what would you do? Advice Please

United States
September 27, 2007 12:50pm CST
Ok yesterday I spent 5 hours cleaning my house cause yes it was a total mess.. I am able to keep do this now that my son is in school before I couldn't cause he'd go right behind me and mess it all up.. Anyway Today my better half comes home for lunch as I was still sleeping...He was upset cause lunch wasn't made and the house was a mess again... Well my son who is 8 thinks it's cute to come home from school and mess it and when I make him clean up his mess he has a total fit.. My other half doesn't say anything... My other half is 33 soon to be 34 and my son is 8... I mean it's like hard to him to make something for himself to eat.. Gee I didn't think it was all that hard to get some slices of pizza and microwave it for 1 minute and than eat it. It seem to him it is.. Sorry for venting but I need some advice so....What would you do in a situation like this?
4 people like this
14 responses
@sunshine4 (8709)
• United States
27 Sep 07
First of all, an 8 yr old is old enough to have responsibilities when he gets home from school. I have an 7 yr old daughter and she knows the routine when she gets home from school. She takes care of her things and doesn't make a mess unless she intends on cleaning it up. You first have to punish your son if he isn't cleaning up his own messes after school. As far as your husband~ I would tell him that exact thing that you said to us. How hard is it to put a piece of pizza in the micro. You are his wife, now his cook. Tell him that if he wants to help you clean in the evenings when he is home, then you won't be so tired and can make his lunch for him. You have to get some help from your family members.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Sep 07
I have sat down with my son and told him he need to help me keep the house clean, so of course when he's done to put ALL not just some of his toys away.. He agreed... I know parents say punish your child but there are better ways of dealing than that... Yes I will make him sit on the couch but thats as far as I will go with punishing my son..
1 person likes this
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
28 Sep 07
Good for you. He's just a kid and I know I am in the minority but I don't think a kid should be punished more than a time out or whatever. When my kids were young, I never threw their toys out or went crazy when they made a mess. I usually ended up helping them put stuff back. I guess I'm a softie.
1 person likes this
@sunshine4 (8709)
• United States
28 Sep 07
I am not saying that you should beat your son. If he isn't going to be responsible and take care of his stuff, then take away tv time or video games until his stuff is taken care of. This way he will realize that he needs to take care of his things before he is allowed to do activities on his own.
1 person likes this
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
28 Sep 07
Right off the bat when I got married, I knew I would never be in the position my mother was. She was a slave top my father's whims. He wanted dinner on the table when HE wanted it, he wanted her to make homemade candy and fudge for him (and she did), he expected her to be cleaning the huge house we lived in all the time. When I got married, I started off cooking and cleaning but my husband never really expected much. If I didn't feel like cooking, I would call and tell him to pick something up. If the house got messed up when my kids were little, I didn't scramble around before he came home to make it presentable. Now, after 23 years, he is the one who cooks and he even does the laundry. He really doesn't expect much from me and is all happy when the house is clean or when I *gasp* cook a meal. I feel guilty a bit but when I hear that women wake up and make their husbands lunches I cringe. Why can't THEY make their own lunches? I refuse. I just can't be that way. I have two kids. Not three. If I were you, I would say what you just said here. It's not hard to get yourself something to eat and, if I am sleeping, feel free to do so. But don't wake ME up to do it. A guy will push until he is pushed back. Men don't need women taking care of their every need. Every man is capable of making a sandwich or tossing something into the microwave. Why on earth should they expect their wives to do it? I am not a feminist per se but that just galls me. Probably from my childhood and all. I guess I have it easy. Some say I trained him right. Haha.
1 person likes this
@miamilady (4924)
• United States
28 Sep 07
Can I borrow or rent him??
1 person likes this
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
29 Sep 07
LOL. But he isn't very much of a talker, he fishes a lot, and he tends to fall asleep while watching sports forcing you to watch even though he is "resting his eyes". I guess it's an OK trade off though. Haha.
@Perry2007 (2229)
• Philippines
28 Sep 07
Ask your better half to allow you a week vacation and leave him alone with your kid. Tell him you are doing this so he can better appreciate your service to him as a wife and mother to your child.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Sep 07
I've thought of that and it made me wonder would he just leave everything for that week until I got back or would he be sicken by the way it looks and actually clean up.. Really I am not to sure but that is an idea! Thanks for the reply!
1 person likes this
@twoey68 (13651)
• United States
28 Sep 07
Hubby does this sometimes with me too. I'll have to leave for the day and I'll fix him something to eat before I go but if I'm gone all day he will go hungry all day long before he will go to the kitchen and make something. I don't know what the deal is. If I'm hungry, I go fix something but not him. **AT PEACE WITHIN** ~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Sep 07
I don't understand that either, There was a time that I had to go to the ER cause I was bitten by a deer tick and i was really super sick, My husband waited for me to get home to make him something to eat. I looked at him and said get up off you rear and make it yourself, Can't you see I'm sick.. That was really the only time I've ever really talked like that but i mean really and come on.. I don't understand how some men can be that lazy and not warm something up or make something for them selfs... lol Thanks for your reply!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
28 Sep 07
If I were in your situation, the best thing that I must have to do is to hired some maid if you have money but am pretty sure since you can afford to go to the net and surf itself. How much more for a helper that will give hand in cleaning all the mess up in you flat. With regards to your problem the solution is just practical, you know money is all it takes to clean up your untidy home. right? So take my advice go hire someone to clean up
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Sep 07
You know how much a maid would cost? I am thinking alot.. you know it's really not that hard to clean up a bit after your done doing something.. Really.. I mean I am not that lazy that I need one of those.. It just sometimes gets frustrating when it seems that I do all the cleaning while he sits and watches.. Truthfully how would you feel?
1 person likes this
@jillhill (37383)
• United States
27 Sep 07
Well.....an 8 years old should be taught what he messes up he cleans up! He is more then old enough to clean up after himself. If he had a fit....then he could either clean the messes up or sit in his room by himself....void of any toys etc until he learns that you mean business.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Sep 07
Right as I just stated above to another person who replied to my post, I have talked to him and hopes that he does help more in which I'm sure he will... He is a great kid but does need someone to say time to clean up! Thanks for your reply!
2 people like this
@reinydawn (11649)
• United States
27 Sep 07
I never stayed at home, so the last thing I wanted to do when I got off work was clean up after the kids. My house was usually a mess - not dirty messy, but just not picked up. I'd do the dusting, vaccuuming and all that about once a month - and the kids helped out a bit. I also made them responsible for their own stuff - if I had to pick it up, it went where I wanted it to go (which was in the trash or Goodwill pile if I had to pick it up too many times). Some nights I left the dishes after dinner because I felt like playing with the kids (that was more important to me). My first husband didn't think housework was a mans job se he didn't do much. He'd be pretty quick to complain if it wasn't up to his standards though!! When I got remarried, I told him that I was not a clean freak. If I had something better to do - ME time - then I was doing it. My kids are grown and (for the most part) gone, so it's just us and the dog. But I still don't "clean" but once every few weeks. And I still leave the dishes go if I don't feel like doing them that night. I wonder who would do the housework if you worked outside of the home like your husband does???? Sometimes they just don't understand that you aren't just at home doing nothing all the time - watching the dust collect...
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Sep 07
well I already know it would be me even if i had a full time job... Why do I know this... Well because the last job I had which was a year and half ago same place where my husband works but I was in the office... I'd come home for lunch make it come home after work and picking up my son still make supper still clean and what not.. So I know it would be me.. My husband knew I wasn't a clean freak either when he married me.. So my thing is why now does he care so much? I don't get it...
1 person likes this
@miamilady (4924)
• United States
28 Sep 07
Been there done that. It was so bad at times that I get angry just thinking about it. Actually, I'm still somewhat in that situation, but we don't fight about it as much. I just learned to ignore him most of the time. I do what I can, when I can. The kids know what they should be doing. Sometimes they are more cooperative than others. When it gets to the point where I'm fed up with them, they lose privileges until they do what they are supposed to. Unfortunately I am not completely consistent with this, so it turns out to be something that I let go til it gets out of hand, then I get strict again. I'm just not always in the mood to be the B1t$*! all the time and that seems to be the only way to get them to do what they are supposed to. Right now I'm looking for a job. I worked for about a week and the attitude was slightly different, when I was working. I don't know if it was because I took on a "no-nonsense" approach or if it was because they thought since I was "working" that they could help out. Good luck with your situation. Take care.
1 person likes this
• China
28 Sep 07
I know it difficult to clean the house ,especially there are children in family. And I also expericenced that I put the things away ,clean the floor by error, but it got mess soon. In my opinion, you shoud clean the house at apporpriate time , for example ,you can clean you house when your son is sleeping,or he is at shool . And you shoud teach your son to own good behavious , tell him put things where he brings after he useing. And you also can ask your hunsband and your son clean the house , you can clean the house on duty .This way can ruduce your burden. Those are my opinion ,I really hope that I can help you 1
1 person likes this
@BinKsBaBy (507)
• United States
28 Sep 07
I think this is just the way it is, for most of us that is. Hang in there honey!! I have the same problem with a kid who loves to follow behind and mess everything I picked up all over again! I lived with my mom and she would drive me nuts about little messes here and there when I felt I could just do the little picking up when my daughter was napping. Thankfully I only had to stay with her about a month or we would have killed each other. My hubby is pretty good about not getting on my case about little mess here and there. He actually will come in and start to pick things up, or let me relax and get my daughter to help him pick up so that "mommy can relax" I got to give him that. But he is the same way about food not being ready!! I guess 1 out of 2 isnt that bad LOL He will cook for me every now and then, he will do laundry (but I rather if he didnt he always leaves clothes in the dryer) He does dishes too so I guess I cant complain!
1 person likes this
@shy_gal (235)
• Malaysia
28 Sep 07
I think you need ask your son must clean up the mess if he mess up the things. Now your son is 8already, so you can teach him how to clean up those things. If he do not listen, try give some punishment to him. If he got follow your instruction, then you should give reqard to him. For your husband, you could tell him that you are very tired to clean up the house and ask him make lunch for himself. If you know his attitude, you can buy some foods from outside or supermarket, then he doesn't need make for his own. Beside that, you could communicate with your husband that do the housework by rotate. Let him do it when feel sick or tired. Maybe he will concern your feeling on next time.
1 person likes this
• India
28 Sep 07
It's too hard in this kind of situations but U must tackle it in a cool & calm manner.U can do nothing to stop ur child but U can persuade ur half a little bit. U can try 3 things- 1st try & convince ur husband how hard it is to be in his place,& he must help a little to solve out some things. 2nd U can hav a leave & go somewhere for a week & leave everything on ur other half,after then he must realize ur possition. 3rd thing U can do is hav a home servant.
1 person likes this
• China
28 Sep 07
I think you can give yourself a vacation.Let your son and your dear half be,let the house mess,if they can't bear ,they will find what you done in this home,they will see your great care of effort,but if they will angry about this method,you can pretend you are not comfortable.Just a little crafty plot,haha.
1 person likes this
@wayz12 (2059)
• United States
29 Sep 07
Hi! I can hear your dilemma quite well, and I know how difficult it can be to maintain a clean house, especially with a kid and shall we say uncooperative hubby. I don't know if this will work for you but there is a website called flylady.net that might be able to assist you. She has helped me in organizing my house, keeping routines, making sure there is always dinner, and still have enough time for myself. Its a free site, and there are many flybabies out there who can testify that her system have preserved their homes, marriages and sanity. Thought i'll just throw this in as a practical advice.