Who initiates the 'talk' when couples fight?

@laydee (12814)
Philippines
September 13, 2007 7:53pm CST
An argument that causes a fight often happens in relationships where two people from different backgrounds start to adjust and be together (of course we are not all born under the same family). In your relationships with your partner, husband/wife, or boyfriend/girlfriend who initiates the 'talk' or 'reconciliation' after a fight? =)
1 person likes this
6 responses
@Flight84 (3050)
• United States
14 Sep 07
Well, I'm really stubborn and hot-headed after a fight, so it's usually my husband that trys to talk to me. He's a lot more mellow than I am, so he hardly ever even gets mad at anything.
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
15 Sep 07
God really does things to match people, doesn't He? *LOL* Rarely do I hear a couple who is both hot headed. There is always someone who is more mellow than the other. *LOL* But what happens if he himself is mad? Do you initiate though when that happens? or does he cool down first then initiate the talk still? Thanks for sharing =)
@maddysmommy (16236)
• United States
15 Sep 07
We most definitely have something in common Flight. I am very stubborn too and my husband is mellow and calming and knows how to calm me down quickly. He too hardly ever gets angry.
@Flight84 (3050)
• United States
15 Sep 07
If my hubby does get mad, he usually doesn't act much different. I mean, he doesn't talk as much, but he's not mean or hateful. He is a seriously chill guy.:) He's the best though. Ha ha. He knows not to try my temper anyway.:P Laydee, I have to say that your awesome because you ask questions in your responses back to us. I think that's great because it keeps a conversation going and it opens it up to new ideas sometimes. It's great.:)
@maddysmommy (16236)
• United States
14 Sep 07
My husband does always. He is the more patient one and I am one that is stubborn and don't give in too easily. His approach is very calming and soothing and often i don't stay angry with him for long because of the way he approaches me and gets me to calm down quickly. He never raises his voice and waits until i have let out all that I need to, gives me 5-10 minutes to be by myself, then he comes to me and we talk it out.
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
15 Sep 07
I'm really learning a lot in this topic. I too am like you, I am stubborn. *LOL* It's a good way that your partner knows you well enough to know you need to let it all out, and he's so calm about it. That's a great quality in a marriage. But what happens if he's angry? What happens?
@maddysmommy (16236)
• United States
15 Sep 07
To be honest he hardly ever gets angry and when he does, I let him be. I completely ignore him and let him do whatever he needs to do to get over it, and then we come together and talk about it again. I have on a few occasions initated it and apologised because I am the one that has made him angry.
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
15 Sep 07
Oh that's good, at least the communication is still open regardless what. How long have you been married? Indeed the time spent together is very important to know the person deep, thus enabling you to know what to do in these situations. Thanks! =)
@gradyslady (4055)
• United States
18 Sep 07
I guess it depended on who started the fight or what the fight was about in my old relationship, in my current one we haven't really had any fights. But in my old relationship if he would make me cry he'd apologize first, or if he said hurtful things he'd apologize first, and vice versa.
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
19 Sep 07
Yeah, I think that's the best way there is. I don't mean to grapevine but why do you think the first relationship didn't last? What are the valuable lessons you've learned for yourself from the old flame to help you with the new love? Thanks.
• United States
19 Sep 07
His parents hated me and I guess he was afraid they'd stop paying for college or kick him out or not do anything for him anymore. I don't know really, but every time he talks to me it's I love you I miss you and all that stuff. It took me forever to finally get over it and it's just hard to have him do that to me.
@butterfly39 (3907)
• Philippines
14 Sep 07
I'm tired of fighting...really and what I want I don't want to talk anymore but I can't cause I have 3 kids to talk to...sometimes they are the ones who will initiate the talking at home...
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
14 Sep 07
Sometimes in life we really get burned-out with repeating talks and arguments with no obvious effects on some people. I do feel that way at times when no matter what I say, it seems like nobody is listening or my partner just keeps doing that things I don't really like (regardless how many times I told him how I feel about it). It's just really better at times to keep silent and let the other deal with it. But oh well, we can't keep silent forever. Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts. I hope someday you'll have a revived spirit and relieved yourself with stress. Good luck and have a great time in myLot. =)
• United States
16 Sep 07
A mother with 3 kids is not easy. I am sorry that I can't do anything to help except showing my sympathy. I have one kid and the annoying thing she alone can bring is under my max patience. I am not sure whethe I am still ok if I have three kids. Thinking more about the happiness the kids can bring may alleviate your pain. Anyway, the kids finally will grow up and at that time you you will be very proud that you are a mother of three.
@khazeemee (288)
• Philippines
14 Sep 07
it depends on the cause of the fight, if the boy who has the problem of course he will the first to initiate to talk it over, same thing in a girls side.. but sometimes boys did the first step to fix everything..
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
15 Sep 07
I am guessing you are the girl. What happens if the boy doesn't initiate though?
@eprado (1473)
• Philippines
14 Sep 07
Hello laydee, In my relationship with my partner I usually initiates the talk if ever a fight or discussion broke out. I don't let fight or discussions last long because I don't like the feeling that I have inside when it happens. So as soon as possible I have to settle it and don't want to let it overnight. :-)
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
15 Sep 07
I couldn't agree more. We too don't want to sleep on a problem. Yeah, it's not such a good feeling if it's late and you both are not settled yet. It's good though that you try to do the talking. Is that regardless who is wrong? or is it if you are at fault that you initiate? Thanks for the sharing. =)