Want a life not dedicated to the grandchildren and children

United States
August 31, 2007 10:02pm CST
Why do we feel so guilty when we decided to have a life of our own? Up until now I hsvr dedicated my life to helping to raise my two grandchildren by my daughter. I recently meet a great guy and he wanted me to move in with him. He lived too far away for me to continue to watch the grandson so my daughter has had to put him in day care. I will still have to help my daughter pay for the day care.
4 people like this
5 responses
• United States
3 Nov 07
Being grandma to 5, a 6 y old boy and his twin siblings age 3 and two who live right up the road from me ages 2 (boy) 4 (girl) these are the only two I see because the other three are in Colorado , I am in MA. The two that live here I have had since birth and have raised them because their mother has a few mental issues she seems to be working on. She had the girl and her boyfriend threatened to leave because she cried-- so she sent the baby to me. I had her from 3 days to three years. Her borther was born and the boyfriend had since left she was living with us and the then 3 y old she came home from the hospital, made up with the creep dumped the kids on me and left with him.So now he is two, boyfriend is in jail and she wants nothing to do with him. we got her moved and she is still here on the daily with the kids it is like they never left. She has an opportunity to move into a better situation than she is in and I am encouraging her to go- she will be just far enough away that she wont be here daily. BUT every time we thought we had her set up for a good place and I get my hopes up it falls through and we are right back where we started from. If you can get out and just help pay for daycare then do it- I am also disabled so I am mostly home. So i will probably wind up raisinf them both when she tires of playing house. Lin
@mrsbrian (1951)
• United States
1 Sep 07
I understand what you are saying I had devoted my life to my children and grandchildren, than I met a man whom lived 14 hours away and I wanted to move in with him.I had the guilt of leaving my grown kids and my grandkids, but I went anyhow because I realized, I needed to be happy to make others happy, we lived away for 4 years, only my daughter needed my support and i did what I could from afar. i think we will always feel guilty but you need to have a life and they need to stand on there own two feet.
2 people like this
• United States
1 Sep 07
Hi! Please do not feel guilty! It is your daughters responsibility to handle her children, not your's. I totally understand needing help as a former single mom to two children, but enough is enough! Enjoy your life, cut the apron strings and let your Daughter take responsibility for her children and her day care. I hope you have a wonderful time enjoying your own life. Have an AWESOME ONE! Glo
@bfarrier1 (2082)
• United States
17 Nov 07
Missypanther64, sure as grandmas we feel guilty but you need to have your on like now,your grandson will do great in daycare he will meet new friends and have other adults in his life. I think it is nice of you to afford to help pay for day care since that isnt really your responibilty. I hope your happy everyone deserves happiness.have a great day.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Nov 07
Thank you for your comments. I help my daughter out with the cost of day care as her husband and her got them in over their heads when they brought the house. My daughter works two jobs just to barely keep ahead so I told her I would help pay for the day care until she can handle it on her own. My grandmother did the same thing that I was doing--she basically raised my three kids (especially after grandpa pasted away). My grandparents actually raised me as my real mother gave me to them when I was about six months old and even she had other children from her second marriage, she made no attempt to be mother to me.
2 people like this
• United States
16 Sep 08
This discussion was posted a year ago. I hope things worked out with your guy. It is nice that your help out with your grandson. How have things progressed since this discussion was posted. I know what you mean about feeling guilty. I feel guilty if my son asks me if I can watch the kids and I say no. So I can understand when you say you feel guilty.