting it in perspective, as she has been out of high school for ten years.
@RenaeT (688)
• United States
26 Aug 07
Oh Crazynurse!! I'm so sorry to hear how sad you are. My son went to college 600 miles away from me 12 years ago. He went in August and didn't come home till Christmas, then again in the Spring. He never came home again after that. Got a job, got an apartment in the summer, then, got married. I missed him dearly. I know exactly what you mean. It's hard every single time, no matter what. When the parents and students arrived 2 weeks ago at Montreat Campus, it was even an emotional day for me to see the parents helping their kids move in and know that 'this was the day' for them to say good bye as of 4:30 PM they had to leave the campus. My heart strings tugged because I remembered exactly how I felt that day, as if it were 2 weeks ago myself. I'll pray for you. Ren
@laurika (4536)
• United States
26 Aug 07
I believe is hard, although I am not the mother , but I am daughter.I am on the other side of the world like my mum and when I come visit,it's very nice, but saying good bye it s the hardest thing on the world.She cries all the time, probably like you today.I believe is hard for you , but I am sure you make even harder for your daughter.I am sure she loves you and miss you too, but now she has her own life and you have to try to live with that.
@Modestah (11192)
• United States
26 Aug 07
those apron strings sure can be hard to cut.... it is like a tearing away from your very fibres when your child leaves. my son went to a boarding school 600 miles away last year. wow, was it a trial for me. I knew it was the best thing for him and he would grow by leaps and bounds - so I was able to do it, but each time I had to say goodbye anew (after a visit) it was like pulling the fresh flesh off the wounds again. we need to make our apron strings with elastic ties so they can stretch and stretch and stretch until SNAP it pulls them back to us :)
@webeishere (36353)
• United States
26 Aug 07
one word........ L O V E !!!! HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~