How do I say NO to this?

India
September 10, 2007 4:04am CST
I have a very senior and close colleague of mine at office, whose daughter is one year senior to my son. Now, English is one of my favourite subjects and a nightmare for his daughter. He now wants me to ‘guide’ his daughter in English. I have hinted that I am averse to the idea and as reason I have cited my complete lack of time (busy as I am with home & office). He has however, equally smartly suggested that since both our children are almost same age, I could ‘just guide’ his daughter while I teach my own son. He even went as far as suggesting that since I am a bit free on weekends (my son goes over to stay with my parents), maybe he could send his daughter over on Saturdays for maybe just an hour. How do I extricate myself from this situation? Teaching my own son is one thing, taking on the responsibility of another child is totally different and not my cup of tea at this moment. Also his very conclusion that I would automatically agree without actually asking me, infuriated me no end. We have been to each others' house with families and interchanged birthday gifts for our children too. But this is something out of the blue for me. He now wants a date from when I could start! Friends, pls pls help me…an outright NO is not the solution here, diplomacy is and I am out of it right now.I truly feel he is taking undue advantage of the camaraderie that exists between our families.
3 people like this
5 responses
@Malyck (3428)
• Australia
10 Sep 07
WOW - this is one of the rudest and most obtrusive things I've heard of a friend doing! How presumptuous of him to think that just because you don't have your own son on weekends that you'd be happy to tutor his daughter in English. I agree that diplomacy is in order, rather than silly games or rudeness. I would suggest that you firmly tell him that you are not in the mood for doing this, and that you don't appreciate his expectations of you. Say that it's nothing against him or his daughter, but you enjoy your free time as you are busy the rest of the time. Suggest to him to hire an actual tutor who does this as a job, and may even be able to come to his home to 'guide' his daughter. Good luck, and keep us updated. =D Malyck
@dpk262006 (56599)
• Delhi, India
12 Sep 07
You appear to have landed in a difficult situation. I think, it will not be possible for you to say 'no' directly to your colleague. But, I think what you can do is, let his daughter come to you and you teach her for few days and then start delaying tactics, I mean you can ask her to sit and do the work, and meanwhile indulge in your other jobs....till she gets frustrates. You can sometimes ask her to come at odd hours to your house. Perhaps, slowly your colleague may realise that you cannot devote much time to both the children. Best of Luck! :):)
• India
13 Sep 07
as an avoiding tactic this maybe good, but should i make the child suffer like this? its after all no fault of hers and she would have to come all the way from her home with certain expectations (she knows me, as i have said before) and then how can i harass her like this!! No no, it will have to be something else, if reqd i will say NO straightaway, but i cant let a child feel neglected and humiliated!
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56599)
• Delhi, India
13 Sep 07
OK! It was just an idea, which immediately came to my mind, it appears to me you are caught between 'devil or/and deep sea', it is upto you, which way you wish to go. You say - "I will say NO straightaway, but i cant let a child feel neglected and humiliated!", if you have the courage to say 'NO', then the problem gets sorted out, but can you gather the courage?? Have a nice day! + - ! add comment
@singlepixel (2743)
13 Sep 07
1st of all, if it's only an hour on Saturday - I wouldn't mind. But, if he's planning to send his daughter for a long term, I'll have to say sorry, I'm well occupied at home and there's no use because I won't be able to concentrate and that my kid is a hardworking kid and that could be the reason for the good result. Just suggest to him to send his daughter to a tuition class.
• India
13 Sep 07
Steve his daughter already goes to tuition for English, but the problem is she just can't communicate and compose properly. as you know, english is a foreing language for us and its vitally important for parents to converse in english with their child if the child has to learn english well. my colleague and his wife are not good at this and therefore they cant follow much of what is taught by tutors, or at the english-medium school which the child attends. hence this request. now, what i did not like is the way the request was 'imposed' on me, without a thought for my convenience. and secondly, one hour is not too much, but the burden of expectation certainly is. anyway, i have already hinted that i am not too eager, let's hope the matter ends here.
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19464)
• Philippines
12 Sep 07
maybe you could help your colleague in looking for an english tutor for his daughter. tell him you've got your hands full with your son and you'd like to focus on developing his english. tell him its hard to teach two people with a different level of learnings and his daughter might find your teaching methods hard. ^__^
• India
13 Sep 07
yes, this seems to be the only way out. just yesterday he was asking indirectly if i had given thoughts to his request, and equally indirectly, i shook my head in a casual manner (as if i am not attaching any importance to the matter). if my luck holds out, then he will take the hint, otherwise i will just say No, consequences be damned.
@aissha (2036)
• India
10 Sep 07
hmmmm i understand,what u can do is u can be a nightmaRE TEACHER FOR HER ,like u can't understand her or she can't understand u kind of chemistry u can share with her ,then u can be really 'busy on weekends as u may hv to visit some ailing relative and then u hv to do some important work......
• India
10 Sep 07
i dont want to start this dahling, forget about being rude later!