how do you deal with friends who have crab-mentality?

Philippines
September 24, 2007 4:43am CST
do you ever have friend who have this irritating crab-mentality? every time you excel, intentionally or unintentionally, they try to bring you down like giving you negative remarks about what you do or how you look or what kind of taste you have. when you're given a great opportunity, say, getting picked for becoming a candidate for miss universe (just an example), your friends will, like, try to discourage you because they say they don't want you to make a fool of yourself and always make negative comments like "you won't be able to do that... you're not that good..." and so on.. i know friends aren't perfect. but shouldn't they be encouraging you instead of putting you down just because they think they can't meet your level?
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7 responses
• Philippines
24 Sep 07
you know that this kind of people have a verry big insecurity problem? try to stay away from theme and find a real friend. true friend never let down thier friend and anyway they will giving you, an exact comment about what you should do. but never let you down.friend should give you incouragement or option in anyway.but never hurt your feelings directly, why you need othere opention, when you know who you are and what you do and you know you can do it.?
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@bizmom (515)
• United States
24 Sep 07
Exactly!! true friends will be honest NOT drag u down they will bring u up and Celebrate ur fortune with u and be happy for u!! not bash u for doing well :( theres more than enough negativity in the world!! who needs that!?? :( it might be time to find new ones - pulling away from these ones and if they ask u why (?) tell them the truth!! * well to be honest... since were friends and all.....* and tell them how u feel!! some might not even notice and some will talk ABOUT u behind ur back -- but it all goes back to WHOS ur ture friends!! those lessons get learned by everyone and its not pleasant but we move on and find really great ones! :) GOod luck! and congrats in whatever u do! :) XX
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• Philippines
25 Sep 07
Well, it's a fact that all of us have our own insecurity problems, right? But I think (my opinion only) that we shouldn't always hold that against others because all of us have gone through this kind of problem. My friends may be bringing me down because they feel jealous about something that I am good at or some nice opportunities that I have been given. Well, I'm still not giving up on them. I want to tell them how I feel about it so we can all have a conversation to clear things out. They may not know this but I am a true friend to them. That's why I just don't leave them because they are going through something that I am also going through... Thanks so much for expressing your opinions! Very much valued.
@shooie (4989)
• United States
25 Sep 07
Am glad you are not giving up on these friends. Sometimes friends are not aware on how they are coming off so we need to be patient and when we get a grip on things just talk to them. I always say open communications on just about everything makes things a lot better.
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@ailema4ever (2675)
• Finland
24 Sep 07
Then I'd wonder if I should befriend them any longer or if I should tell them about any good thing at all. If I still befriend them, I'll definitely not tell them about my achievements 'coz I know already what they'll say. I'd tend to avoid this kind of friend though, but if I've been friends with them for a while, I think I may also confront them and ask point-blank why they keep on doing that to me. And I'd ask their opinion on what kind of friend does such a thing to one another, 'coz friends are supposed to be supportive of one another. If they say, "But we're just telling you the truth so that you won't be disappointed", I'd say, "I'd appreciate it if you can just be supportive. Whether or not I'll be disappointed or not, it's my own consequences and I dare taking that risk, thank you very much"
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• Philippines
25 Sep 07
It's good to just avoid this kind of friends when you really can't really make yourself immune to their crab-mentality. I, myself, ain't immuned yet (i'm just using that term, haha..)... But I'm not yet giving up on them. Friends are supposed to be supportive. But when they're bringing you down, well, you should put up a conversation (either a pleasant or unpleasant one) to straighten things out that you know what you are doing and that you can appreciate it if they will just be supportive about it. But if they're going to be unreasonable, well... Their loss, right?
• Finland
26 Sep 07
Ohhhh...you're such a supportive friend. Yeah, you're right...at least you can try to make them understand. If they don't get it still, then it's definitely their loss. ;-)))
@LittleMel (14059)
• Canada
25 Sep 07
By proving them that you are not crab mentality. if they said you can't do it, then do it. if they said you can't be Miss Universe then be one, or at least achieve something else that they said you can't. I met many people like that saying I can't do anything because I can't afford it or not good enough and blocked my way when I was pursuing my dream. Yet here I am with my dream, having my own small business in a foreign country. The road is tough and costly, but I ain't letting it go just because some people say I can't. let them be the crabs, and you be the shark.
• Philippines
26 Sep 07
Ha. They're not the ones who can tell if you can do it or not. It's you. So you shouldn't be bothered at all. If they think you can't do it, you don't have to flaunt it (or maybe you can, just for fun to wipe their smirks off their faces!) because you don't have to prove anything to them. They're not worth it. You already know what you're capable of - let them not take that away from you. Let them not deprive you of pursuing your dream. Good luck, mate.
@shooie (4989)
• United States
24 Sep 07
I have decided when friends get this way is that they are usually jealous because it was not them that was picked. When this happens I let it go in one ear and out the other unless they keep going on about it. If they keep trying to bring you down about something that you are excelling in ask them this. Ok if it were you how would you want me to react. Most likely they would say they hope you tell them what they are telling you but ya know that isn't the truth...lol just smile and nod. I don't know why our friends think they know what is or is not best for us.
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• Philippines
25 Sep 07
I know my friends aren't perfect. And I know whenever they feel jealous about something. But I just wish even though they are jealous about something that I have achieved, they'd still be supportive about it regardless the way they feel about it. That's what friends are for, right? And anyway, I'm not really that conceited to claim that I'm just too good for them. I also support them in any way I can everytime they excel not because I am obliged to but because I feel happy for them. I just feel a bit resentful when they don't feel happy for me whenever I excel at something. :(
• Indonesia
25 Sep 07
that was normal in this life. my suggestion is you must be patient and keep going with your activity. don't listen to negatif output form your friend which is according to your feeling was wrong.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Sep 07
Those people aren't real friends. A real friend may feel that you may fail but they will encourage you to follow your dream. They would hope for the best and for the worse. They would be there if you did fail. And they wouldn't say, I told you so when you failed. They would support you in everything you do. The only time I can see a real friend trying to stop you is when you are either trying to drive drunk or trying to do something illegal.If I had a " friend" that was so negative with their remarks, they wouldn't be my friend long.
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@aaidjs (1149)
• Croatia (Hrvatska)
24 Sep 07
Hello, I have to say that is very often in life!!I am much,much older than you are and i have some experience in this meter!!there is a interesting way in life!!If you are positive Pearson with a lot of new and fresh ideas you will alway find a friend with opposite characteristics!!!
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