An apology and a story

@brendalee (6083)
United States
September 20, 2007 3:11am CST
First of all, I would like to apologize for not being around very much lately. I really needed a break from here and I found another place that I like to spend time at. I could never completely leave Mylot as I have made many friends here. I will make more of an effort to check in from time to time. I would also like to share with you something that is going on in my life. I wrote this story for another site. I am lazy tonight and I don't feel like typing it all out again so here is my story from that site. Weird Thoughts in a Moment of Panic Did you ever have some event happen in your life and then some weird and crazy thoughts went through your mind? This happened to me last Thursday after I looked at my caller id on my phone. There was a number there listed as Interlakes Oncology. For a moment, time seemed to stand still. I listened to the message and they wanted to talk to me about my appointment. My appointment???? I knew my doctor was sending me to a specialist but the word oncology threw me for a few minutes. Oncology is basically the study of cancer. Cancer was the word I saw in big bold letters in my mind. My mind flashed to me lying in a casket and I wondered who would show up to say goodbye to me. I thought about my two grandsons and I wondered if I would get to see them grow up. I thought about my animals and wondered who would take care of them. I thought about my boyfriend and I wondered how he would survive without me. I thought about my son and I wondered what he would do without me. All these thoughts occurred over just a few minutes. I was really scared. Its amazing what the mind will do in situations like that. My mind then flashed back to my regular doctor's visit and how he just wanted a specialist to tell him I was okay. He is a new doctor for me and he actually acts like he cares. I've been plagued with strange symptoms for almost 20 years. One for almost 30 years. These include SVT(rapid heartbeat), elevated white blood cell, unexplained fevers and an assortment of aches and pains. I've had them so long that I have accepted them as part of my life. I've been told many things by several different doctors and the last word was just that I was normally abnormal. But I was never sent to a specialist. This new doctor wants to do that. And that oncology specialist is also a blood disease specialist. Had I had taken the time to look it up in the phonebook, I would have seen that it said Interlakes Oncology/Hematology. But my mind chose to freak out instead of being rational. I would be lying if I said I wasn't worried about all this but at least now I feel better about it. So last Monday I went to the hospital for an EKG, echocardiogram and some blood tests. October 1st is my appointment with the specialist. I'm sure there will more blood tests that he will want to do. Also in the planning is a stress test,24 heart monitor ,MRI and probably more blood tests. I wonder if they can insert a valve into my vein and just turn it on when they want blood. LOL. Please don't worry about me. Right now I feel fine and I am fairly healthy. I've got a great support system with my family and my friends. Thanks for reading.
9 people like this
12 responses
@MsTickle (24994)
• Australia
23 Sep 07
I'm sorry you won't be around much so more...I'll look forward to seeing you from time to time. Isn't it strange how our minds jump to visions and thoughts of worst case scenario when we are frightened. Is it because we are negative thinkers predominately? Do optimists think like this first then see the positive side. I've wondered about these things. Your symptoms of various aches and pains etc sounds like me. I just get non-commital comments from my doc/s. Normally abnormal sounds like an ok thing.
@brendalee (6083)
• United States
24 Sep 07
Thank you MsTickle. My mind is very active to begin with. I am always thinking but this is the first time it freaked out like that. I hope you are okay to. We can be normally abnormal together.
1 person likes this
@Grandmaof2 (7603)
• Canada
20 Sep 07
Stay positive my friend which is something I am not able to do when it comes to health issues. It's awful to be a worry wart. Good Luck Take Care. Keep me informed.
@brendalee (6083)
• United States
21 Sep 07
Thanks Grandmaof2. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't afraid but I know I will be able to handle anything that is thrown at me.
• United States
20 Sep 07
I have missed you brendalee, I am glad you are feeling fine now. Isn't it funny how our imaginations goes wild like that. We tend to always think the worst instand of finding the whole facts out. I am glad you are doing to get things checked out that is the best thing to do. Good luck with you. As far as I know they do not put taps in our veins for blood yet. One of these days I am sure they are going to have scanners so they do not have to take blood. Something like we saw on Star Track. LOL Good luck again
@brendalee (6083)
• United States
21 Sep 07
Thank you teapotmommommerced. I missed you too. And I missed everyone else. I'm trying real hard to get in here at least once a day.
@jennybianca (12914)
• Australia
20 Sep 07
Sounds like you found a similar site to what I found. It's much like My Lot, but I still go on My Lot most days. It's hard to do both, but I had the feeling My Lot was going under. Anyway, don't panic too much about your Doctor wanting to send you to a specialist. It could be for any reason. If you have had strange symptions for 20 years, and are still in good health, then if something is wrong, it is not going to have a sudden impact on you. My Mother thinks she has cancer. They have found cysts in her throat. A couple of them are large, & could turn cancerous. My Mother says they could already be cancerous. I don't know if my mother made the last statement up, or if her Doctor actually said this. Please let us know what is happening from time to time. By the way, what program are you in, if you are allowed to mention it here?
2 people like this
@brendalee (6083)
• United States
20 Sep 07
Yeah, I was upset at first but now I think its just a way for them to get more money. But I guess its better to be safe than sorry. I will send you a PM about the place I am at.
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
22 Sep 07
Sweetie I am so sorry to read this and I wish you would have contacted me Yes I have been through that to as I was tested on Lung Cancer and for 3 Months I never told anyone about it I kept it and suffered alone as I did not want People to worry The reason they where testing was due to seeing a shadow on my lung and it turned out that it was just an Infection showing on my bad Lungs It is scary really scary and believe me for 3 Months I was planning I was scared but I was even more scared for the People that loved me Sweetie I really hope that everything turns out well on your Tests and you will be in my thoughts please keep me updated Love and Hugs to you
1 person likes this
@brendalee (6083)
• United States
22 Sep 07
Your the first person I wanted to tell but I know you have many worries of your own. I am sure I will be fine, it just scared the heck out of me.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
22 Sep 07
Sweetie don't you ever think that way again it does not matter what I have to deal with at that time if you need me you shout do you hear me my Problems can be dealt with later That was a scary thing you went through so please Sweet anytime you need me please write to me don't worry about my Problems they are there and gone when it comes to being there for a friend I can deal with mine later Promise you will never think that way again I am of to bed now as it is nearly Midnight here but please Sweet I am here for you no matter what Love and a big Hug to you
1 person likes this
@brendalee (6083)
• United States
24 Sep 07
Thanks Gabs. I promise not to think that way again. Love and hugs to you too.
• United States
20 Sep 07
I have gone through situations and panicked before I had time to think. I am glad to hear you are fairly healthy....
1 person likes this
@brendalee (6083)
• United States
21 Sep 07
Thanks. I should know better too because I use to work in the medical field.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Sep 07
Hey, you're human.
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (35507)
• United States
19 Nov 07
Would be interested if you get time to have you Start a New discussion on this my friend, and update us on what is going on with you. I have been missing seeing you around.
@brendalee (6083)
• United States
20 Nov 07
I'm still around but not as much. I am at the other site alot. I've made almost $200 there this month, its giftcards but I can still use them. But anyway, I don't have cancer which is a good thing. The bad thing is that we don't know what it is. I am really frustrated with doctors and have quit going. The last time the doc thought I might have gout and he gave me medicine for it. I refused to take it because I don't feel like playing the lets guess the best medicine game. I am not a guinea pig. I've learned to deal with the aches and pains. I feel pretty good so for now I'm going to just enjoy life the best I can.
@villageanne (8554)
• United States
16 Oct 07
I too am at the other group more than mylot these days. How are you doing? I sure hope you are ok. Cancer can be a cruel and unforgiving disease. We have been touched by it in our family. It is no fun at all.
1 person likes this
@brendalee (6083)
• United States
17 Oct 07
The doc said the cells weren't cancerous and he doesn't think I have a blood disease at all. My other doc thinks its auto immune but hes not sure what yet.
• India
9 Oct 07
hey brenda even i was out from mylot for almost 10 months. pretty loong time. and from what u written i could make out th esituationm u r in. believe me if ur fine since last 20 yrs, i see no erason Y u shouldn't be fine now.... and maybe ur doc jus wants to make sure everything's fine. it doesn't mean u got any cancer or such stuff. it may be jus to rule any possibility.its always good to over treat a bit rather than undertreat..... believe me as a doc i know ur life is more precious, so i'd rather not risk it shivaprasad g s
1 person likes this
@brendalee (6083)
• United States
10 Oct 07
Hey its good to see you. I didn't think I'd see you again. I hope all is well with you. I went to the specialist and he said my cells are fine. He doesn't think I have a blood disease at all. I am still waiting on one test. But I think it will turn out ok.
@blueskies (1186)
• United States
20 Sep 07
I'm sorry you had a scare, Brendalee. I go to Interlakes Oncology/Hematology and I just have to say that the Hematologist there is wonderful. I've been going there for the past 6 months or so because I had become extremely anemic. They are always quick to see me and so pleasant and friendly. I hope the dr's are able to get to the root of your health issues and that you start to feel better soon.
@brendalee (6083)
• United States
21 Sep 07
Thank you very much blueskies. I have been looking for someone who had been there and I asked on the community forum and I got no answers. This means alot to me. Thanks again.
1 person likes this
17 Dec 07
God bless you . i pray that you will no longer think in that way. everything will goes well,there's on expctation for your life and your health. altough it's my first time coming to your topic while you wanna leave for other site, i still hope that we can make firends and sharing with each other the fun and well-being that going on in our life. good luck! and please send my respects to your family.
1 person likes this
@Carrie26 (1587)
• United States
7 Jul 08
Hey Brenda.Hope you are doing okay.What sight are you on that you make 200 a month in giftcards.Send me a pm and let me know.Hope to see you around here too.Thanks.