Will you agree to separate with adulterous husband if he asks it?

Philippines
September 6, 2007 12:49am CST
I look at the spot in my right hand hand's finger that used to display my wedding ring. The skin where the ring once was had become pale and dented inwards, a sign of years of being worn. Now I wonder if I really did the right thing, to agree with my husband who wanted to separate from me after admitting to acts of adultery. He said he feels he is not worthy for me. He said he felt it was only fair for him to leave me due to his sins and since he is no longer sure if it is love he feels for me or pity. I feel I made a mistake in agreeing to him last Sunday since he know enjoys singlehood and, from what I heard, have been continuously seeing the woman he had his last affair with.
4 people like this
13 responses
@maean_19 (4662)
• Philippines
6 Sep 07
Do you feel the guilt that you let him go, despite knowing that he had continued his affair? I guess, you did the right thing because you don't deserve him. It is very hard to be with someone who commits himself with another. It gives you much pain if you tolerated or remained with him knowing the fact of his adulterous acts. Perhaps, it is better that way that you have to continue your life without him because you deserve a better partner than him.
• United States
6 Sep 07
I can't tell you what to do but if it were me,I wouldn't bother and go on with your life.Let it go.
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
6 Sep 07
You did the right thing. He said all those things but the truth is, he is still seeing other women and enjoying being free. Why would you want a man who is obviously into other women and not going to be faithful to you? If he just messed around once and was sorry and didn't do anything at all again, maybe you two could work it out but it sounds like he is very happy with the women he is seeing and his single life. It hurts badly, I am sure, but wouldn't it hurt more to have him there cheating on you? You can't make a man stay with you and you can't make a man stay faithful. Your husband obviously is sowing some wild oats. Maybe in time, he will settle down and realize what a good thing he had and beg to come back and be all straightened out. I hope so for you. What else could you have done but to let him go? He as much as said he didn't know if it was pity keeping him there. You can't possibly want any man to pity you. You are, I am sure, a strong, wonderful woman and you don't need any man's pity. Give it some time. Things will get better.
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
7 Sep 07
Truthfully , I could not be with such a man. If I am with a man, I want to know and feel and trust with all my being that he is with me because he loves me and wants me. I'd rather be alone than to settle for less than that. If my man desired another woman then i'd have to question why he wanted to be with me...convenience? If my man told me he didn't know what he feels for me love or pity...i'd be so insulted that there would be no question. You deserve to be loved for the person you are.
@gesell03 (173)
• Philippines
7 Sep 07
it was not a wrong decision to set him free it was the right thing to do, remember that not only he is single ,but you are single too, its much worse to be with a man who no longer loves you and just feels pity for you, move on and redefine the meaning of your life, forget him and enjoy the new possibilites being offered to you right now.
• Philippines
7 Sep 07
I feel for you, but it sounds like he broke up with you so he can continue dating his girlfriend. I must admit he used a good tactic on you, giving you that 'I feel, I don't deserve you" routine. Don't sweat it. If he can throw your years of relationship just like that, he is not worth it. Remember, if you did not agree to separate with him he is likely going to cheat on you again. If both of you are planning a divorce go for it. Make him pay for what he did. Don't make it easy for him, ask for high alimony or support, you deserve compensation for what he did to you. Learn to fight back, be devious, you said so yourself he is now enjoying his single blessedness, why make him enjoy it all the way? Love yourself before you love him. You don't deserve him.
@patels (65)
7 Sep 07
iam sameer and iam studing Btech I year my gf have presented me agift of ring it was too shiny and it is maid by gold and she written my name on her hand she loves me lot and i also love her lot ,one day i forget the ring in the bathroom and discussing with my gf she once look at my hand and their was no ring she feel sad and said that you dont love me so you through the ring but the next day i went to her home and presented her another ring she feel very happy and kissed me and that was my lucky day
@patels (65)
7 Sep 07
iam sameer and iam 18 years old and i also have a ring in my hand it was gifted by my girl friend on my birthday party , all friends are being jelous of me by seeing my ring , i think your husband is too kindly to you, he have not punished you because he loves you lot and can pay any loss insted of you
@shomomo (850)
• Israel
6 Sep 07
If he is cheating on you there is only one solution: divorce him. He keeps on cheating and it seems to me that he only wanted to be separated because that's the most comfortable arrangement for him, he gets to be "single" without the hassle of divorce, don't let him manipulate you like that.
@sunshine4 (8709)
• United States
6 Sep 07
So sorry to hear that you are going threw this hard time. It sounds like it is best for you and eventually you will realize this. Your husband wants to be single. If he wanted to work things out with you, he would be the one begging you for forgiveness not leaving and continuing to see other woman.
• United States
6 Sep 07
Hi Minnie, Im really sorry for your divorce. Sounds like it was the best thing that could have ever happened to you, only I know you dont see it that way now. You will! This is your opportunity to try new things, start living your life and be happy. You would not have been happy staying in this marriage with a man who, and he said, doesnt feel worthy of you! Open your eyes each day and know that he was not worthy of your presence in his life and move on. See what you wrote to us....he is enjoying singlehood and still seeing this woman he cheated on you with. Hes not even smart enough to realize that what he said to you to get your sympathy and get out of the marriage, is truth! I hope you see that he is missing out and that your the winner here. Most happiness!
@mamasan34 (6521)
• United States
6 Sep 07
You certainly did not make a mistake in sending him on his way. It is quite obvious that he is not the man for you. You deserve so much more than what he can provide. Do you realize that you are a precious jewel? A true man will recognize that and treat you as such. Your husband does not treat you as a treasure, and you shouldn't tolerate that kind of unhappiness. In the future you will see you made the right decision and he will see what a treasure he has lost. It's his loss not yours. You now have the opportunity to seek out your dreams, look at it that way. That pale and dented band around your finger from where your ring used to be should be a reminder of your new found freedom and to remind you that you deserve more than what you were given.
@classy56 (2884)
• United States
6 Sep 07
I remember the same dent mark on my finger an it stay there for a long time after 21 years of marriage to my frist husband.Who i had caught cheating on me.So i know how you feel.You did the right thing by letting him go.You could never trust him again even if you forgave him.You will meet another man just as good as your ex or even a better man than he was.I was lucky i found another good man.Im sure you will too.