If you could stay at home with your kids would you??

@rachsal4 (391)
United States
September 13, 2007 10:18pm CST
My friend told me today that even if she could stay at home she wouldn't because "not every mother is meant to stay at home, some are better mothers because they work". So would you? Do think this statements true? And if so why are you a better mother because you work?
6 people like this
30 responses
@briarose (124)
• United States
14 Sep 07
When I had my first I switched to part-time. Now that I have my second I am a full time stay at home mom because where I live to put both kids in daycare would leave me earning next to nothing so instead of making less than minimum wage and having other people raise my kids I decided to stay home! I don't regret it one minute , yes money is tight and by the end of the day I am a little burnt out and need to get out of the house but there are so many things that if I were at work I would miss out on. My kids are only going to be babies once and as they grow up I won't get to see every little thing they do which is so amazing at this age I wouldn't trade it for the highest paying job:)
@rachsal4 (391)
• United States
14 Sep 07
Daycare is exactly why I quit my job with my second!!! It's so expensive you don't make anything!
2 people like this
• Canada
16 Sep 07
That's so true, you end up spending all your earnings on childcare and then there is no point in going to work!
2 people like this
@rachsal4 (391)
• United States
18 Sep 07
Totally by the time I figure how much gas, daycare, and time I was spending away from my kids I was blown away!!!
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Sep 07
I too am a stay at home mom, but I will say that children that see their parents working every day learns alot from them. Yes I love being with my children, but you also need an income to live on, and I've got to say that the pay for stay at home mom's really stinks, and you don't get any paid sick days, or paid vacation's, and you work 24/7. When your child starts kindergarten, and they are with you all the time have a real hard time letting go, as well you have an even harder time letting go ! If I was to do it all over again I would be a working mother, and enjoy being with my children at night, weekends, and holidays !
3 people like this
@rachsal4 (391)
• United States
14 Sep 07
Amen, I don't think that working people totally grasp how bad that part of being a stay at home mom stinks. I tell my husband that he doesn't understand what it feel like to not get a check at the end of the week, to not have that feeling like my day has ended and I'm going home.
1 person likes this
@someonesmom (5765)
• Canada
14 Sep 07
I am very thankful that I was able to stay at home with my daughter, when she was young. As a (widowed) single mom, I felt that this was very important, and what my late husband would've wanted. I wouldn't trade these years at home I had with her. I started working as a daycare provider, when she was a bit older, and was able to include her as well. Later on, I started doing this from my home. I know some families, like the ones I work for, who prefer to be out working, and have someone look after their children, aside from the fact that they need the income.
2 people like this
@rachsal4 (391)
• United States
14 Sep 07
Yes I am thankful too, not many people can afford to have this special time with there children!
2 people like this
• United States
15 Sep 07
sorry i know this is totally out of the discussion topic but I wanted to say congrats to someonesmom because your the first person that I have found with a 100/100 rating!
2 people like this
• Canada
15 Sep 07
Thank you very much, BinksBaby, but I'm not the only one, by any means, as I've seen others with this rating, as well. Actually, I really have no idea how I've achieved this.
2 people like this
@BinKsBaBy (507)
• United States
14 Sep 07
I have stayed home with my daughter for the whole 5 years of her life now that shes in school I will be going back to work part time ( i have been working at home for the past 2 years) but i loved it but there were times that I wished I had a place to go like work! Dont get me wrong I love my daughter and everything but staying at home full time is a very stressful job. So your frined might be right in what she said for her maybe staying at home would be A STRESS CASE and that in turn would make her not so grat of a parent! It may sound dumb but I know people that I really wantto tell them to go back to work because as stressed as they are they end up taking it out on the kids not on purpous but thats who gets the bad end of it. So its a tuff thing to do staying at home but if you can deal with the stress its good and you will make lots of memorys with your kids but if all the memorys are gonna be of mommy or daddy screaming and going nuts then better not to be home with them 24 7
@rachsal4 (391)
• United States
14 Sep 07
Yes, I understand totally. I tell my husband the two things that you have to learn from staying at home with you children is to slow down, and patience. Other wise you won't make it! lol
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Sep 07
I was very lucky to be able to stay with my daughter until now because she is in school, but there were plenty of times that I rally wish I had a work to run away too LOL
2 people like this
@rachsal4 (391)
• United States
15 Sep 07
I can totally relate to that one!!! When my husband comes home and I'm stressed out I tell him, "I'm gonna jump off the train." Thats our code for momma needs a break from the kids NOW!!! lol
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Sep 07
I am pregnant for the fist time right now. I am very excited to be able to be a stay at home mom. Now, that doesn't mean that I won't work at all. I think it is very true that some women are just not interested in staying home, but that does not mean that they are better than those women who do stay home; or that the women who stay home are better than those who work. I'm sure we all know women who were stay at home moms and others who were full time working moms. As long as the mom is doing what she sees as what is in the best interest of the child and the family as a whole, that makes her the best mom she can be.
@rachsal4 (391)
• United States
18 Sep 07
Exactly!!! Very well put!
@bizmom (515)
• United States
18 Sep 07
HEY!! Jenlorenz - i sent u a message :) and for those looking for work at home here are somelinks i have used www.wahm.com www.noplacelikehome.com each of those places has other links to check out as well and will have tons on ALL the SCAMS and not so good places Good luck!!d o LOTS Of research and ASK ANY TYPE of Q!!
1 person likes this
@rachsal4 (391)
• United States
18 Sep 07
Thanks so much!!
@maiax2k6 (535)
• Philippines
14 Sep 07
i agree with your friend. i'm a working mom and i don't think my kids take it against me that i work outside of the home. i used to be guilty about it, but not anymore i've stopped feeling so bad about it. this i learned when my eldest son was about 11 and he helped me explain to his two younger sisters why i had to go back to work after staying home for 7 years. He said that they should be proud of having a mom who works - that's pride on paper filling up blanks on occupation. Most of their classmates in schools don't have working mothers. and he just felt proud that i was. maybe it gave him the added confidence or the pride for whatever reason. but i just felt good after that i didn't have to be hard on myself anymore feeling guilty and sad to be away most time of the day. yeah, there are mothers who stay home, and there are those who works. either way, they care for the best interest of their children and that's the most important thing to keep in mind.
2 people like this
@rachsal4 (391)
• United States
14 Sep 07
thats wonderful that your son love you and is so proud of you!!
1 person likes this
@maiax2k6 (535)
• Philippines
15 Sep 07
well it really makes you feel good being appreciated by your kids for something that you do. it was actually quite a shock for me hearing him in that perspective, young as he was, because we're so used to be directed towards 'moms should stay home' thing, and being externally or internally 'punished' for being out most of the time. maybe he just saw the difference, because i had it both ways - working, not working, and working again. i was there for seven years(until my youngest was 7) that i decided to go back to where i left off my career. i was attending to them full time, yet there's still pressure for me to go out and work outside. course it's now different because my three kids have now grown to be teenagers. this situation would now really compel me to work because of the growing needs. i think the important thing is just being there when they need you at any time, it just probably more so when they're little and very much dependent on you.
1 person likes this
@rachsal4 (391)
• United States
15 Sep 07
Exactly only we as parents can determine whats right for us, and our children. I am going back to work after my kids start school full time, but I have always told my husband that I didn't care what was going on if I felt like my children needed me to be a stay at home mom again I was going to quit my job in a heart beat! It sound like you have been very blessed with some great kids, that love you no matter what. Especially that son of yours, ya know they say you can determine what kind of man someone is by the way he treats his momma. He's a while off from being a man, but you must be doing something right!
1 person likes this
@archer1811 (1099)
• Philippines
14 Sep 07
We have our own opinion and I respect hers, but for me a good mother is the one who gave so much love, importance and care to their children, whether you're a working mother or a housewife, as long as you are always on your childrens side specially when they needed you most. A responsible mother that willing to give up everything just for her children is a very good mother.. A selfless woman just to give her children a happiness and raise her young ones to become a better person.
2 people like this
• Philippines
14 Sep 07
Let me continue my postings..Well, when i get pregnant I stop working until my son get 3, when he reached 3 I decided to work again so that I wont get bored when he go to school, its hard to leave my house knowing that my son is crying and looking for me, during the first 2-3weeks i am working with him on my side just to train him that when I leave the house sure I would come back. For me staying at home with my son is a very important part of my life specially now that he is still a kid coz when he grows up definitely he would refuse to be with me at home only. I gave more importance to my son than to my work.
2 people like this
@rachsal4 (391)
• United States
14 Sep 07
Yes, I understand what you mean. I have a four year old, and a three year old. I will be going back to work when my son is in school full day. And if the plan goes right I will actually still be working from home. I'm going to take Medical transcriptionist classes.
1 person likes this
@bizmom (515)
• United States
14 Sep 07
I had been a Certified Nurse in my local Hospital for three years before i became a stay-at-home-mom - just hated the daycares available here GROSS!! so I decided to open my OWN!! I took classes and got my certification to run it ligit! Ran it for 6 years, from the time my little one was 8 months old - then after 6 years MY OWN kids wanted and needed more of MY time... so i was online looking for work at home work and found data entry work and a businesses i love ... i have this business www.uvme.biz/322261PK i love being on-line working my data entry and my business as well as doing little fun money making things like here :) XX which gives me SO much more time with my girls than i ever had as a Nurse OR in my Daycare even! :) but having been home for 11 years now it DOES take a certain type of person to be ABLE to stay home ( most of the time) alone!! with no adult conversations - now i had my daycare during those *baby* years so i can see how it would be VERY LONELY with just kids all the time :( -- but with being home now with mine in thier pre teens and teen.. im only THANKFUL for them to leave for a few hours!! lol -- i work.. then they come home and by then i cant wait! :)XX i LOVE the house to myself music blaring singing alone and working..cleaning even lol lol xx
@rachsal4 (391)
• United States
18 Sep 07
I agree, I think that adult conversation is the biggest thing that I miss. I want to do some work from home too, the only problem is finding something ligit.
@carlaabt (3505)
• United States
14 Sep 07
I am a stay at home mom now, but I worked when my son was an infant. My husband and I worked opposite shifts for the first six months of my son's life, so it wasn't so bad then. Then for the next two months, I worked 2 days a week, and my son had to go to a babysitter. That was rough for us. I hated leaving him there, even though I really trusted her. I went to just working Saturdays for a while so my husband could be home with him again, and then decided to just stay home with him and work from home in April. I love it. I think I am a better mom when I stay home with my son. I have more time to play with him, and cook him more nutritious food. I get to see everything he does. I know he is well adjusted, and I know what is going on with him. If one of us isn't feeling well, I can rearrange our schedules to make things work for us in a way that a daycare wouldn't be able to.
2 people like this
@rachsal4 (391)
• United States
18 Sep 07
Thats awesome, when I go back to work I want to actually work from home. I love the fact that I know exactly what is going on with my kids on a day to day basis! With my first son I had to work, and I have always felts bad like he got jipped in a way. That he didn't get everything that my two youngest do with me being at home with them.
• United States
14 Sep 07
Being a stay at home mom is a lot of work. More work than I thought it would be when my husband and I decided I would stay home. I love doing it but I can see both sides. I know when I am getting out once in a while am a better mom to my kids because I have not been listening to them scream at me all day. I wouldnt trade bing a SAHM for anything but sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I had made some different choices.
2 people like this
@rachsal4 (391)
• United States
15 Sep 07
I totally understand, theres like one week a month that is like unbearable. It's hard to get through, but I have learned a corny as it is, walking away like outside and breathing really does help. Yeah it sounds stupid but it totally works!
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Sep 07
I've been a working mom and I am a stay at home mom, so I've been on both sides of the track. There are good points and bad points about both. Working boosts your self moral and gives you some independence. It also gives you a break from your kids. Staying at home has great rewards and you get to see all the 1sts. It also gets stressful when the children go through those "rough phases". I don't think either way makes you a better parent. It's not whether or not you have a job, but how you're handling being a good parent.
@rachsal4 (391)
• United States
15 Sep 07
Amen!!!
1 person likes this
@cutepenguin (6457)
• Canada
14 Sep 07
I would stay at home with my kids if I could. But I think it's different for every family, and each person has to do what's best for themselves and their family.
2 people like this
@rachsal4 (391)
• United States
14 Sep 07
I totally agree!
1 person likes this
@msjigga (866)
• United States
14 Sep 07
I have been a stay at home Mom for 8 months because my 1 yr old had a few health problems she just had surgery. I will be going back to work soon because I cannot afford to be home anylonger. If I could afford to be a stay at home Mom forever I would. I feel that children need their Moms in their primary years and you do not get those years back. I have a 6 yr and I worked untiil this year while raising her and I missed so much and would get sad sometimes because I missed her first words, her first crawl because I was working trying to make a living.
@rachsal4 (391)
• United States
14 Sep 07
I'm sorry, and I hope your son is doing better! Yes that is the part that makes all the stupids stuff seem not so bad. All the thing you get to see being a stay at home mom!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
14 Sep 07
Today is my last day in my job because I have to take care of my 3 kids ages 1-3. There are so many things I've missed while my children are growing up and I don't want to miss it forever so I quit my job and just stay with them. There also so many things that happened like accidents that could have prevented had I stayed home with them. One of the moments that made me decide to stay home was when my 3-year said to me one day"You know mom I'm happy because you're here, can you just stay home and watch me? just let daddy work" You just can't imagine how that words from an angel hit me hard
@rachsal4 (391)
• United States
14 Sep 07
Aww, thats so sweet. Yes I will say that the best part of staying at home is not missing all the wonderful things they do/say. And the worse is not missing all the annoying things they do/say!! LOL
1 person likes this
@gloria777 (1678)
• India
14 Sep 07
I really can't understand the meaning of your friends wording. Being mother is not an easy job. It should come as a natural process. It can't be trained.
@rachsal4 (391)
• United States
14 Sep 07
I don't think she was saying the actual mothering part comes hard to her, it's the stay at home thing. And all that it intails.
1 person likes this
@vinzen (1022)
• India
14 Sep 07
No, i dont think so, though it may be different for other mothers who may think likewise, and each person to what they think is best for them. I feel that when your kids are samll, they need you at home, no matter whom so ever you may hvae at home to take care of them, no one can replace a mother and her love for her kids, no one can look after, feed etc, without any other motive but simple pure love for her kids, and there is no question about that. And i think those mothers who work when the kids are young, are not doing a good thing, as if you have borne kids, learn to look after and be there for them, always. Of course some people maybe having problems and compulsions maybe there, i am talking in general kind of situations. If the husbands working then mother should be home when your kids are small , till they are around 9-10 years, or when they are little older maybe, and even then, right through their teens they need love, guidance, attention so you should make sure that you are home from work ( even if you do pick up something ) as soon as your kids are home, so that you are able ot be with them and share their things with them, their day at school, what they did, their joys sorrows, serve them a hot piping meal, care and love them, thats what mothers are for too isnt it. And why feel bad or ashamed of all this? And when you are at work, you are not a 'mother' then, you are just a working person, and you are abset at home, so if you must work, make out a schedule when you must be home and stick to that, give time slots, so that you are there for your kids too.
2 people like this
@rachsal4 (391)
• United States
14 Sep 07
Yes, I agree. I think it's much better for the mother to be there. My sister works and goes to school, and her kids cry everytime she leaves them. My children seem more content. I know that she needs to do what she is doing right now, I am just grateful that I can stay at home with my kids!
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Sep 07
Sometimes I think of going to work as a mini vacation...LOL I'm not a bad parent, I don't think. I'm in that stage of I'm not really sure if I'd be happier home with the kids or at work. Since 3 out of my 4 children are in school, I look forward to spending some time with them when we can. Some women aren't meant to be stay at home moms while others make it their career choice. I think your friend could've meant that some women like the little break from being a mommy by going to work where they're doing more adult things and having adult conversations. I know that having a conversation with my 2 year old is one of the best things in life but it kinda limits it to talking about Blues Clues or the Mickey Mouse club..LOL
2 people like this
@rachsal4 (391)
• United States
14 Sep 07
Thats exactly what my friend said! LOL
1 person likes this
@Laurla98 (786)
• United States
14 Sep 07
I decided to stay home after I had my now 9 month old. I've stayed home after I've had both kids. I enjoy staying home, but I can understand where she is coming from. I do have a hard time not having much adult interaction and getting cabin fever. I actually have a part-time job at night now. I think it works out good for me. Gets me out of the house enough that I get a break from the kids and allows me to have some adult conversation but I get to see my kids grow up.
2 people like this
@rachsal4 (391)
• United States
14 Sep 07
Yes I think that is the biggest problem with staying home! Adult interaction.
1 person likes this
@leha1512 (81)
• Brunei Darussalam
15 Sep 07
I don't like to stay at home since I can looking for a job to support my family. I am working to support my family. I am only stay at home, on sunady (my offday), during that time I spend alot of my time with my kids, talk to each other, draw something, and watch cartoon together and etc. For me a better mother they could balance the time, even though she is working but still have time to spend with her's family. There are alot of sacrifies that you do for your time if you want to be a better one.
2 people like this
@lilywang (67)
15 Sep 07
i dont think that ,why a better mother shoud work??i don't know !!
2 people like this