How do you deal with people who oppose your ideas?

anger - the root cause of stress.
@laydee (12814)
Philippines
September 11, 2007 7:40am CST
I don't really mean to point fingers, I am also guilty by such. I have come to notice that people who start 'serious' toned discussions tend to be defensive and would be angered when a person opposes their ideas. Discussions are called discussions because opposing ideas collide and create sparks. These are not intended for a person to be heated up and for it to end in bloodshed. But I think the main purpose of a discussion is for a both sides to understand the other's ideas and belief. So my question to you now is, how do you deal with people or discussions which opposes your beliefs or ideas here in myLot? Do you ignore them? Do you fight it out? or did you really expect that everyone would agree to what you have to say because after all, you created the topic? Share your ideas.
3 people like this
18 responses
@raijin (10373)
• Philippines
12 Sep 07
I believe that no matter how rude or badly written a discussion is, it is those who read it and interperet the post and the way they write their response is what makes a difference. We don't have to add insult to injury, we can always make something out of nothing. If I have seen some posts like that, I don't respond if the topic is too much sensitive and emotions are starting to flare up. There are topics that I also can't resist not to respond, but I do make it a habit that my post is written in a good manner.
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
12 Sep 07
Yes, it is really how we deal and interpret the topics and how we convey our ideas that makes a discussion stressful or not. Same with me, I have come to realize that it's not worth at all to respond at topics with much sensitivity and emotions and when people are starting to flare up. In the duration of your stay here in myLot, how did you react to your post being opposed by others? I have experienced that even though how 'good mannered' you put a post, someone or a number of people would take it as an insult. Well, I don't really know how that could be since in communication intonation of how words are said could help you detect an insult but here (other than cussing words) one couldn't really assume altogether that the posts were insults. Thank you for your reply and comments and the valuable tip of 'staying out of trouble by avoiding topics with too much emotions and sensitivity'. Have a great day and God Bless!
1 person likes this
@raijin (10373)
• Philippines
12 Sep 07
We cannot be sure if someone tells the truth or lies on their post, so I also cannot say that someone's post has double-meaning or is written in sarcasm. I guess we have to ignore them at times, as I believe there are others here who still post in a proper way and explain in good intention.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
14 Sep 07
Yeah, ignoring may be far the greatest strategy to keep our peace in this discussion. *LOL* But of course, if the person persists, then it's high time we open up our canon of thoughts. *LOL* I'd sure hope I wouldn't be tempted to go to that 'lower' level of personality. =)
1 person likes this
@Flight84 (3050)
• United States
11 Sep 07
I know. I don't understand why people sign up for discussion sites if they aren't prepared for people to have different opinions. That's the whole point of MyLot...to discuss and share thoughts and opinions. I don't mind if people have a different opinion than me. That's life. What's the point in getting upset about it? If those sensitive people who post 'touchy' discussions can't handle other opinions, then why post it in the first place? There are no rules that say everyone has to agree to the same things, nor that we have to say what the person really wants to hear...their opinion voiced back to them. I don't go out of my way to find or respond to touchy subjects, but I will answer if one is really interesting to me, and I answer it honestly. It aggravates me so much when I read over posts with people jumping all over someone for saying what's on their mind. If I was to ever encounter that to one of my responses or discussions, I would answer back to them with a thoughtful response to their rudeness. I wouldn't argue, but I would say my piece. I would make sure to point out that the point of a discussion site is to discuss. I'm not a child and I don't expect to encounter childishness with a site that should be mostly adults. :)
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
12 Sep 07
Haha.. Nice post my friend. It's really sad how people don't really get the point of discussions. They even dare to open sensitive topics when they're not ready to deal with the opposing ideas. Whew! I have quite learned a valuable tip today from you. I should therefore shun away from touchy/sensitive topics specially if there are people who couldn't really handle the discussions well. Plus, as you said indeed the best way to settle our peace is for us to just voice out our point and be mature enough not to argue with childishness. Great line by the way: I am not a child and I don't expect to encounter childishness with a site that should be mostly adults. By the way, have you encountered such people/discussions here in myLot since you have been here for like 1000 plus posts already? On my side, I have decided to avoid several people, both discussion starters and posters who couldn't handle opinions. How bout you? Thanks for the comment, have a great time and hopefully the childishness would soon end in some myLotters. =)
1 person likes this
@Flight84 (3050)
• United States
12 Sep 07
Surprisingly enough, I haven't encoutered many people like that. I've seen it on other people's posts, but I've only had a few of what could have been considered 'snide' remarks. I hate to be that way, but I feel like it's best sometimes to avoid discussions from people who I know cause trouble. I hate missing out on the opportunity to participate in what could be a good discussion, but certain people take the fun away. It's a shame. :)
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@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
14 Sep 07
You said it right. There are really some people who take things to the emotional level or personal level. I don't know why that is. It's no fun anymore though if it's always like that. It's ok if it's a personal topic or something but in general topics (well even for personal ones) people (as well as me) should understand that this is a discussion site and not for the weak hearted ones. They do take the fun away. Because I include them in my ignore list and I no longer participate when in their comments or in their topics. I just think I'm wasting my time with people who couldn't take opposition or couldn't set their heads and emotions right. It's really good you haven't encountered yet. I did encounter and what's weird is I never expected it. I just posted but then suddenly a person flared a defensive fist of fury. Anyways, thanks for participating. I truly appreciate your thoughts. =)
1 person likes this
• Saint Vincent And The Grenadines
13 Sep 07
I have a strong character and i do have a temper. However, i am always open to listen to different opinions. If someone opposes to something i say, i will eagerly have a nice debate with him or them so that we can all express what we think about something. Obviously we're not perfect, and sometimes we don't like people disagreeing with us, but in general I am fine with it. What i cannot stand is when someone opposes to me with no reason at all, and even more if they don't do it with the due respect.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
14 Sep 07
"What I cannot stand is when people opposes to me with no reason at all, and even more if they don't do it with due respect." ahh.. I certainly could relate to this! I have really encountered someone who flared with my post when I didn't agree completely with what they said. Whew! That was really a tough call because I wasn't expecting for that to happen. It's different when it's pretty obvious a person would react but it's another matter if you merely suggested a better approach and they insult you for not agreeing with them! Whew! So, what do you do with people who opposes you with no reason at all? Do you open the gates of hell and fight them out? *LOL*
1 person likes this
• Saint Vincent And The Grenadines
16 Sep 07
In those cases, i try to stay away from them, because my temper could get me in trouble. I just tend to avoid people like that.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
19 Sep 07
Haha.. Point taken LightninStrike. I guess the most mature way someone could really do is to avoid the person altogether. =)
1 person likes this
@Philxav (733)
• Malaysia
12 Sep 07
No one is perfect in this world.. if anyone claims that he or she must be a saint.. i guess. We are humans and we are bound to do mistakes. Its happens very often when someone wanted to defend something they say or objects a discussions or a matter.. thing will get worse and it might end with a fight or worse someone will get hurt or killed. I belief this discussion site is good. People post and people reply voicing out their point of views. But i do not agree to point finger and fight over that matter. When you post something you expect to know something.. that is the idea or point of views of that person. You may educate them with your reply but weather they except it or not.. its their choice. I dont believe in ignoring someone point fingers to you is healthy. We all are humans we do mistakes.. forgive and forget about that issue and back to normal again..and that is what we have as an advantage as human who can think rationally.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
12 Sep 07
It's true, no one is perfect and everyone bounds to commit mistakes along the way. But you were saying that you don't believe in ignoring someone who points a finger on you, so what do you do about it? would you rather pick a fight? Defend your beliefs? I say, I'd rather let the person be if he/she isn't listening to you regardless how you explain things. As my friend used to say 'don't waste your time on someone who doesn't know how to listen'. Plus of course, there are times when we are not ready to listen as well, so I say ignore the situation when things gets out of hand, maybe the person's pride is way above his/her head that's why the argument doesn't end. About forgiving and forgetting, well, that's what I do. But it doesn't mean I'd go close to the person again. I say forgiving the person and yes forgetting but he/she belongs to the acquaintance or stranger list and no longer the 'friends list'. *LOL* Well, I'm not really that tough, I'm only hardheaded when I know perfectly well that I didn't do anything. *LOL* So what do you do if someone flares at you or your posts then, would you ignore? or you fight it out? Thanks for the post by the way, and yeah MyLot is a good venue for people to voice out their opinions and ideas, it's just sometimes people forget it here that in no way does a discussion state that everyone is to agree with what a person claims. *LOL* Again, I thank you for the comment. Have a great day here in myLot!
2 people like this
@Philxav (733)
• Malaysia
14 Sep 07
Thanks for your reply pal...firstly i want to correct some statement here.. Well i mentioned that "i dont believe ignoring someone pointing finger to you is healthy" Mean i dont do that.. i dont ignore them. You are right is no point to waste your time taking with someone whom not keen to listen to you. But as for me.. i just do my part.. if ever i got an objection on my point of you.. i will wait for them to explain it.. but if i know i'm surely right on the matters, i will try to explain it to them as a statement and its up to the person to accept it or not. At times if hard for you to take it when even simple examples that proves you are right is objected by other.. due to egoness etc. well pal.. we did our best.. and its up to them to believe it.. one day they will realize it..
1 person likes this
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
14 Sep 07
Oh, thanks for the correction. Yeah it's really irking if it's obvious he/she is wrong but then she would insist on debating. I guess their ego is way way beyond their head. When that happens though, I would certainly ignore the person.
1 person likes this
@friendship (2085)
• Canada
12 Sep 07
I just tried to express my opinion so that he understands what I mean. I don't expect him to accept my ideas or opinions but I tried to make my opinions clear. In the end, everyone is entitled to his opinion. Sometimes, a heated debate may give some lights to both sides if it is done properly.
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
12 Sep 07
Indeed everyone is entitled to their opinion. Yet, there will be times when people just couldn't accept others not agreeing and regardless how clear you put your opinions to be, it could be viewed differently by others. So if you where involved in an argument or heated debate. Do you share your explanation and then put it to rest? Do you insist on explaining further? or simply ignore the topic altogether?
1 person likes this
• Canada
12 Sep 07
I tried to make my opinions as clear as possible. Sometimes, people might not understand what I mean or they might have interpreted differently than what I mean. I could see it from their feedbacks. Thus, I often needed to clear it out. However, if someone makes things go around and around (you know what I mean...), I don't think it is worthy to continue the debate. Then, I'll move on.
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@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
14 Sep 07
I do my fair share of clearing things out. But I do certainly agree that there are some who just couldn't handle things and go around and do the defensive tactic. Yeah, a non-worthy topic to continue.
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@MikeMe (100)
• United States
11 Sep 07
You make an excellent point. Even if your are positive you are right, you have to respect other's viewpoints and treat them respectfully. Some people feel really threatened when they are disagreed with and I think its an issue of low self-esteem. They think people view them as less of a person because they disagree with them. Others, well, they really are just that conceited to believe they are right and everyone else is wrong just because it's their opinion. Sure, if I write "the sun was a nice bright shade of yellow today" and you respond, "no, it was quite blue", well, you are the one with the problem. :) After all, difference in opinion is one thing, delusional is quite another. I like to think I try and share with those who disagree with me why I feel the way I do and I hope I'm never ugly with them. If I am, I hope someone like you gives me my comeuppance! I'll have it coming! But, if you respond to a difference of opinion by flaming the other person, well, the real problem is not the difference of opinion, is it? Be respectful of other's opinion, even if you are completely sure they are wrong. Show some class.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
12 Sep 07
Nice said, friend. I agree when you said that it may be an issue of low self-esteem. The way when people would feel vulnerable and the need for people to 'agree' with them at all times. As for the conceited ones, well it's what I call an illusion of grandeur when people can't accept that not everyone would agree with them. So, how do you deal with these people in day-to-day life you are living and also here in myLot where it seems to me there are a lot of those? =) Thanks for the comment. It's really well thought and nicely conveyed. Have a great time in MyLot! =)
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Sep 07
The different opinion in mylot is the primary reason that I stay at mylot. Without different opinion, it is useless to share the opinion with others as they are thinking in the same way. Different opinion give us more clue and help us to think in a better way. I welcome the different opinions.
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@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
19 Sep 07
I agree with you Pin. Uniformity of mindset and perception is what causes a discussion to be boring. Well, there are really times when we can't help but agree but of course, everyone is unique from the other. It's not really fighting that we are in favor of, but the ability of each to understand and open their minds into appreciating the differences. This is not about who's right and who's wrong. It's about stating the facts and sharing information and of course belief. Thanks for responding to this topic.
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• Kottayam, India
14 Sep 07
They have a opinion, we should appreciate or rather tolreate them.
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@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
15 Sep 07
What do you mean by appreciate or tolerate? Who are we talking about here? The ones who couldn't handle an argument?
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• Kottayam, India
15 Sep 07
If you cannot appreciate better tolerate, as different people has different views.
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• United States
1 Oct 07
MyLot as in real life will have people who disagree with you over anything. That is the way life is. I do not put a person down for speaking their mind. But, sometimes things truly are better left unsaid.
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@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
12 Oct 07
HAhaha.. There really are those who just disagree for the sake of disagreeing! Yeah, I guess there's a time to fight it all out and a time when the greatest thing to do is keep your mouth shut. =) Thanks for sharing your views. =)
• Philippines
21 Sep 07
I hate those people who oppose my ideas especially if he is doing it below the belt. And he will said it in a harsh way. For me, it is okay to react, or give comment, or oppose as long as it is in a nice way. What I did if the opposer is too much is I also react to him or talk to him about the wrong in his argument. But then if it is said in a nice way and it is not offensive then I would thank him.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
21 Sep 07
I notice as I read the comments. Indeed it's not with what the person says but how they say it that makes us feel insulted or angered. Yeah, there's really a way for someone to really tick you off, regardless if they're agreeing or disagreeing. Thanks for posting!
1 person likes this
@gradyslady (4055)
• United States
18 Sep 07
I don't really like to sit and argue with people because what's the point, most people don't budge at all when they believe in something very strongly. So why even bother fighting?
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@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
19 Sep 07
Yeah. I most people don't really budge at all. But for me, I do a trial test if they would budge or 'understand' what I mean, but if not, I ignore them afterwards. Regardless their flaring etc. =) I agree, it's a waste of time to argue with someone who couldn't be open-minded.
1 person likes this
@kishusia (1069)
• India
15 Sep 07
No body opposes my ideas. They have their idea and I have mine. Sometime our ideas on a subject may be same and sometime different. I don't see it as opposing my ideas. I see it as a differeing idea.
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@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
19 Sep 07
I guess you are right. It's not opposing an idea but a different idea altogether. But there are those who really 'oppose' by act or by statement. *LOL* I think if the world ever sees your understanding in that light, then there wouldn't be any conflicts anymore. But of course, having another idea doesn't necessarily mean they are going to follow 'your' idea. Then that's another story. Thanks for replying to my topic though. Have a great day ahead.
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@jesus777 (664)
• Bermuda
14 Sep 07
hi laydee my response ot this si that every human being has the right to there own opinions and views we may not always agree but i feel that everyone in the world is equal and we should listen to one another because tis a free country and freedom of speech and what not and every person is entitled to say whatever they want to say this is forum a discussion group for people to vent and to get there voices heard and none shoulf jusge anyone and there should be fighting or arguing whatever i read here stay here and whatever i discuss stays here i look at this my lot is not rela life and people can say whatever they want too say its a free country!!!!!
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@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
14 Sep 07
Yeah, there is freedom in myLot and on the internet. But of course, there are still those who couldn't really handle these types of things. I think they're those who couldn't really handle pressure or rejection. Maybe they've been rejected so many times and now a slight disagreement would cause them to be defensive thus, limiting their abilities to understand and listen to others' opinion. MyLot indeed is a great place to voice out opinions. Hope someday all of us would realize that this is a DISCUSSION site. And not a popularity contest. *LOL* Thanks for the post though. Have a great time with myLot.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
13 Sep 07
Well, i am one of those who fight for what i believe in. There't nothing wrong of voicing out your opinions, as everyone of us here are entitled to that. I always encounter discussions that have the same topic but different versions and point of views from the author. And so, if i agree on what the author have said, then ill post my response, saying that i agree and share my views too. And if i don't agree with the author, then ill voice out mine in a nice way, including the words, "How about" so that, they could also think how about my ideas. And by that, we could share ideas towards each other and letting each other's sides. Have a nice day ahead from Kiko and happy posting and earning here in myLot.
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@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
14 Sep 07
Have you encountered people who couldn't accept your ideas? What did you do about them? I do agree, regardless how many times a topic is opened, there are just different ideas within each topic (Unless of course it's like those topics which surveys a type of products with explaining why). :) Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Have a nice day ahead. =)
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• India
12 Sep 07
no but sometimes v may b correct but still v must try to explain rather tha arguing it..even they do not agree lets put a full stop bcos its there prblm...tats it..instd f figthing just remaing silence can solve many prblms with a smile on ur face saying k lets leave it..
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@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
14 Sep 07
"Instead of fighting, remaining silent can solve many problems." I agree. *LOL* But isn't it a big insult to smile at them instead of reacting to their pursuits? *LOL* What do you think? Most people who tend to be defensive gets insulted faster if you don't react and much more if you smiled. *LOL* hahaha.. Thanks for the response. Have a great day in myLot.
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@mbilagan (178)
• Philippines
12 Sep 07
MyLot is a public area wherein you encouter different people with different beliefs and points of views. It should be okey when someone opposes my ideas, your ideas or other's ideas and I knew this eversince I become a member of Mylot. And this is not for MyLot only but for all open discussion areas around the globe. Sometimes it is hard to understand other's ideas but we have to because that's what they believe in. In my case, if there's someoene oppesses my ideas I dont get mad at them but I tried read and re-read until I understand theirs. Infact, most of the time I got something or I learn something from others ideas. If someone get angry to you because you opposes his/her ideas, I tell you to ignore them because those people are very narrow minded. Dont mind them and never say a word to them.
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@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
12 Sep 07
MyLot indeed is a public area and it's good that you have completely understood the meaning of this site. And yes, there are ideas with a lot of authors and people here in myLot which I also find weird but I do try and understand their point-of-view, I hope everyone else tries doing that before they react to something ~ that's where arguments spark. Yeah, I also think that ignoring those who don't get or understand the fact that discussions entails opposing ideas would certainly be the best thing to do. By the way, being 'young' with myLot, have you encountered such? I don't really know about the being 'narrow minded', I try to think about it in the positive light. I think at some point in time, they were not given the attention they needed or maybe they had a bad day that's why they over react. *LOL* Oh well, that's my opinion. But of course, I could be wrong. Thank you so much for your post. I hope you'll have a great time posting with myLot. There are nice topics around which don't require arguments by the way. *LOL* Good luck, and God bless you and your family. =)
1 person likes this
@michecu (637)
• Philippines
12 Sep 07
I respect everyone's opinion. There had been several times when some would oppose my idea but i still give their opinions consideration since there may be something which they knew which i haven't known yet. I wanted to learn from other people's point of view and whether i agree with them or not is not really necessary. I just think that all ideas, opinions, etc are treasures we can keep.
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@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
12 Sep 07
When they do oppose, what do you do? do you ignore? ask them more to explain their side or you just sit quietly and absorb what the person is saying? I agree that we don't really know everything and there are things that we could learn from the experience. Thank you very much for you post. Have a great day ahead and happy posting with myLot. =)
1 person likes this
• Philippines
12 Sep 07
It's so simple. Dont ever attempt to answer a discussion when you do not really know or understand where the poster is coming from. I don't know why some people love to create discussions about their bad feelings towards another mylotter. This is like bite biting. I never do this thing. I talk directly.
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@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
12 Sep 07
It may be as simple as that, but I don't think people would want to be involved too much with other people's lives when they go and post with myLot. There's a discussion part with the subject line, explaining what sort of topic the discussion is about. People like me don't go to lengths of research to know what the person means, we just read through the discussion subtopic or description. As for the creations of discussion about bad feelings, back biting and talking directly, I'm sorry dear poster, that's not the point of this topic nor is it in that scope. You should read the description for better understanding. Thanks for the comment, have a great day ahead.
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@RedCore (325)
• India
11 Sep 07
I basically try to make the person understand.. but may also happen that the point of view of oppose person is rite for him but not for me .. so i first try to understand his ideas n then speak(post). Arguments happen ,.. but we can learn from them.. isnt it..
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@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
12 Sep 07
Point taken. Yes we do try to let people understand, but isn't it that most people who would become defensive and would not really listen during arguments? How do you deal with them then, do you continue the argument and let him/her understand or do you stop, get a breather and then resume the conversation? It's true we could learn from them and these situations. I have come across several people here in mylot who I have avoided talking to or commenting because of their sudden outbursts of defensiveness. Have you encountered such? By the way, thank you very much for sharing your ideas in this topic. Have a great time posting in myLot. =)
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