My teen daughter and I

United States
September 21, 2007 12:44pm CST
My teen is really pushing my buttons.She asked to go after school home with her boyfriend and his mom,for few hours,the mom said she'd make sure things would be ok.And I trusted her.Well I made one rule fro my girl to keep.Do not go out alone together with out a adult.She promised me no walks or anything.And I told her to be home by 9pm.She agreed.So at 9 shewasn't home and I got the horribl ephone call that she and her feller was lost in the woods!They HAD went walking and it got dark on them before they got back so they was lost.That there was over 300 people including search and rescue and ST out looking for them.Once I got there they had been found.I got her home and grounded her from everything I could think of because she had broken a serious promise.I asked if they fooled around she sweared NO ,and then the next day sorting laundry I found (and this is nasty ,sorry) stuff in her panties and they stunk,so bad my whole laundry basket was reeking-so I was sort of wondering what had crawled in there and died.I found that and I think, she had fooled around.So I made a dr. appointment.And the nurse told me that since they have the privacy act in place now she is 15 and is considered a adult so if she don't want you in there or don't want you to know anything ,you wont be there and wont know anything.And as for making her get on birth control we can make her and you can't either.So there I was ,at a bump in the road.I told her about the appointment, I told confess now,she said no, I didn't due anything.And she got so mad,she said I don't want on the pill!(Not even if her acne is so bad there hasn't been anything else to work)And get this during the summer she was willing to go get on the pill for her acne.And now there is no way she says she's going to get on it.I had to cancel the dr. appointment.She is suppose to start this weekend or this week.I pray to God she does.Just for her sake.She wants to be a vet. and it will so hard to be anything but a mom if she is.Am I over reacting to this all.Yesturday she hit me up to let her go to his house again and then go on to a football game with him and his mom, I told her no, the only way she'd go is if I took her and I wont be.And she threw a fit, and I aske dher why am I different than his mom .And she said cause she is cool and you are not.Your embarrassing.I hate you.Well that cut me inside and out.I have always given her space, never bugged her and her friends, always polite and never joked due to my mom tried to be cool and hip and I hated it.I don't know what to say or do now.My bump in the road is now a ditch that I can't figure out how to cross.Any ideas?
5 people like this
7 responses
@miamilady (4924)
• United States
23 Sep 07
My daughter will turn 15 this Tuesday. I can truly empathise with what your going through. Unfortunately, I'm begining to thing that part of being a caring parent is being "hated" by our children from time to time. I get the "you don't let me do anything!" complaint on a regular basis. My daughter has broken rules and has suffered because of it as well. I've given her some independence in small doses and she has broken rules and taken things a step too far, which has cause me to slow down on what I allow her to do. I truly had hoped that we would understand eachother better when she reached this age. I was mistaken. I still feel that we basically have a good mother daughter relationship. I think there is just a time when we have to be the "parent" not "the friend". If they hate us for a little while, so be it. Hopefully when they get older they will understand our motives better. I know as an adult, I better understand some of the things that my parents did when I was younger. Good luck with your daughter! Take care.
@saunty (604)
• India
22 Sep 07
well , Mam its really such a big problem you are facing at present, its just you should have treated you daughter a bit strictly from the beginning only and now its just a bit late i suppose to make her understand anything , and now what all u can do is just to make her feel that you just want her happiness and nothing else...even if on the cost of the respect of your family...the day she will feel so, she wont ever think of hurting you again..
• United States
23 Sep 07
Sorry you didn't know how strict I am.I HAVE learned that you say no, no ,no and she will end up going behind the back and doing what ever anyways, that is a normal teen.So in my efforts I gave a tad,with rules, she chose to break them and now she is punished and will be punished for a few months.I have tried to do the Your happiness is all I want for you deal.And say the saying goes give a inch some take a mile.I got into a large fight last night with her dad,he left,she thought she had done something great(cause it was over her)and come to find out she had called her feller and invited him over, after I gave out first no# on her grounding list is NO boyfriend over,no boyfriend calls,no after school boyfriend dates and that is only my first set of rule punishment,I gave 15!.And now I see my big booboo,I should have never told her dad not to add his two cents when I have already grounded her.She thought no dad,I can can run over mommy.But no,I just don't be a thinking so.But thanks for your opinion.
@ian1010 (459)
• Philippines
22 Sep 07
may God bless and guide you through this tough situation in your life
• United States
22 Sep 07
Teens can always be difficult, and sadly, sometimes it takes them making really stupid mistakes in order to learn what not to do. Your daughter was just being like every other teen and she was being reckless. I hope, for your sake and your daughter's, that she is okay, but just remember, teens love to rebel, they love to think that they are invincible, and they love to think that nothing bad will ever happen to them. I remember when I was a teenager, and all the nasty mistakes I made, I regret a lot of them now.
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
21 Sep 07
Ok, one thing at a time....You are absolutely right for being angry about them wandering off in the woods alone but I also hope you assured her you were so happy that she was found safe and alive...it could have ended so much worse. Some of her anger towards you over this incident could be caused if you were more concerned about whether she fooled around with her boyfriend than the fact that she was lost in the woods after dark. The "stuff" you found...I wasn't there and I don't expect (or want) you to go into more detail...Is it possible that she has a yeast infection or something else innocent like that that would cause smelly discharge? There is a certain odor from "fooling around" but many other things cause odors too. Also they could be doing "everything but"...meaning all the things leading up to IT without going all the way. That could explain why she insists she didn't and is against the pill...and do you really expect (or want) her to go into detail to explain to you if her boyfriend only used his hands "down there"? The rest of her behavior sounds pretty typical. A lot of teens only want "cool parents" and are embarrassed by normal parents. Just ignore it, it's her way of trying to manipulate you into letting her do what she wants. Just keep an open, non-judgemental line of communication with her and hopefully you can get some answers. (There is the other possibility that she IS trying to get pregnant in the hope that you will be so mad you will kick her out and she'll have to live with her boyfriend and his "cool" mom. So just keep an eye on things and try to build up your relationship with her...also never discountt the possibility of pressure from her boyfriend. A lot of things could be going on that she is scared to talk to you about.)
@smileonstar (4013)
• United States
21 Sep 07
Hi, wow... teenager life!!! I can tell it is hard and it will be more. I dont have a teenager girl in my family yet cuz my baby just 3 and she will become one someday. I used to live with teenagers and they act that they know everything and we dont. She is 15 but her mind is 20... you have to give her some time and go to talk to her nicely. Make sure she trusts you and tell you everything. She won't learn her lesson yet until she works hard and get the money on her own, then it is time for her to learn how hard to be a mother and how much to be over control with teenager. Im not saying that you are over control but we have to and I have to do that too in 10 more years. I am scare already but what can I do? I am trying my best to let her trusts me and tells me everything. I want to be her best friend and her best mom... so she won't think MOM is hard, but best friend can tell everything and share everything. have you ever talk to her boyfriend? or his mom? see how they answer you... I am sorry that I dont have that much of ideas for you but I wish you all the best. Dont be too hard on her... let's it be, she might realized that her own mom is also cool.
• Philippines
21 Sep 07
you will have to explain to your daughter why you are protective of her. she is a woman and if she makes love with her boyfriend and then the semen sinks in her uterus she will surely get pregnant. then explain to her about how difficult it is to be a teen mom. make her understand that you are only concerned of her because you love her so dearly. there is no need for her to go through a bad experience of becoming a mother first before learning about the harshness of life on women becuase you are around to tell her about it all. us women is very much different from men. men will never get pregnant. men will never bear children, and men need not be facing the responsibility of bringing up the child which came to be once they get a woman pregnant. whereas, in contrast, the woman bears all the responsibility from pregnancy till childbirth, untill seeing the baby through adulthood. add more information. talk to her privately about this matter so she will understand. i know that i went to this before with my daughter. i am happy to tell you that she has remained a virgin until she met the man she has decided she will marry and spend the rest of her life with. it is never easy to make them understand but you will succeed if only you will keep on trying. at least make her understand why she must make sure she will never get pregnant by any man who is not her legal husband. she will be most thankful to you at the end of it all. i can still remember that i told my daughter that if ever she gets pregnant, she need not wallow beside any man for i will take her in and take care of her. she is my daughter and my love for her is beyond measure. maybe, it will also help if you will give her this assurance.