How Do You Pick 'Em?

Friends... - Friends...
@twoey68 (13651)
United States
September 12, 2007 12:15pm CST
How do you choose or lose friends in life as well as here on MyLot? Do you invite everyone you come across or only a select few? What makes you remove someone? Personally, I like making friends...you never know who your going to meet or how the friendship will develop. I like getting to know them and learning more about them and their lives. I generally invite ppl that I think I might have interests in common with. I also invite ppl that I like how they express themselves and how well they get along with others. I don't care if we don't see eye to eye on everything (who does?) but I do look at how they handle disagreements. Usually the only time I remove someone is when I realize that not only do we disagree but we can't even agree to disagree. When it hits that point then I feel we're both better off making other friends. It doesn't mean I hate the person or despise them just that I don't feel we can have a rational discussion without turning it into a full fledged fight. What about you? AT PEACE WITHIN ~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
4 people like this
17 responses
@peanutjar (5211)
• Canada
12 Sep 07
Did you delete me?lol.I wait for people to invite me as a friend.I think if they find me interesting and down to earth enough they will.Ive never removed any friends and probably will not.If they do not like me,then they will not ask me to be their friend in the first place.Even if they dont respond to my discussions,thats not up to me.They can do what they want.I dont expect them too.I tend to stay away from the ones who disagree alot(negativity)its not bad,but just the way i am.I like being civilized and atleast try to understand their point of disagreement.:)
2 people like this
• United States
13 Sep 07
The reasons I have to remove a friend is either they haven't been on Mylot for a few months, or they say a re leaving, or I find that we can't disagree politely.I have only had to delete one friend because of the last one.How do I pick whom to be friends with? Well, if I find that we have something in common, or I like your posts or your answer to my posts, I'll ask you to be my friend. And if you ask me, I first go and see if there are posts that I can respond to. If I can, I usually add you to my friends list.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Sep 07
I have another reason to delete a "friend". If they send me spam. Friends don't send friends spam.
1 person likes this
@naty1941 (2336)
• United States
12 Sep 07
I agree with you if you can't have a rational discussion with a person why bother? It is better not to be friends with that person. Less stress in our lives.
1 person likes this
@kitty1234 (1476)
• United States
12 Sep 07
I agree with you! The last thing I need in my life is more stress. I have been quite choosy about the friends I have o Mylot because I don't want to get into a irrational discussion! Have a great day!
@LCecelia (1124)
• United States
14 Sep 07
Good question. In life I usually lose friend when we move apart and then grow apart. Here on Mylot I don't make many friend requests because I'm shy (me hiding behind my hands. :-) ) When I do make a friend request it is usually as you say, I make my choice by the way they express themselves, common interests and how they "play" with others. :-) I have yet to remove anyone from my list. I don't know if anyone has removed me from THEIR list however. :-)
@ladyluna (7004)
• United States
13 Sep 07
Hello Twoey68, I've always been rather discriminating about who I choose as friends. The same is true of my experience here at MyLot. Before I accept a friend, I like to check out their questions & responses. I look for intelligence, sincerity, depth, an appreciation for the effort of their existing friend's participation, and the ability to agree to disagree. If I see those qualities, then I'll usually add the person. If I don't, I won't. I've only ever accepted one friend's request, from an active member, that I later felt the need to delete. I don't like to delete friends, because that can be perceived as hurtful, and I don't like to hurt other's feelings. In the case of the one, I only accepted the friends request because I was called out to do so, publicly in the forum. It later became apparent that my views were diametrically opposed to the other persons. And, participating in that members discussions was a very polarizing experience, which lead to consternation. I figure, life's too short for that. The other member has many other friends, so as I saw it, it was better for us both to restrict interaction with each other. There are also times when I don't accept any new friends requests, not because I see any possible problem with the other member, but because I foresee not having the time to adequately interact with the person. As I see it, accepting a friend's request implies a responsibility to make the time to participate in that persons discussions. If I don't have the time to dedicate, I will refrain from either accepting or declining. I see this as only fair to the member who is requesting friendship.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
13 Sep 07
Actually I don't have a strict rule in whom I make as my friends. Anybody who invites me to become his or her friend would receive an approval from me. I like being a friend to everybody, I wish I am now. In certain situation, however, when someone makes me uncomfortable by his or her discussions I will try to avoid having further discussions with that particular person. I hate arguing and if possible I like to have a polite and respecting each other in every discussion. We all can argue and debate but in a healthy way and not making a fight. Basically I am open to all friends here. As long as I know the topic, I will try to answer them. I prefer to answer friends' topics than starting my own. However on the rare occasion when I start my own topics, many lovely friends do take part in my discussions and I am grateful. And sometimes I feel guilty too because I am not able to reply to their comments immediately after they gave response. I am still learning to speed up my skills here and hope I will be more efficient in the future. For all my lovely friends and future friends, I would like to seek all of your apologies if I haven't yet replied to your responses. I will one day. :) Thanks twoey68, for giving me some space here. I am happy that I know you, and hope we can have more discussions together in the future. God bless you, and have a nice day.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Sep 07
I'm good at finding friends.I just can't seem to keep them around when they get to know me.
@worldwise1 (14888)
• United States
13 Sep 07
The way I choose friends in real life is handled much differently than here on myLot, twoey. I feel that in real life you have to be much more cautious. In fact, I don't have a lot of friends-and I like it that way. I used to be much too trusting of people which led to a lot of hurt and disappointment. I learned in the school of hard knocks that you cannot befriend everyone. Some people will call you their friend to your face, but it's a different story once you're out of their sight. The friends I have made on myLot don't have any ulterior motives that I can tell. When I find that I have made a wrong choice I will let them go their way and I'll go mine.
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
13 Sep 07
MOst of the friend I have on here have picked me. very few have I picked and if I do we have to be on the same wave length. I might approve some one to find out later we have nothing in common I might keep them then again I might let them go. and if someone hasnt posted on a plongggggg time I let go for they may never come back and I hate that for some that havent came back put up very good posts. hugs
1 person likes this
@raychill (6530)
• United States
12 Sep 07
Well, I don't think you can combine life friends with mylot friends. However, truth be told, I've yet to add a single friend on mylot. Everyone has added me. I don't know why, that's just how it is. There is someone I talk to outside of mylot though. Email and chat and such. There are people I respond to a lot and I probably should add them as a friend... I just don't. As for friendships in real life, I don't know. I guess you just kind of starting chatting and hit it off. I only lose friends by one of us doing something stupid to the other...or just moving on with our lives.
1 person likes this
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
12 Sep 07
When someone ask me to be their friend i except them and turn them on in my friends list..So far i have never deleted anyone that i can remember..I have rarly invited any friends but if they invite me i will accept....I am easy to get along with ,i think..If someone wants to argue,i just back off,i do not delete them because they have a right to their opinions,I am not easily offended...I feel there are some very nice people here on mylot...In my personal life i have many friends that i know .and a few are my very close friends..those are usually the ones i have known for years,since i was very young and they are more like family...Its impossible to have a friend that will always agree with you on everything,so I think it is very important to let people be themselves..I do not give advice unless i am asked....then i will tell you my thoughts...I have answered discussions here on mylot ,and i have made a couple of them unhappy im sure but if they are very touchy, im sorry .I never offend anyone on purpose...So far i have not had any problems with my friends,they may have had some with me,but if so i really don't know who....
@Calais (10900)
• Australia
12 Sep 07
I have not chosen a friend, in a very long time..I usually dont request, its more people requesting to be my friend...I have only rejected one because it looked a bit suspicious..
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Sep 07
I guess I am more of an introvert online and an extravert in real life (and i also can't spelll, but thats besides the point). Here i wait for people to invite, for some reason, i dunno why, but in person i usually somehow just kind of suck people in to me like a black hole in the universe. At least thats what one of my friends says. she and i cannot remember why we started hanging out and speaking to each, we know we met at school, but somehow there is this whole group of us from college that turned into a little family of sorts. she says i suck people into me with my personality, so i guess online it's personality that sucks me into other people. strange how my role can reverse, but i think it does in a way or maybe not, as here as well as in person mi wait for people to come to me. i dunno, the more i write, the more i realize i have no true clue as to why i have the friends that i do, i just know that i admire them and enjoy their presence in my life.
1 person likes this
@mamasan34 (6521)
• United States
12 Sep 07
I haven't been put in a position where I have had to remove a friend from mylot. I have rated some other mylotters negatively because of their behavior or being just downright mean. Those people I would never consent to friendship with. But so far I have been fortunate.
1 person likes this
@sunshine4 (8709)
• United States
12 Sep 07
In life I try not to prejudge when I meet someone because they may turn into one of my best friends. I do hate to say this, but first impressions are alot of what I use to decide if I want someone as a friend out here in life. On the net, I think it is much easier to make friends. I look for people on sites who have the same things in common as I do. This gives us many discussions to participate in togheter whether we argee on everything or not doesn't matter.
1 person likes this
@pumpkinjam (5767)
• United Kingdom
12 Sep 07
I am really not very good at making nor keeping friends and couldn't tell you why! In real life, I tend to just be friends with people who choose to be friends with me but some I give a little more distance than others! On sites such as here, I don't make many friend requests but if I do it is generally to people of a similar age to mine and who also seems to be interesting or have fair ideas. As for accepting friends, I look at profiles first sometimes and then decide. Sometimes I have requests from people who appear to ask and answer only "what's your favourite.." kind of questions and I will generally deny those requests because they aren't the kind of people I want as friends. If I have a request on here from someone I recognise before visiting their profile then the chances are I will accept because they will be someone worth having as a friend. I like making friends but I have never had many in real life so I often am not sure how to be with them which is why I like cyber friends because I can be whichever "me" I like whereas with real people, this doesn't always seem possible. I like to be able to talk with people without arguing and I find a lot of people assume you are arguingjust because they disagree. I have one very good friend with whom I generally agree but if we don't, we discuss and conclude either way accepting each other's views but putting our own across. There aren't many people I can do that with which would explain why I've never been any good at having friends!
1 person likes this
@cassidy22 (2975)
• United States
12 Sep 07
I tend to choose friend invitations on mylot based on their answers to other discussions. If they seem to add well thought out, intelligent, helpful comments, then I may ask them to be a friend. I rarely remove a friend. But I will if their discussions seem to be against mylot rules most of the time. People who stop posting intelligent discussions and start posting things that are inappropriate, offensive, or useless. but that doens't happen very often. I did notice that many of my friends that I really respect, seem to be inactive these days. That's a shame!
1 person likes this