Can you be emotionally and mentally stable enough to get married in your teens?

Ireland
September 6, 2007 8:16am CST
I have been with my boyfriend now for just about 2 years and even at an early stage we talked about getting married and having kids. We are both just 19 and maybe this is too much of a big step..it may feel right now..but in the long run I don't wanna find out in maybe a year or so on that iv made a huge mistake. Your thoughts and stories people...
4 responses
@r_yuen (333)
• Indonesia
8 Sep 07
You are right. Think about all the things before you say "I do". I also having the same problems to think how to make the marriage work. It's not easy. I admit it. What I've learned is that we must check some of the things before we get married: 1. Are we financially independent from our parents? If not, after the marriage, it will soon became problems when your in laws get into your family matters. 2. Are we emotionally independent from our parents? You see... If we are too tied up emotionally with our parents, someday if we face problems with our hub/wive, we will turn to our parents. Imagine if our parents hands on our family matters. A husband should be able to settle his own family matters without the help of his parents. I learned that the most precious and wonderful gift you can give to your spouse is not diamonds or gold or whatever shiny things. It's the health of mental and emotion. If both are emotionally and mentally healthy (not just stable), that's the first stage that you can be sure you are building your marriage under a strong foundation. Second is the communication. Third, is how you managed the conflict between both of you. And the last, when you did all those 3, intimacy will be sure achievable in your marriage. Well... so much easier to put it into words, but really, I'm learning like you and I'll try to put it into my live. Good luck and God Bless!
• Ireland
10 Sep 07
thank you for your insight...htere is definately alot to think about and my pareants have always been a problem as they dont approve of our relationship.while they TRY to stick their nose into everything,his parents are much more understanding that we need our own space and don't ever get in the way.financially...yes we are both independant of our parents but i think moving out would be the next big step rather than marriage...a kind of practice run.conflict between us?.. well we are both fiery and opinionated but we always settle things and get on with it. Intimacy...no problem there! ha good luck with your own relationship..sounds like you have considered marriage in depth..god bless
@r_yuen (333)
• Indonesia
11 Sep 07
Hahaha... actually I'm preparing for my marriage. Those I wrote above are what I learned during my pre-marriage counseling session. You will understand it better when you have attend it. :) By the way, I posted some of my thoughts about marriage. Some things have been commented by others. If you want to seek some answers, you might find it there as well. :) Take care and good luck! :)
• Ireland
12 Sep 07
pre-marriage counselling? never heard of it!! sounds good! when are you hoping to get married?
@ketybhagat (4125)
• India
13 Sep 07
Hang on dear, 19 is too young for marriage and kids. I know my mother was married at 19 and she had to sacrifice her whole life for us. She never got to do things a teenager would want to do, no late nights etc. Her whole world revolved around her kids and trying to make ends meet. Start earning properly, collect some for the future, enjoy life to its full and then when you are around 25, think of settling down. It all seems a rosy picture now, but when reality strikes, it is a bleak picture.
• United States
13 Sep 07
Getting married doesn't mean having kids immediately, if at all. You can get married AND have a life.
• Ireland
13 Sep 07
'start earning properly' i do thank u very much, we both do. i dnt plan on having kids jst yet and even if it wer to happen i feel we cud cope, financially too. how long had ur parents been together before they married and had kids? i dnt think that it is always a bleak picture and i think its not right to tar everyone with the same brush while u make ur generalisation. my mother had me when she was 19,a single mother and she coped jst fine, i have never been short of anything.
• United States
6 Sep 07
In my opinion not really, but 19 isn't really that much in your teens anymore. You're both pretty much adults now and can make those decisions for yourself. But, the kids should wait until you both are financially and emotionally prepared for such a commitment. Good luck.
• Ireland
6 Sep 07
your comment is much appreciated and technically yeah i guess we are pretty much adults at this stage. i always worry that mayb its just that fuzzy love feeling that makes you wanna get married but i feel we'r past that, i dunno how you really tell tho..kids can wait, i miscarried just after christmas so mayb the want is just from that
• United States
6 Sep 07
Your welcome, just remember, if you have ANY doubts. It's best just to wait. This is a life long commitment that needs to be taken seriously.
• United States
13 Sep 07
Stability and ability are two different things. Sure, you can be stable enough to do it, but to be fully able and aware of making the dicision wisely is another matter. While there are plenty of people who have chosen to get married young and succeeded, there are 100-times more who have failed for several reasons. Most younger people aren't ready to be settled and committed to one person. Many want to be able to party and date and travel and not have to consult or report to anyone. There's also the work of conforming and compromising your life to be compatible with that of another person, and the bills and work and all that. Most younger people want to get through college before having to put up with all that. Now, if absolutely none of this applies to you, then go right ahead! But these are some things you really need to think about beforehand. And before you think I'm bashing on you for being young, let me tell you that I got engaged at 19 and I'm getting married in May. But, I've never quiestioned my decision based on my age, because I feel fully equipped to make it.