Do you feel sepparation, or divorce is the best thing to do?

United States
September 16, 2007 5:16pm CST
If you and your partner have unreconcilable(sp) differences do you feel like divorce is the answer, or just a sepparation? I don't know the answer to this question, but I know if you are unhappy, and can't make any changes to make you happy, I would say divorce. A sepparation is only if you can change things to make you happy. A sepparation is the answer if ou have something specific in mind, like he or she needs to get a job and start growing up or something. Then they can take a break and grow up or get a job, and then come back and things will be better. What do you think?
5 people like this
11 responses
• United States
17 Sep 07
I would divorce.If you both are not happy and you can't see eye to eye, you should divorce because if you separate hoping that one of you will change, you will be waisting time.You can't make anyone change. They have to want to. And if it isn't their idea, they will change for a time but they may soon resent the changes they had to do.It is better to divorce, go your separate ways.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Sep 07
I am trying to get up the nerve to ask him for a divorce. He just makes me feel so sorry for his loser a$$.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Sep 07
Do whatever it takes to be happy.Do you have friends and family that can help you?
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Sep 07
I only have one friend around that I really trust, and my brother who is pretty much non existant in my life. My parents just moved to GA and That is it..
1 person likes this
@maiax2k6 (535)
• Philippines
17 Sep 07
as far as I am concerned, I'd say that it is the best thing and for the better of things. I never had it better, I have regained my peace and a claim for happiness as against the frustration and desperation when I was inside the marriage. Although, if for my children, I would say that it is something that I am not very proud about. I am actually sad that they had to go through a very painful experience being witnesses and victims of a broken family. It certainly is not the best of situation that you have to present to them growing up. I was torn myself looking at them as they were exposed to a cruel society that highlights on extreme sacrifice and frowns on divorce. We were ridiculed as being shallow & immature solving the problem through separation. We had to endure with that for a long time & even up to now facing up to narrow-minded people. Yet, I have learned to live with it, and helped my kids live with it too, and thankfully, they were on my side in this including my family. I would say that there will be times when your relationship will be subject to extreme tests, and it is up to you both to work hard around it. But there will be times too, when all of your efforts are not having good results, so that in these times, you just have to let go and say goodbye to things that don't work at all. that's what happened to me, i said enough, and i decided with strong coviction, hoping that time will heal our wounds, and we're doing alright, me and my children. i have learned to forgive myself, and i am not regretting one bit of such a decision.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Sep 07
Thank you so much, I appriciate all the advice, and the story. I think this will help out quite a bit. I am glad to hear eveyone is well and everything is working out.
@maiax2k6 (535)
• Philippines
18 Sep 07
thank you for acknowledging my response as something that might be able to help you a bit in your personal difficulties. we each have our own circumstances, and whatever works for you, decide on it and move on to another plane. don't be too hard on yourself; take care of yourself first and foremost so that you will have all the power & energy to take care of other people especially those that you love. i'm sincerely wishing you well.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Sep 07
Thank you very much maiax..
• United States
16 Sep 07
i believe that all relationships can work if the people in them make it work...i think if they didnt want to make it work then dont get married..if theyre already committed (married) then i believe that they should go to counseling..nobody said that a relationship was going to be easy..dont take the easy way out..fight for your marriage the other person doesnt want it? then leave and divorce already not worth it if someone doesnt want to make things work
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Sep 07
I really think I am done fighting for it, and I really don't want it to work. I just give up. counceling is not the answer it didn't work before, and I don't think it will work now. Thanks for posting.
• United States
18 Sep 07
sorry to hear that..take the initiative to divorce him and then try to take as much as you can out of it..the mans making you miserable he should pay for it hope everything works out for you i wish you all the best
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Sep 07
Wow! Are we bitter? LOL I thought that about my first husband, but man this guy really has nothing I want. I don't want half of nothing. I feel for him knowing that if he walks, or I make him walk, I see him walk with nothing... I own everything, and have worked hard for it.
@cherriemae (3375)
• Philippines
25 Sep 07
i don't think so..here in our country, separation is not the answer and divorce is not legal here..couples here really tried to save their relationships eventhough it's hard to try but still their trying..maybe, you can have separation if you both really have that decision that you need to grow alone..it's hard to say but it's up to the both of you..
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Sep 07
I agree thast not only one person can make that decision for the couple it has to be made by the both of you.
@Ramsakha (205)
• India
21 Sep 07
We don't believe in divorce or separation. Life is to live together with love and compassion for each other. Adjustment to each other's feelings is a necessary part of life. There is no difference which can not be sorted out. What is needed is a will.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Sep 07
I think We have found some common ground to stand on thank you.
@magnet (2089)
• United States
18 Sep 07
I think it depends on how much you value the relationship. I think that if a person separate it will lead to a divorce eventually because when a person is separated I can't see how they can communicate and work it out. So I think the divorce is the best thing to do if a person have tried everything to make it work and are still unhappy. I don't promote divorce but I think it's better to get a divorce than live miserably day after day.
• United States
18 Sep 07
I think you are right about the unhappy living, but I see the things being better while separated, I do not want to divorce but if that is the only option.
• United States
17 Sep 07
I think it depends on the couple and if they are willing to make changes to make the differences better. I also think that too many times people stay in bad marraiges because it is the right thing to do in their minds, like if they have children, but this does not always work. If you try seperation and it feels like you are better off then maybe divorce is the answer. I also feel that a lot of people rush into marraige even when they feel that it won't work out because getting a divorce is always an option. I believe that marraige is forever, we just have to find the right life partner. If you are unsure, then stay away from marraige.
• United States
17 Sep 07
But have you ever had those situations where what you think is not the right thing? Like thinking that he was mr. right and then finding out almost 3 years later that maybe you were wrong? TY
@stella1989 (2277)
• India
17 Sep 07
My view over this topic sepparation is not the only solution..!! And yes if you are saying that the problem is unrecouncilable then the last option is just give some more time to your relationship. One should try his best to save his/her relationship because getting divorced or separted from each other is next to "running" from a problem and "running" from a problem is not at all a solution to any problem. One should "face it" and "solve it". At LAST if things just can't be solved any more and they are still not working out then getting divorced is the only option and its also better to get sepparated rather than ruining all of your life sacrificing for some other irresponsible person..!!
• United States
17 Sep 07
Oh ok. I am not trying to leave my husband to run off and get married to the love of my life, hel! I don't even know if I want to "be" with him. I just think that things are not working between me and my hisband, and haven't been for quite some time. I am not trying to run from my problems either we have been trying to work it out for 8 weeks or so now, and there is only the next step which he is refusing to do. Separation, he doesn't want to, and I don't know how else to make him see that to "save" us maybe we should be apart for a while... TY
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Sep 07
I think that if you take a break and after a while realize things are not working out then you should get a divorce. I dont think its fair for one to say they dont want a divorce when they know things arent working out. I think separating for a while might help you to decide what you want to do.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Sep 07
What really sucks, is he is refusing to even separate. He says he is not going anywhere all we have to do is talk.. I am done talking we have been trying to talk this out for about 8 weeks now, and nothing has come out of it. TY
@ashar123 (2360)
• India
17 Sep 07
Just read what people wrote to this discussion. I totally agree with what snow said. Couples nowadays are rushing into getting married. They must get to know each other more. Marriage is not only for fun. Its a name of life time commitment and partnership.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Sep 07
I don't disagree with that, but I figured after two years of being together, I knew him like I should. But things changed after we got married.
@Jshean20 (14374)
• Canada
17 Sep 07
I would have to say that it all depends on the problems that the couple is having, all based on personal feelings as well. I think that in a lot of cases, separation is the route to go for te first little bit to see if you really want to be apart. Sometimes spending time away from each other can open up eyes and make room for necessary changes.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Sep 07
I think that I would enjoy it too much. I really do, and I know that may sound and make me sound coldhearted and rigged, but I really don't care, that is the truth. TY