When do you give up on a friend?

@Mirita (2668)
United States
August 31, 2007 10:26am CST
You are trying so hard to remain friends with someone who was so special to you in the past. In other words, she was like a sister to you and you both shared so many important events. The problem is that this person does not respond to any of your calls or letters which means that she has no interest in your friendship anymore. Do you forget about your friend and stop trying ,or do you keep on trying to restore the beautiful relationship that existed in the past?
2 people like this
12 responses
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
31 Aug 07
I may call every once in a while or send an email or two. I have a few really close friends from high school that I lost contact with. I found 3 of them and have contacted them all. I have become close with one again, we email, IM, chat all the time, but we live 1500 miles apart. The other two I have spoken to, but there just seems to be something missing now. I do send an email every once in a while, etc, but I don't let it bother me. Sometimes in life people just grow apart. They go in different directions in life. If we all got together again, it would never be the same as it was back then. We all have different lives now, different interests. As much as it hurts, you have to let go and move on. Otherwise, you are just setting yourself up for more hurt. Call once in a while, email, whatever. Just wait until the person tries to contact you. If they are truly still a friend, they will in time, notice you have stopped trying so much and contact you.
2 people like this
@Mirita (2668)
• United States
1 Sep 07
Well, I tried so much already but we live so apart from eachother that is hard . I even sent her a gift for her birthday and still no response. She was the maid of honor in my wedding and our friendship was so strong and I don't know what is going on.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Sep 07
It's always hard when we lose a friend, and we have no idea why. I wish there was more I could tell you. Chin up... :)
1 person likes this
@TerryZ (22085)
• United States
31 Aug 07
Hi Mirita!Its really hard to say its over between friends. But when the other friend isnt responding back to you its time to call it quits. Say goodnight its over! Sorry to hear this.
@Mirita (2668)
• United States
1 Sep 07
Yes, maybe is time to call it quits.
@pismeof (855)
• United States
31 Aug 07
The best advise that I could give is to find out if there is something you've done to offend that person and clear the air. Send a genuinely sympathetic letter to explain how you feel and what the friendship meant to you and if something you've done has hurt them that you'd like to make up for it or at least talk it out. Either they respond or not but either way at least you've given them the option and can judge from that point if the friendship was as strong as you may have thought.
@Mirita (2668)
• United States
1 Sep 07
Well, I haven't done anything to her except moving to another state. I already wrote her a letter telling her how important she is to me. I gave her my e-mail ,so she could communicate with me ,but nothing happened.
• United States
31 Aug 07
Sometimes people do outgrow each other, and it is OK to let go. A frienship involves two people putting in effort. If you don't fit in your 'friend's' life anymore you may need to move on. It is sad, but everything in life has a season nd it doesn't mean you or she is not a good person.
2 people like this
@Mirita (2668)
• United States
1 Sep 07
Yes, maybe she doesn't want me to be part of her life anymore and that's okay.
@kaye0603 (48)
• Philippines
31 Aug 07
i've been there and eventually it's just good enough we patched things up.. we had a friend who was always like that. you just have to keep trying.. make her tell you what she feels, make her talk with whatever is happening with her life right. maybe something's going on with her life. she'll have to be very honest with her feelings... i just hope things will work out between both of you.. good luck!
2 people like this
@Mirita (2668)
• United States
1 Sep 07
Well, I'm trying to get in touch with her ,but we live in different states and I don't have her e-mail. She never answers the phone and never responds to my letters.
• United States
1 Sep 07
I def know how you feel. This has happened with two of my friends. I've kind of given up trying to hang out with one...the other I would still like to. We have both just been busy and I don't know when we would be able to hang out.
1 person likes this
@Mirita (2668)
• United States
1 Sep 07
Well, I don't feel like trying anymore.
• United States
2 Sep 07
Than of course, don't! :) Go make new friends who you can stay in touch with an have more in common. You'll def. be happier in life.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
1 Sep 07
To be honest with you I would not do much effort if I feel or I have an intuition that she or he is trying to forget the friendship. This kind of situation are the ones I consider "lies behind beauty". YOu and your friend may have a beautiful past but times come when one feels like something is wrong or the relationship is start to be intoxicationg. If one feels this way and just try to preserve the friendship then its definitely all lies and not a beatiful relationship.
1 person likes this
@Mirita (2668)
• United States
1 Sep 07
Yes, she might be trying to forget the relationship that we had since now she has another life and I'm no longer part of her world.
@alfecris (181)
• Philippines
1 Sep 07
i give up on a friend when i can no longer take the way he or she treats me so badly or when the time comes that were on a big trouble and we could no longer fix it. for me it is better to forget everything about each other and when we meet, we will just be like an air seeing nothing. i do not want to be plastic so if i will hate you then it is better not to say hi to you forever than being so plastic in front of many people. stop all the relationships we had before and forget all the past and each other if possible. it is better to be that way than to keep the fire goes.
1 person likes this
@Mirita (2668)
• United States
1 Sep 07
Yes, friendship has to come from the heart and if the other person doesn't want you is best to forget about the past.
• United States
1 Sep 07
I wouldnt give up yet. Maybe something is bothering your friend and they dont want to admit it or they are just afraid to talk about it. Maybe try going to your friends house so you can be face to face and try to fix things. I have been in this situation before and i know its tough. You jut have to keep trying. Dont give up.
1 person likes this
@Mirita (2668)
• United States
1 Sep 07
We live in different states ,so is hard to have a conversation face to face. If I travel to Florida I'm going to try to talk to her face to face.
• United States
1 Sep 07
I gave up on mine when they stop talking to me and they acted shady towards me.
1 person likes this
@Mirita (2668)
• United States
1 Sep 07
yes, sometimes the only thing to do is to give up.
@mbilagan (178)
• Philippines
1 Sep 07
Hi Mirita, I know how you feel because me too has been there. Im just curious, but have you had a fight with her before you lost the communication? If that will be the case I think you should give her space for awhile. Maybe this is not yet the time for her to reach out. But if you too still in a good relationship, then you should not stop trying. Who knows, she is just very busy right now and no time to talk but that doesn't mean she is cutting the relationship you two have. It happened to me before with my bestfriend. She stop talking with me but I never stop writing her then later i found out that she is not recieving my letters because she moved to another place. So after that event we keep our promise to each other to reach out wherever we are so until now we remain bestfriend. True friends is forever. Keep on trying to communicate with her.
@Mirita (2668)
• United States
1 Sep 07
No we never had a fight. Her mother told me that she is very busy and she spends the entire saturday and sunday sleeping ,but I'm sure that she cannot sleep the entire 24 hours. To me honest to you I don't think I should keep on trying.
@carissa765 (1098)
• United States
1 Sep 07
I had a friend like this and I just finally asked her WTF do you just not want to talk to me, or what? She explained to me that she had a lot of things happening and I was like well you can talk to me, and she finally realized that. So our friendship has lasted for 21 years we have been best friends for a really long time and my family basically raised her so she is more like a sister than a friend. Thank you for the onteresting topic because I too have often wondered what other people thought.
1 person likes this
@Mirita (2668)
• United States
1 Sep 07
Well, I wish I could do this but we lived in different states now and she doesn't answer the phone and doesn't respond to my letters.