Do parents feel resentful when their child won't confide his feelings to them...
September 25, 2007 5:07am CST
... but tells his friends or someone else? I don't like confiding my inner feelings with any of my parents. Sure, I tell them my problems and my concerns about what's going on with my life, but I do not tell them my deepest and darkest secrets because I do not think that they can truly understand me. When I want to share my deepest and darkest secrets to someone, I want him to just listen and not react then rant on and on about this and that. Most of the time, I confide my inner feelings with my best friend. I tell her my insecurities, my heartaches and disappointments. Although she may not understand all the things I am saying, at least she listens really well and doesn't tell me what I should do. Sometimes, all I want is someone to listen and not contradict... That's why I tell my best friend everything about me... My parents know that I do not tell them everything. And this makes me wonder if they feel resentful about it - like I don't trust them that well or what. I do not want them to feel at all about that. I love them, that's for sure, but I just don't feel like sharing everything to them. Beside, they already have their own problems and concerns, why add up, right? What do you think about this?
25 Sep 07
Each person has different personality, and everyonehas their right to treat or train their kids, there is no matrix as long as it doesn't hurt or suffer the rights of the child. But each one is entitled to his opinion, and on my own, the best parents are those who supports their children, and respect their child's need to be private at times, and by befriending their child, in due time, the child will come out from his shell and confide to the parents..
• United States
25 Sep 07
I am a parent, and I have also been a teen as well. I do understand what you are saying. I can't say that I feel resentful about it really. I think that sometimes you can't feel comfortable about telling your parents everything, but some parents also forget what it is like to be a teenager and they rant and rave. My daughter does come to me with a lot of things and I do my best not to preach to her. I try to counsel her in the best decision making and what course of actions she should take. I am glad that she does come to me with the things that she does, I am a little disappointed that she doesn't tell me everything but that is ok too. It is good that you have a really good best friend who does listen and doesn't judge you.
25 Sep 07
I'm a single parent and my relationship with daughter is like we're best friends....i think resentful isn't the correct word...personally speaking, as a mom, I'd rather that my daughter tells me her deepest feelings, heartaches, insecurities or whatever else is important to her...it's not to meddle in her personal affairs because i respect her individualism....it's not also to act like a bodyguard & be strict, demand or nag....it's just that being a parent, I would like to be there for our her when everything else is not working with her (& most of the times kids won't share when they're in trouble which is something I don't want to happen with me & her)....as parents, we would like to be with you guys for guidance and strength....we parents are your buddies, shoulder to cry on & confidants....it's just that, parents have different ways of showing how we support and care for you (sometimes i overreact with my daughter & i'd apologize when i do that. I'm glad that even if i apoligize, my authority as her bestfriend mom doesn't diminish)....i guarantee you....when we're citing our own opinion, it's not to contradict (we've been there and done that, we do understand you)... you could view it as like another option presented to you ("If you can see at the dark side of the cloud learn how to see at the lighter side, too"). Though sometimes, we are also like you....not very good at expressing ourselves--of what we really mean to say and share with you. It's perfectly normal for a child not to tell everything to his/her parent/parents (we are resentful but we worry about you & the parent-child relationship that's why communication is very important)....independence and space is a sign of growing up & we respect that, too....but when everthing falls apart, the only people who are going to be there for you is your family....even best friends cannot compare. Children are never a burden to parents even if we are dealing with our own problems and concerns....you are our gifts from heaven and we should be there for you through good times and bad times. :D
26 Sep 07
Thank you so much for lifting my spirits.. How I wish my parents and I are best buds so I won't have to look for someone else to confide my deepest feelings. But right now, I don't know if I can share to them my deepest feelings. I'm afraid of a lot of things.
26 Sep 07
Hi diannebcrs! I think I understand your position on this issue, but there at cases where our parents can give us the best advice on how to takle our personal problems. One of the problems youths face today is the mistakes they do in telling their naive friends who can not give them a better advice (am not saying you are doing wrong by telling your friend the problems you are facing). In most cases, our parent's avice work verywell than that of our youthful friends. Thanks and have a great day.
26 Sep 07
I wouldnt confide most of those problems to my parents either. I would rather share it with someone who either experiences the same or close to, so that would mean my friends. They are in touch with what goes on, and with how things are now. Parents can talk about what they went through... back then, when most likely the cultural differences to now are so great already that they dont compare much anymore. Nah I find equals to share with, and concerns and smaller issues with my parents.
• United States
26 Sep 07
I do not think my parents are resentful at all. I feel like I am very close to both of them but really I never shared a lot of my feelings with them. The more personal ones (heart breaks, boys, etc.) I shared with my best friend or sister. I would share the ones that pertained to school, work, life , etc with them but that was about all. We have a great relationship now. I trust them, they trust me. But I do know that if I had a problem and wanted to talk to them about it, they would be more than happy to listen and try their best to help.