The tie is officially broken!

@soccermom (3200)
United States
September 25, 2007 9:16am CST
Som of you may remember a discussion I started about my mom and my daughter and how my mom seems to say hurtful things to my daughter leading to hurt feelings and confusion. Well I decided to step back, let my daughter make her own decision about Grandma and just be here for support. Well my mom did it. Saturday my mom, sister and I went shopping for my sisters baby shower. They came to pick me up and my mom didn't even acknowledge my daughter! She smothered my two year old with kisses, messed with my 4 year old and totally ignored my oldest! Didn't even ask her how school or soccer was going. So when I was dropped off my mom said "hi" to my oldest and in return my oldest huffed, turned her back and walked away. My mom still hasn't said anything to me about it, and my daughters feelings are hurt. She told me that it's all becoming clear about my mom. It's sad that they were so close and now it has to be like this. But I'm proud of my daughter for finally realizing she shouldn't have to jump through hoops of fire to try to please anyone.
2 people like this
9 responses
@mamasan34 (6522)
• United States
4 Oct 07
I am pretty sure your mother didn't get the hint. It seems like she is very self involved. It is good that your daughter sees it for herself. It seems that your mom has an issue with older kids maybe? She has more affinity for the younger children and then the older ones start to have their own opinions and just aren't so cute anymore maybe? I don't know, but that was the impression I got when I read that.
1 person likes this
@soccermom (3200)
• United States
4 Oct 07
You hit the nail on the head. She absolutely falls all over them when they are little and when they hit about 5 they aren't so cute anymore. I hate to say it but I'm not sure she even likes my middle child(she's 4). Last time we were at her house my middle daughter sat and played in the backyard and was soo good, and when she came and said something to grandma, when she walked away my mom was like "that little s*it". I think my mom has some jeolousy issues with my MIL, my kids adore my MIL, but my MIL also makes time for whats important to them.
1 person likes this
@mamasan34 (6522)
• United States
4 Oct 07
I think kids have a sixth sense about things like that. I think your MIL doesn't have all the issues that your mother has and therefore the kids feel more comfortable with her because she is more openly loving to them regardless. It's a shame that your mom is being like that towards the grandkids. They just want to be loved unconditionally by grandma. Why is that so hard for your mom to understand? Ugh, some people are just a mess arent they? Well, I am glad your kids see it for what it is. I hope they don't feel bad for it, they shouldnt, it isn't their fault. Take care!
• United States
26 Sep 07
This must be so hurtful to your daughter-- Grandma should not be having favorites! Do you think yoru mom resents that your daughter is getting older- making her an "older" Grandma? She probably likes saying she's a grandma to a 2 year old, but having a pre-teen grandchild makes HER feel older???
1 person likes this
@soccermom (3200)
• United States
26 Sep 07
I never thought about that. It made me remember when I turned 15 and my mom looked at me and said "call me by my first name when we're out in public". She thought it was funny but I never did and I never called her anything but mom.
@TTucker3 (147)
• United States
25 Sep 07
That's sad..why does she treat her that way do you know?? but no kid should ever feel asi fthey are not good enough!! ever!!
1 person likes this
@soccermom (3200)
• United States
25 Sep 07
I have no idea why my mom treats her that way. She's like this with kids in general, she absolutely loves them when they are small, like under 2, and when they get older and form their own opinions and start to become their own person her attitude changes. She did it to me too, I'm not surprised she treats my oldest this way.
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
30 Sep 07
You're mom is pretty cruel to do that to your daughter. She should be ashamed of herself and she got what she deserved when your daughter didn't respond to her the way she probably wanted her to. I feel for your daughter for she is hurting inside. I hope she learns that that isn't the way you treat people and is good to others when it's deserved. It's a hard lesson to learn but when it's learned, then it would be a lesson well learned.
1 person likes this
@KrisNY (7609)
• United States
30 Sep 07
Wow--- how messed up of your mom- to ignore your daughter! I would have said something to my mom—like can’t you see you are hurting her?? WTH—she is a child- Glad your daughter dissed her also! No grandma should treat her granddaughter that way!
@sephrenia (567)
26 Sep 07
I remember you posting about this before and its sad to see that your mother really just did not get it. I get the feeling though that your daughter is finally beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel and as hard as it is for her, it will help her deal with other people ignoring her as she grows older. I also commend you for biting your tongue and not saying anything one way or the other, I can only imagine how hard that must have been for you to do. I really hope that your daughter can overcome the hurt caused by your mother and I know that whatever happens, you will be there for her. Way to go you for being an awesome mom!
1 person likes this
26 Sep 07
It must have been so very hard to bite your tongue but it is great to see your daughter has made her own mind up and made her decision too. Your mum will be the loser in this, your daughter has stood up for herself now.
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@Lakota12 (42794)
• United States
25 Sep 07
cool so proud of her I knew she would pick up on it and derfend herself the only way she knew how now if he can get across to your mom that she is so upset with her . Gandmas cant have favorite if she is around them all the time I had about 19 years deffferents in grand son and grand daughter so It dont look to much like I have a favorite and now grand son has a daughter of his own ! Well I nehttp://www.singsnap.com/snap/watchandlisten/play/b0f67fbar kids so hope no one gts hurt I might hold them for awhile but I am not one to carry on over babies mine or any one elses hugs
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@Thoroughrob (11771)
• United States
25 Sep 07
Hopefully Grandma got the hint, but I doubt it. Some people can be so cruel and not think a thing about it. I hope your daughter realizes that it is not her, it is her Grandma and there is nothing wrong with her. It is hard for a child to understand.
1 person likes this