threaten me with our daughter

@nimwia (29)
United States
September 12, 2007 6:55am CST
I am having issues in a relationship I have been in for almoat 6 yrs.I have a 5 yr old daughter and when talk of spliting up comes up he threatens to take his daugher and move half way across the contry. That is not fair and I will stay and not loose my daugher. I have and 18 yr old and a 15 yr old. I told him we will just be unhappy because I don't want to loose my daughter. He will just find someone else to take care of her, has happened in the past, I don't want to do that again. Shes insecure now. I try to keep a smileing face and calm talk around her as he rants and raves about imaginary affairs I am having. I can endure a lot of things, being unhappy is a peice of cake. He can stay that way too as far as I am concerned. I dislike him even more when he play mocho I am big daddy crap. It makes me sick. I haven't bother with counsling because he says he knows his problem, hes been married 2 times before lost his first 3 children, by signin papers, and his son comes to visit about every three months and he wants to be with his grand mother because she took care of him alot when he was little. I was married 1 other time for 13 yrs and I guess a mid life craziness. maybe this is another life changing event. I don't blame him fo rour problems he is just how he is and it just dosen't fit anymore. He may not even think the reson I am her is because he threatens to take our daughter, he says its because if we split up he couldn't stay around here and he want to be around his dad. That would work great for him because his step mother could take care of our girl. Ive herd her say shes going to go live with her poppy, that sounds like brainwash to me. He's a jerk for using anyone to get what he wants, but just plain sick for useing our daughter.
10 responses
@meholl (510)
• United States
13 Sep 07
I have been in your shoes before, except the man just took the kids. Even though you are still together at the moment, get custody papers filed immediately. At the time custody papers are filed the judge will order that neither parent is allowed to take the child out of state. If you can afford it, hire an attorney. If you can't afford an attorney, go to your states website and look for something along the lines of laws and rules, or the state judiciary. There should be a link to court forms that you can print off for custody. If you post your state and county, I can find out if your state has this available. I wish you the best of luck with this..
@jesus777 (664)
• Bermuda
13 Sep 07
hi niwia, i am not marired and have never been but this situation seems very unhealthy for you and your child have you saught leagal advice or the widness protection program i dont have the answer or solution to your problem but i know god does i know jesus does so i will pray he deliveres you out of this situation because he does want you to live like that i hope your husband has not phyiscally abuse if he has well it is really time to get some get some help and get out ther elove peace and blessing s in jesu8 will be praying for you and your daughter!!!
@rachsal4 (391)
• United States
12 Sep 07
Yes, I would contact a lawyer. You can find those ones that will give you a free consultation, and he doesn't even have to know! I know it can be hard to get out of a abusive relationship, but the way your living isn't good for anybody especially the kids. You can file for emergancy custody, thats what I did with my son. That would prevent him for taking her anywhere until the custody case went through.
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
12 Sep 07
I am so sorry to hear that you are living through something like this. You are probably right that counseling might not work for your relationship at this point. But I wonder if you consider getting counseling for your daughter. Split ups are very hard on children and if you feel he is mentally manipulating her a counselor could help give her some tools to deal with that. Not to mention the fact that if this goes to court, it will show that you are taking steps to do what is best for your daughter. Best of luck to you with this.
@jackchin (27)
• China
12 Sep 07
Excuse me!Is it a story or your real experience? Good luck!
@Laurla98 (786)
• United States
12 Sep 07
If I were in your shoes, I would have contacted a lawyer by now. My husband was married once before and in his divorce decree it states that neither parent can leave the state. If they have too...new paperwork has to be filed. There are lots of options that you can work with. How horrible of him to use your child against you.
@ashleyna (30)
• Malaysia
12 Sep 07
For the sake of your daughter, I know every mother would do the same as you. he's too egoistic with himself and don't want to find the source of the problem. He threatened you because he know you'd lose that way. Winning is all he cares.. Do you have a job? Get help from a specialist in this problem.
• United States
12 Sep 07
If you dont already have a court order for custody, I highly recommend you take him to court and get one. While it is disturbing and hard to think about, if he did take your daughter and run, the police would have to find him because of the court ordered custody. If you dont have that and he runs, they may not be able to help you at all.
@mamasan34 (6521)
• United States
12 Sep 07
That is completely awful how he is playing mind games with you and your children. I don't understand why men have to have such power trips. It is certainly not because he loves your daughter, if he truly loved his child he would not be doing this to her. Honestly, it is terrible that you have to feel that you need to stay in a relationship with someone because they threaten you all of the time, he knows that you love your child and he uses it against you. Which you know of course! I hope you can find a good solution to this. I am sorry that you are dealing with this unhappiness on a daily basis.
@cheodej (102)
• Germany
12 Sep 07
that is a sad story i've ever heard. i can't even think of me when i'm in your shoes. but living with unhappy married is nothing. i suggest refer your problem to a lawyer because i think you have the strong custody for your daughter because you are the mother but becareful that he doesn't know your plans or he might just kidnapped your girl and you have no chance at all. may this suggestion help. goodluck!