Is it ok for your spouce or significant other to talk to YOUR friends...?

United States
September 16, 2007 7:25pm CST
Do you find it offensive for your spouce or significant other to talk to your friends about your problems? Ok so let me explain. My husband and I are having problems, and he finds it okay to talk to MY friends about it... I can see the fact that he needs someone to talk to about it, but GD talk to your friends. He sees it as okay to talk to MY friends and tell them all of our problems, and then his friends talk to me like I am the biggest b in the world. Well I got news for them, I am not the only one who is having problems in my marriage, but I don't broadcast everyones problems to everyone else as my husband does ours. I understand there has to be communication for something to work out, but talk to me first, and maybe we will work something out instead of having my friends try to talk me into doing what you want me to do... Ok now I feel better, and thank you for letting me vent to you. And by the way, I don't have a prayer closet, I don't want one, and I have too many coats to use one of my closeets for this anyway, before you respond with the prayer closet answer... and you people know who you are.
2 people like this
6 responses
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
17 Sep 07
I really would be ticked if my husband talked to my friends of family about our issues. I know now and then he talks to my sister's husband because they are friends and then it goes to my sister who tells me and things turn out pretty nasty. I don't talk much about issues with anyone, let alone his friends. He would keel over and die if I did because he likes to present this macho, no problems persona to the world. So, I say you have every right to be ticked about this. And venting is good. It really helps to get things off your chest. Prayer closet? Allrighty then. lol. I don't think that (whatever it is) is the answer to this situation. Maybe if things get better, you can talk to your husband about how upset he makes you when he talks to your friends and ask him NOT to in the future. If he keeps it upp, it seems like he is trying to be manipulative and make your friends take his side. I HATE THAT! Don't get me started about when my husband does that. It's really ugly. Good luck!
• United States
18 Sep 07
LOL. Yeah I have no idea what the he!! a prayer closet is either. The closest thing I can come up with is a confessional lmfao. That is kinda a closet. I would hope that my husband is not trying to be manipulative, because that could get really ugly with me too.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Sep 07
A prayer closet?I'm sorry I just had to ask. Back to the discussion. It would be okay if your and your hubby made the same friend at the same time.But if he is trying to talk to your girlfriends, the ones that know about your problems because you have told them before he got to talk to them isn't right and it is dumb.Does he think that he will get sympathy from this crowd?Is he crazy?I don't get it.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Sep 07
I don't know whether it is for sympathy or comfort, or just to tell them his side before I tell them mine. I don't know anymore. I don't know about the prayer closet, but she keeps leaving that response on all of the discussions about my marriage. I am really over that one..
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Sep 07
Now I really don't understand, These are your friends that you had before him, right? Why would he even try to tell them his side before you get to tell them yours.They will always take your side. They are your friends , not his.But maybe this is a good thing. They can spy on his point of view for you.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Sep 07
Yeah, I don't know either. I know he isn't trying to get them to chose a side, but it does help to get me inside his mind.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
17 Sep 07
I'm sure my situation is way different than yours. When my very best friend was experiencing some serious problems with her husband , he came knocking on my door one nite alone. They were on the verge of splitting up. As I fixed him a coffee and asked him" what's up" , I did feel a twinge of guilt in talking to him at all about their problems. i was HER friend after all. He started out by stating that he just needed to talk and wanted someone who could maybe give him some insight as he loved her deeply and didn't know what to do anymore. He knew I loved her also and knew her far longer than he had. He sincerely wanted to work things out with her.It wasn't about her being a b or anything like that. The fact that he was so concerned about their relationship, prompted me to encourage her to stick with him through this tough time. they did and have been married for several years now and happily! I do agree with you that talk to outsiders should be selective...very much so and it should be in an attempt to improve and understand not just gripe and whine about things. Also communicating with you should be #1. It sounds as if your husband is trying to enlist everyone to his side. There should be no "sides". It should be about resolving.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Sep 07
I agree with what you did, and if he had went to my best friend it would have been different, but this friend has known me less time than he has, I have only known her a few months.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
18 Sep 07
I really don't blame you a bit for being upset. He should be discussing issues with you in an attempt to work things out and not talking behind your back which only creates more distance between you both.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Sep 07
Or even ask me before hand if I mind if he talks to her. I would have said no, but at least he would have asked.
@Marie2473 (8519)
• Sweden
17 Sep 07
I would not likr it either but I can understand that he moght need someone to talk to, but like u said - he can talk to his own friends about it. i do belive that the most important person to talk about it to shoudl be you though!
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Sep 07
Well said.
• United States
17 Sep 07
Yes i do find it very offensive. Probably because it makes me so mad. My husband used to do this all the time! I told him not everyone needs to hear about our problems. We need to work them out ourself. Did you try talking to your husband about it? He probably wouldnt like it much if you talked to his friends like that. Maybe you should point that out to him.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Sep 07
I have pointed that out to him, and all he says is "well I need SOMEONE to talk to" So dang I don't know man whatever.
• United States
17 Sep 07
Everyone needs a good venting sometimes. I keep everything bottled up about my problems because I feel like no one wants to hear my problems. I feel like there's no one who'll actually listen to me and care about what I have to say in a nice sense(because there are too many people in my world who will use the oppotunity to hurt me, but what can you expect from the most hated girl in school?). I ended up getting upset with my boyfriend and he didn't do anything wrong, I felt so terrible about it. So it's always good to have someone to vent to. We just gotta keep on truckin to see what life has in store for us. You've Just Been Flushed ~The Toilet Turtle~
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Sep 07
I couldn't have said it better myself. you cannot be the MOST hated girl in school, there is always one that is more hated than you trust me, I have been there.