Who can I trust in the family??

United States
September 18, 2007 9:01am CST
Obviously, I am a fool to trust anyone in my hubby's family. Hubby and I are separated. I recognize I have trust issues with people. that came from my first marriage. Current Hubby has given me reason to not trust in the past. And now during this separation, he lied to me by omission and deceived me once again. So of course, in between the depression, I am totally upset with him. The only good thing is that we are talking about what he did, why he did it, how his actions have affected me, how I feel about his actions, etc. Many Long, detailed talks. Yesterday, I came into knowledge that my father-in-law has also lied to me by omission and deceived me. He also cheated my household out of $200.00. Of course if you ask him about it, he will justify his actions and say he was just trying to help in his own way. I am sorry but the jeep is in dire need of repairs and that money would have gone a long way to completing the repairs. Noooo, he took the money and bought parts for a non-running classic car that we own. Well, get that dam car running because that is what I will be driving to work. I am going to look real good driving a classic Camero around town. He also is refusing to return property that he had been asked to hold for safekeeping for a short while. Well, I guess the apple truly does not fall far from the tree. Now I know who taught my hubby to behave like this. Now I know I can not trust him either. Yesterday, I was so upset I was hyper-ventilating along with other physical reactions like headache, diarrhea and upset stomach. I went and had a long talk with a friend to avoid going into an anxiety attack or having a melt-down. These people are going to drive me crazy. My family is just as disfunctional so going to them is not an option. They are just as insane. I am supposed to go visit hubby's grandmother this week as she is not well. I don't want to go now. She taught my father-in-law who taught my hubby. It will be very hard to be nice to her. I am dealing with three generations of liars. Aarrrggghhhhh!!!! I woke up this morning wondering who I can trust, if anyone. Thank you for allowing me to rant and rave. I will wait over there ----- in the padded corner for your comments.
8 people like this
13 responses
• United States
19 Sep 07
I will be so GLAD when this is all through and behind you. The sooner the better! I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all this drama.
2 people like this
• United States
19 Sep 07
I wish I had a beautiful, loving relationship with my hubby like you have with your hubby. You are so truly blessed. Cherish what you have, girl. Not everyone has it. As for the drama, yeah, you are right. That is how it feels....drama, drama, drama....never ending drama.
3 people like this
• United States
19 Sep 07
I promise I do not take what I have for granted. Even when I think things are awful I remind my self that it's not really that bad. I hope and pray - forget that I KNOW one day you'll find it too. Just set your standards high and keep remembering you are a child of God therefor you should be treated as such. :)
2 people like this
• United States
18 Sep 07
Royal....you are truly royal for sticking by this guy. How did the man actually get his hands the 200 bucks? I am not the first person to yell divorce, but these people are not healthy for you. Are you thinking of a divorce?
2 people like this
• United States
19 Sep 07
If you get a good lawyer, you may be able to get a lot out of the divorce and then it won't be as heavy financially....This guy does not deserve to be cut any slack.
2 people like this
• Singapore
19 Sep 07
I think you must think deeply, what brings you two together... if the factors not exist anymore, I advise you not to soak in old times dream... the one you love had changed and the more effort you try the more tears you gained... truth is cruel but you must keep on living right? maybe there is a chance for you to find out which path is best for you. trust yourself
2 people like this
• United States
19 Sep 07
The children are what hold us together. The last two will be old enough to move out in three years. Sadly, I no longer see myself sitting on the porch, growing old with my hubby.
2 people like this
@lingli_78 (12852)
• Australia
19 Sep 07
i'm sorry that you have a bitter experience of being deceived by so many people... i can understand why you can hardly trust people anymore... it is terrible that the people who are supposed to be close to you and you should be able to trust actually betray you... i hate liars as well... my hubby lies to me as well in the past and i discover them thriugh God's grace... and i questioned my hubby... he admitted them and feel remorse... and he promises me not to lie to me again ever... i give him another last chance... but still it is hard to trust him again completely after the incident... but i will suggest that you try to let it go... i know it is easier to say than done... but it is for your own good... there is no use in keep on holding a grudge against your hubby's family... you are the only one who will suffer... i will pray for you tonight so that you will find relief... take care...
2 people like this
• United States
19 Sep 07
The cycle of compulsive lying that you are describing is what we have been going through for the past 17 years. He lies even when it is not necessary to lie. He has a problem with it and he knows it but refuses to get any professional help for it. Now I discover his father is the same way. I can't deal with two compulsive liars. I have to protect my children or they will learn this.
2 people like this
@riki1993 (17)
• Italy
19 Sep 07
The family is the better thing of everybody, the family is sacred and i think is umpredictable
2 people like this
• United States
19 Sep 07
Obviously, your family is not dysfunctional, insane and is totally trustworthy, right??? Watch your back. I will bet you are a very young person who is inexperienced with the world. I am going to go look at your profile to see if I am right. hehehe
2 people like this
• Philippines
19 Sep 07
I have this words which is a reflection in my current life. What is the worsts experienced I have in my life time. It is when I am down and the person I trust is on the side of my enemy. This words are a reflection in my life. Like you, it is also about the inlaws and my husband. I have already posted here in mylot a lot of times about my aches about them. Because this is my outlet. I have no one to talk to. Well, the issue between me and them is my mother in laws intrusion of my privacy, reading my diary. My diary states about all my heartaches for them. My husbands insensitivity of our needs. He still supports his family and even sacrificing our own basic needs just to give his family theirs. I find it an abuse on my part. My mother in law texted me with rude messages about my diary. I hate her text so I replied her. And my husbands older brother come to the rescue of his mother because I replied to her rude messages. He threatened my life. And my husband did not even be on my part to support me. After that he is irritable to me and always insults me. I don't know why he is doing it to me. I think he was brainwash by them. I have read some of the messages sent to his family. They are letting me show that I am a greedy woman. I have no reason to be greedy, I am even the financial supporter of our family the 60-70 percent of our expenses. It really makes me sad to be on this state. I just want to end this.
2 people like this
• United States
19 Sep 07
You are in a better position than me financially then. If you can support yourself, pack your diary and personal things, and walk away. Only take what things are truly yours. But get out. You are living with verbal abuse. Leave now. Before there are any children and before the abuse becomes physical. Go live with your family for a month or two. Then get your own place. Free yourself from this. (and right before you leave, hard copy those emails for your lawyer)
1 person likes this
• Philippines
18 Sep 07
wow men, thats realy hard, you know i have some same essue before, its realy hard to trust but its realy feel tirreble when people close to you do such thing. i learn my lesson its not bad to be a good and helpful person but you have to put it in place.and profer way. ater a long time of asking some people about this.ilearn a lot.number one; never let your family, relatives being part of the bussiness,its not a trust essue its a money matter.you give but never been enough and never will.they say;dont give them a fish,teach them how to get thier fish.when it comes to money its really hard to trust.i may think that you dont have give bounderies between.your so nice, that they took advantage.and you let that happened.you should always put bounderies when it comes to money matter.becouse mybe they dont respect you.shame this people. you have to do something now and teach them a lesson.if you leave this matter now.then they will do this again and again.you have to be strong and face them.about your hubby, well, you connot trust him anymore,if he lied now he will lie forever.its really up to you.but for me, i will kick them out of my life.and take vacation and do yoga class.i mean why stay to the situation that give you too much suffering? good luck.
2 people like this
• United States
19 Sep 07
I know that feeling....MEN!!! (stomp my foot). Excuse me. I have to go get the baseball bat. Obviously, the rolling pin was not enough.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
18 Sep 07
(((((((HUGS))))))) to you royal! No need to hide in any corner for you did NO wrong. I was just telling my mother last night that it seems the good are the ones who get done wrong and asked her why is that. She didn't know but agreed. Royal don't change yourself because of everyone else doing the wrong because they will win. I'm not about to let anything wrong win me and some how we've got to stay strong and fight the evil. Hang in there gal for we do care. I do anyway.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Sep 07
I am fully aware that I did not cause this situation. I am also aware that the actions of two people has resulted in the destruction of my life as I know it. I need to sort some more things out but I think the answers are starting to present themselves.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Sep 07
I am making a written list to help me sort things out. This way I can look at things more clearly and less emotionally. Thank you for caring and responding.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
26 Sep 07
That is a big step in the right direction. Being aware of this is a big step in healing so don't let anyone make you take a step back. You take that step back to take a second look but don't let anyone else make you do it. Making the list is a wonderful idea! I wish you all the best! I'm rooting for you gal!
1 person likes this
@Katlady2 (9925)
• United States
18 Sep 07
I'm sorry you're still having to go through all of this hon. It's so frustrating and wrong when your family, the people that are supposed to love and protect you, turns out to be the last people on this earth that you can trust. I'm glad that you were able to go and talk to your friend to keep from going into a total meltdown. Sometimes that's the best therapy in the world. No shrink can take the place of a true friend. Oh...and when you get that Camaro going, I want to see pictures of how absolutely COOL you'll look in it.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Sep 07
Oh I so agree that family should be the ones you can trust. It hurts twice as hard when they are the ones you have to watch your back with. A best friend is good but her shoulders can only hold so much weight. I know the load is getting heavy for her.
2 people like this
@Katlady2 (9925)
• United States
20 Sep 07
I understand that feeling. But you know...since she's your best friend, and a true friend, I'll bet she doesn't even feel any weight at all on her shoulders. She's there for you no matter what....right? You're a good friend like that too, so I'm sure you know what I'm getting at. Take care hon.
1 person likes this
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
18 Sep 07
Well we all need to be in a padded corner once in a while. My motto it, and I kid you not is "sure I trust you, as far as I can throw you !!" It was on my profile for a LONG time. You just need to trust in yourself. Believe in yourself. If going to see Grandma involves the kids, suck it up and put on your "happy" face. If not, don't go. You are in no way obligated to go. You always have us to rant and rave to, and if you need someone "in person" it seems as though you have friends you can vent to. Separation/divorce is always difficult. If you and hubby plan on having any kind of relationship (even if just being civil for the kids) you are going to have to put your foot down and let him know that the kind of behavior he has been exhibiting is unacceptable. I am waving my magic monkey wand and sending you big, huge, gigantor hugs !!!!
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Sep 07
Thank you for waving the magic monkey wand. It is making me smile a little so that means it is working. Now you know a little more about me and you still like me, so that is a good thing.
2 people like this
• United States
18 Sep 07
What's not to like (huge grin)
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
20 Sep 07
Well Sweetie I know what you mean and I can only advise you do not trust any of them I do not understand why your Family is not standing by you I am so sorry you have to go through this I know what it is like and I do not wish it on anyone at all Love and Hugs to you Sweet You know how to contact me
1 person likes this
@izathewzia (5142)
• Philippines
19 Sep 07
We're on the same boat. But the only thing that differs is- I am still very much married and in=love with my husband. But my in-laws? Oh, let's not just talk about them. I feel a deep pain and regret of being so good to them. For I guess, they don't deserve it all. But I am still praying and hoping everything will turn out well between us. Although I civilli talk to them. As a respect to my husband.
• United States
19 Sep 07
I hope you are successful in your quest for peace and harmony within your family. I try to be civil but, honey, it is getting harder each day. I have a very low tolerance for liars.
2 people like this
@cutepenguin (6458)
• Canada
18 Sep 07
It's hard to deal with all of this anxiety. I would probably not go visit your husband's grandmother - you guys are separated, after all. I would just ignore these people for a while. Give yourself a break, maybe you'll be more able to deal with them once you've had a breather. It's hard to trust anyone in this day and age - it seems like the way things are set up, everyone needs to look out for themselves. It would be nice if things were more relaxed.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Sep 07
My doctor wants my stress level lowered right away. For me, stress triggers seizures. I take my medicine and get as much rest as I can. I have to find a way to lower the stress and anxiety soon. I can only take so much and then I know I am in trouble. Big trouble.
1 person likes this