Am I rude?

@gr8life (6253)
Malaysia
September 25, 2007 3:32am CST
Hi friends, I would love to hear your opinion on this matter. The story goes like this... I went out with my sis, my mom and my son two days ago. We went to do some shopping. To avoid a massive traffic jam, we went out in the morning. The shopping mall opens at 10.30 in the morning and we were there at around 11 am. I was looking for a parking at the basement when I saw the big sign " Car Park Full" . So I have no choice but to make another round (instead two rounds) to find another basement parking at the building nearby. I told my sister that I wanted to park my car at the nearest building to the shopping mall but she insisted that she is afraid of height as the parking will be on the higher level of the building. So I suggested her to get down from the car first and wait for me at the entrance of the building in which she told me that she was afraid of waiting for me alone there. My mother agreed with her and told me not to leave her there too. So I have no choice but to park my car at a basement parking in another shopping arcade which is quite far from our destination. Since the lift of the building was not in order, I had to walk while holding my baby and climbed a few stairways, across the main busy road to reach our destination. My sister was holding the baby stroller (we couldn't let the baby sits in the stroller as there are just to many stairways in the building, the space is too small and crowded with people) When we reached our destination, I was almost out of breath. Then, another problem aroused. My sister seemed to be difficult to get used with everything though she does her shopping quite a lot and have been there for so many times alone) She couldn't manouvre the trolley, she couldn't even know how to press the door open button for the lift, she found it difficult to control the baby stroller too. At first I want to stay at home as I have a small baby and I don't like to go shopping during peak hours or where the place is too crowded but I have been thinking of my sis and my mom. My mother is going back to my hometown next week and few times she asked me to bring her for shopping. If I don't drive, my sister and my mother (they are 53 and 71 respectively) have to get a public transport to go there. After we finished shopping about 2 hours later, I advised my sister to fold the baby stroller as my son didn't want to sit in it anymore. I told her it is easier for her to carry the stroller (when we fold the stroller, it will look like a golf bag and she can hang it on her shoulder) Again, I showed her how to fold it and to hold it properly. Right after we crossed the busy road, someone called out at me, "Miss, the wheel of your stroller is missing!" I looked at the stroller and saw one of the wheel was missing. We looked for it and found it near a pavement. I tried hard to put it back but then I realized that it was broken. We have no choice but to head back to our car with me holding the baby, my sister carried the stroller with her two hands and my old mother carried the shopping bags. As I couldn't hold on anymore, I told them that we better follow the shortcut to the car park. Unfortunately, we lost our way! I couldn't locate my car. I was so tired holding my son whose weighs almost 14kg. I asked them to wait for me while I go and search for the car but both of them were too scared to stand there! So we walked round and round until I finally found my car. I was really tired, angry and didn't know what else I should say. I kept quiet while driving home. My sis and mom too, were very quiet. We didn't talk to each other. I think they knew that I was angry. When we reached home, both of them tried to figure out how to solve the stroller problem and I just went to my room and sleep! After I woke up, I felt guilty to both of them as I couldn't control my anger. I talked to them later at night and it seemed that they didn't feel hurt with my attitude. But who knows, right? My sister is a single mom and she depends on me whenever she needs to go some where or do something but she is always there when I need help. My mom is already 71 years old and has been sacrificed her time just to accompany me while my husband is away. She left our hometown since December last year just to help me with my baby and the house. So do you think I am too much and very rude to my sis and mom? Even though they are not angry with me, maybe I should apologize to them? Please share your thoughts here...
7 people like this
18 responses
• Hong Kong
25 Sep 07
*laughs* I understand your frustrations! But I think they are dependent on you too! Well, I think buying them some nice food and have a nice chat together probably would solve everything (I do that with my mom too). I think it's understandable in that situation and I don't think you are particularly rude, just frustrated somehow. Relax next time when you are going shopping with them! It should be FUN!
4 people like this
@gr8life (6253)
• Malaysia
28 Sep 07
Hello wondericequeen, Thanks for your suggestion. I think the hot weather that day contributed to my anger too. I felt really tired that day, need to take care of my small baby, my mother and including my sister. I don't know why she is afraid of doing everything alone. Is there any specific word for that? Whenever we go to a shopping mall and need to use the lift, she will tell me to go in and hold the open button first...with me, holding the baby stroller! So many times I tell her to be 'just a little bit brave' so that everything will be easier for everyone but I think it is just to no avail...
1 person likes this
• Hong Kong
29 Sep 07
*laughs* She is so courage-less (OK, I made up this word!). Well, but I guess it's in her personality, and definitely the hot weather would contribute to your anger too! But since they are family members, I am sure they would understand you were tired!
@jHoEn16 (2043)
• Australia
25 Sep 07
i understand your side... i am like that too everytime i was angry... i cant hold my anger... i think you still have to ask an apologize to them... even if they didnt get mad of what you did as a respect and as a sign of a good woman just have a little chat with them then ask an apologize about what happened
3 people like this
@gr8life (6253)
• Malaysia
28 Sep 07
Hello jHoEn16, Thanks for your advice. Everything is solved right now. They understood why I acted like that. None of us feel angry towards each other.
@jHoEn16 (2043)
• Australia
28 Sep 07
wow thats great to hear that everythings okay now... for sure it feels like a thorns are being out on your head lol
@thefortunes (2368)
• Netherlands
25 Sep 07
Hi Gr8life, for first thing, please do not be so hard on yourself. You did all so to say "by the book", and did so that they would be the once treated well, and you were so considerate to your sister. And yes, you might have been less angry due to their age, and being afraid to stay on the crowded street alone while waiting for you. I can imagine how tired and upset you were atthe end of the trip, and there is no harm done really as you haven't been rude to them at all. Unless you consider your being quit and not saying a word on your way home as rude. It was the most polite action I would have been able to perform too :) So please, dont be too harsh on yourself and give yourself a break, breath deeply, and get all the resentiment out while exhaling. Than, afterwards if you still feel like appologizing - do so, but only to make YOU feel better as I am sure they understand perfectly what and why it happened the way it did. And don't worry as you are the good daughter and sister and they both know how much you love and appreciate them :) TheFortunes
3 people like this
@gr8life (6253)
• Malaysia
28 Sep 07
Hello thefortunes, Thank you so much for your advice. I appreciate it. I always try to control my anger but sometimes, it just burst out like that. One thing I always remember, they always be there when I need help and I really appreciate what they had done to help me. Like my mother, she never leave her home for so long but because of me and my small baby, she is willing to sacrifice. I can't just forget about her sacrifice, right? And for my eldest sister, after her divorce, she went through a difficult phase in her life. I pity her too but sometimes, she just makes me angry... I think everything is alright now!
@vega83 (6346)
• Bahrain
25 Sep 07
Well, no, I don't think you were rude at all. It was a frustrating situation, but you didn't mention anywhere that you said anything to them or yelled at them, I think you handled it quite well. You didn't even get angry when you found out that the stroller was broken. You did it all perfectly and yet you feel guilty means only one thing, that you are a nice person at heart, and even though sometimes difficult situations can arise, you are someone to be counted upon. I mean you didn't force them to stand with the baby while you looked for the car, I know that's something I would've done. So you weren't rude, and if you feel it still, then you should tell your sis and mom, that you feel bad about what happened that day and hope that there are no hard feelings. I'm sure they'd understand, as you weren't rude in the first place. Take care. P.S: your baby seems adorable in your avatar.
@gr8life (6253)
• Malaysia
28 Sep 07
Hello vega83, I was angry that time. I knew it can be seen on my face but I didn't say a word about it. I just kept quiet. I am very bad when I am angry and sometimes, I can hurt people more if I start to say a word. That's why I decided to keep quiet all the way home so that it won't be a big issue later. I think because I went straight to sleep, I managed to control my anger. But definitely that sounds like I was rude to them : leave them there to figure out how to solve the problem and went straight to sleep in my bedroom! Well, everything is okay now. Thank God!
1 person likes this
@vega83 (6346)
• Bahrain
3 Oct 07
Well, that's the great thing about family, no matter how bad it gets, it is always forgiven and forgotten, and kudos to you for not saying any hurtful words, even though it was a pretty stressful situation.
@seared (247)
• China
25 Sep 07
hello gr8life, I have to say I totally understand what you are feeling,because it always happpens to me. I can picture that situation completely. But I Don't think you are rude.because I would be ruder than you if I were in that situation.Maybe I would totally lose my temper or even yell at my family or my boyfriend.After that, I would feel really regretful for what I have done.And I will say sorry to them and tell them I love them and have a nice talk,because they know me so well,they don't get angry with me:)so sometimes we need to learn to control our anger but we even more need to tell our families our true fellings! good luck!
2 people like this
@gr8life (6253)
• Malaysia
28 Sep 07
Hello seared, Thanks for your advice. I am getting along good with them after the incident. I am lucky that they understand me very well.
@cefaz_21 (2597)
• Philippines
25 Sep 07
I don't think that's being rude,it's a natural reaction when we are frustrated and tired. I'm sure I'll react the same way,but the good thing is that they (your sis and your mum) are not affected by it..maybe they would like to really not bother you about but because they do not thier way and depend on you they cant do nothing about it. You can tell them how you feel about it and tell them you're not mad at them really..and that you want to apologize though they weren't hurt. Cheer up my dear!
2 people like this
@gr8life (6253)
• Malaysia
28 Sep 07
Hello cefaz_21, We were in a good term right after the incident. To be specific, right after I woke up from sleep. I went to see them after that and chatted with them as usual. I think no big issue to them. My mother still cooks for me my favorite food though I am 35 right now *laughs* And for my eldest sister, she treats me as usual....
@Philxav (733)
• Malaysia
25 Sep 07
Well my friend, as i can see in what you said,.. u did not do anything wrong except for u getting angry.. but then you still not burst out in anger. However, apologizing to them for your reactions is the sweetest thing to do. They might have told you they are not offended with what happen.. who knows maybe they just dont want you to get upset again.. Weather right or wrong.. in your side you did got upset and angry.. so its really nice if you could ask apology.. thats really will make them happy.
2 people like this
@gr8life (6253)
• Malaysia
28 Sep 07
Hello Philxav, I am lucky to have an understanding family. They knew how upset and tired I was that day. It won't become a big issue. We treat each other as usual.
@ciades (1624)
• Philippines
25 Sep 07
YEh, little bit you are dear. We can avoid it sometimes if you think it as complicated. Be cool and enjoy your shopping next time. ITs a nice feeling to shop with your family. And they are not getting mad at you coz they understand. Yeh, must better to ask an apology..its a nice thing.
2 people like this
@gr8life (6253)
• Malaysia
28 Sep 07
Hello ciades, Thanks for the advice. I am relieved that most of my friends here don' t think that my act was too much towards my mother and sister. I know I did a mistake for being angry but I am truly happy that it didn't become a big issue between me and my family members.
• Malaysia
5 Oct 07
I think you are taking it too seriously. Try to be relax next time and find a solution that is good for the three of you. You have to say that whatever the decision is, you don't want to get in trouble like walking too far and had to carry your son which will make you very tired afterwards. If you just drop both of them at the front door of the shopping complex and put your son on the baby's chair with the seat belts on, I think your problem will be solved. I know a person who is having something like schizophrenia who acts exactly like your sister. She is being independent not because she is selfish but she really couldn't handle the fear. You can only understand the situation if you experience it yourself. Anyway, don't be too harsh on yourself. Try to be more relaxed so next time you go outing with them the three of you will enjoy it and not feel like forced to. I am relieved and happy for you for your problem is now solved. Good luck next time, and have a great day ahead of you!
1 person likes this
@gr8life (6253)
• Malaysia
23 Oct 07
Hello ladysurvivor, Thanks for your great advice. I am glad that it is over and we are back to normal, a happy and 'chaotic' family *laughs*
@kitty1234 (1476)
• United States
28 Sep 07
No you were not being rude, just frustrated! This shopping trip took a turn for the worse with the parking problem and went down hill. i am sure you Mom and sister understood you were tired and had a long day! mom and sis had a long day too, I would just say something like, "Hey, sorry our day was ruined but next time will be better".
@gr8life (6253)
• Malaysia
28 Sep 07
Hello kitty1234, Thank you so much for your advice. Things get better now. Few bad lucks and frustrations in the whole week made me a bit upset. It is not easy for me to get angry but when I do, I will be the worst person alive in this world *laughs* Lucky they understand me...their youngest sister and a very very pampered grown up daughter *smiles* Thanks for your response! Have a great day!
• United States
28 Sep 07
Hey there, I am sorry to hear all of the turmoil and trouble you had to go through. I know and understand your feelings. I have a son who is one and can be quite heavy carrying him for even 5 minutes. I think I would do the same. I think that maybe if you tell them look I was really frustrated and angry at the situation and that at certain points it wasn't helping that they wouldn't agree with doing what you thought would have been easy. I would tell them you didn't mean to be rude, but it was difficult to keep the pressure down after all of the events. I bet most people would snap and yell and be angry, but I think you did well.
1 person likes this
@gr8life (6253)
• Malaysia
28 Sep 07
Hello scillie99, Thanks for your response and opinion. I think I was very tired that I lost my temper that day. But I know how bad I could be if I feel angry. That's why I went straight to my room and slept. I even let them handle my baby son. I was bad though...but honestly I think that the best way I could do. If I started to argue, that will be worst!
@shy_gal (235)
• Malaysia
26 Sep 07
I think you shoulg apologise to them. I know it is difficult to control our temper but sometime we need to do. I am also the one who can't control it, thus i am practise to do so. Hope you can do it too.
1 person likes this
@gr8life (6253)
• Malaysia
28 Sep 07
Hello shy_gal, Thanks for your response and opinion. Everything is over now. We are in a 'good term' like before. I am glad that the matter is not being dragged anymore. Thanks to them too for being understanding ...
@musicman6 (2371)
• United States
26 Sep 07
To put it bluntly, I don't think you were rude! They should be able to understand what you just went through! And I can understand their reluctance to be left alone standing,that's dangerous nowadays! And I commend you on having the decency of not blowing your top directly on them, and placing yourself in a "safe haven" until you regained your composure! Even though it wasn't your fault, I would still have the courtesy to apologize to them, because I can relate to them, because I take care of my parents (78 & 85) the same way, and I don't blame them for the way they are now! They spent their lifetime taking care of me, and now it's my turn, taking care of them, no matter what!
1 person likes this
@gr8life (6253)
• Malaysia
28 Sep 07
Hello musicman6, Yes, I agree with you. I think I did the right thing not to confront them or getting involved in a heated argument. I am bad when I feel angry. I always try to be alone when I feel angry so that I won't hurt others with my words. I love my family and they have been very helpful and understanding. Just that, sometimes I just can't hide my anger!
@sid556 (31003)
• United States
26 Sep 07
I literally felt your frustration while reading your story. No...you do not sound as if you were rude. You sounded tired and very frustrated. Who wouldn't be under the circumstances? Your mom and sister seem to be very understanding to this. You are being way to harsh on yourself.
1 person likes this
@gr8life (6253)
• Malaysia
28 Sep 07
Hello sid556, Thanks for your advice and I really appreciate it. At first, I do think that I was rude to them. After I posted this discussion and read all the responses, I feel better now. All advices and opinions here really matter to me.
@aseretdd (13736)
• Philippines
26 Sep 07
It is up to you if you want to apologize but for me... it is okay to be angry and to stop being angry... you were in a situation where you cannot help but be angry...because it seems like your mother and sister are very dependent on you... imagine being afraid to wait when they are together and you yourself are alone... I won't say sorry but i also won't bring it up or start a conversation about what happened...
1 person likes this
@gr8life (6253)
• Malaysia
28 Sep 07
Hello aseretdd, Every thing is solved now. I was tired and a bit angry that day. I have been thinking why my sister was very selfish and only think of herself instead of me, my baby or my mother. My mother knows that I am quite a brave girl so she doesn't really care if I want to go on my own but she knows my sister is timid, afraid and too dependent sometimes. So that's why she supported her idea!
@meikaidi (24)
• United States
26 Sep 07
Like others have said, don't be so hard on yourself. everyone loses their temper sometimes. plus, it seems odd to me that they wouldn't want to wait for you to get the car! if anything, i would have thanked you after so much walking after shopping. if your family is anything like mine, they know when you are not meaning to be rude.. and an apology is accepted even if you haven't said one outloud.
1 person likes this
@gr8life (6253)
• Malaysia
28 Sep 07
Hello meikaidi, I am glad to have an understanding and helpful family but sometimes, it is just hard to control my anger. I bet I was too tired that I felt too irritated with my sister's act. I am not a type of person who gets angry real fast but when I do, I am bad...really bad. Because of that, I try to keep to myself rather than to start an argument. I can easily hurt people with my words...
@missybal (4492)
• United States
26 Sep 07
I don't think you were rude at all. If anything I think your sister was. Really if she is affraid of heights I don't see why you couldn't drop them off even in front of the store you wanted to go to. You had to carry your child all that way and that was silly. I would have dropped them off at the store then shopped then gone and got the car and picked them up at the store again. Is it that dangerous of an area that they wouldn't feel comfortable alone anywhere?
1 person likes this
@gr8life (6253)
• Malaysia
28 Sep 07
Hello missybal, I could only drop her off alone at the entrance as I had my baby with me that time. My mother needed to be in the car with me, to help me with the baby. I think because she is younger than my mother, she is supposed to wait and furthermore, she is afraid of height. But she insisted that she couldn't wait alone and afraid of height too. It made me difficult to take care the three of them at the same time. I think I was really tired that it made me irritated with her acts. We are fine, now.
@Feona1962 (7527)
• United States
25 Sep 07
You sure did have a lot of worries that day..With your sister and mom being afraid to be left alone. I can understand your frustration and the fact you had your son made it even more worrisome...I am sure they felt your worries..It is not like they are little kids, they could have waited for you but I do understand their fear..It was good of you to go even though you really didn't want to....You had a lot of worries and I think you did just fine. I would have acted the same way and I don't think you were as angry as you were worried..I hope I helped....HUGS
1 person likes this
@gr8life (6253)
• Malaysia
28 Sep 07
Hello Feona1962, Yes, you are right. I am more worried and frustrated rather than angry. Because of that, I couldn't control my anger. I was not angry at them but I felt angry because I was tired. Oh, it is hard to explain! Anyway, we are ok now. None of us feel offended. My sister and mother are back to normal, helping me when I need them *smiles* and I become a childish younger sister/daughter again...