Should both Husband and Wife be the ones who'll purchase a house for the family?

Philippines
September 5, 2007 10:36pm CST
So there'll be equal treatment at home? No superiority and no inferiority? I have watched movies and read books about husband and wife fighting and ending up with one yelling, "Get out! This is my house!" *Shiver...* I don't want that to happen on my part... But if both parties have bought the house, no one has to leave unless either wants to, right?
2 people like this
5 responses
• Malaysia
6 Sep 07
I think it is not the question of who purchased the house or not. If we know how to respect each other in a relationship, the issue to throwing the spouse out during a fight will not occur. However, I understand in this situation words are easy to say than done. Yeah, I have to say I agree with you in this matter. If both partners buy the house and put their names in the purchase paper, nobody is going to thrown out of the house when a fight happens in the future. The feeling of superiority and inferiority will never happen in this situation. I think this is a balanced and healthy way to keep a marriage from falling apart. Moderation always works miracles in this world. We can see the proof everywhere. For example a very poor person will be forced to steal due to hunger. A very rich person is never happy because everybody in the house is so busy chasing money. However living moderately teaches us to be humble, but at the same time not being lazy. I haven't bought a house yet, but if I do in the future I would strongly consider putting both our names in the paper. I've never thought about it before, but this is a brilliant idea and it seems to be practical. I like it, and thanks for bringing up this topic. Have a nice day, diannebcrs!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
10 Sep 07
You have a point there. Marriage should include mutual respect and not just mutual property. When I get married, I want my husband to agree with me that both of us should be the ones who'll buy a house not because of the worry that one is going to be thrown out of the house when there's a fight but because to show to him that equal treatment should be valued at home.
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
6 Sep 07
Well, after a while, if you both live in the house, it becomes both of yours anyway, even if your name isn't on the deed. When I got married 23 years ago, the house was in my husband's name because I screwed up my credit. I didn't like it although he never used that line on me. We changed the deed over but, by then, I already legally owned half the house. Still, I like seeing my name too since I pay my fair share here. Also, in a marriage, if the house was bought after the marriage, it is up to a judge who has "to get out" even if it is owned by one person. This is in my state, it may vary. I believe all marriages should be equal with no superiority one way or the other. You each bring different things to the marriage and none are "better" than the other. I HATE when men use the "I WORK!" line on stay at home mothers. They work twice as hard. I am very lucky to have always had an income and to have had a husband who never never thought twice about his money being our money (even though at times, I did say my money was mine. Bad me.).
• Philippines
10 Sep 07
I don't like it also wen men say that they should be the ones who're always to be followed just because they provide the family the financial needs. Wives also do their job in handling the home and children with care - and I can see how my mom does all that every single day. And it ain't an easy job.. I believe that there should always be equal treatment not because one does more work than the other.
@eprado (1473)
• Philippines
6 Sep 07
Hello diannebcrs, I think both husband and wife should be the one's to purchase a house for the family. I agree with what you said and it does happens sometimes. I think it helps the realtionship if both has a share on the house. :-)
• Philippines
10 Sep 07
I think so, too. Thanks for the response.
• Canada
6 Sep 07
My fiance and I have discussed this, and what you say makes sense. He is a better financial provider than I am, but I have other strengths I bring to the marriage. This difference in contribution has nothing to do with our gender roles, it has to do with us as the people. It could very easily be that the woman is the one to bring home the money, and the man does something else. As long as people are equally important and not expected to be a certain way because of their genders, that's all that matters. Though the house will be more his than mine financially, it will be in both of our names, because we both live in it. Again, he may pay the money, but there are other things (I'm not necessarily talking about the cooking and cleaning etc.) that I will bring to OUR HOME. As long as two people treat eachother as equals, it really doens't matter who does what.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
6 Sep 07
I agree. Equal treatment is very important to have a healthy family.
@maddysmommy (16243)
• United States
8 Sep 07
I think both should be involved, its not one or the others house, its theirs together and so the decision needs to be made together.
• Philippines
10 Sep 07
I agree with that.