Would You Still be with Your Boyfriend/ Girlfriend if...

Hong Kong
September 21, 2007 10:18am CST
if he or she owes USD52,000 credit card and bank bills because of gambling? Me and one of my best buddy went for dinner tonight and she told me this piece of news about her boyfriend. I don't really know what to say. It's an outrageous amount and the number looks pretty scary to me. Suddenly I thought if my boyfriend were like that, would I still be with him? Well, probably that's a NO because I am not willing to gamble my whole life on someone who gambles. Would you be with someone who gambles? What would be your reaction if your other half reveal this piece of sickened truth to you?
8 people like this
34 responses
• Philippines
21 Sep 07
Definitely a BIG NO! It's so hard to be with someone who gambles a lot. I've seen my mother suffer from that too, my father used to gamble a lot before when I was a kick. They used to fight most of the time. I don't want to have a relationship like that in the future. It's okay to have a person who gamble and also know how to use his brain at the same time. Someone who thinks gambling as a living, if you win then STOP. If you think you're losing then STOP. Don't went home empty handed or a LOSER. Lolz. I think that's impossible.!
3 people like this
• Hong Kong
21 Sep 07
Good one! I think the key is "knowing when to stop". My dad gambles but he knows when to stop and he never causes any problem at home, so I am confident about his judgement and I don't really have a problem with that, I know it's his only hobby - horse betting *laughs*. But that big sum of money would definitely freak me out!
1 person likes this
@anonymili (3140)
21 Sep 07
Gambling - Does roulette get you addicted? Do you have an addiction to wasting money?
That's ridiculous. I would no way consider staying with someone who has such a problem. That is a really huge sum of money and I can understand you not wanting to gamble your life on someone who gambles. I know it's an addiction and all that bla bla bla BUT if you're in a relationship with someone they should respect you enough that they don't make you suffer because of their addiction. Obviously your friend is going to suffer financially because of her fella's debt. It will mean she will have to go without things because he won't have any money to spend for God knows how long whilst he pays off this debt and runs up God knows how much more as he'll probably think he can win that amount back with one good gamble!
• Hong Kong
21 Sep 07
Very well-said indeed! *Sighs*, I guess love is really "blind" for her, she has no intention of leaving. She said it would be the one last chance but oh well...I hope nothing bad would happen!
1 person likes this
@drannhh (15002)
• United States
21 Sep 07
No, absolutely not. My reaction would be GOOD-BYE and good luck, but I would not stay around long enough to hear an answer. It is not just a matter of being fiscally irresponsible, and obviously hiding it for quite some time, but it goes to even deeper issues of character. Be careful, Ice. You might want to take a fresh look at your "best buddy" too, as her judgment seems to have been a little flawed getting involved with this sort of person.
2 people like this
• Hong Kong
22 Sep 07
Hey, indeed, I am really surprised that she doesn't run away and even be his "guaranteed person" (don't know what's that called in English) at the bank. If he couldn't pay the debt, then the bank would go after my friend. I know her for long and I know that she is really strict about money and stuff like that and she is even the richest person among my group (at our age). I am just totally disappointed. It was like WEIRD! And you are right, her judgement does have some problem!
@joshua_w (501)
• Malaysia
22 Sep 07
Came upon this by chance. Forgive my intrusion here but my two-cents view on this: the term you were referring to your friend is called a "Guarantor". Your friend is a guarantor to her boy friend, in this case. The bank would normally need a collateral (as in property of asset like equipments) before giving out a loan, as you would know. Sometimes, if the collateral is not sufficient or the bank thinks it's not sufficient, then it would need additional "guarantee" in the form of Corporate Guarantee or Personal Guarantee. Your friend has become another's personal guarantor, i would assume. And yes, if her boyfriend who's the borrower abscond, then the Bank will definitely go after her. I think maybe she has no idea of the magnitude of the problem. Either that or maybe she is really rich and could cover all of that. Back to your main point, a gambler really do not deserve anyone in this world. Their world-view is everything can be put on the gambling table; life, love. They're selfish inside. Unless they change, they would only hurt those people who are close to them. The sad thing is the people who loved a gambler always hope he would change.
1 person likes this
• Hong Kong
22 Sep 07
joshua_w Thanks for the information and I am happy to learn that word, I will remember it. God, you are so right that a gambler doesn't deserve anyone in this world!
1 person likes this
@gmakesmoney (2923)
• United States
21 Sep 07
There is no way on earth I'd be with someone who put me that far into debt. First off... there's no way I'd put any of my financial effects in the hands of someone I wasn't legally married to. That is just asking for trouble, you never ever, never... ever... ever mix money and personal matters unless you are willing to never see that money again. Most likely she will never see one cent of that money and an amount that high will ruin her credit and amounts that high in debt also ruin your chances with a lot of employment opportunities as 98% of employers now check the credit of applicants and view those with bad or excessive debt as a risk an not trust worthy. Women need to take a bigger role in protecting themselves financially and that includes against those who may be taking advantage of us. We think that saying NO means that we're going to be viewed as being a "b*tch" but the truth is that if you don't watch out for yourself, nobody else is going to do it either. If I were your friend I'd sue him for the ammount on her credit card after calling the credit card company and asking for her account number to be changed and all currently issued cards to be cancelled so that he can't spend another dime on her account.
• Hong Kong
22 Sep 07
Well, he didn't use her credit card, but he owes the money to the credit company and the bank himself. But since he needs to restructure his finance, he asked my friend to "insure" him at the bank, it's like if he can't pay it off, then the bank would chase my friend for it. And what drives me crazy was that my friend did that FOR HIM! Who could really be nutter in this world for Christ sake? I mean, we really need to protect ourselves. Sometimes it's not the issue of love anymore!
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Sep 07
Oh so she co-signed, that really does put her in a heap of problems. Those types of things do get reported to the major credit companies and go on her credit if he does not pay it. That could affect her badly and is sad but very common in a lot of women. I know so many women who's credit has gone back because of a boyfriend or husband and then they are stuck not being able to get anything under their own names. You're right it's not a matter of love it's an issue of security.
@meemingNEW (2228)
• Philippines
21 Sep 07
Yes! If ever i'll be in that situation, I will still be with my boyfriend, for now.. Every person deserves a second chance. Even if he owes me that amount because he used it for gambling, I may even help me pay some of it. I am a generous person and I am willing to help any one in any way I can. I will try to talk and convince my boyfriend out of gambling and to give him another chance. A chance to change things, change himself, quit gambling and of course, pay the bills! :) If he won't change, then there's no chance for me to still be with a person who is a gambler. To think, he's still my boyfriend.. were not even married yet .. and then he already owes me that amount?! What more if were already married.. The amount may be doubled or we all lose our money for his gambling.
2 people like this
• Hong Kong
22 Sep 07
The thing is, this is already the second chance! I still think there is a limit in the term of love.
• Philippines
22 Sep 07
If its his second chance but still he blew it off, then definitely you deserve someone better.
1 person likes this
@wonderful1 (2076)
• China
21 Sep 07
no, i can't. it is too much for me, i can't afford it. if my boyfriend is ill, then he owes such money, then i can accept it, but for gambling, then i can't accept it. he should afford it by himself. didn't he think the result before he play gambling? i hate those people who spend too much time on gambling. once i quit my job, then i had free time, then some of my friends called me to play gambling, then i began to play it. it was very attractive, but i'm not lucky,and i lost 150 dollars in several days. you know, i quit my job, then i can't have too much extra money, then i had a quarrel with my boyfriend, i felt very bad to quarrel with him about such thing, then i gave it up.
• Hong Kong
22 Sep 07
That's very true! I am never into gambling and I don't think I will ever be like that.
• United States
21 Sep 07
That is a easy one for me, no way. If he has that much gambling debt chances are he is a addict and it will only get worse. Better to know about it now before they get married and then find out
• Hong Kong
22 Sep 07
It seems really easy to have an answer, but I really don't understand about my friend.
• India
21 Sep 07
my answer is, if she can afford it , lol, why not and if she thinks that she has been duped for some reason then she should shove a gambling table in his mouth.
2 people like this
• Hong Kong
22 Sep 07
Right, if she could afford it, why not?
• United States
22 Sep 07
That is very scary. It is not just about it being debt. Debt can go. The problem is the addiction behind gambling. There is gambler's anonymous that is out to help people face their addiction. But imagine down the road if things are going fine and then they go through a rough patch and he is stressed and turns to gambling again. I won't say people can't beat it, but it is not easy. I think it would be good of her to encourage him to seek help right away. There is a difference between being with someone/helping someone get help because you love them and getting married.
2 people like this
@austere (2816)
• Philippines
21 Sep 07
i dont think am that dumb not to realize that that guy doesnt love me. he is with me because he needs my money to finance his gaming and all those stuffs. that guy doesnt have respect for one. he knows that it's my money and even if he is important to me, it doesnt mean he has all the right to do that, have fun at my expense and he is using my name! oh god. i really wont forgive him. that is not loving. that guy is just using his girl. if the girl will ran out of money and will have to pay all the bills since it is under her name, will the guy stick with him and help her out in paying the bills?! that is the big question right now... i dont know, if that happened to me, i will not forgive him, i am just happy that my guy is the responsible kind. he doesnt ask or borrow from me and everytime we dine out, he always does the paying though i would like to offer and contribute he wouldnt accept it..:) that's nice if you get someone responsible!
@terrych (1227)
• United States
21 Sep 07
I will have to think a lot before being with a gambler... but if your friend new about it... it is her choice... I guess the problem is when you are already in the relationship... Hard decision... but better be safe then sorry! Run away! Soldier then run, can serve another war!
2 people like this
• China
28 Sep 07
My answer would be 'absolutely no'.I hate gambling and I thought it is always associated with bad hehavior.Once people lose a lot of money on it,they want to win it back.Then they end up losing more money.Thats terrible.I cant bear it even he is my beloved one.
1 person likes this
• Hong Kong
29 Sep 07
It's really a snow-balling effect, I agree with you!
@gr8life (6253)
• Malaysia
27 Sep 07
Hello wondericequeen, I think I will leave him if that is the cause of him being poorer. But if there is another valid reason, I will definitely remain with him and try to solve the problem together. I don't think I am brave enough to suffer in future just to be with my gambler husband!
1 person likes this
• Hong Kong
29 Sep 07
That's really true! I could understand owing that much money due to a failure of business or something and if it's that, I wouldn't leave for sure and I would try and solve the problem together with my man. But gambling, h*ll NO!
@youless (86444)
• Guangzhou, China
22 Sep 07
I don't want to stay with a person who likes gambling. It is a very dangerous hobby. No matter he wins or loses money, I will still leave him because he gambles.
1 person likes this
• Hong Kong
23 Sep 07
That's very true! It's really dangerous!
@phayeth (519)
• Philippines
22 Sep 07
i think mine is worst than your friend's Boyfriend co'z my boyfriend ows someone much more bigger on that amount.. well, right now i'm helping him with it. i know his trying to rise some money for the dept of his..
1 person likes this
• Hong Kong
23 Sep 07
I wish you good luck on helping your boyfriend. Well that must be a lot of money!
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
22 Sep 07
My cousin married a gamble. One day, a moving van pulled up and served her with a piece of paper saying that everything they owned was to be sold for debt collection due for gambling repayment. The repo men dumped all their kids clothes on the floor and took their chests of drawers. Then they left the blankets, but took their beds. The kids were in shock and then started crying. All the furniture, everything left. They rented, so no one could claim the house. But the entire situation was awful. Most people gamble a little, but when it becomes an addiction, you can't stay with the person, you won't have any furniture or bed to stay with that person anyway!
• Hong Kong
22 Sep 07
Oh that must be really awkful! I guess that's why it bothered me when I heard that. It's like I knew it is an addiction and I started to wonder if love could be so blind?
• Philippines
22 Sep 07
i dont either, that really the thing that i hate, ive seen people that almost lost everything in thier life becouse of gambling.and people down and almost lost thier mind becouse of it.i cant imagine my self to be with a gambler, i mean what life would it be.?
1 person likes this
• Hong Kong
22 Sep 07
*laughs* I was thinking if I were with a gambler, then "do I still have a so called LIFE?"
@lingli_78 (12852)
• Australia
21 Sep 07
first of all, i don't even want to get involved with a person who is a gambler... there is too much risk associated with it... the sum is really scary and i don't know how long your buddy's bf will be able to pay it... i always tell my hubby that if he uses the money that we earned with lots of hardwork and sweat unwisely, then i will definitely leave him...
1 person likes this
• Hong Kong
22 Sep 07
Yes the amount is scary! And somehow it kept running in my head and bothered me for the whole night. I have nothing to do with them financially, still, I am "astonished" and disturbed by the amount.
@angela2006 (1846)
• China
28 Sep 07
my answer is no.because I know if one person is addicted to gamble,then it is nearly impossible for him to give up it,even he knows that it does so much bad,but he can not abadon it.no matter how he wants to.of course,there is some exception,such as some very big or sorrow things happen on him or his friends,then maybe he will succeed.but for me,I think it is so scared to be with a gambler,so I will not choose that kind of man to be my boyfriend or husband.wish you good luck!
1 person likes this
@hassanah (387)
• Malaysia
25 Sep 07
I will leave my bf if he owe me so many money because i know he cant pay back and will not pay back.I hate gamble because many people down because gamble.
1 person likes this