Potty training a 3 yr old

@sunshine4 (8709)
United States
September 7, 2007 9:59am CST
Here is the situation. I am a daycare provider. I watch a little boy who turned 3 over the summer. He stays home summers with his mom because she is a teacher. I thought for sure that he would be potty trained when he came back for this school year. Well, surprise! His mom said that he is trained and wanted to send him in underware. Then the next statement she made was he doesn't poo in the toilet! I said that he had to wear either diapers or pull ups because if he is pooing his underware, I am not in a position to deal with that daily. She then dropped him off with a pull up on. All day I asked him if he had to go to the bathroom. I asked him if he was wet. I asked and asked. When I checked him after being here 1 hour, he was soaked. I put him on the toilet and he didn't go. I put him on an hour later and he was wet again and then didn't go. Of course he isn't going because he is going in his pullup. When mom came I told her and she said that I should take off his pullup and have him go around with nothing on the bottom. Ok....hello, I have other children here. That is so not sanitary! NO way! I told her that I couldn't do that. She said, "I don't understand it. He goes every time I put him on the toilet." I asked if he tells her when he has to go and she said, "No, you will just have to figure out the times he has to go." Now, it has been about 5 yrs since I have had to potty train a child, but things don't change that much. He isn't potty trained, she is! Any suggestions on what to do on my end? He still doesn't have any interest, goes in his pullup. I tried offering treats and stickers but he could care less.
8 responses
• United States
7 Sep 07
I don't think it's your problem to have to train him - she should be training him. How old are the children you have at your daycare? Do you normally change soiled diapers? If so, she is probably figuring what's the difference if you have to change him if he goes in his pull-up. I know the preschool where my daughter went if they weren't potty trained they had to be in pull-ups and if the peed - they stayed in the pee pee pull up till the end of the day and if they pooped in the pull-up - their parents were called to come and change them. If you've always changed him - then I'm assuming she figures you'll just change him if he goes pee or poo. I think pull ups are a waste except for during the night. She should have had him totaly trained since she was home with him all summer. I trained my little guy in 2 weeks flat over the summer and he's 2 1/2.
@sunshine4 (8709)
• United States
7 Sep 07
I have 3- 2 yr olds and one is potty trained and the others aren't. They come in diapers and I change them when needed. There is a big difference in changing a pullup and a diaper. I also agree that pullups are a waist of money. She sent him in pullups last school year and I told her that since he wasn't trained, he had to come in diapers. This way when I change them, I put the clean diaper right under their bum so nothing gets on my floor. He is a bit slower than the 2 yr olds that I have, but I don't think it is my responsibility to train her child.
• United States
7 Sep 07
it isnt..but of course if he shows interest...show joy..might help him along :)
@sunshine4 (8709)
• United States
8 Sep 07
I am trying to make him interested. I have one 2 yr old that is trained so I take him in when she goes and we all clap and cheer.
@mamasan34 (6521)
• United States
10 Sep 07
Here is a thought. Money talks. I would have a conference with her and tell her since your son is 3 and is totally not potty trained that you will have to up her rates because of the constant time and care and taking away from the other children, explain to her that at three her son should be at least partially potty trained. Then tell her, that when he is fully potty trained that you will lower her rates to that of the other parents. She will either remove him from the daycare or she will be more motivated to potty train. She is not being truthful with you when she says he is not potty trained. You shouldn't have to train him, your there to provide a service, not teach their kids what they should be taught at home. It really frustrates me to know that people just don't take the extra time and energy to take care of their kids. What is she going to do when it is time for him to go to pre-school and he isn't even close to potty trained? Expect the teacher to teach him?
1 person likes this
@sunshine4 (8709)
• United States
10 Sep 07
She would definitely pull him out of my daycare if I did that. I have a hard enough time getting her to pay me when the payment is due. She is the type of parent who always forgets her checkbook. I actually made a new contract this year and added a late pay fee just because she is always late paying me. Thanks for your advice:) I know that if he goes to preschool in a pullup, he will come home with the same one, wet and all. That will happen because I decided not to take the time out from the other kids to train him until I know that they are doing something at home.
@cipher2004 (1183)
• United States
9 Sep 07
Don't feel bad.I was a daycare teacher anh had a child sater that was 5 years old.Yes 5 and was not potty trained.I got tied of changing him,so after afew mistakes I woul give him a washcloth and make him clean himself and change himself.Problem was solved in 2 weeks.I would tell his parents that that is what you are going to do.(with supervision from you of course,just to make sure the child gets clean.)If they feel they feel this is too harsh I am sure you can fill his spot with another child.I have a 1 and a half year old in my daycare that never has an accident!She evn stays the night sometimes and will dress herself with no help!
1 person likes this
@sunshine4 (8709)
• United States
10 Sep 07
I am doing just that right now. I have explained to the child and the parents that I can't take all this time to train him. If he isn't wearing diapers, he will have to go into the bathroom and clean himself up. Yes...I am there to supervise because all I need is more of a mess in my bathroom from him.
• United States
8 Sep 07
I agree with the first response, its not your job to potty train him. Maybe the kid isnt getting enough attention from his mom. I used to babysit a 3 year old and he done things just to get his moms attention. And what she was asking you to do was completely unacceptable. Just keep trying while you have him at daycare and maybe it will work out for the best.
1 person likes this
@sunshine4 (8709)
• United States
8 Sep 07
Thanks for your response. I agree that it isn't my responsibility.
@babykay (2133)
• Ireland
8 Sep 07
I feel sorry for the little boy. From the sounds of it his mom is very busy working and perhaps she doesn't have the time to potty train him, not a very good excuse I know, poor little kid. He is really at an age where he should be somewhat potty trained. U need to have a serious chat with Mom methinks. Between the 2 of you it should be easy enough within 2 weeks. Even though its not your responsibility, it would really speed up the process if Mom and you could work together on this one. Good luck
1 person likes this
@sunshine4 (8709)
• United States
8 Sep 07
Exactly. I don't mind working on it with him here, but I don't think that they are doing anything at home except for having him run around with no pants or underware on so if he has to go it is either on the floor or in the toilet. I can't do that here!
@Gemmygirl1 (2870)
• Australia
7 Sep 07
I agree with you, he is SO NOT potty trained, it seems she's just left it too late to start & now he's too reliant on using his pull up & doesn't want to actually use a toilet. I plan on starting my daughter soon (she's now 15 months) - i can only see how she goes but i've noticed when she wants to pee, she will squat down on occasions! Maybe you should inform her that you can no longer be caring for her child if she cant get him properly toilet trained. It's hard but you cant be held responsible for working out when someone elses child needs to go to the toilet, while you have other children around that also need to be cared for. With you saying he'd rather use his pull-up, i'd probably say she hasn't made much effort to potty train him which is why he's still not trained at 3 - well, not close to being trained. Maybe you should sit down & discuss it with her & see what she can come up with. Good Luck!
@sunshine4 (8709)
• United States
8 Sep 07
I do have to talk to her about this issue again. I will be happy to continue watching him, but I can't take the time needed to properly train him if they aren't doing it at home.
• United States
7 Sep 07
my 2 boys didnt train until first boy was 3 and second was 3 in half... i dont think he is ready..maybe he should be in diapers and wait till he says he needs to go.. pushing the subject isnt going to work cause it seems he cant hold it and if he cant he wont be able to train yet... some boys are just really late trainers.. u may want to tell her to have the doc check him just incase.. but with my boys thisis what my doc said..if they cant hold it they wont be able to no matter how much u want them too better to have them let u know when they are ready.. if he doesnt show signs by say close to 4 i would even drop his ped a note...he might have a problem with muscle control...
1 person likes this
@sunshine4 (8709)
• United States
8 Sep 07
I think that you are right. Boys do tend to train later then girls. I think that the mom needs a reality check.
• United States
7 Sep 07
just tell him to go in the toilet and he can get to be the leader of a group activity im only 13 but i know children i have 8 little brothers and sisters all younger i tought 3 how to be potty trained
1 person likes this
@sunshine4 (8709)
• United States
8 Sep 07
He wouldn't understand what being the leader means. He is very slow for a 3 yr old. Thanks for your comment.