Having A Sad Night

@raydene (9874)
United States
September 22, 2007 10:04pm CST
Ok I am whining tonight ...I just need someone to talk to and everyone around me is wrapped up in the us that used to be..I am so alone!.. I can not understand how I could think life was a certain way for so long then in a breath have the world explode and everything I know has changed... Yes I'm feeling sorry for myself tonight and doing the Why me thing...I'm ashamed of myself!.. I just feel like ...sh:t.. I just got my life back with my health coming back and now I have to find a way to keep my head above water... I am just being a baby ..but I swear to God I just can not lay here again tonight and stare at the ceiling throught my tears.. I have to see my way to a positive solid spot.. I don't like the way I have felt today..Mean bad thoughts!!!..I don't want to be a mean person but Today when Cy was saying I was selfish because I won't let him in and how any decent person would have forgiven him in a week.....If someone had offered me a nickle to knock his head clean off his shoulders I would have done it and given back 4 cents change.. OK That's enough of this stupidity.. Thanks for listening..Tomorrow is a new day and I will be better when the sun is up..It's the dark nights that are hard.. Hugs xoxoxoxo
10 people like this
22 responses
• United States
23 Sep 07
I don't know your situation, but I do know one thing: Tomorrow won't be as bad as today. It will get better, and the feeling you have is temporary. I don't know the author of the quote "this too shall pass". Try to keep this in your head, or say it out loud. I hope this helps you!
@raydene (9874)
• United States
23 Sep 07
Thanks for the encouragement..You can look at my discussions to see what has happened..I don't have the energy to recap Thanks
3 people like this
@ctrymuziklvr (11059)
• United States
23 Sep 07
I had one of those days today too! Oh why me! Everyone takes advantage of me and I can't have a life...yada yada yada. Yes, I feel like a sh** too. So here I am babysitting for my daughter AGAIN! Your right ...tomorrow is a new day...big deal...lol...
@raydene (9874)
• United States
23 Sep 07
That's nice that you are with your Grandchildren..I just love the little angels.. Thanks for the response..
3 people like this
@marciascott (25554)
• United States
23 Sep 07
Hey, Raydene I was really feeling sad for you, I hope your day tomorrow be a much brighter day. The Sun will come up tommorow!
@raydene (9874)
• United States
23 Sep 07
Marcia, I'm keeping busy..I just keep moving..It's just the nights! I will get through this like I get through everything..I know that I will look back and see this as a blessing in disguise. Nice to hear from you Doll..We have sorta lost touch..Hope things are well with you. Hugs
3 people like this
@GardenGerty (105281)
• United States
23 Sep 07
I know, you are not looking for advice, just a friendly ear, or two. I think you will find them here. I think Cy is playing head games with you. No reasonable person would forgive 20 years of infidelity in a week. You are getting your health back, you are making such positive gains in your life, do not let him fool you, or make you think you are out of line. I am picturing me giving you that nickel. Of course you know that mean bad thoughts are not profitable in the long run, but sometimes you just need them to express the outrage at the situation. Hang in there friend. We will listen. Rest assured that there is a better spot for you in the future.
@raydene (9874)
• United States
23 Sep 07
Thanks Gerty..I just need to get through the nights..Each gets longer..I will get myself together..I just had such a bad day..He came here and I lost my temper..And he put his fist up..I told him to go for it..That would have been my excuse to slap him..Like I said I was feeling mean! Hugs Gerty
2 people like this
@weemam (13377)
23 Sep 07
Don't you dare feel ashamed YOU did nothing wrong , and sweetheart if he did a survey of 100 women and asked if they would forgive their partner sleeping around bet he wouldn't ge many who would say yes , You are entitled to be angry as he stole trust and that in my book is unforgivable he olso told lies and again I find that really hard to deal with , we are your friends ( more I hope) and we are always here for you to lean on , yes tomorrow will be better and you will also see things clearer , take care sweetheart , luv ya xxxxxx
@raydene (9874)
• United States
25 Sep 07
Hey Sis,Thanks for being here Doll..You warm my heart.. I know I am worth better then he gave me.. I deserve honestly because I am honest.. Also Sweetie what I realized is the "Sometimes we win and Sometimes we learn!" I haven't lost with this marriage just had an opportunity to learn a valueable lesson..I just need to figure out what! Love you dearly Sweet xoxoxoxoxo
• United States
23 Sep 07
Evenings are going to be hard for you for awhile, I actually slept with the light on for a few months until it passes. But I am very proud of you for not letting him back in, how dare he say such things to you, hopefully you slammed the door in his face.
2 people like this
@raydene (9874)
• United States
23 Sep 07
I so wanted to hit him in the head with a rock like the song goes..But I would never hurt someone on purpose.. I just want him to helI out of my face..I do not want to have to look at him..I do not want to have to speak to him! Thanks Classy..You are the best! xoxoxoxoo
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
23 Sep 07
Sweetie why should you let him back in not agter what he has done no way I did not let my Ex Husband back in either enough is enough and who says he will not do it again No Sweetie you are doing right this Man has really hurt and destroyed you to a point And of course it will hit you at night the loneliness the hurt and you feel like he has made a fool of you Well you are not one you are a lovely Person and to me you will always be that no matter what and if you want to knock his head of his Shoulders that is fine by me I will come and help you there, do not feel bad that you feel that way I did and at times still do but it will pass over believe me You see I knew he was cheating on me as well as everything else but I did nothing about it I let it happen as I was scared so you are a lot stronger then me and it is not forgivable what he has done to you so you do what you feel is right and not what others think is right Love you Hugs xxxxxxxxx
2 people like this
@raydene (9874)
• United States
23 Sep 07
Ya know Angel, in some ways I feel sorry for him 'cause I will go on with my life and find happiness again...Do people that life split lives like that ever find peace of mind? And it makes me sad that he has NO spirituality at all..He is very anti-God.. I'm not sure what is inside him but I think it's a big mess..About the only emotion I can muster up for him is pity.. About him making a fool of me ..I don't feel that way because I can not own any of this..He is the one looking bad to everyone not me.. His own cousin told me that he would support me more then Cy..I told him that Cy needs him more..I asked him to pray for Cy that he could let some light into his heart/soul/life..It hurts to think of the father of my children LOST! Love u Doll Thanks for being here for me xoxoxoxo
1 person likes this
@Grandmaof2 (7603)
• Canada
23 Sep 07
Always remember things could be worse and if this is the way life is meant to be right now then so be it. I don't get this "Any decent person would have forgiven in a week ?" The word "decent" is the part I don't understand??? You are a very decent person and don't be put on some quilt trip. Good luck and keep me informed. I'm not to big on handing out too much advise on these situations because I'm far from an expert. This is my second marriage and there have been days when I'm not too sure which man was the better one. Don't be in a rush to make a big decission. Take Care...
2 people like this
@raydene (9874)
• United States
23 Sep 07
Thanks Hun, It means alot to have the support here. This is very therapeutic for me.With you all's help I will get through it.My friend Shell that is on this site is here in person for me..She is my friend not ours. Hugs
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (60894)
• United States
23 Sep 07
I think he's crazy to think after that betrayal that you'd ever forgive him. But men can be such children. They can't remember so how can you? Just keep in mind that there are lots of us out here that are single, either by choice or because of men like him. Some of us are even worse off than you are. The lady across the street kicked her husband out almost 20 yrs ago now has lupus & is on chemo. But she's still over there & he's long gone. We love ya Raydene & you don't need a jerk in your life. If a good man comes along, maybe you can find trust again, but until then you just hold strong!
2 people like this
@raydene (9874)
• United States
23 Sep 07
I can not see myself ever truly trusting anyone again..You would have to know Cy..The whole town is shocked..He was the least likely person to do this..But has been doing it for sooooooooo long and stare people in the face like an upstanding man! I don't know what he is capable of! Hugs Doll R
1 person likes this
@paulsy (1264)
• Philippines
23 Sep 07
Don't be sad. Tomorrow will be a better day. I always tell myself those words when I feel awful. I would say tomorrow IS a better day. So it would have to be a better day, right? Here's something that will take your mind away from your sad thoughts tonight, and will make you laugh out loud too: http://www.paulynramirez.com/tomorrow-a-better-day-ok/ . Enjoy listening and happy mylotting!
2 people like this
@ricknkae (1726)
• United States
23 Sep 07
Don't worry we all have days lik ethat And it's good to vent sometimes too ... it can help Everything will be better tomorrow and the day fater and theh day after Wish you all the best
2 people like this
24 Sep 07
This weekend is also nightmare for me.My grandfather went away.It is just a thunder for me.I have burried myself in the room for two days.
1 person likes this
@susieq223 (3742)
• United States
24 Sep 07
Everyone is entitled to whine every now and then, and you certainly have a reason to be blue! Luckily, your friends here at myLot are here to lend an ear. I hope today was a better day for you. I also pray that you will work through this awful time to a more positive time. I pray that God will help you with not only your pain and loneliness, but also your anger--that you will be able to forgive at some point in the future, for your own mental health. In the meantime, hang in there and keep coming back to your friends here.
1 person likes this
@Dee351972 (743)
24 Sep 07
hi, i can understand that i been in that spot before.i have alot of sad n itghts and thought i dont like, but its not from my husband. It from losing my daughter 3 years ago. So keep your chin up, if i can get through day by day of this you can!!!!!!!!
@lingli_78 (12844)
• Australia
23 Sep 07
hi raydene... i go through those days as well and i think everybody does as we are just humans... when this happens to me, i usually pray to God and tell Him all of my sorrows... He will provide me the strength to go through those tough times... and you are not being a baby... it is better to let out your emotions rather than to bottle it inside... i will pray for you and just believe that tomorrow will be a better day... take care and God Bless...
1 person likes this
@dana234 (2116)
• Spain
23 Sep 07
Don´t feel guilty because you´re feeling a bit sorry for yourself. You´re only human and considering what you´ve been through it´s perfectly understandable that you feel that way. It´s better to come here and get it off your chest then to stare at the ceiling. I suppose that Cy is your husband (or ex-husband). I think you deserve to be admired because you didn´t hit him over the head with something! As you said things look better in the daylight and during the hard nights you can always come here. Hugs to you Dana
• United States
23 Sep 07
So sorry you feel so bad. I think most of us have had these kind of feeling sorry for ourselves times. Just remember every cloud has a silver lining and that when God closes a door He opens a window. I believe you will have many happy days and night ahead of you. xxOOxx
1 person likes this
@cher913 (25890)
• Canada
23 Sep 07
i am sorry that you are feeling so low ray, i trust things will look brighter for you in the near future. if you ever need an ear, i am here! many hugs to ya sistah!! hang in there!!!!
1 person likes this
@Lovett (465)
• India
23 Sep 07
Hey Reydene, I have read all your posts, n I know exactly wat u r going thru. U r right, I know u r strong, but night is the time when u feel the most lonely. In these times, u could think of your children, when they were young, or watch tv ,to keep u busy tillu feel sleepy. I hope u take care of your health, n am very happy u emerged as a Strong, n Wonderful Mom,Take care Mate!!! Hugs!
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23707)
2 Oct 07
Mom I am so sorry I wasn't here when you sent this! I am only ever an email or phone call away - if you need to vent and I am not online please know you can call me and I will call you straight back - I love you and want to be there for you! No one in this world or any other can blame you for feeling down and feeling sorry for yourself - I think the way you have coped with everything so far is inspirational! As for what cy said that is just so stupid and insensitive - no decent person would have cheated so much and broken the heart of a good, loving and wonderful woman like you Mom! Love you always and you are always in my heart, Hugs xxxxx