When I was a little girl my grandma said that I broke her heart....

@Feona1962 (7527)
United States
September 8, 2007 1:10pm CST
How could that be? I was just a little girl, maybe 7 or 8 years old..I was so sad and I just didn't know why she would say that...I was a good girl and I did everything I was told for fear of being hurt...Maybe I was too good...How could someone say such a horrible thing to a child?...I never knew why... She intimidated me until the day she died..She took my sisters and I in when we were 10, 5, 3 and 1 year because our mother died...She was supposed to protect us not make us feel guilty..She only didn't like me, she liked my sisters..I was the 3 year old... I am not glad that she is dead, but a big weight was lifted off my shoulders when she passed away...I was finally free of her and I was 39 years old when she died...She was 93 when she died.. I would never ever tell my grandsons that they broke my heart...EVER!! It was like she had some power over me and I feared her even as an adult..She could hurt my feelings by just looking at me...
7 people like this
16 responses
@fab315 (1242)
• Philippines
8 Sep 07
Hello! It's sad that you had a not so good memories of your late grandmother. Wow, she lived a long life..93! Have you tried talking to her about your feelings? Why she said those words to you? I guess it would have helped if you did talk to her. I love my grandparents and they love us so much especially me because i'm the first grandchild of both sides. My grandmother (father's side) adores me very much for the reason that I look like her *yeekks* LOL! I can't understand why your late grandmother said those things to you. Sometimes adults say nasty things or make comments to kids that they thought doesn't matter at all..but they have no idea how powerful those words can be to a child. I'm glad that you took those words positively in a way that you're such a loving grandmother to your grandsons. My parents always tell me before that being a grandparent is the best role you can ever play in the world..why? 'coz your role is to spoil your grandchild..*wink* and my parents are doing pretty well in it! *sigh* *roll eyes* *hihihi* your grandsons are lucky to have such loving grandmother! cheers to that!! *yeey* ciao! =)
2 people like this
@Feona1962 (7527)
• United States
8 Sep 07
Thank you fab...I love my grandsons more than anything and I would never tell them anything that would hurt them. There are secrets in my family that I will never know the answers too! My dad told my grandma (his mother) that I was not his child and I think a lot of it stems from that. My dad hated me too! He tried to kill me with an axe and was always trying to hurt me physically..My sisters could do whatever they wanted..I would just hide all the time because I never knew where he was going to be..Thank you for saying I am a loving grandmother..
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
9 Sep 07
You say your gram didn't like you but I suspect that you are wrong...She loved you very very much. I don't know what you could possibly have done at such a young age for her to say such a thing but you do have to love someone very much in order for them to "break your heart". I said that to my daughter when she was a teen and getting into trouble. I did tell her she was breaking my heart...she was...i loved and love her so much. I don't know the context in what she said it but I'm thinking you misunderstood her meaning. She took over raising 4 small children when she thought her child rearing days were over. It was a choice....she could have let you all go into foster care. I think she must have loved you very much and maybe it was very hard on her but she did it. I'm sorry you lost your mom so young and missed out on having a gram.it all had to be hard on both of you!
2 people like this
@TerryZ (22083)
• United States
8 Sep 07
Awwwww thats so sad my friend. How could an adult do that? Ive heard this happening before to people. I just dont understand it thou. Wow she lived a long life too. Im glad your okay and survived her. Your such a sweet person.
2 people like this
@Feona1962 (7527)
• United States
8 Sep 07
Thank you Terry. I have survived her but sometimes it still hurts to think that she would do something so cruel. I led a very shy life because of her. I was and still am afraid of people..I don't want anyone to get close to me. You are so kind to say I am sweet. My name is Terre also! Didn't know if you knew that..
2 people like this
@TerryZ (22083)
• United States
8 Sep 07
No I didnt know that. Well another Terry. My real name is Theresa.
@bhappy2 (327)
• Australia
9 Sep 07
My grandmother used guilt. If I hurt myself she would say it was God's punishment because I had done something bad. Even now at the ripe old age of 65 if I get sick or hurt myself the first thing I think is 'what have I done'. I was fortunate that I didn't live with my grandmother but she did spend a lot of time with my family, certainly long enough to instill fuilt in me.
@Feona1962 (7527)
• United States
9 Sep 07
No child should have to have guilt. I still think of those things and I am 45..I never hated them, I just didn't understand why...Thank you for your response, and welcome to mylot..
• Australia
9 Sep 07
How sad. I can imagine how confused you must have been while you were growing up.
2 people like this
• Pakistan
8 Sep 07
Well Feona,I don't get why your grandmother said such a thing...but it might relate to the relationships of your father or mother. I mean there shouldn't be any of your fault when you are just 7 or 8 years old.So,this thing might relate to your blood-relations...I guess.
2 people like this
@muscare (3069)
• Australia
10 Sep 07
That's not a nice thing to hear from someone who is supposed to be looking out for you, and bringing you up. It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong, and the least she could've done when making a stupid statement like that was to tell you the reason. I know I would've been devestated if one of my grandparents had said something like that to me. Although now that I think about it, one of the reasons my wife severed ties with her parents was to protect our son, as they can be quite toxic. I don't know, some people just don't think before they speak to kids, or don't care what they think! But hey, at least you turned out pretty good!
1 person likes this
@Feona1962 (7527)
• United States
10 Sep 07
Actually I turned out quite awesome..If you don't mind me saying so...LOL..At least her and my dad's hurtful ways will not dictate who I am today. I could never be hurtful to anyone. The only thing they did was create a very good person..I survived..I think about my past in a positive way and hoping it will help me now..I can dwell on the negative but I don't...I really don't know why this post popped into my head in the first place...but I am glad I did it..I didn't want sympathy or pity from anyone, I think I wanted someone to tell me to get over it...and guess what? A couple people did and I thank them for being strict with me...LOL
@muscare (3069)
• Australia
11 Sep 07
Well I'm glad someone knocked you into gear and told you what you wanted to hear! I'm just treading lightly after you branded me 'evil', but it's only to lull you into a false sense of security, lol!
1 person likes this
@Feona1962 (7527)
• United States
12 Sep 07
Snap out of it...I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...You didn't break my heart either...LOL...I'm okay now...You are not evil....Are you sure I called you evil? I just don't recall..
@fawcey (928)
• Australia
12 Sep 07
I am sorry that she treated you in such a way. When an adult uses guilt and our emotions in such a way I find it very hard to believe that they care at all about anyone but themselves. It is not your or any kids fault, it is the parent, or carer. They are the older ones and as you said, she was there to protect and to also love unconditionally, not love with conditions, as so many people seem to do. I have gone through the feelings of guilt and emotional blackmail from my family and I do not wish it on anyone. I am glad it is as though a weight has been lifted, and you can now get on with loving and spoiling your grandsons, without someone around to make you feel the way she did. =)
1 person likes this
@fawcey (928)
• Australia
13 Sep 07
I dont think we will ever have an answer to why certian people can and are so cruel. I am glad you spoil your grandsons, all kids need that!!! My hubby and I love our son to bits and spoil him with lots of love and hugs all the time. And always tell him and let him know how much we love him and that we always will no matter what. =)
1 person likes this
@Rickrocks8 (1751)
• United States
9 Sep 07
Bravo to you! You will never say that to a child because of how it made you feel. Some people would use it as an excuse to treat people badly. I am so glad that you are going to rise above it. Most people do not! I guess that expression is true, "people will forget the things you do, people will forget the things you say, but people will never forget the way you made them feel." The past is the past it's over and done with. You cant change it your better off to just learn from it! Best of luck
1 person likes this
@Feona1962 (7527)
• United States
9 Sep 07
Thank you Rickrocks...It is the past and she can't hurt me anymore. My future with my grandsons is what is important and I plan to make it a good one..
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Sep 07
That's awesome best of luck to you and yours! Rhonda
@deebomb (15322)
• United States
9 Sep 07
Feona your story and the others here broke my heart just reading them. So many people have such heart breaking stories. I Sent some years living with my grand mother too. She didn't like girls but never that crule to me. but she did say hurtfull things sometimes. My grandfather and father molested me and my sister. She always blamed it on the girls as my aunts were also abused sexually. Grandma would say to her friends that I was like a daughter to her but then would then treat me like a stranger. But I now know that there is one who always loves us and we can tell him how we feel he can take all our hurts away if we let him. I'm adding you and the others here to my prayer list.
@Feona1962 (7527)
• United States
9 Sep 07
I was praying last night and I told God that he was my one and only true father.....You had a hurtful life too and I am so sorry for your pain...I know they can't hurt me anymore and I never hated them...Thank you for your prayers..
1 person likes this
@deebomb (15322)
• United States
9 Sep 07
These people are all gone now. I'm not angry with them ether. I had a beautiful aunt and together we got rid of the anger. The funny thing was we weren't angey with them until they were gone. That I don't understand. The one regret that I have is I can't tell them that I forgive them.
1 person likes this
@Calais (10900)
• Australia
8 Sep 07
That sounds very horrible and sad....Maybe it was just a personality thing, but at 3, it makes you wonder what was going through her mind, she might have used it as a scare tactic.
1 person likes this
@Feona1962 (7527)
• United States
8 Sep 07
I must be having a down day today. My neck is killing me, and I am very weak and dizzy. I have been typing a little here and there and then taking a break..I think I am stressed and just started to think back on my childhood..My grandsons are coming over tonite and I am excited about that..They will make me feel better. She had me scared alright..Thank you Calais..
@Calais (10900)
• Australia
8 Sep 07
Oh COOL !!!! They should take your mind off everything....
1 person likes this
@3lilangels (4639)
• United States
13 Sep 07
well that is so sad,but at least like you said it lifts off the shoulders now and you can talk about it,thats so cruel how she said that to you,i would never be able to say something like that to anyone,im too kind hearted,you are a terrific person and a awesome grandma and mother and wife,keep up the great job there my friend.only other thing i can say or do is send you a great big hug.did ya catch it?ok good.pattie
1 person likes this
@wisconsin26 (3859)
• United States
9 Sep 07
That's sad, I know i could never do that either to my grand babies if i ever have any.. My son is to young however he does already talk about growing up and getting married and having kids as a matter of fact he said that to me today.. I looked at him and told him enjoy being a kid! I wish i would of.. I wish sometimes i still was actually.. Just so the hard times could be easier.. But NO i would never say that to my grandkids no matter if they did or didn't break my heart..
@Feona1962 (7527)
• United States
9 Sep 07
Thank you Wisconsin..Love the new avatar pic...
• United States
8 Sep 07
I don't see how you could of broken her heart. How aweful to have to grow up feeling intimidated by someone you should of been looking up to. I wish you would of been able to ask her why she said that so that you would have a bit of closure. Not that it would of solved your problems, but to go all those years not knowing why she would say that must of been very stressful for you. I would never say something like that to any child, nor would I show favoritism. I'm sorry you had to live like that.
@Feona1962 (7527)
• United States
8 Sep 07
I was afraid of her that is for sure. I know she can't hurt me now and my dad can't hurt me either but that hurt and fear they instilled in me will be there forever and I will never know why.
• Bangladesh
8 Sep 07
Yah.......No Grand Mother or father should be very cute.But....... What can i say really i also dont like that people will dominate each other in family.Any way you are not going to do that .So you are very cute.
1 person likes this
@lovein (345)
• India
9 Sep 07
Yes- Because when U are little girl Your Grandma Get Feelings When you are no more a little girl Your Grand Ma do not Get Feelings. Instead You get feelings. Even if what your grandma has said is not true This saying is also is Grand Ma's Feelings. Now a days it is very difficult become Grand Ma and Get Feelings. We most often says, and write facts and fiction we do not feel any thing. But Grand Ma is Not Like Us. Grand Ma Always Gets Feelings when she was on our age. Means we all should feel the truth as well as false. Then only we will know why grand ma had said this once upon a time. Thanks