Who should introduce themselves first?
By raychill
@raychill (6525)
United States
September 12, 2007 4:36pm CST
I live in a rented apartment above a detached garage. Next door is a house that my landlord also rents out. Recently people moved in. The two houses share a driveway, so we're pretty close to each other.
Since they've moved in, we've been outside at the same time but neither of us have said anything to each other.
This got me thinking.
Since the new neighbors have made eye contact with me and watched me as I've come and gone but have yet to actually speak to me, whether they think I should be the one to say something first. I kind of feel like they should be the ones to say hello to me first.
I don't really have any desire to talk to them. Not to sound judgemental and not to be insulting to anyone, lets just say, I can tell they aren't my type of people.
Plus in general I've always been a "I'll talk to you if you talk to me first" kind of person. I rarely initiate conversation with people. For this, people tend to find me snotty or standoffish.
Truth be told, though I've known my landlord, his wife and sons for about 9 years, I rarely even talk to them. I don't really hang around outside or anything so I just see them in passing as I'm coming and going and paying rent.
What do you think?
Who should introduce themselves first?
You, as the ones with Seniority in the neighborhood?
or them... as the new neighbors?
2 people like this
11 responses
@Flight84 (3048)
• United States
12 Sep 07
Don't be such a snooty booty.:P ha ha.
I usually don't go out of my way to start a conversation either. I have 2 sets of neighbors that live in the apratments beside us, and I have barely spoken to them in the nearly 4 years since we've lived here. I think one of them is a nighttime drunk and all she has is her dog. She laughs really loud and carries conversations with the dog, EVERY night. It drives us crazy, and we can always hear her falling down and laughing. Our other neighbor is just kind of a hussy, ya know? She's never been very pleasant the few times we have talked. They just don't seem to be my type. ha ha. I'm a homebody as you know, so I don't bake cookies or make jell-o molds to greet new neighbors. It's not that I'm unfriendly, because I'm a pretty nice person, but I just don't go out of my way to be friendly. Ya know?
1 person likes this
@raychill (6525)
• United States
13 Sep 07
Ha ha. Sounds like you have GREAT neighbors.
Well, see this house in particular I used to live in with my parents up until 3 years ago or something... when they moved away. Then my landlord offered me the apartment. So it's kinda weird because it'sl ike I used to live in that house, now strangers do. The original people who lived there when I moved into my apartment I never saw. Apparently the man worked in a hotel and had very odd hours. once in a blue moon I'd see a young guy walking a dog. maybe the kid? then there was apparently a woman who never left the house that lived there. After they moved out this really ...well white trash... family moved in. they had like an a woman and her brother. there was a teenage boy and a 9 year old girl and a baby. the 9 year old was really annoying. the woman didn't work, she just sat on the front steps smoking and yelling on the phone with her boyfriend.
NOW these people live here. and I don't know. Personally I find it rude that they watch me and yet can't even acknowledge me! Pshaw. I ain't wasting my time on them! ha ha.
i am a snotty girl!
@raychill (6525)
• United States
13 Sep 07
You know I completely forgot about my landlords sons wife. Yeah. My landlord has two sons. One who doesn't live with them. One who does. The one who does also is married and so him and his wife lives there. His wife like Hates me or something or is just a huge jerk. Because they started dating when I lived in the other house with my parents. She then moved in and stuff. whenever I'd see her I'd always SMILE and wave and she'd straight up ignore me! she STILL to this day is like that. (This has been at least 4 years probably if not longer)... like today I was following her on the road going home. (and she is SUCH a SLOW driver!) and I nicely waited for her to park and get out before i backed in (we park next to each other) and the jerk Not only didn't care that I waited and took her good old time, didn't thank me and DIDN'T Acknowledge my existence at all.
I'd like to punch her frankly.
@loveheena2002 (21)
• India
13 Sep 07
see here the question doesn come of who should talk first,thing is making new friends is always good,u never know who comes of help n when..also if ul have had a fight or somethin then ego does rise but otherwise i think u should atleast smile n then talk some day....
@raychill (6525)
• United States
14 Sep 07
Oh, I understood your input but you didn't get my question in the first place. I wasn't asking what I should do, I was asking what you think A PERSON should do. A generalized question about two people who are neighbors, one is new and one is not. So telling me what to do isn't what I was looking for.
Now if you're saying that the older neighbor, who has been there longer, should talk to the newer neighbor, then no I didn't get that.
@loveheena2002 (21)
• India
14 Sep 07
That is what i am telling u that u should go n talk whats the big deal...guess u didnt get what i was trying to express...anyways have a great day
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
13 Sep 07
I've always said Hi to people as I see them. I don't bother to introduce myself, just hi and a nod. It makes the neighbourhood seem more friendly.
When I was a kid, a family moved into my neighbourhood, and my sisters and I made sugar cookies and went over to their house and introduced ourselves. A girl our age answered the door and I think she just found it confusing. But we found it fun. And my parents knew most of the neighbours, even the ones who had been around for much longer than we had. Once I set off the alarm in the house by accident, and the older people across the street called just to check that it was one of us and not a burglar.
I think you should just say hi, or nod in a friendly way.
1 person likes this
@raychill (6525)
• United States
13 Sep 07
Well I wasn't asking for advice, but thanks for it anyhow.
I never grew up with neighbors. there was only one house that was near enough for us to be neighborly with and it was an old man when i was real young and I remember him very little. then the other man never ever spoke to us and actually just constantly tried to buy our property out of from under us.
So I've never really had neighbors. I was just wondering whether people felt one or the other should be the one to speak first.
@raychill (6525)
• United States
13 Sep 07
Well I wasn't asking for advice, but thanks for it anyhow.
I never grew up with neighbors. there was only one house that was near enough for us to be neighborly with and it was an old man when i was real young and I remember him very little. then the other man never ever spoke to us and actually just constantly tried to buy our property out of from under us.
So I've never really had neighbors. I was just wondering whether people felt one or the other should be the one to speak first.
@GnosticGoddess (5626)
• United States
15 Sep 07
I'm like you in that I don't go around striking up conversations. I will smile at my neighbors or something if I see them out but that's about it.
I think what you're doing is exactly what I would do. If they want to say hello & introduce themselves then they will...'cause I wouldn't really care LOL.
It's funny that I'm like that because you'll hear me comment on how it would be great to live in a neighborhood where pretty much everyone (especially in close proximity) knows one another and looks out for each other. My dad lives in a neighborhood like that. Though granted it's a much nicer one than the one my hubby and I live in too.
1 person likes this
@GnosticGoddess (5626)
• United States
15 Sep 07
WOW! That is being a jerk! I normally don't care what people think of me but I would hate to be known as the b*tch. I guess because that's not really who I am - you know?
@raychill (6525)
• United States
15 Sep 07
ha ha yeah thanks. I mean, It really bugs me that they watch me! I wonder if it's cause I'm young and they're all older (late 50's - 70's ish) and that would bug me even more if that's the reason. It's like I'm 25 but I'm responsible and I don't party or anything. My landlord always tells me I should have parties ha ha. So they have no worries. But like they watch me and can't even say anything and i'm like wtf. I have a neighbor too (my landlords daughter in law who lives with them) who I smile at all the time and she refuses to acknowledge me. She's a jerk.
I'd like to live in a friendly suburban neighborhood, but I'm content with being in my own world in my own house too!
1 person likes this
@bonbon664 (3466)
• Canada
13 Sep 07
Why not step outside your comfort zone? If they're also the types that won't initiate conversation, you'll never meet. Next time you see them, just say hi, and make a comment about the weather or something. Before you know it, you'll have introduced yourself, and that will be that. I don't think there's any protocol in this situation.
1 person likes this
@raychill (6525)
• United States
13 Sep 07
Well I'm not looking for advice personally. Also, I don't really particularly think it's important for me to meet them. I don't know, I could be wrong but seeing as how I never talked to either of the other families who have come and gone, I doubt I am.
Though, I gave my situation, I was asking what your opinion was on the situation in general. Obviously as it's an opinion there is no protocol or right and wrong, there is simply an opinion.
@ma_belle (1357)
• United States
14 Sep 07
If they don't introduce themselves after a week or two...I think I would come up to them and introduce myself. When I have new neighbors move in, I usually just say hi in passing. Sometimes I'll start chatting, and then that usually leads to introductions. I have lived my neighborhood for 3 years now, and slowly I have met lots of people, but there are some I still have not introduced myself to or vice versa for no reason at all...i guess just because!
1 person likes this
@soccermom (3198)
• United States
12 Sep 07
All our neighbors came and introduced themselves before I ever had the opportunity to go meet them myself. However, when I got new neighbors a month or so back I introduced myself when we were both outside. They are an older couple and not my type of people either, but I do enjoy talking to them. And it's always nice to know your neighbors in case of an emergency. Just say hi in the driveway, no one says you have to be best friends!
1 person likes this
@raychill (6525)
• United States
12 Sep 07
Well that's nice of all of you. I feel like me, being the way I am, I am mean. But I don't know. I think if I lived in a neighborhood where I owned or even rented my own house it'd be one thing. But my neighborhood is really individual houses on a street. We're all decently spaced apart for the most part and yeah, all of the folks around here are older (60's + pretty much) except my landlords family and myself. So I don't know, I just feel like I'm a renter and the house next door is my landlords renters so he should watch out for them, not me.
I hope, when I have my own place, it'll be different.
@cmsk2005 (1770)
• United States
13 Sep 07
I do introduce myself sometime but sometime they come first, i don't follow the same rule every time, it just happens in its way, if somebody move after me then i am the older neighbor I feel i should talk first as they are new to the place. So it just depends on the type of neighbor, place, situation etc and i am always ready to atlk to
@raychill (6525)
• United States
13 Sep 07
That sounds like a good way to go. I have a neighbor who has never once acknowledged me even though I always smile at her you know. and that ticks me off. These neighbors i have now just watch me so I'm not gonna talk to them either. but i hope in the future when I have my own place it'll be different.
@3lilangels (4639)
• United States
13 Sep 07
well to me the neighbors should be the first ones to ackowlege you,you shouldnt have to introduce yourself to them.when i first moved in my place my neighbors came to me,and since i was little that was always the way i though.so your right on the way your thinking.if they dont want to say hi or anything then its their loss.
@raychill (6525)
• United States
13 Sep 07
yeah. I mean growing up I never really had neighbors. Not until I moved when I was 17. So I never really dealt with it...but I've just always thought that the new people should introduce themselves first. they're new! I haven't the slightest desire to talk to these new neighbors. pshaw on them! ha ha.
