Your weight: Is it more important to be happy, or healthy?

@kbkbooks (7028)
Canada
September 7, 2007 11:08am CST
My husband insists that he doesn't like thin women. He says he prefers women with some meat on their bones and even fat women are attractive to him. This is a really good thing, because I consider myself quite overweight. My doctor says there is no medical worry for me at this point and encourages me that in some ways I cannot help my heaviness because of my back pain (caused by a progressive disease) and the side effects of the medications I am on. My weight and size don't make me happy, but it is not for lack of trying to lose that I am like this. My doctor explains in fact that I don't have a lot of choice at this point and shouldn't cause myself any tension or worry over what people tell me is best for me, since they don't know all the details. Do you think it's more important to worry about your looks or your health? We have all kinds of evidence that people can get obsessed with being thin to the point of endangering their health, so I think it's better if I go along with what my doctor says. I am eating healthy and not excessively, and I feel I am doing the best that I can. What are other's feelings on this?
7 people like this
21 responses
@sweetcakes (3505)
• United States
7 Sep 07
i choose both
3 people like this
• United States
7 Sep 07
I choose both too - and I'd love to have somebody with the same attitude and outlook on this as I do! So I'm going to add you, and hope you'll accept my invitation! PEACE!
1 person likes this
@kbkbooks (7028)
• Canada
22 Oct 07
I choose cheesecake and a diet soda. That's sort of the same thing right? :P
@ravinskye (8242)
• United States
7 Sep 07
i agree with you. after 3 kids, i'm overweight and covered in stretch marks and sagging everything. it bothers me a little, but i'm more bothered by the fact i'm not in shape. i would like to lose a little weight, but more i just want to be able to play with my kids and run around. i feel like i'm cheating them and i'm cheating me because while there dad is running and playing with them, i'm sitting on the sidelines. i think its ridiculous to try to be skinny and look like celebrities. they aren't real. they get work done and don't eat and have a team of people to make them look good. its just not reality.
@kbkbooks (7028)
• Canada
7 Sep 07
I agree, Hollywood is not about reality. It's a dreamland where we can all be just exactly what we want whether it's good for us or anyone else.
1 person likes this
@yvonnee (23)
• New Zealand
7 Sep 07
I don't think it should be a choice between happy or healthy. I would be happy to be healthy. I think you know yourself, without needing your doctor to decide, what size is right for you. My doctor tells me that I am not seriously overweight but I know that I would feel better physically and emotionally if I lost a little.
2 people like this
@kbkbooks (7028)
• Canada
22 Oct 07
THAT is it! I know I would feel better emotionally and physically, regardless of the fact that my husband thinks I am sexier when heavier. For me, it's important to FEEL sexy if I am going to radiate sexiness to him.
• Canada
7 Sep 07
First off, I don't prefer women to be uber-skinny. It's got too unhealthy of a look that just doesn't work for me. It is more important to be healthy - and I recommend trying to be happy and content with that. I've got some back pains too, but it's actually nothing too major. I'm considered healthy for my BMI, but I'm quite close to underweight (I am looking to remedy that soon). If you want to try to lose it, don't starve yourself. Rather, why not exercise a bit? I'm not sure if you can - because of the back pain and the medication, but I'm sure a little walk or jog won't hurt, right (actually I could be very mistaken)?
2 people like this
@kbkbooks (7028)
• Canada
22 Oct 07
Actually walking briskly enough to call it exercise is impossible, but I try to do some stretching and move my arms and legs some even if I am sitting in front of the tv. Some is better than none.
• India
7 Sep 07
i think it is important to remain healthy although it may not mean fit.health brings wealth which in turn brings happiness.i think people ought to improvise their looks without endangering their health.so there is nothing wrong if you have those extra pounds.and in your case you are a lucky woman as you spouse doesnt mind a bit of extra calorie.so my conclusion is that you have to be healthy to be happy.
@kbkbooks (7028)
• Canada
21 Oct 07
It sounds like a good formula, but I don't think always brings wealth, at least not financially. And I don't think financial wealth necessarily means happiness.
@shomomo (850)
• Israel
7 Sep 07
I think that it is better to be healthy than being happy, thats for starters. First of all happiness affects health, and second of all I think that you can get both if you really talk to your husband and compremise.
@kbkbooks (7028)
• Canada
7 Sep 07
For sure there is a balance to be had.
1 person likes this
@raijin (10373)
• Philippines
7 Sep 07
I believe that health and well-being is more important, also the psychological affects it brings to the person. There was a time where I have also some excess weight on my body that I am conscious at, but I try to monitor my first before doing a diet program. The doctor told me that my wieght does not exceed according to my height, as he say I don't have anything to worry about. By this, I just make sure that I do eat properly and try not to deprive me of things that I know I would love to enjoy at.
@kbkbooks (7028)
• Canada
7 Sep 07
Psychology is a really deep thing, and sometimes it can have far reaching effects that we don't even think about. Thanks for including that aspect in this discussion.
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
2 Dec 07
Health is very important for every human. Being health is a very expensive thing in our live. Even though health is not always means thin, but having healthy body used to be make us look thin. If overweight make us happy, where the other side of overweight doesn't bother us, it is okay to became overweight and we happy about that but if the overweight make us terrible, that's means we have to be healthy instead of became happy with overweight.
1 person likes this
@kbkbooks (7028)
• Canada
3 Dec 07
I agree that I have known many "overweight" people who were in very good health. I have also known some very sick thin people. Health is an individual concept.
• China
22 Oct 07
You are absolutely right! In fact, I always, too, ask my girlfriend to eat as much as she want. Health is first, while body figure is somehow not too much away from other's satisfaction. Just insist on your choice!
1 person likes this
@kbkbooks (7028)
• Canada
22 Oct 07
You are a rare catch. Your girlfriend is very lucky. Looking at it that way, I know that I am lucky to have a man who thinks the way my husband does!
@mbs730 (2152)
• Canada
21 Oct 07
Honestly, its best to just be happy with who you are, heavy or not heavy. It's a hard pill for a lot of women (especially women) to swallow but its the truth. I am a binge eater and trying to overcome it by trying to find acceptance of my body. So I personally think its most important to not only be physically healthy but emotionally healthy. If you are unhappy with your weight, and unhappy with who you are generally, and I have been down that road many times... if you lose weight, you may lose it but keeping it off may not be successful if an event triggers anger or depression. So being healthy is more important, in all aspects.
@kbkbooks (7028)
• Canada
22 Oct 07
Emotions are so attached to our health and our weight. There are many therapists who talk about "eating our emotions", whether we eat out of grief, joy, or tension.
@jewel76 (2305)
• Canada
12 Sep 07
Health is always more important than looks. I mean, looks will eventually fade away. It's true that in today's society, there's an emphasis on looks, rather than health, but I think you should care about your health and your back, instead of a few extra pounds, or 20 or 30.
1 person likes this
@kbkbooks (7028)
• Canada
22 Oct 07
Thanks. I find your comments very encouraging.
• Philippines
12 Sep 07
My husband doesn't want thin women as well. He prefer those sexy and curvacious woman ^___^ For me what's more important is for us to be happy and living a healthy life. Weight is not the only indication that a person is healthy. Some are in great body but they are suffering from some sickness. So it's better to be happy while living a healthy life.
@kbkbooks (7028)
• Canada
22 Oct 07
We should feel blessed to have men who think this way.
@rosie_123 (6118)
8 Sep 07
Well I think it depends on which way you look at things. Personally I would just hate to be overweight. It's not particularly because I would feel unattractive or fear how men would see me, - it is more that I would feel slow and sluggish and unhealthy, and that would drive me crazy! I am naturally slim - always have been, and although I do eat a lot and never go hungry, I admit I do eat healthily - vegetarian, lots of fruit and no junk food or greasy stuff - not because I try to diet (if anything I probably ought to try and put weight on!), but just because my Mother bought me up to avoid what she called "bad" food, and junk food makesme sick! I guess as long as a person is happy with the way they are, and how they look and feel, then that is all that matters, - everyone is different, and it is not right for one person to condemn another for their choices. However, whichever way you look at it, it is NOT healthy to be obese. Heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, and some cancers are all caused or made worse by being overweight, and I don't think anyone can be happy if they have diseases such as these. I guess a happy medium is what is required - eat well and don't go hungry, but eat halthily, and be happy with yourself.
@kbkbooks (7028)
• Canada
22 Oct 07
You sound just like my mom. Her body doesn't even know what fat might feel like, she's very petite. She is very careful about her eating and exercising and she's in marvelous shape for 75 yrs. old. Guess you both know what you are talking about. My mom is a VERY WISE woman.
@amishagg (186)
• India
8 Sep 07
I definitely feel health and a good mind as well as body are more essential than small fatty sins for satisfying small stupid food pangs. I was quite obese till sometime recently until I fell ill with typhoid and lost around 10 pounds. Now I feel much better. I have decided that as soon as I get well I will follow a good and disciplined exercise regime which would help me achieve a greater happiness. Of course, sometimes indulging yourself when you know that you truly deserve it is great.
1 person likes this
@kbkbooks (7028)
• Canada
22 Oct 07
I pray that you will recover completely and regain your comfortable weight.
• India
8 Sep 07
For all people their health is the most important thing in their life so they should hav to had good healty foods in their daily life....
1 person likes this
@kbkbooks (7028)
• Canada
22 Oct 07
I believe that a person who is born with a defect that causes them to have less than perfect health throughout life can still be happy and enjoy life.
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
8 Sep 07
My husband loves me just the way I am and me gaining a hundred pounds would not be a reason for him to leave. Since he's the food devil this is a good thing! I would choose health for as you say your state of mind and your obsessions can lead to poor health. By the same token, if you're mentally and emotionally healthy, not only will it affect your health but your looks and attraction too. Your happiness will radiate outwards and your self confidence will draw others to you. When I was in the weight loss industry I found that women of colour were so much more attractive and beautiful no matter what their size because they were confident and happy within themselves. There husbands didn't force them into the program and loved them no matter what - or boyfriends or whatever. A lot of times their goal weight would be the starting weight of caucasian women - I'm not being prejudice - I'm caucasian just reporting my experience. Many of the caucasian women actually wanted to go beyond their healthy weight to an unhealthy thinness and couldn't understand why we didn't want to help them get there. Countless women came because they were told to boyfriends, husbands or family memebers, I usually suggested they come back when THEY are ready - for almost every time this happens the women don't lose weight.
@kbkbooks (7028)
• Canada
22 Oct 07
Really interesting cultural observations. Thanks!
• United States
8 Sep 07
I was one of those little tiny things that everyone hates untill i hit 30 and got pregnant again. After two kids, a complete hysterectomy, and early menapause brought on by the complete hysterectomy I went from 110 pounds to almost 200 pounds and have been fighting to lose it for 4 years now. It has also become a health issue because of my bad back. I have tried everythng. I dont eat sweets, I am a partial vegetarian, and I walk several miles a week. Im at the point of giving up. Having been in both spots though I can honestly say it is easier being thin. You have more choices of clothes and people dont look at you like you have leporsy or something. Being healthy is important but being happy is more important. If your happy with your weight and your doing things to make yourself healthier then dont sweat the small stuff. The weight will come off eventually it just takes time and patience. Good Luck.
1 person likes this
@kbkbooks (7028)
• Canada
22 Oct 07
When I was able to walk, I used to walk 3 miles a day, in about an hour. If you work up to it, and keep a steady pace, it really burns fat and builds muscle at the same time. Try increasing your walk for one day's time, a little at a time, over a period of a few weeks until you are really working your heart, as long as your back and legs will stand it. Wear good shoes so as not to shock your spine or other joints. Good luck.
@maxsee212 (799)
• United States
8 Sep 07
i would pick both because both is important to me and i can't have one without the other. lately i have been exercising, i am loving it. i am doing push-ups everyday atleast 20 in the morning and twenty in the evening before i go to sleep. although i would not suggest exercising in the evening because it is difficult to go to sleep when your muscles are tired. i do it anyway because i need to exercise. it is better to get healthy than lose a little bit of sleep at night. besides, my body would adapt to whatever i am doing. exercising is very good. aerobic and anaerobic. i set a goal for myself to attain. my push-up goal is 60 or more, my sit-ups 60 or more and my run for 1.5 mile should be under 11 minutes. if i had attained this goal, then i would consider myself healthy. exercising is not the only thing that makes a person healthy. food also makes a person healthy as long as you eat the right thing. if you don't know what is healthy then i suggest you calling your science teacher to ask her because i am not going to tell you.
1 person likes this
@kbkbooks (7028)
• Canada
22 Oct 07
It's important to be consistent when you start a program of exercise like that. If you start to build up and then stop for some reason, it gets more difficult to come back to your previous finishing point or to reach your goal. Good luck.
• United States
8 Sep 07
The size of my body doesn't have an effect on how I feel about myself. My beauty shines from the inside out. I know that I am a big person. If someone doesn't want to know me for reasons that I am larger than they are, they do not deserve my friendship. I have a client that is pencil thin and will tell me how to lose weight. I ignore her.
1 person likes this
@kbkbooks (7028)
• Canada
22 Oct 07
Good job! It's so true that thin people are often chronic advice givers. The fact is, they can't possibly know what it feels like to be fat or what it takes to lose. The majority of them, that is. The majority of them have never been and never will be fat. Of course, chronically thin people may be trying to gain weight and if fat people try to give them advice it is probably just as useless and just as annoying for those thin folks!
@RosieS57 (889)
• United States
8 Sep 07
My doctors don't say a word about my weight. My primary doc says the numbers I have in my bloodwork mean I could live to over 80 easily. I'm very fat due to my medical conditions and medicines and my hubby loves me for me. I think we're both very lucky. All corpses become skinny and it feels to me as if some are walking around that way right now! Super skinny means sickly to me....or having a yucky tapeworm!! There will be time for being skinny after we're gone, so for now let's live large and feel fortunate for what we have rather than have not.
1 person likes this
@kbkbooks (7028)
• Canada
22 Oct 07
I like your attitude, Sister!