mother-in-law?

@rouwel23 (1353)
Philippines
September 27, 2007 1:56am CST
how much do you like your mother in law? we are still living in my mothers house. we are not living separately from my mom yet. I am still planning to buy a house next year. my wife does not agree entirely with my mother. well she respects my mother, but she does not want to get close to her. how could I make them closer to each other? my wife is even complaining that my mom is siding with our son. so our son is now spoiled by his grandma. I want them to know each other more. but my wife does not allow it. how can I make them much closer? how much do you love your mother in law? me, I am okay with my mother in law.
4 people like this
19 responses
@psycho74 (124)
• United States
27 Sep 07
I like my mother in law, but I have no desire to be any closer to her than I am now. There are many things about her that annoy me, but I get past it. I'll tell you one thing, I could never live with her. That would kill me. She's just one of those who says what she thinks and doesn't care if she hurts your feelings. Sometimes gives unwanted advice. I have a feeling most people are like that towards their mother in laws. Having one mother is enough, I think.
1 person likes this
@rouwel23 (1353)
• Philippines
6 Oct 07
mother in law - 
a typical mother
well you have the same sentiment with my wife. she does not want to live with her mother in law.
@cutepenguin (6457)
• Canada
27 Sep 07
I don't want to be closer to my mother-in-law. It's difficult because she still thinks of my husband as 'hers', and tries to run our lives. I don't think it is good for your son that your mother doesn't respect your wife's rules.
1 person likes this
@rouwel23 (1353)
• Philippines
4 Oct 07
perhaps it is not good for my son too. so it is difficult for you to get close to your mother in law, this is the same predicament with my wife.
@youless (94715)
• Guangzhou, China
27 Sep 07
I don't live with my mother-in-law. But I have a good relationship with her because she had helped me to take care of our son for half a year. I appreciated to her a lot. And she respected my way to look after our son. I think since we respect to each other, so we can get on well. In fact I try to treat her as well as my own mom, so that my husband can also treat my mom as well as her own mom.
1 person likes this
@rouwel23 (1353)
• Philippines
2 Oct 07
that is a nice analogy. if you treat your mother in law well your husband would treat his mother in law well too. nice analogy.
@meljessxena (2317)
• Australia
27 Sep 07
i like my mother inlaw, well i sort of have 2 mother inlaw. a mother inlaw and a step mother inlaw, im talk to the step mother inlaw, but i get along really well with my mother inlaw, she is really nice. i think your wife and son deserve to be able to be a family of your own, is there a chance that you, your wife and son could move out and rent until your able to buy? i couldnt handle living with my inlaws at all, i stayed with them for 2 months and i always made sure i wasnt there most of the time because i just didnt like sharing a house with so many people, i like calling the house "mine and my partner place" maybe your wife feels the same, you need to really talk to her about it and see what she thinks
1 person likes this
@rouwel23 (1353)
• Philippines
1 Oct 07
yeah. my wife likes for us to live alone and not share with any of our parents. I am planning to buy a house next upcoming year. God willing. perhaps that is the feeling of my wife too. she tells me indirectly that she do wants to live on our own and not live with our parents. thanks for your insight.
@gwendovere (1283)
• United States
27 Sep 07
Mine is a very sweet lady & I love her very much. :)
1 person likes this
@rouwel23 (1353)
• Philippines
30 Sep 07
lucky for you that you have a very sweet mother in law. keep loving her.
@nyumix (1661)
• Belgium
27 Sep 07
If I have to answer that question, I really don't know what to say. I'm not living near her, and I don't speak her language yet since I'm from Asia and my husband family are European, and I didn't visit her quite often. So in general,I do respect her, but not much that I can say about her since we don't really have much contact or we are not closer to each other at all.
@rouwel23 (1353)
• Philippines
30 Sep 07
ok. thanks for your insight. you truly could not make any comment on my wife's situation. thanks for responding.
• United States
28 Oct 07
You can't make them get along ... they have to want to be closer. I have never gotten very close with my mother-in-law and we've been married for twelve years now. Why? I am very intuitive and I have no reason to like this woman other than the fact that she brought my husband into this world. Harsh, yes. True, sadly, yes. My husband forced us to sit in a room together to try to get us to be 'closer'. She decided to tell me about all the horrible things that have happened in her life (molestation and rape as a teen). I told her that was no exuse for the poor way she'd treated me and that she can either wallow in her self-pity or she can go out into the world and try to make a difference. She left the room crying and I've never looked back.
@rouwel23 (1353)
• Philippines
8 Nov 07
your mother in law did have a poor childhood. I know it indeed is hard for in laws to get along.
• India
6 Oct 07
a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship is such :) well you can try and talk to both of them separately. They can bpth adjust and only then there can be a match... me too have problems with some of the things my mother-in-law says/thinks/ does etc. But have to adjust. Its a thing that cannot be solved completely as people rarely change. You cvannot expect a friendship though. But try and avaoid conflicts. Thats all i can say. Take care. Good luck.
@rouwel23 (1353)
• Philippines
1 Nov 07
thank you for your advice. indeed a mother in law and a daughter in law relationship is not easy.
• United States
2 Oct 07
You can't make your wife want to be friends with your mother. She married you not her. I tried to be friends with my mother in law and it didn't turn out very good. So now when we sit in a room together we just pretend to like each other.
@rouwel23 (1353)
• Philippines
24 Oct 07
yeah I can not make my wife to be friends with my mother, I just can suggest that she tries to be friendly with her.
@sophylline (1042)
• Philippines
2 Oct 07
I believe when a couple do plan to get married they need to start on their own and not live with the in laws. I think that is the most ideal way to start out your lives. When you are still fresh from your marriage there are still a lot of things you deal with from each other. You are still adapting. And when there are a lot of people you deal with at home, it can be a little straining. So, I think it is not the issue of getting along with the in laws. You can like your in law so much but up what point? I mean, a woman needs to have her own place in the house and as it is right now it is your mother who is reigning so to speak because she owns the house. Give your wife a break. It is always better to deal with in-laws if you get your own place. I wouldn't even think it matters how big or how grand your house will be just as long as you get to have your own real space. That is what I think.
@rouwel23 (1353)
• Philippines
17 Oct 07
you may have a point regarding the things that we need to adapt. and having our own place. thanks for responding.
• Philippines
2 Oct 07
I love my mother in law though not exactly as my mom but I love her. I don't want her to leave our house and go to her other kids as I'm afraid that her other daughter in-law might not treat her well or will just ask her to be their house help which we don't ask her to be in our home since we have our own househelp. Though we usually ask her to cook for us since she's a good cook and my husband misses the food she cooks.
@rouwel23 (1353)
• Philippines
16 Oct 07
your mother is a good cook, that would truly be good. so her other mother in laws would not treat her well. that is a good move for you to protect your mother in law.
@ailema4ever (2675)
• Finland
30 Sep 07
My Mom always says that it's better to live separately from in-laws if possible. I LOVE my mother-in-law. She and her husband live 25 minutes away from us by car and we visit them every Saturday. We get along well. When it comes to your mother, I understand your wife's concern that your mother spoils your son too much. It's gonna be tough on your wife to teach your son if your mother spoils him too much. Why? Because then if your wife tells him no, then your son will go to your mother to get it from her. It'll not be healthy for your son in the long run if your mother spoils him too much. My mother keeps on telling me this, too...that it's not good if grandparents spoil kids too much 'coz then the mother's the one who'll have HUGE problems dealing with the kids. The kids'll rebel a lot and will not listen to what she says. I don't know why your wife doesn't want to be close to your mother. Maybe you can bridge the gap by asking your wife why and then trying to make a bridge between them or be the bridge between them. Hope they can get along well later on. Maybe once you move out of the house, she'll be able to get along well with your mother since she'll be able to teach her son on her own.
@rouwel23 (1353)
• Philippines
15 Oct 07
yeah it is bad for my mother to spoil my child. that is a good suggestion to bridge my wife and my mother.
@Arshian (478)
• Pakistan
28 Sep 07
yes i am also living with my mother n law and engoying life with her :)
@rouwel23 (1353)
• Philippines
13 Oct 07
good for you to have enjoyed your life with her.
• Philippines
28 Sep 07
well the best advice is...buy your own house. Your wife is your life now.put your shoes in your wife's situation..how will you feel?Ü
@rouwel23 (1353)
• Philippines
9 Oct 07
yeah I would buy a house soon. as of now, I am still saving money to build my own house. you are right that I should put my shoes in my wife's situation.
• Philippines
28 Sep 07
We're not living anymore with my mother-in-law. We stayed with her for a year. Now we're living on our own a few blocks away from her. I am close to her as well as my child. Although I don't want her to spoil our child that's why I set some limitations. I have my own rules which she can't break.
@rouwel23 (1353)
• Philippines
9 Oct 07
that is wonderful. being close to your mother in law and loving her. yeah indeed some grandparents spoil their grand children very much. my mom spoils my child very much.
• China
27 Sep 07
I also living happy with my mother-in-law,and I love her foever! I am glad to hear that your are happy,too.
@rouwel23 (1353)
• Philippines
8 Oct 07
I am glad to hear that you are living happily with your mother in law too. good that you are very okay with her.
@chym1101 (169)
• China
27 Sep 07
hello, rouwel. It is usually a rough relation between a mother-in-low and a daugher-in-low. Many women feel headache when it is mentioned whether her role is a mother-in-low or a daygher-in-low. Thanks to my grandmother and my mother who get on so well just as mother and daugher, I have decided to love my future mother-in-low as I love my own mother. I don't think it is a difficult thing to be with mother-in-low. And if it is possible I would like to live with my future parents in low. After all they bring up your husband!
@rouwel23 (1353)
• Philippines
29 Sep 07
yeah there is a rough relationship between these two women that we love. yeah love your mother in law. that would be admirable.
@violeta_va (4834)
• Australia
27 Sep 07
I love my mother in law but thats only because she knows right and wrong she would side with who ever she thinks its right not who ever is more dear to her. If she disagrees with me she would say it is your choice do it the way you think you should. most mother in laws are not thet good and kind to their daughter in laws so dont just blame your wife. Also when other people are around she is not going to act the same as when they are alone expecially infront of you.
@rouwel23 (1353)
• Philippines
28 Sep 07
that is a nice of your mother in law. yeah. I can not blame my wife entirely. my mother is also tough on us, her children and she now consider my wife to be her child, so she is a little bit tough on her too.
• Australia
1 Nov 07
it sounds like the 2 women are having a battle of ruling the roost. Hhhmmm, must be amusing and frustrating at the same time. Your wife is probably trying to make a go of being a house keeper and finding her efforts blocked at every turn. I'm sure things will improve once you manage to get your own place. Then she will be queen of the castle and your mother will have to respect that! As for your mum spoiling your son, what she is doing is wrong, she is buying affection and making your wife look bad to your son. Sorry, but you need to step in here and tell your mother to back off. Stand up for your wife and tell your mother that what she is doing is wrong. Easy coming from someone who doesn't have that problem. I would be hysterical if she tried as she passed on a few years back! lol.