my life as I knew it is OVER !

@raydene (9875)
United States
September 14, 2007 4:45am CST
Hello, I just want to let you know what is happening. I found yesterday that my husband..my best friend..the man I thought I would grow old with...my soulmate..has been having an affair for over 13 years. My heart is bleeding to death. I am so hurt. I kicked him out of the house. I do not know where I'll go from here but I will never allow him back into my home.I will never trust or believe him again so our marriage died ! I am in mourning! I have been crying most of the night and can not sleep and now it's almost morning. Any suggestion? Any lawyers out there Hugs
19 people like this
38 responses
@wolfie34 (26816)
• United Kingdom
14 Sep 07
Oh sweetheart I am so so sorry! This is terrible news, but I admire your strength for throwing him out. You have some good friends here on Mylot as well as close family who will support you and give you every help and care to get you through this, you will get through this, but it will take time, which is a great healer, you will feel raw at the moment. Once trust is broken you can never bring it back and when the relationship has been based on a lie then you are better off without him. Not sure about a lawyer but a hitman might me better, hope that made you smile, here's a hug xxx
5 people like this
@lilaclady (28240)
• Australia
14 Sep 07
Oh you poor thing, it will take you awhile to get over the hurt but just think of it in another way that you are free to meet someone new, and remember the best way to get back at a cheater is to get on with your life, look extremely good, smile even if it is hard to do at the start and make him see what he has done and is now missing out on, stand tall you can do it...
@raydene (9875)
• United States
14 Sep 07
Thanks Sweets,One thing I can say is that I am happy to have it a day behind me. 6 months from now I will have it behind me. I am not interested in anyone else. I have my kids and grankids and friends and trust will not come easy! HUG
4 people like this
@lilaclady (28240)
• Australia
14 Sep 07
yeh been there done that the real said part of being cheated on especially by someone you trusted, is always have doubts with everyone in the future, it really ruins your life in a way...
3 people like this
@mummymo (23709)
14 Sep 07
Mom I have already mailed you and I want to reiterate that I am here if you need me! You are a very strong woman and I pray that you continue to be strong and that we can limit the damage to your heart, and that we will get you to heal soon! I can't begin to imagine hoe devastated you are! xxx
4 people like this
@raydene (9875)
• United States
16 Sep 07
My Darlin Daughter, You are a bright light in my dull world right now...Don't ever forget what you maen to me..Thanks for being a part of my realm.Love you Dearly. xoxoxoxoxo
2 people like this
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
14 Sep 07
Oh, sweets, I am so sorry to hear that you are hurting. Right now you need to just mourn and allow yourself the time you need to do it. Rely on your friends who care about you and can hold you up during this time when it feels hard to stand on your own. Blessings.
4 people like this
@weemam (13378)
14 Sep 07
I have sent you an email sweetheart xxxxx
@raydene (9875)
• United States
16 Sep 07
Hey Sis, Thanks for all your support. My life is much richer for having you in it.There are seasons in everything and winter came to my marriage alot earlier then I had thought it would..But...Onward I go because I can not afford a setback! My love and hugs
1 person likes this
@weemam (13378)
16 Sep 07
I am just so glad that this didn't happen to you a few months ago when you were low as now you are much stronger in health and in mid and you are able to cope with it much better , love you sweetheart xxx
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48717)
• United Kingdom
14 Sep 07
Sweetie I have sent you an email I love you very much your Angel xxxxxxx
3 people like this
@raydene (9875)
• United States
15 Sep 07
Hey Angel, I love you and appreciate you so much. I dodn't know what I would do without my special mylot friends. I will be ok and I will be happy again.. Hugs Doll
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48717)
• United Kingdom
15 Sep 07
I really hope so Love you xxxxx
2 people like this
@susieq223 (3742)
• United States
16 Sep 07
Oh, Radene. How awful! I am so sorry! Just as things were going so much better for you! I wish there was something I could do. Just know I'll be thinking about you and praying for you to find some comfort somehow.
3 people like this
@raydene (9875)
• United States
16 Sep 07
Hey Sweet Susieq, There is something you can do..just keep being my friend..That is what I need now...the love and support of my dear friends. xoxoxoxoxo
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Sep 07
Hi Raydene, I hate to be the one to talk legalities here, since all the other responses you received kind words and heartbreaking sentiments. Be a legal person I can't help myself ... I am not an attorney but I am a paralegal so I thought maybe I could provide some insight on what you need to be doing. First you need to make sure all the locks are changed and any banks accounts you had jointly are closed immediately and any funds in there I would take to help you with the monetary support you are going to need. Next, you need to be on the phone to your friends, any references for attorneys are helpful, it is better to be referred to an attorney than hitting the yellow pages. Next, if none of your friends are helpful call the American Bar Association of your town or the closest larger town and get referred to a family attorney, preferably a woman (since you will need the guidance a woman can offer). Next get your affairs in order, all the bills currently owing, any other matters that he left behind when you threw him out. Put the tears to rest you have time after the divorce to take care of that. Do you have any substantial evidence that he was cheating? If so, make copies, and keep them, you will need them. Also, do a budget, you are going to need to do one when you go to the attorney's office to file so might as well have it done beforehand so they know what you need in as far as support or help prior to the divorce. Unsure what state you are in, if you PM me I can help you further with certain laws of the state might be in. It is going to a hard ride, but you need to get a grip on what he has done to you, sure he cheated on you with another, but he also have to cover your butt and your children for the time without him. Be gone with him, he wasn't good enough for you to be with, let him go and live your life to the fullest. Lori
3 people like this
• United States
16 Sep 07
If I am not mistaken on my law in New York (I used to practice in Philadelphia for several years) there is a 2-year cooling off period before you can file and achieve a divorce. If that is the case, you are good to go ahead and get all your affairs (so to speak) in order for the battle you will need. Also, I believe you can use infidelity as a reason for a divorce in New York, unlike Texas where we only have one reason for divorce. If you need some legal advice, although I am not an attorney I worked with many in all aspects of the law and would gladly give you my 2 cents worth. Keep a firm upper chin in this matter, he is the loser, not you!
2 people like this
@whyaskq (7532)
• Singapore
14 Sep 07
It is indeed painful to discover it only now, after more than a decade of marriage. Perhaps it is better now than later as plans can still be made as to how you want to live your future, if reconciliation is not in the picture. I guess you have the support of your family members and friends. Be strong, my friend. God bless!
3 people like this
@raydene (9875)
• United States
15 Sep 07
Honey I have to think of this as an opportunity not a set back..Yes I hurt like crazy but that will dull with time..I will be ok and will be happy and have my kids and friends around me. And Doll I have you to talk to...Thank You for being here for me my friend hugs
1 person likes this
@subha12 (18453)
• India
14 Sep 07
Hi, its very sad to know this. Keep strength all will be Ok. I know its easy than said. But you have got the lesson and from next time onward will atleast judge people more wisely. He will definitely get his punishment as he has cheated on you.
3 people like this
@raydene (9875)
• United States
15 Sep 07
Thank you for your support. Each day will be a day I have behind me and the pain will become less and less. I hope he finds happiness somewhere and I will go forward with my life. Hugs
1 person likes this
@CEN7777 (858)
• India
14 Sep 07
hello raydene, sorry to hear this, u r cheated by u r own best friend , u r life partner. i can understand how painful for u to take such a bold decision. any way it is "better late than never".i only can say that pls have courage and self belief to come out of this situation. its only u who can help ur self. so pls keep u r confidence up. u definately come out from this pain and almighty god will definately help u.
3 people like this
@raydene (9875)
• United States
14 Sep 07
Thanks Hon, I appreciate your kind words. It means alot to me to have support right now. HUG
2 people like this
@dana234 (2116)
• Spain
20 Sep 07
Hi raydene, I haven´t been on your friends list for long so you might not know who I am. Just wanted to let you know that I think you made the right decision to throw your husband out. I can only offer you my support as I´m no lawyer, I wish I could do more than that. I´m really sorry that this has happened to you. XXX Dana
• Canada
20 Sep 07
Oh sweetie I am so sorry to hear about this. I am just a pm away if you need to talk! I can understand how you feel that he has ruined your life and your childrens life and for that I am sorrier then words could ever say raydene.
3 people like this
@gradyslady (4055)
• United States
20 Sep 07
Oh my goodness, I am so sorry to hear that. I hope that everything goes well for you from here on out. That is so sad that he did that to you, please take care and once again I wish you the best.
@ash6666 (819)
• India
20 Sep 07
get into new world - this world is beautiful
WE will get hurt when our beliefs get broken.We will be hurt in such a big way that the heartburn cannot be explained.What you did is right.He should feel ashamed.All the best for your and your childrens future.
3 people like this
@msjigga (866)
• United States
15 Sep 07
I am so sorry to hear about your husband. That is so terrible that he took 13 years of your life. I am so sorry I have no respect at all for losers like him. My heart goes out to you. DO NOT LET HIM BACK IN. I know it is hard but once a cheater always a cheater. I know it will be hard to trust or love again but believe it or not all Men are not like that loser. Karma is very real he will reep what he sew. I am not a Lawyer but divorce him and get your allimony and take him to the cleaners I know money cannot pay for all the years he took from you but it helps. Good luck to you and stay strong. A better will come if you let him.
• Philippines
15 Sep 07
i'm sorry to hear that. you must be completely devastated. your pain must be immeasurable but i hope that you think over your next move thoroughly because if you have children, a divorce will hurt them more than you're hurting right now. but fortunately for you, that is an option. in some countries like mine, divorce isn't an option so people in your situation have to live with it for the rest of their lives.
@ssf12ster (489)
• India
15 Sep 07
oh migosh everythings come to ane dnfor you dear with that moron.how could he do this to you?hugs very hard
3 people like this
@AmbiePam (48181)
• United States
15 Sep 07
I thought about not replying because I can't really help. But I just wanted to let you know I'll be praying for you, and when I say I will pray, I truly do. I truly hope everything works out in a way that brings comfort and peace to your soul.
3 people like this
@djmarion (4901)
• Philippines
15 Sep 07
i am very sorry to hear that my friend, i know that i was too hard for you, i am not a lwayer so i can help you in legal aspect but i can pray for you.
3 people like this