How would you respond if---

@Pose123 (21667)
Canada
September 19, 2007 5:50pm CST
This is a question for all parents, and would be parents. How would you react if your teenage son or daughter told you that they were gay?
8 people like this
22 responses
• Australia
19 Sep 07
I would support them in their decision. It is a personal thing, you can't help you love and who you are attracted to. Just as some teenage girls and boys will "go out with" guys and girls that steer them in the wrong direction, or hurt them in the end; it is part of self development and part of them as a person. If you love and respect your child you would be accepting of their choices in life. There is nothing wrong with being "gay" - afterall, we have termed homosexual relationships thus, and what is the true meaning of the word "gay"...joyfulness. If that is what makes them happy and fulfilled, then who am I to stand in their way.
5 people like this
• Australia
19 Sep 07
Also, I would like to add, that one of my good friends came to the conclusion that he is in fact "gay" at a relatively young age (i think about 16) and it was his choice, his feelings, his wants and needs - nobody TOLD him he was "gay", he felt it was a part of himself and chose not to try to deny something that would inevitably come out in the end. Personally I think he was very courageous and mature to make his sexuality known, and if anything, he has gained more friendships, a better knowledge and acceptance of self and is HAPPY! And that, in my opinion, is the most important thing.
5 people like this
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
19 Sep 07
"Personally I think he was very courageous and mature to make his sexuality known, and if anything, he has gained more friendships, a better knowledge and acceptance of self and is HAPPY!" It is great that your friend was able to do so this young. My father took until he was close to 40 to finally be able to come out, but all the things you talk about with your friend happened with him. He suddenly just blossomed, becoming this much better, more honest, and happier person. =)
4 people like this
• Australia
19 Sep 07
Better late than never lecanis! Good on your dad! Nice to hear!
4 people like this
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
19 Sep 07
*laughs* I'd say... "You and most of the rest of the family." *shrugs* My father is gay, my husband and I are both bi... I don't think having a gay kid would surprise or bother us at all. =P In fact, when I was really new to mylot, many moons ago, I started a discussion about "What if my kid turns out to be straight?" That sounds very silly, but I do sometimes wonder if he'll feel uncomfortable admitting he is straight to us, because he'll worry we'll think that means he's anti-gay or something. (Since my child is less than 2 years old now, it's not really an issue yet, of course, but this is all speculation.)
4 people like this
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
20 Sep 07
Hi lecanis, Thanks for sharings your thoughts on this. No surprise here. Blessings.
2 people like this
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
20 Sep 07
Haha, yeah I wondered if it was even worth writing a response, since I'm sure everyone would already know my stance. But I couldn't resist, and I wanted to answer your discussion. =P
1 person likes this
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
20 Sep 07
Hehe. =) Gotta love those kind of families! =P
1 person likes this
@raijin (10373)
• Philippines
20 Sep 07
Wow, this is realy one of the very sensitive topics I've joined in to. I guess I would feel devastated at first, because my expectations somehow turned into a disappointment. I would get mad too, because my son has a heart of a woman. But I guess as a parent a loving one also, all I need to do is understand and support my son to what will make him happy. As long as he doesn't bring any problems in our house, I will welcome him with arms wide open.
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
20 Sep 07
Hi raijin, Thanks for joining us here, and for your response. I can understand that this would be devastating to many parents, but to understand and support your son , as you say you would shows that you are indeed a good parent. Unconditional love is always the answer is these situations. Blessings.
2 people like this
@cyntrow (8524)
• United States
21 Sep 07
A gay son would NOT have the heart of a woman. Gay men are men. They just are attracted to other men. Gays are not a different gender. They are just attracted to their own gender. You really need to see this.
2 people like this
@raijin (10373)
• Philippines
21 Sep 07
I know that, that word is meant in a humorly way. I have friends and relatives that are gay, so I know how to respect them for what they are and I don't have to prove them to anyone.
2 people like this
@balasri (26553)
• India
20 Sep 07
Well it will be a shock to me.The first thing will be to approach the situation with a cool head.I will talk to my child and try to find out whether it is for real.Then I will take him or her to the doctor and check about the normalcy.If everything suggests that my child is gay I give in and accept and take care of the health part of it.
3 people like this
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
20 Sep 07
Hi balasri, Thank you for commenting. Acceptance would be very important at that time, love and understanding would be even more so. Blessings.
2 people like this
@balasri (26553)
• India
20 Sep 07
Thanks you very much for finding my response acceptable to you.And thanks for the blessings too.
2 people like this
• United States
21 Sep 07
Honestly, I would support my child no matter what. I have a gay aunt. Which I have no problem with. I joke to my husband sometime that I do wish my daughter would turn out gay, at least then I would know she wouldn't end up pregant at age 17 like I was.
3 people like this
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
21 Sep 07
Hi TripleS519, Thank you for responding. To support your child is the only way to go. Blessings.
2 people like this
@Mirita (2668)
• United States
20 Sep 07
I have to say that I'm happy that my two boys love girls because you can see how excited they get when they see a beautiful girl ,but if they were gay I would love them the same way as now. At first, I would be kind of sad ,but I would support them and advice them to be careful the same way as I do now.
3 people like this
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
20 Sep 07
Hi Mirita, Thank you for responding. Love and support, no one can ask for more.Blessings.
2 people like this
@dopey22girl (3324)
• United States
20 Sep 07
I would accept it. There is nothing wrong with being gay, and I would promise to support them in everything they do. I would be a little surprised, but not at all angry or upset. I would be happy that they chose to be honest with me, and like I said, I would be supportive.
3 people like this
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
20 Sep 07
Hi dopey22girl, Thank you for commenting. It's good when someone can say that there is nothing wrong with being gay. I'm sure that not many parents would want it for their children, that's understandable, but when it happens, then we must be there for them. It is something that happens in nature, so of course there's nothing wrong with it. It happens in other animals as well as humans. When a young person understands that the parent is supportive he/she is much more likely to be honest. The only real love is unconditional love. Blessings.
2 people like this
• Portugal
20 Sep 07
Hmm my first reaction would be like, "huh? So how much would be the cost to invest for a beauty parlor?" heheh just kidding. As parent, you may observe it earlier as he grow up. They way he moves, talk, his likes and dislikes, so when he tell you, you will not be shock anymore. When the time comes that he tells me that he is gay, my first move will be..I put my arms on his shoulder and rest assured him that he is still accepted in the family wholeheartedly as of nothing change. All we could do is to guide him still in the right path of life. It is ok. It is not a problem. Wherever he will be happy we will be there for him. I had remembered when I called my hubby on phone and we're talking about the kids; it popped up on my mind and asked that question too. It takes 5 sec. to be exact of silence,hehe, and finally he said "It's ok babe, we will support our kids wherever they will be happy." well of course for good. :) I do have many gay friends too. I am honestly enjoying by their company than those of straight sexes. hehe
3 people like this
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
20 Sep 07
Hi cristalkate, Thank you for commenting. You sound like a very caring parent. Blessings.
2 people like this
@claire03 (1444)
• United States
20 Sep 07
hhmmm.. that's a tough question for me cause i don't even want to think about having a gay son or daughter. well, if it happens we'll still accept him/her for what he/she is cause it won't change the fact that he/she's our son/daughter. We need to just understand that things happen in our life that we have no control of so we need to accept it. :) have a nice day!
3 people like this
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
20 Sep 07
Hi claire, Thank you for commenting. I understand that this would be difficult for many parents, but remember it would not be their choice either. Think how much they would need you at such a time. Blessings.
2 people like this
@wiccania (3360)
• United States
20 Sep 07
I would support his choice. It wouldn't change who he is or how much I love him. It wouldn't change much, to be honest. I would still hope for his happiness, for him to find someone he loves and wants to spend his life with. I would still hope for him to have children if it's something he wants. Nothing would change, really.
3 people like this
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
20 Sep 07
Hi wiccania, Thank you for commenting. Your child would be very fortunate to have such a parent. Blessings.
2 people like this
@roniroxas (10576)
• Philippines
19 Sep 07
well i have to support him/her. theres nothing i can do about it for i have relatives who are gay and i think this is in some way hereditary. atleast i heard it from him/her. it would be a shock if i learned it from others.
3 people like this
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
20 Sep 07
Hi roniroxas, Thank you for responding. I agree that it's best to be supportive, usually they are having a difficult time without the parents adding more problems. I've also heard that it's hereditary. Blessings.
2 people like this
@carmelanirel (20979)
• United States
19 Sep 07
First thing I would do is ask why they would think that and who told them? (Usually this happens because someone tells them, like a school counselor, just heard about it today.)
• United States
19 Sep 07
Oh, and of course, I would pray. give it to YHVH..
1 person likes this
@cyntrow (8524)
• United States
19 Sep 07
Caramel, that's a crock. Sorry, but no one needs to tell a kid that they are attracted to their own gender. They know it. They've probaly known it since gradeschool.
4 people like this
• United States
19 Sep 07
Well cyntrow, I hears about that, the signs to look for in grade school. Though maybe not all are told, the guy who was speaking said that most are told just like he was.
2 people like this
@katkat (2379)
• Philippines
20 Sep 07
Of course I will be shocked and maybe a little diappointed. He' a boy when he came out in the world and all of a sudden he become a gay. But theres nothing I can do about it, so I have to acept the fact that he wants to be in the other gender. At least I have known it from her and not from other people.:]
2 people like this
@eden32 (3976)
• United States
20 Sep 07
I think you must be confusing being gay with being transgendered. A transgendered person feels they were born in the wrong body. Externally they are male but internally they "feel" female or vise versa. A gay man can be as 'masculine' as any other male, he's just attracted to other men. That doesn't mean he wishes to be a woman.
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
20 Sep 07
Hi katkat, Thank you for commenting. Acceptance is very important, but remember it's probably not what he wants. People who are gay don't choose it, they are born that way. Your choose to accept it would be an excellent beginning. Blessings.
1 person likes this
@katkat (2379)
• Philippines
20 Sep 07
Hi eden32 thanks for the clarification, there's a lot of things I don't know in this issue. I have some friends back in highschool that are gay and they want to be woman. I'm confused with this issue.
2 people like this
@claire03 (1444)
• United States
29 Sep 07
well, that's a tough question since we don't want any of our future kids be like this, but if it happens we will still accept our son or daughter for who they are cause they don't really choose to be that way and it's unintentional cause they don't mean or want to be that way. We'll still be here for them as parents and as long as they jst continue to be a good person there's nothing wrong with it. There's a lot of gay in the world and they come out in the open a long time ago so we should be open-minded about it :)
2 people like this
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
1 Oct 07
Hi claire, Thank you for being so understanding. Unconditional love is the only way. Blessings.
@devilsangel (1817)
• United States
29 Sep 07
To be honest I don't think I'd really care if one of my kids told me they were gay. As long as they were happy with who they are then I'd be happy for them. I wouldn't treat them any differently then I do now. Same rules would apply to dating as it would if they were straight, same as my judging their partners. As long as they found someone who treated them nicely and loved them for who they were then I'd be happy for them.
2 people like this
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
29 Sep 07
Hi devilangel, Thank you for responding and for being s understanding. I am beginning to see that there are many decent people who truly their children Blessings.
2 people like this
@barehugs (8986)
• Canada
25 Sep 07
Well its not the end of the world! Imagine, if they told you they just found out they had terminal cancer? or had killed their best friend. Now that would be Different! Gay u say? No child of mine (old enough to date) Could surprise me with a statement like That. I've raised 4 boys so I know what I'm talking about. Parents who are surprised by their children being Gay, would have to be living on another continent. Therefore I believe I would have little or No reaction.
2 people like this
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
25 Sep 07
Hi barehugs, I guess some people refuse to accept it, even if they have been getting signals. Some children are also good at hiding it, or even refuse to accept it themselves. I'm convinced that there are parents who really don't know until the child tells them. I'm pleased to see that you would be so accepting. Our children deserve our unconditional love. Blessings.
1 person likes this
@fredgame (1261)
• China
24 Sep 07
i'd first of all ask him his reasons for making that decision and doing that? i'll ask him the benefits he drives from being a gay. Then i'll tell him to reconsider that act for that will ruin his future and could spell doom for his bright future. i'll simply speak to him in a humble manner. Then let him look at his friends who are not and probably ask him to follow those friends who object to such social vice.
2 people like this
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
24 Sep 07
Hi fredgame, Thank you for responding. I think you are forgetting that people don't choose to be gay. They are born that way, and cannot change. Very few people would want a gay child because life is often very difficult for them, but good and loving parents would support them. It is the only loving thing to do. Blessings.
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19464)
• Philippines
24 Sep 07
i think i would be embarassed at first but i would realized i really couldnt do anything about it so i'll just accept it. besides, i have gay friends and i love them because they're so much fun, hardworking and talented. if my son is gay but he possess these good qualities, then i wouldnt be angry at him. ^__^ plus, gays are already accepted in the society. maybe in some communities they are still not accepted but time will come that people will open their minds and eyes and see that gays are important part of the society too.
2 people like this
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
24 Sep 07
Hi secretbear, It sounds like you would be a very understanding and loving mother. Thank you for visiting. Blessings.
1 person likes this
@pumpkinjam (5801)
• United Kingdom
22 Sep 07
I have a few years before my kids start talking to me about that kind of thing as my oldest is only 7. If, in the future, either of my kids told me they were gay, I might be shocked - not least because they already flirt a lot with girls! I would support them and be there for them. To me, being gay isn't a problem and I really don't see why it should be unless there is some religious issue about it or something. The way I see it is that being gay, straight, bi or whatever else, that is only one part of a person and it is a part which I don't see is any of my business. My best friend is gay and it is very obvious because he is so effeminate but he has a boyfriend who, had he not been introduced as such, I would not have had any idea that he was gay. My personal opinion is that it isn't "normal" to be gay but that doesn't mean I think it is abnormal. As I say, someone's sexuality is only one part and it really doesn't matter because it's not going to change the rest of their personality usually. Anyway, I don't think I would "react" per say but maybe just be a little shocked. It would just mean that the "birds and bees" discussion would have to be altered slightly!
2 people like this
@MisterPlus (1917)
• Philippines
20 Sep 07
I would be glad to and hug my child if he says he's gay. There is nothing wrong with being honest to yourself and to your parents and I will support him and give him advises to what to do to protect himself.
2 people like this
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
20 Sep 07
Hi MisterPlus, Thank you for responding. We need more parents like you. Blessings.
1 person likes this