if a girl gets pregnant with a guy, do they need to get married?

Philippines
September 25, 2007 12:28am CST
i have a friend who got pregnant with a guy she dont love at all. the guy asks her to get married for the sake of baby but i think she should not decide right away coz marriage is not an answer for having an unexpected pregnancy. besides she barely knew the guy.
6 people like this
12 responses
@lilaclady (28240)
• Australia
25 Sep 07
I don't believe two people should get married unless they are positively 100% in love, a baby is not a reason to get married, we are all given one life it is our obligation to live that life as happily as we possibly can, we only get one go as we know it, we must make the most of it and nothing is like being in love.
• Philippines
25 Sep 07
i agree with you 100%. love should be the reason for two people to be married. :)
@huntbird (277)
• China
25 Sep 07
Your friend don't love the guy at all,so why she make love with the guy and even have his baby,it is so wonder.I suggest your friend can perform abortion.girls must learn to protect themselves.
• Philippines
26 Sep 07
she thought about that at first but now that we've gone to the doctor and the baby has a heartbeat and is very normal, w couldnt just kill it. its already a human being now. we know it was really a mistake but the baby has no mistake at all. so i guess she should just continue it and we her friend will try to support and take care of her even without the irresponsible father.
@huntbird (277)
• China
26 Sep 07
Your friend have to give birth to the child and bring up it.there maybe some difficultys to she.People's discriminations and rumors.Hold on .
• Philippines
26 Sep 07
yes. there are already some rumors in our workplace but i know it will pass... :)
• United States
27 Sep 07
I have never seen a couple get married "for the baby's sake" and it worked out. Usually you just end up damaging the child more. People should only get married for the right reasons, not because of the baby.
• Philippines
27 Sep 07
yes.. i really agree with you. marriagen is something done with love and trust for each other. or else you will be doomed all your life to be in a marriage where you dont love each other. :)
@meemingNEW (2228)
• Philippines
27 Sep 07
Your friend was irresponsible for having done it with a guy that she doesn't even love at all. Now that she is pregnant, she has to deal with it. It's her baby's sake and future that she has to think of. She is lucky enough that the guy asked her for marriage. .She has to do the right thing for herself and their baby . Marriage is not an answer but she is left with the choice of having to raise the baby alone or marry the guy who is responsible enough for their actions even though he barely knew the guy.. I wish your friend all the best and best of luck to you too. My advice: " She has to open her heart just like she opened her legs. " - meeming
• Philippines
27 Sep 07
i know it was a big mistake for her to do that but i don think she can marry someone she dont love at all. and the guy is so irresponsible. he is still dependent on his parents and he's so mean to her. its really hard to be in her shoes now but im still advising her to be storng and hold on for the baby.. :)
@barehugs (8986)
• Canada
27 Sep 07
Never marry anyone you don't Love. I've been married 52 years and believe me thats a LONG time to be married to the same woman. LIfe is way too short to be stuck in a Loveless Marriage!
• Philippines
27 Sep 07
thanks bearhugs... thats really a big WOW!! 52 years is way too long to be with the same woman. i really think you two are so much in love with each other... God bless you two!!! :)
@Zhinnta (20)
• Australia
25 Sep 07
This is a tricky situation. No-one really has the right to tell her what to do, but some thoughts you might discuss with her, along with the ones others have already mentioned, would be... a child growing up needs both male and female influences even in this day and age, marriage brings a sense of respectability. Not that it brings respectability, but that some would see a lack of marriage as a lack of respectability. She has to be prepared to deal with this, and to help her child deal with this if/when the time comes. children learn from their parents... a large part of how we view marriage will come from what our parents' marriage/s were like as we were growing up. marrying him will bring his source of income while she's pregnant, & then later when she's at home looking after the child. He'll have to pay child support even if she doesn't marry him, but you'll have to look at childcare costs & stuff as well then. Will the guy, though he proposes with best intentions now, come to look at her & the child with resentment? Living in a loveless marriage, you either are vowing to never find love, or guaranteeing that you'll get divorced. Divorce is a whole other can of worms, and an expensive can of worms at that. Personally, I think I would prefer to grow up to a single mother than with two parents that resented each other. The second scenario, to me, seems too likely to be full of fighting and all sorts of fun stuff. Fighting is fine if you fight fair & make up, but a relationship like this doesn't seem to lend itself to that. Ultimately it is her decision, but I think we all know that... just make sure that she does. Don't let her feel like she has to marry him; be a friend by showing her she can IF she wants to. Be a friend by showing her she has options.
• Philippines
26 Sep 07
bow bow bow thanks for the very good response. i agree with you really. marriage will just ruin her and the baby in the future. the best thing now is to carry the baby all by herslef and npt marry the irresponsible and heartless father. :) thanks a lot... :)
• Singapore
25 Sep 07
It depends on the girl's decision, but it is better to go for counseling sessions. If she want to keep the baby, it is better to get married else let other parents adopt this baby.
• Philippines
26 Sep 07
i thnk she'll manage to be a single mom. she thought about getting rid of the baby but now that we've seen the heartbeat of the baby, she was so excited about being a mom. we'll just hope and pray for her safety and the baby. :)
@youless (93111)
• Guangzhou, China
25 Sep 07
I think it's better to get married when they have a child. The baby is innocent, and he/she needs a good family and it's better for him/her to grow up. If this girl doesn't love this boy, why she would have a relationship with him especially without any protection? Now the boy seems to be responsible to it, and this girl has to be responsible to the baby, too. Perhaps they will really love each other after marriage. Why not take a risk?
• Philippines
26 Sep 07
the guy is so irresponsible and it was really a mistake for doing it with him. marrying that type of guy will make her ruini her life even more coz the guy is so mean to her.
@bubuth (1816)
• Philippines
23 Nov 12
I think not all the pregnant people get married once they get pregnant. Some of them are just live in partner, and some of them is just giving financial support to the baby. It will depend on the couple if what kind of situation they want to be in. All of my sister in law is in live in situation because they still don't want to get married and all of them have kids. I also have a friend that when she got pregnant they immediately get married. It will really depend on them.
@lenapoo (674)
• United States
29 Sep 07
Honestly, getting married only because you are having a baby went out with button shoes. That is what people did back when my grandma was a youngster. Now days people still do that, but it isn't wise because if you don't love that person you could end up in a divorce after only a short time. You should definitely only marry someone if you honestly and truly love and care for them and feel that they are the person that you would want to spend the rest of your life with.
@gradyslady (4055)
• United States
28 Sep 07
I don't think they should be forced to stay together. I think the guy should stay and help out and not be an idiot, but I don't think they have to get married.
@pumpkinjam (5782)
• United Kingdom
28 Sep 07
No. That's really not a good idea. It might work out but the chances are that it won't. The child will be better off having two happy parents who are apart than for them to be together "for the sake of the child". It does not do children any good to be brought up in such a situation. If your friend doesn't love this guy then she shouldn't marry him because it won't do her or their baby any good. I think the best thing to do is to have them work out something between them because he obviously wants to be part of the baby's life which is good and your friend shouldn't discourage that without good reason.