He called me an idiot! I don't take kindly to that sort of thing!!!

I'm an idiot - I guess I am now an idiot.
@wotfpatty (2068)
United States
September 9, 2007 12:52am CST
I have been married for 23 years. For the most part, I have a loving relationship. Sure, we have our own interests and our little quibbles with each other and all that but come on, 23 years we put up with each other. lol. Anyway, I admit I sometimes jump to stupid conclusions. Dumb little ones. This is such a small thing but I wanted people's take on it because, frankly, it shocked me. My husband has been pushing himself really hard lately and is always tired and seems cranky. We have some issues to deal with in the house and well, the stress is up there. But we get along fine. Today, he pulled out an air freshener and was about to tell me to take it upstairs when I go. I saw it and asked WHY he keeps buying apple scented ones. I had said before I was soooooo sick of apple scents so I thought he just didn't care and bought apple again because it looked like one. He said to me (and I quote) "It isn't apple, you idiot!" Wow. I know that is small to some but people just don't call me an idiot like that. Call me fat or lazy or a jerk but don't call me dumb or an idiot. I guess that is something in me. I don't take kindly to be referred to by my husband as an "idiot" ever. I guess I was taken aback and he saw that and I was about to (I am not sure, yell, scream, kick his butt...) when he said, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that." I asked where THAT came from. I mean, granted I was wrong but to call me an idiot is just not right. He said it just came out. I let it go for a few hours then asked him if he was mad at me about something and he said no. Then I asked why he called me an idiot earlier and he again said it was just a mistake, it just came out. We don't EVER call our kids that and I don't ever remember calling him that nor him calling me that. My sister was on the phone with me when he said that and even she said her husband (who is a nasty SOB) never called her that. I let it go because I know my husband is really tired and stressed and it wasn't a MAJOR thing but I dunno. I just felt like a little kid all over again with my father calling me names. It hurt. I suppose I am overreacting but I just think it was a really crass thing to call a wife over something so small. Wives, what would you have said or done? And do you think it was just a simple slip of the tongue and meant nothing? Husbands, have you ever said something you were immediately sorry for or do you think he has an issue with me and it slipped out when we talked about that stupid air freshener? Would love everyone's input on this. I know it's small and, in his mind, over, but we're respectful of each other and we don't go flinging names like that especially over something so small. It makes me wonder what is going on below the surface or if he is just tired and stressed and snappy. Thanks for reading and replying.
10 people like this
26 responses
@Laurla98 (786)
• United States
9 Sep 07
I hate being called that too. My husband doesn't call me an idiot directly...but he'll make comments like, "Its just common sense." Finds ways to make me feel like an idiot. But he did call me an idiot once and I blew up. He later apologized, but still....
3 people like this
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
9 Sep 07
There is just something about being called an idiot or dumb or stupid that makes my blood boil and he knows it. I was so shocked that I didn't even say anything. I guess it was just a slip but he never slipped in 23 years and suddenly I'm an idiot? Grrr. Thanks for the reply!
1 person likes this
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
9 Sep 07
I like this story and I'm sorry your husband got like that. But I've seen some women insult their loved ones (not jokingly) rather easily. Idiot used at the guy is the most common thing I've heard either with friend's couples and a few stories/recounts from other friends and family. I've heard a few others too, some seemingly unnecessary when considering the circumstances (not putting groceries up in the fridge in the exact order she wants for one example).
2 people like this
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
9 Sep 07
I am very sensitive about anything that implies I am stupid. I don't have much but I know I have intelligence so, when anyone calls me dumb, stupid, or an IDIOT, I get madder than if they said I was a fat lazy slob. I never call anyone an idiot, probably because I don't like the word so I don't use it and my husband NEVER called me that. Maybe he was just stressed but he sure sounded like he meant it. Over apple air freshener, sheeeesh. I am going to talk to him again just to get this off my mind then put it away with all the other things we have been through and gotten over in the millions of years we have been together. Thanks for dropping by!
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
9 Sep 07
Yes and I do understand that. But I still wanted to point a differing perspective and trend out. And there are some guys who know not to namecall, but no one is perfect. Slip ups happen. It'll probably still hurt, but at least let him explain himself and tell him honestly how you feel about it. It'll go a long way.
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
9 Sep 07
Oh, this isn't the end of the world. We will just talk, he will admit he was stressed over XXXXX and apologize and I will ask him to be careful from now on and that will be that. Unless he says he is having an affair with a 19 year old Playboy bunny. Then I guess we will have to have a LONG talk. Ha!
1 person likes this
@MikeMe (100)
• United States
9 Sep 07
I think we've ALL said things we wished we could take back. Anybody who says they haven't should either just sprout their wings and start flapping right on up to heaven, or, as is probably the case, carve off those horns they just grew and throw them in the box with the rest of their collection. Anyway, it probably was because he was so stressed and I would say that, if that's out of character for him, I would chalk it up to that and try and put it behind you. If it's not, well, some deep-rooted thing is there that needs to be dealt with. Sounds like you took it really hard, so, as the dude in the relationship he should make a BIG deal out of apologizing to you, kissing the boo-boo, making it all better and then vowing to never let it happen again. Smart husbands ( somtimes I am, sometimes I ain't, to answer your question) observe when they've deeply hurt their spouse, make it right, and learn never EVER to do it again.
1 person likes this
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
9 Sep 07
Well, considering I was verbally abused all my life by my father who made me feel small and worthless, he knows certain things hurt me more than they would other people. The word idiot is a really tough word for me because I was called dumb, idiot, stupid, and lots of other things like that and they hurt me and made me feel small. This wasn't just when I wss 5, this was when I was 35! My husband was always appalled when my father was in a mood and decided to tear me apart so this is really out of character for him. However, we are both stressed and he is tired and all that and things happen. I did talk to him today and he said I was making a big deal out of nothing and I was being dramatic. Ugh. There is more to this and I think I know what. I will wait a day or two and try to talk to him. He isn't one to speak or listen so it isn't going to be easy but I will try. This isn't life altering but kind of sad is all. Thanks for the reply as always.
@MikeMe (100)
• United States
10 Sep 07
Given that you've been together 23 years, it's safe to assume he has this info and knows better. THAT makes it even more important he apologize and NOT say "it's no big deal". It may not be a big deal to him if you call him and idiot, but its a big deal for you to be called one. He needs to follow John and Paul's advice. "Try and see it my way". :) Given your past, he really needs to step up and make this right.
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
10 Sep 07
Ahh...well, we talked a little and it's done. I sure hope it doesn't happen again because he knows very intimately how fragile my self esteem is after all I went through and he was always so appalled at the names I was called. I guess everybody makes mistakes when stressed. He sure isn't apologizing. He just says it was a silly mistake and to forget it. I won't bring it up again but I think he knows it wasn't "silly" and he probably won't do that again. I hope.
• United States
9 Sep 07
It's not right and it is hurtful, I agree. I have had a few incidents where I said something I didn't mean and I was very stressed out at the time. It was a heated moment though, not out of the blue like that. Sometimes we say things we wish we can't take back. I would be hurt, but I wouldn't think too much into it unless there are other things going on that aren't normal. Is it possible that he's hanging around someone at work that uses choice words like that? It seems like choice words the people around me use rubs off on me and I end up saying them too. Just thinking of another possible way of looking at it.
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
9 Sep 07
Well, we talked about it today a little and he just said he was mad that I jumped to conclusions and he apologized yesterday and I was making a big deal out of it. Weird. He isn't usually such a jerk when we talk. OK, bad choice of words. I guess he's ticked at something and it'll come out sooner or later. We all say things we don't mean but, usually when he does, he's pretty cool about admitting it was a mistake. He did say that but in a mean way today as though I am so sensitive and I should just drop it and leave him alone. Great. Possible trouble in paradise. We'll work it out, we always do. Thanks for the replies.
• United States
10 Sep 07
If it's any consolation, scientists have supposedly proven that men and women are on two different wave lengths. We process our thoughts differently. I know that doesn't make me feel any better when my partner has upset me though. LOL I hate when someone tries to blow me off thinking I'm too sensitive about something they did or said. Our feelings are real and we need to address them so that we can move on. I wish your stress away so that you and your husband can relax and enjoy life. Have a wonderful day.
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
10 Sep 07
Men and women are very different on so many levels, it's almost crazy that we can even live together. Things are OK. We talked, he admitted to having more on his mind than just what I knew about and we discussed it a little. We're OK now but I did remind him that I won't allow anyone to name call me that way. I don't do that to him and he shouldn't to me. He is the guy who is supposed to be my biggest supporter!
@webeishere (36353)
• United States
9 Sep 07
Well let me say that I ran away from an abusive family when I was 13 and have been on my own ever since. I was verbally abused. I was called, dumb, ignorant, an idiot, etc etc. I was told I'd never amount to anything yaddah yaddah yaddah. To this day 40 years later those words still stick with me even though I love my dad dearly and am his care giver. I still have somewaht low self esteem from those hurtful words. No matter the reasoning behind using such hurtful words or phrases it is still verbal abuse to me. I am sorry but I do not tale lightly to this type of verbal abuse. That's all I can say for now in this matter. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
@webeishere (36353)
• United States
9 Sep 07
yes do make it claer how you feel about this name calling. Also sit and discuss the past issues along this line with him. he may understand why it hurts so much. I can't stand hearing anyone call another any type of name to this day It hurt me so much years ago. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
@vega83 (6346)
• Bahrain
9 Sep 07
Well, for me that's a "deal-breaker", I remember I broke up with my last boyfriend because I was trying to do something and he said "you'll never be able to do it", that was a strike for sure. I'm not married, so I don't know how much authority I have over this subject, but I read your whole post and I guess I could give you my two cents based on that. I'm kind of like you in these things, call me fat, call me ugly but don't insult my intelligence. But your case is entirely different, for three reasons. Now before I say anything, I hope I won't be offending you in any way, and if I do then I apologize in advance. Firstly, it was a bit of your mistake, that without even reading the label you assumed he got the apple scented ones and were in a way slightly being a nag about it, again, no offense. But of course that doesn't give anyone the right to disrespect you or call you an idiot. Secondly, as you said you've been married for 23 years and this is the first time something like that happened, I guess you could give him the benefit of the doubt here, that it's just because of the added stress of other things in his life at the moment. One strike in 23 years should be a record, really, because I've been around my parents, and I see one strike after another there, your husband seems like an angel in comparison. Thirdly, and this is most important, he apologized immediately. I mean, think about it, we've all had times in our lives, when we've let our tongues slip and said something hurtful to someone. The thing is in our head, it doesn't sound as bad, but when we say it out loud, then we feel the impact of it. The unfortunate thing about those words is that we can't take them back, but the realization that we were wrong and the immediate apology is like a 90% return at least. Don't you think so? I would say it's definitely because he's been working hard and been grumpy lately. I would say it's just the result of that. The fact that he realized and immediately apologized says a lot, and you should give him the credit for that. Of course words still hurt once they've been said, but then 23 years are more important than being called an "idiot" once, it's harsh but true. I love the fact that you guys have never called names in your relationship and the fact that you didn't do the same, when he mistakenly called you an "idiot", is great. Kudos to you, because sometimes people lose it and then the name calling war can start. I think you handled it quite well. I'm sure marriage is difficult but if you have that basic respect nothing can crumble it. I think your hubby deserves another chance, and I guess the look on your face when he said it, showed him that he couldn't get away with something like that. Of course, you have to be careful that he doesn't get away so easily, if, God forbid, he does something like this again. I guess it would be best, if you resolved this and moved on, you could just tell him instead of asking him why he said it, you could talk to him and tell him how hurt you felt when he said that, even if he didn't mean it. I'm sure he'll feel guilty about it and if he really didn't mean it, then he definitely won't say something like this again.
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
9 Sep 07
No offense at all taken. We talked today and he said he hated that I jumped to a conclusion without even checking (but it was air freshener. I mean, I guess it seems so small to me but not to him.) . He said he snapped and apologized and that I am making a big deal out of nothing. He said we were both wrong and we should drop it. I agreed but said I don't take insults well as he knows. I grew up in an abusive household and my father, who I dearly loved, would call me a lot of names that hurt my self esteem and made me question if I had any value at all in this wold. My husband knows this, he saw a lot of it. But I think there is more and I will get to it. Right now, I dropped it because he is really snappy but I will come back to it. I apologized for assuming the stupid thing was apple and will watch how I word things but I really hope this is just stress, tiredness, and being rushed a lot lately and not a sign that he has lost respect for me and my feelings. I barely talk to him these days because he is snappy or asleep so I will just back off and leave him alone for a while and see what happens. Thanks for the reply and, by the way, the air freshener smells just like apple. LOL LOL.
1 person likes this
@vega83 (6346)
• Bahrain
10 Sep 07
ha ha, well, I guess you did make a good point then. Personally I've never come across a good smelling air freshener myself, ha ha. I'm glad you didn't take any offense to whatever I said, since I didn't mean any. Yeah, if I were you I wouldn't let it go either, and I do believe in resolving issues rather than just moving on and "forgetting" about it, as there is no such thing as "forgetting" and moving on. You can only move on when it's resolved. It is a good call to delay the conversation for when your husband is in a better mood. Although you shouldn't delay it too much. I think it is important to send him the message that name calling is not acceptable, and I think you can do it in your own way, I'm sure you know what to do, since you've handled the situation pretty well, already. Good luck, I hope it turns out to be just a slip of the tongue and nothing els.
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
10 Sep 07
Oh hon don't let this bother you because he did say he's sorry. I'm very sure he didn't mean it but is, just as you put it, tired, stressed and snappy. It was just a slip of the tongue and not a normal thing for him to say. Everybody has done that at one point in their lives or another. Do yourself a favor, go give him a hug and tell him you love him. It'll make you both feel better.
1 person likes this
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
10 Sep 07
It's over now as are most things that happen with us. We get upset and we talk it out and leave it behind. He was mad over something else and, when I got him to talk, I better understood where he was coming from. I think it all worked out for the best. He never talks or discusses things that are bothering him so this got him talking. I did hug him after and we're fine now. :)
@smileonstar (4013)
• United States
9 Sep 07
well, for me; it is hurt tho but as you were mention that it is small thing and he didn't mean it. You husband said sorry right the way tho, so it is a good thing. My husband never go over about household stuff with me, I am the only one in charge of those thing. He doesn't care what I have or what I done either. If I said dont buy this then he don't buy that. but sometimes he is trying to make me mad and he will make fun of me. but you know it is just a little thing and forget and forgive is the best thing for you both, and me too. But Im so proud of you that take it down so nicely and it ended with calming... Im glad :)
1 person likes this
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
9 Sep 07
Well, I would like to talk to him a bit more about it to be sure there is nothing brewing that I don't know about. He is quiet and rarely talks about anything. I think there is more than just a little slip. He is mad at something and I think I know what. Today is a bad day to talk to him but I will try mid week just to be sure there is nothing he wants to say. It is a small thing that I don't want to turn into a big thing! Thanks for the reply.
• United States
9 Sep 07
Goodness must be in the air .. just yesterday my b/f and I got into a heated discussion about something else someone said about me, it made me angry that he did not stand up for me and in our heat he called me a stupid idiot, I am still angry about that, but he claims it just came out, we are the same way, we have respect for each other and don't call each other names, no matter what, he has been really sick for the past week and blames it on that, but it just makes me mad everytime I think about it. I am with you girl, don't take it from him, no matter if it was a slip or not.
1 person likes this
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
9 Sep 07
Ack. I am sorry that happened to you. I think being called stupid or an idiot (or both) is such a nasty thing. I know people say things they don't mean and I am sure I have but my husband knows I am sensitive to that word because my father verbally abused me and made me feel like crap all my life. I know my husband was always appalled when dad would be in a mood and start to tear me down so it is such a shock that he would use that word. I guess things happen and people say things they don't mean. But he had his one free get out of jail card and used it yesterday. I won't stand for anyone calling me names. I sure hope he knows it because, if it does happen again, I won't be quiet so quiet and "understanding" about it.
@clocks123 (1228)
• United States
10 Sep 07
yes, it is understandable that you would be offended after your husband responded that way. no it isn't right and i certainly wouldn't want it said to me, but you did say your husband apologized that is good and he knows how you feel and felt about it- communication is important to tell each other how you feel when you don't like something or something hurts you --take good care
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Sep 07
First I have to say that I am a single super sensitive person so if someone I loved called me an idiot i would be very hurt and it would take me more than a few hours to get over it.But with you two it could just have been he was tired and stressed.And he did apologized quickly, I think it isn't a major deal.What you should do. if you can, is have a date night. I mean go out and do something you both like doing.and have a rule that you don't talk about the house or work. Then you can tell if he is just stressed or if it is something else.
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
9 Sep 07
Well, I tried to talk to my husband today and he was still snappy and said I was being dramatic. Something's up. I will get to the bottom of it but not today. He is in a really vile mood. Something is really bothering him and I wish he would just TALK to me rather than letting little things slip like he did. But we'll get to the bottom of it and it will work out if the past is any indication. I just don't like the man I love to call me names. I had enough of that when my father did it all my life. Ugh.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Sep 07
You are more patient and kinder than I. The first time he called me names I would just turn around and leave. I guess that is why I am happily single and you are married. I hope everything works out. Take Care.
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
10 Sep 07
I tell ya, I wanted to leave for a while after that. Just because I don't need that kind of negativity in my life. But we have 23 years invested and I know he loves me. I guess we all say things when we are stressed. But he better think twice next time. I really don't like to be called names and never call him names like that. I THINK them but don't say them. lol.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Sep 07
In past relationships I was called much much worse than "idiot". My husband has called me stupid. I begin to question why he called me that. I break down the reason behind it (usually called stupid when I am right!) and it comes out okay.
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
9 Sep 07
I think my sensitivity comes from the fact that I was verbally abused by my father my whole life and my husband knows and saw it. I lost self esteem and I was deeply hurt more as I aged than as a kid. Gosh, he was nasty toward me. He passed away a year ago and I loved him very much but he took away a lot of my confidence and self esteem by calling me dumb, stupid, an idiot, and so much more. Because my hubsnad was there for 20 years when this was happening and saw me cry more than once when my dad was in one of his moods, he knows certain insults hurt me more than they would most people. Idiot would be one. Call me lazy, fat, a slob, a bum, ugly. Just not idiot or stupid. And the thing is, he knows this very well and agreed that my father should never have said that stuff. That is why I think I am so shocked. But when I talked to him today, he said I was being dramatic and to drop it. I did but not for long. More is under the surface and I will get to it later in the week when he is settled down. I know him. He holds things in for a long time then FINALLY I found out what is easting at him. Yuck, I hate strife but I do think we need to talk a little and I need to know what is really bothering him. It isn't that I assumed the air freshener was apple. I mean, he is not like that at all. I should have not said anything like usual.... Thanks for the reply.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Sep 07
I am sorry that you have suffered from abuse from your father. Grrrr. It really strikes a cord with me. Parents who belittle their children make me angry.
• United States
11 Sep 07
As a husband, I guess I would have to say, we sometimes do dumb things like that. But of course the roots go deeper. Of course he doesn't really think you are an idiot, or he wouldn't have been with you for 29 years. It is hard to say where something like that comes from. To me, it sounds basically like a stress-induced lashing out. When you asked "...why he keeps buying apple scented ones." he probably took it as a personal attack before he had time to think about it. Kinda a knee jerk thing to be honest. Is his Boss on his case at work, or someone been critical of him a lot lately? In my first marriage, I know I was guilty of lashing out at her after she had been critiquing me for a while. She thought she was just trying to get me to see her view of things, but because of a low self esteem problem I would eventually lash out because I just couldn't stand to hear about ONE MORE THING I had done wrong. (according to her) I don't mean to imply that you are doing this to him, or that he has self esteem problems, just relating my experience hoping something in it helps. One more thing, do you have unresolved issues between you? Maybe a couple things, (or more) that you have major differences on, and has one or more of those areas been under some pressure lately? Oh, and by the way, in his mind IT IS NOT OVER, HE'S JUST HOPING THAT ACTING LIKE IT IS, IT WILL BE!!!!! LOL
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
11 Sep 07
For some reason, I loved your response. My husband is the boss at his job and the pressure is very, very high. He reports to the owners of the company and he cares very much what they think of him and his work. I used to be critical of him way back when we went through a really rough time but now, I don't even have time to see or talk to him much. But, by lashing out and saying he did something wrong (In his mind that is how he heard it), I made him defensive. We talked about it a little and he did tell me some things he had been holding back (He is not a big communicator) and things are fine. I don't go crazy over one little thing but I just was so surprised because he used to get so mad when my father would call me names. But it happens, we're human. I just hope it doesn't happen often! Thank you for your insight!
• India
10 Sep 07
Well believe me you are behaving like a kid all over again. 23 years and you let a silly word come in between, that also after he has apologized. What do you call each other when you fight or are you like lawyers who maintain all civility while hurling at each other the choisest of expletives! Also never compare your relationship with that of anyone else’s. each relationship is unique in its own way. If there was any verbal abuse in childhood, the more you run away from it the more it’s likely to sit on you tight. Accept it for what it was whatever it was (as your profile says) and laugh it off with your husband who is your best friend. C.mon do best friends never fight and call each other names? Me and my husband call each other stupid all the time, no issues yet our mutual respect is there all the time. I call my son ‘kid’ and he in turn calls me a goat, but that does never mean that he can or is disrespectful towards me. If your husband had called you an ‘idiot’ in front of others, I would definitely have understood…but just between the two of you and that also when you know that he is not really in his senses…snap out of it!
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
10 Sep 07
Actually we don't name call when we argue. There is a lot of respect and we try not to say things we don't mean even when we argue. However, I am way past the issue now as I said I would be. We talked about it and he told me what was really on his mind (I knew there was more) and we discussed and we're fine. This was never a BIG situation as I said. It was a very unusual one for us as a couple. Joking around name calling is fine. But when someone calls you a name and is so angry over something small, there is more beneath that and there was. Now, all is fine. I call my kids crazy names and they call me them. My husband and I call each other things in jest too. It was the tone he took to something so small that threw me off and alerted me to more going on. I am glad I pursued it because there was more going on. And now all's fine after discussing and resolving the real problem. Thanks for the input.
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
10 Sep 07
I think that when a husband calls you a name like stupid, an idiot, it is just like when your father scolded you. Mind you I wold not like anyone to call me fat, lazy, or a jerk either. In other words, do not call me names and do not make me feel small. Usually I bottle things inside and when my husband got angry with me, I literally became ill. So, if you can, do not let it get so far that your health suffers. You could ask him if something's bothering him? Usually it has nothing to do with you. I know I should have done that, but I am not much of the emphatic type.
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
10 Sep 07
I did talk to him about the situation and there was something bothering him more than the air freshener. He isn't one to talk much but he did this time and we were able to communicate pretty well. I hope he knows he hurt me considering how appalled he was when my dad would call me names. Things are fine now and I assume that was just a one time, under stress reaction. Thanks for taking time to reply.
• United States
10 Sep 07
Him calling you an idiot is really disrespectful and he stepped way out of line with it. You mistaking an air fresher scent doesn't constitute you being called an idiot, not by a long shot. It's good he immediatly apologized without you making him, but it doesn't make it anymore right.
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
10 Sep 07
Well, we did talk and he admitted he had more on his mind. So we got to the bottom of it all but I wish he would just TALK to me when he is upset rather than letting things like this happen then having me force it out of him. Thanks for the reply!
@lingli_78 (12844)
• Australia
9 Sep 07
i don't like to be called an idiot as well and nobody does... i'm sorrythat your husband use that word at you... but the fact that he actually never uses the word in the 23 years of marriage sounds to me may be it is just a slip off from his part... may be he is just too tired or stressed up... and he does apologise straight away after that... that shows that he does not do it intentionally... for me, i will just let it go for this time... there is no use to bring it up again and make the matter worst... but if it happens again, then i will not be so tolerant with him anymore... take care...
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
10 Sep 07
Well, I did bring it up in a calm manner and found he had more on his mind than I knew. We were able to talk about those things and come to a better understanding. He isn't the type to share things with me unless I zero in on them with him so this actually was a good thing in a way since we were able to clear the air. Thanks for the reply!
@lovein (345)
• India
9 Sep 07
If man or women could know the meaning of sound or writings than uttering or reading the writings it is well and good. And gives feelings. If not, it has no feelings only sound and writings. One who correctly knows the meaning of word , gets one types of fealings and one who knows no correct meanings of the word gets another types of feelings. I do not know how I will interprete the meanings of sounds/ or writings. Because my feelings will be based on the way I interprete what I see and what I touch and what I read and what I listen. Thanks
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
9 Sep 07
Thanks for the reply. I am sure everything will work out fine.
@healwell (1268)
• Ahmedabad, India
9 Sep 07
Well You have narrated with details and such detailing indicates that some thing really unusual happened! Though you are trying to say it SMALL! I think that You have tried your best to take it easily regarding your relationship and love and so many other bindings too... But it has really some thing, punching you till this moment and that is important also! Because it is relating some things in between both of you! And the word IDIOT is not a word comes out really accidently! The man-woman relationship, wife-husband relationship and human being's relationship all are connected here and that's why you are saying repeatedly small thing and small happening! In real it is not smal though not big, but it is humiliating and confusing as well as touching your self esteem too! And you have to talk with your husband regarding this very basic touchy thing because it has a significance of your own self respect and self love for you! And yes I can guess that some where inside your husband some thing is felt very insignificant for you and he might be denying that since a long back also! We some time did not know how our mind and heart works and expresses differently but at the same time this kind of occurrence guide us to follow the cause and find out the root odd things from within to love and care more to our own beloved and friends and fellow humans! So now find out the root from within and dissolve also!
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
9 Sep 07
I am trying to get to the root of it and I think I know what his attitude is all about but will have to talk to him more to be sure. I tried today and he was way snappy so I dropped it fast. I will give him some time and then try to logically discuss things. It really isn't that small because I was verbally abused all my life and my self esteem is low. My husband saw how my father called me names and put me down and he was appalled by it. To think I may end up married to someone who does that is too much to fathom. However, one time, under stress, I suppose is not a tradgey. I just want to be sure there isn't a lot more bubbling under the surface. I hate not knowing how he feels. He is quiet and keeps it all inside. Thanks for your reply!
@wisedragon (2330)
• Philippines
9 Sep 07
idiot - idiot - not a nice thing to say
He shouldn't have said that. If I had a wife I would rather ignore her if I'm starting to get irritated with her complaints, especially since this is a very small thing -- an air freshener!
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
9 Sep 07
Usually little things cause big reactions because there is more under the surface. My husband isn't a talker and he rarely likes to discuss things. If he is mad, I don't know it until he blows up so this is a signal to me that he is ticked about something bigger. I'll get top the bottom of it. I wish he was more communicative. Thanks for the reply!