Update on my Leg

By Gabs
@gabs8513 (48803)
United Kingdom
September 5, 2007 4:18pm CST
Well it has taken me till now to write this Discussion as I have got myself in a state over it Yesterday I felt nothing and today most of the Day I have been crying I had Physio yesterday and basically she is transferring me back to the Specialis who is to decide whether I am to be sent for an MRI Scan as she still thinks there is a problem with my Back because the way my Leg just gives way My Appointment with the Specialist on the 19th September She asked me history of Cancer and also Sine Problems in the Family not that I am aware of but again I had to point out to her that I can not say on my Dads Side as I do not know him Well the Problem I have is I am Claustrophobic in a bad way so there is a good chance they will sedate me as they can't afford me to have an Panic Attack with my Lungs as I will be in a box after the Tube lol Yes that is how bad I would get The last time I went on Public Tranport about 30 years ago they had to call the Medical Helicopter out I had stopped breathing Lol so could you imagine me in a tube well I will see I am scared yes and I have done nothing but cry but not just because of that a lot of things went through my mind a lot of questions after crying 6 hours I had to phone a lovely Friend of mine who managed to calm me but I still feel down I know there are People a lot worse of then me and I do feel for them and care about them and maybe I am selfish thinking why me what have I done so bad to deserve everything that has happened to me in my Life I have a dear Friend at the moment who is fighting Cancer who I think of every Day and hope that they can get rid of it that she will be ok so what am I complaining about with my Illnesses I shouldn't be but at times I can't help it I am 46 and for 4 years now I have been reduced to this from an active Person I don't want to accept that and I certainly do not want more I am just a burden to my Man to my Children and even my Friends who worry Ok now that I have let this out I again want to say My lovely Friend Lakota needs all the Prayers and thoughts possible please give it to her I love her Dearly she was my very first Friend on the Net she trusted me she opened her heart and Arms to me so please everyone help me to help her to get through this Thank you and I love you all my lovely Friends
18 people like this
36 responses
• Canada
5 Sep 07
Roses For You Gabs - Roses to keep my good friend Gabs!
Oh Sweet I am so sorry that you have to go through this! My heart, thoughts, and love will be with you on the 19th. I really hope that everything works out for you. I don't feel you are being selfish or a burden to anyone, you are a great person/friend that is going through a rough time and I will be here if/when you need me. Love & Hugzz to you, your friend Lakota, and Gissi xxxx P.S. I have enclosed roses for you all.
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
5 Sep 07
Awwwwwwwwwwwww Sweetie thank you for the lovely Roses I love Roses I always have Thank you for being my lovly caring and good Friend You know you are special to me to Lots of Love and Hugs to you
3 people like this
• Canada
6 Sep 07
Your more then welcome for the roses sweet! Please keep us posted on how it goes on the 19th. We love you lots xxx
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (92230)
• Marion, Kansas
5 Sep 07
I can feel for you, with the medical that seems to just get worse. I will point out that they are making a new type of MRI that is open, just for people who have claustrophobia, so maybe you will have that. I am glad you have friends nearby who can talk with you when it is so bad. So many of us live far away. Yes, I will pray for you, and for Lakota. I also have started a file of prayer reminders from my e-mails, so I can remember you all. Hugs to you. I hope you get the answers and the relief you need.
4 people like this
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
5 Sep 07
Thank you Gerty Lakota needs them more at the moment but I really appreciate it you know I do You are a lovely Friend I don't know if they have the open MRI Scans here yet but I will mention it and see Hugs to you
2 people like this
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
5 Sep 07
(((Gabs))) I am sorry you are going through all that you are. It is difficult when you have health issues not to feel a bit "why me" I don't feel that you are in any way being selfish, you are being human. My thoughts and prayers are with you always and also with your friend Lakota as well.
3 people like this
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
6 Sep 07
Thank you Sweetie its amazing how long you and I have been here but we met somewhere else lol Hugs to you Sweetie
2 people like this
• United States
6 Sep 07
very true.. small world though...lol ((hugs))) hope you're feeling better !!
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
6 Sep 07
Yes I am a little Better I went back on my Tablets last Night Hugs
@shambuca (2560)
• United States
6 Sep 07
Gabs you have every right to complain- we all do it once in a while- sometimes it just gets to a point where you just can't deal with it anymore and you say WHY ME? It's normal and okay to do so- you need to vent and get it out, sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn't but you can't keep it in it will only make you worse. When I first found out about my digestive disorders (6 in all) I was devestated...I cried for days- I was only 34- why was this happening and every now and then I have a pity session with myself and then it passes and I tell myself there are other people in this world that get up and do what they have to and they are worse off then me- if they can do it so can I (it doesn't alwsys work - but at least I try) you are a strong person I can tell from chatting with you that you have the strength to see this through and you will and all will be fine!!! Your family loves you and I'm sure they do not consider you a burden- so you just stop that kind of thinking right now! You are improtant to them no matter what and will do anything to help you....so you just pull yourself together and get this thing done, I too am claustrophobic and they would have to knock me out too- but if it were going to help them find the problem I would be allfor it. I know you can do this-- I am praying for you and your friend...don't let me down. HUGS, Sandy
3 people like this
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
6 Sep 07
Sweetie thank you And I will not let you down I know I have to go through with it even though I did say 2 Days ago no way just leave me alone I do not want to know anymore When they diagnosed me 100% with the Emphasima COPD Asthma and that I did not want to carry on as shortly after I got bullied out of my Job because of my Illnesses I had been in that job 8 years When I first went for the tests and that I thought its ok there is nothing wrong and I believed that then the big Shock was presented to me I am trying to think it will be ok I really am but it is hard the last time I thought it I wasn't I really appreciate your support and I will not let you down Love and Hugs, Gabs
2 people like this
@shambuca (2560)
• United States
7 Sep 07
Everything will be okay- I just know it.
2 people like this
@mamasan34 (6522)
• United States
5 Sep 07
Oh gabs! I am so sorry to hear that you are in such a state. I do understand claustrophobia and having to do those MRI's. It's very scary. I am having an MRI done on my foot next week, so if you pray for me I will pray for you my friend! Well, even if you didn't, I would pray for you hahaha! I know you are having such times with your health issues and I wish that you weren't having to worry with such things. Believe me love, you are no burden to your family. They help you with open arms and open hearts because they know you would do that and more for them. And for your lovely friend Lakota, I will definitely add her to my prayers and I thank her so much for being such a good friend to you!
3 people like this
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
6 Sep 07
Thank you Sweetie and of course you will be in my thoughts to I hope it really goes well for you Hugs to you
3 people like this
@mamasan34 (6522)
• United States
8 Sep 07
I hope everything is getting better for you, I am working on getting better to, I know how frustrating it can be not being active like you used to be. Anyhow, my prayers are going out to you!
• Philippines
6 Sep 07
We might have a similar case. Before I underwent microsurgery two years ago, I have been having leg pains. I could not stand too long or sit too long. Long before the leg pains I have had back pains which I ignored. I have a high tolerance to pain and so contented myself with temporary pain relievers, oils, massages, etc. till the pains got worse every day. So one day I just could not stand up from bed and had to call an ambulance. Only then did I have a really thorough check up - blood tests, x-ray, MRI, etc. The MRI was a horrible experience for me too because like you I am sort of claustophobic. What I did was just close my eyes all the time and prayed and prayed till it was finished. It was the longest 30 or 40 minutes of my life. Not only did I find out I had a slipped disc; my uric acid and cholesterol were high, and I was diabetic! I was scared of having an operation so I begged trying therapy (traction, hot pack, etc.) but after 3 weeks nothing happened so I ended up on the operating table anyway. I spent more than 3 weeks in the hospital which included Christmas and New Year. So be strong and have faith. I believe that most of the time we are much stronger than we think. I have always found strength in prayers. I will include you and your friend Lakota in my daily prayer. God bless!
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
6 Sep 07
Thank you so much Sweet for your kind words to me I will hope that it is not the case as that would scare me more I do not want to have surgery with my Illnesses I would be scared that I would not wake up again
1 person likes this
@lols189 (4798)
6 Sep 07
aaww gabs i hope your ok? i just hope you get better soon as possible, it upsets me to hear you are ill i am thinking about you my friend and i hope everything goes well for you and your quickly free of pain and better. also i hope Lakota gets better as soon as possible and there is a good cure to make her better. take care and i hope everything goes well x
3 people like this
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
6 Sep 07
Sweetheart thank you you are another Person that has been through a lot these past few Months and you have got threw it which I am so glad that you have and you know when I was reading what was going on I just wanted to drive up to Liverpool and hug you to me and be there for you Hugs to you Sweetie xxx
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23709)
5 Sep 07
Okay Angel here goes 1 Yes there are people worse off than you - that does not mean that you are not allowed to mourn your old way of life - that does not make you selfish 2 Yes I know the physio spooked you with the questions she asked - that doesn't mean you have either of these problems , they asked me the same things! 3 If and when you get an MRI it won't be as scary as you think - we will all be praying to make it easier for you 4 Isn't it just like my Angel to think of others even when she is feeling this way - I too am keeping Lakota in my heart and prayers! 5 In no way are you a burden - you are always there for me and I certainly would be lost without you AND MOST IMPORTANTLY 6 If I catch you putting yourself down and beating up on yourself you will be in so much trouble - I hope you are listening! I love you my Angel and I am here if you need me - you know that! xxxx
3 people like this
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
6 Sep 07
Yes Sweetheart I am listening to you and thank you for last Night Lol I ended up going to bed with swollen and red eyes and some Headache lol You have been there for me a lot lately and it should be me thats there for you as you are not to good yourself but instead you have to calm me down when it should be me soothing you I love you to you know that xxxxxx
1 person likes this
5 Sep 07
So sorry to read about all that you have been going through today - and you must be a very special person to be so kind and supportive to me when you felt so low and worried. I think that the hospital should send out an ambulance to collect you - so you do not have to worry about public transport. I can tell already that you are a very special and kind person. Love and Special Hugs Your New Friend Rosemarie
3 people like this
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
5 Sep 07
Sweetie thats me no matter how down I am I will even write through tear to Friends and keep their Spirits up and also send them advise or whatever a Friend needs My Problem then gets pushed aside to help someone I won't have to take Public Transport I drive I have not used Public Transport since that Day lol And if they sedate me then I will have someone that will take me as I can not stay in Hospital I have a little Dog here that needs me Love and Hugs to you and welcome to mylot and as my Friend Sweetie
2 people like this
@TerryZ (22146)
• United States
5 Sep 07
Hi sweetie Im so sorry to hear this. I know they can give you an open MRI please ask them. I dont want you to worry about it. You are going on the Sept.19 and I am going on Sept.18. I will be strong for both of us.LOL You know I will keep your friend in my prayers and I always keep you in my prayers every night. Because YOU were my first real friend here on mylot and I too will never forget that. Please try and put your mind to rest sweetie your going to be fine. I love you and Im sending my hugs to you. You have my email so whenever you want Im here.xxoo
3 people like this
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
5 Sep 07
Oh Sweetie not so long back I was calming you down and now look The worse thing is that they also are talking about an MRI Scan on my Lungs but I have not heard anymore on that one yet I will be ok in a couple of Days just so many things went through my Head today and I get that once in a while and when it hits it hits well and truly I think about everything and I mean everything I love you to and yes you are very precious to me to and always will be and thank you for keeping my Friend in your Prayers to as she is special to
2 people like this
@Lakota12 (42794)
• United States
6 Sep 07
You didnt say a darn thing about this when I talked to you well we might have not had time for son caled but damn girl ya should have said something! I do hope they do an MRI so they might find out why this is happening to you my heart and soul is with you and my prayers I will bee thinking of you ever y day but specailly on the 17th unless I am under the knife. I want every one of our friends her eto pray for you and put energy your way the way they are doing fo r me I know I will make it thru and so will you hugs! blessings and all that stuff
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
6 Sep 07
My Darling Friend you have enough to deal with I am not going to put this on you to I need to get you through what is up with me is nothing compared to what you are going through and to be honest I did not realize that you would see this till after I sent it lol And I would rather be under the Knife and get rid of it then you sitting there thinking of me you can do that later lol that was one of the reasons I came on so late yesterday I did not want to upset you the State I was in you really do not need it right now you can have it when I know you have rid of that Lump of yours till then you come first in my thoughts Love you Big Hugs your way
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42794)
• United States
6 Sep 07
ha ha ha h a well I did see it as you see I did. and I dont care what I have to go thru I just want you to finally get well. We have been there for each other going on 33 months now and do ya think I will cop out now not likely! Ive made my desition now just have to call Doc and tell him to set it all up and I have a few mor min before the office might be open! And I dont want to be lop sided lol. You take care and do what Docs say even if they have to put ya to sleep to get the images they need hugs and blessings
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
6 Sep 07
Well I am glad that you have decided this and you know I am I will be ok to you know that and yes we have been through a lot and we will go through more together lol
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
7 Sep 07
Please forgive my slow response. I've been so busy helping my parents move which their old and new house is four hours apart and on top of that, my dad being in the hospital and a few other mishaps as well. It seems never ending however I don't forget my friends. Sweetie, know that we're all here for you. Even though not in person but we're here in our heart of hearts. I will keep you in my prayers along with your friend Lakota. Keep your faith in God and you'll find the strength that you'll need in all this black cloud that's hanging over your head. Prayers have been known to move mountains and so it will move yours as well. Bless you.
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
8 Sep 07
Thank you Sweetie and please do not apologize for being late in responding as you do have a Life of the Net Sweet Hugs to you
2 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
8 Sep 07
Thanks for being so understanding however I do care about my friends as well and I hate have to let one side of my life slide but sometimes we have to to get other things in some kind of order. I will be back as soon as I can but in the meantime, I'll respond when I can. Thanks again and Bless you and your friend!
2 people like this
@dana234 (2126)
• Spain
6 Sep 07
I´m glad you decided to write this discussion. The answer you get might make you feel a bit better. Don´t feel guilty, because you´re worried, scared or fed up. Of course there are people who are worse off than you, but that doesn´t mean that you haven´t got the right to feel the way you do. You´re not selfish, just human. I can only tell you that my thoughts are with you and that I truly wish that that the scan results are going to be good. I´m not claustrophobic, but the thought of having to get into one of those tubes makes me feel bad. So I can imagine how you feel. I´ve seen your friend around here and I´m sending her and you tons of positive vibes. A big hug and lots of love XXX Dana
@dana234 (2126)
• Spain
6 Sep 07
Sorry, it was supposed to be "answers", not answer.
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
6 Sep 07
Thank you Sweetie I think they should be ok but I am just so scared I will be fine now that I am back on my Tablets
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Sep 07
Gabs don't worry God will see you through this you know he never puts anything on us that we can't handle I'm want you to know htat I'm praying for you and Joan and that I love ya today was a bad day for me to I went to Dr. yeaturday and he put me on nerve pills lol like that is really gona help Love ya
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
6 Sep 07
Oh no Sweetie not you to I guess things have still not settled down you are another Person who has been through a lot these past couple of years and still are You need to let me know how things are going Sweetie and do take those Pills this is one of the reasons I got the way I did I tried to take myself of them and look at me I am a mess I can't deal with things No they don't take it away Sweetie but they do help in a sense That is why they keep me on them because if I keep getting in a state like yesterday my Lungs can't cope I love you to and I am so glad that you have decided to come on here now I really am (((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Sep 07
Don't worry Gabs I'm not gonna take them I hate pills he is lucky he gets to me to take my blood pressure pills
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Sep 07
I am so sorry this is so late. I have one thing or another to keep me from my computer. I hope you are calm by now. I am sorry to hear you are so upset. We tend to let our imangination run wild when things are usually not as bad as we think. I am so sorry once again to hear how upset you are. I know how it is to be alone and to feel like a burden on some one. Let me tell you, you are not a burden on anyone. If it was your man or your children who where sick and they needed you you would be there no questions asked. So do not feel bad. It tends to be our pride that gets in the way of our asking for help and our recieving help. When I was working I helped a lot of people, I had people stay at my home who did not have someplace to stay, I gave money to people and I did things for people that I knew. My thinking was one of these days I will need help and I hope someone will be there to help me. I am sure people help you because they love you and they are willing and love to help you. I too cannot stand the MRI scanner and have to be tranquilzed. Now with an MRI of your hip and lower back they may be able to go from your feet down instead of sticking your head in the machine. I hope that is the case. Please remember that God will not give you anything you cannot handle.
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
14 Sep 07
Thank you Sweetie for your Loving and caring Words and yes that is what my Kids say to me that I have been there for them loving them and being with them when they where sick and it is their turn and they know all of them and that goes for my Friends to I will always be there for them if any of them need me no matter what Love and Hugs
@raydene (9875)
• United States
9 Sep 07
Hey Doll, Of course Lakota has my prayer still anf so do you Sweet Angel...Everything will be ok..you'll see. Just trust your maker and ask for strength and believe in yourself and you will get through another hard time...Just remember we are all here and prayers are being said for you so we all know what will be is what is best..just trust Doll... Love you madly.. xoxoxoxo
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
11 Sep 07
I don't know if I can trust anymore I trioed that when I was being tested on my Lungs and look what happened so I guess I will just take what is coming to me I have no choice and I still want to believe there is nothing Love you xx
1 person likes this
@tony2008 (26)
• China
7 Sep 07
my mood is so oppressive when i sit through your discussions ,i can't experience your feeling hundred percent, but i know you must be a caring people,because you care about others,when you are agonized by the illenss yourself.fight with the illness !,don't give up and don't be dejected,you and your firends will be the winer.because so many people pray for you
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
7 Sep 07
Thank you so much Tony for your lovely words and your Support I really appreciate this I have not accepted you as a Friend yet Sweetie because there was nothing in your Profile for me to go by so please do not take it personal I am just very weary in that way thats all Hugs to you
1 person likes this
@worldwise1 (14890)
• United States
6 Sep 07
Dear gabs, who says that we cannot give a thought to our own circumstances even as we have concern for our fellow human beings that might be going through a rough time? Continue refusing to give in to whatever is causing you so many problems. That is the only way. You have to fight against it with all of your might! I will be in prayer for you and sending positive thoughts your way. I don't know Lakota's situation, but I will also be sending positive thoughts their way too.
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
6 Sep 07
Thank you so much Worldwise and I am sure that I will eventually get through all this with all my Lovely Friends including you on here Big Hugs to you
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25007)
• Australia
6 Sep 07
Oh Gabs, you poor little soul...i feel so useless and wish I could come and give you hugs and make you smile and laugh. You are such a beautiful loving giving person and it isn't right or fair that this should be happening to you. It's so like you to be thinking og and worrying about someone else when your own life is in such turmoil. I'm sure you will be looked after during your test...please try not to worry about it...but I know you will. Just hug your darling Gissi and let the peole who love you look after you. Try and be good to yourself. Love and hugs from me to you.
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
6 Sep 07
Thank you Sweetie you help by being my Friend You are also one of my special ones and you know that I will be ok but of course I will be thinking of my Friends and worrying when they are so sick and I need to concentrate on her and worry about myself later but yesterday I just could not stop it happening the tears the hate for myself and feeling so useless I am a bit better today so I will snap out of it
@petspets (476)
• Antarctica
6 Sep 07
Mummymo and all the friends have expressed what I would like to say. There is prayer-room in my heart for Lakota, you, Gissi and everyone else . I have written the appointment on my calendar . All the collective prayers , positive energy, well wishes will help keep you strong on that day. All my hugs and love to all of you.
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
6 Sep 07
Thank you Sweetie and I know that you think of me every Day you are another dear and loving Friend and of course very special Lots of love and Hugs to you